One For The Road
by Bekahbee
Summary: September of 1959: After the events of "Stand By Me," everything seems different. What happens to Gordie and the gang as they continue to grow and change? What happens to the Cobras after that fateful Saturday near Back Harlow Road? Seen through the eyes of Gordie's cousin who moves to Castle Rock at the end of summer. Everybody has to grow up sometime. (Ace/OC)
1. Where the Summer Ends

**On the road to Oregon - September, 1959**

It was hot and sticky in the car, and my legs stuck against the vinyl like glue. I would have expected nothing less from the shittiest summer of my life.

My mom, my baby sister, and I were heading farther and farther away from Chicago, the place where I had always called home. I knew why Mom wanted to leave, but that didn't make it any easier for me to adjust. And Betsey was too young to care.

My mother kept glancing at me from the corner of her cat-eye sunglasses. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat and remembered that I was stuck.

"Honey, how come you're not wearing the pretty brassiere I bought for you?" She said. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her.

"Mom, I don't need one." I said. My mother laughed a gay, feminine laugh and I knew for sure that by the end of the week I'd be wearing the brassiere anyway.

"You're becoming a woman. And every woman needs a little help to look her best." She said.

I thought of my dad leaving us for the perfume girl at Murphy's Department Store this May and I wondered why it even mattered. Looking her very best hadn't helped my mother hold on to my father. He'd left anyway.

"The one you got me is too fancy and has too many cords." I said.

Having gone to Catholic school since I was old enough to dress myself, I figured those bra/corset things were probably a sin. Boys were a sin, having too much chocolate was a sin, disobeying your elders, being lazy, having fun, and not thinking of God every minute of the day were all sins.

"Now that you're going to a public school I think it's time you dress a little more age appropriate. No more jumpers and Mary Janes for you, missy."

This summer my mother had been making me feel increasingly uncomfortable in my own skin. Her expectations of me had changed almost overnight and instead of scolding me for keeping eye contact with a boy for more than two seconds, she was now trying to help me become more attractive to boys in general.

The change must have happened sometime in May, when Life As We Knew It turned to Absolute Shit.

I stuck my head out the window and tried not to be scared about all the changes. Even though my Mom was very careful not to mention the 'D' word by name, I knew that my father had filed for it just the same. The promise of social disgrace was imminent and so Mom packed us all away into the Chevy and headed for her hometown in Oregon to lick her wounds.

We had family in Castle Rock. My Aunt and Uncle and two cousins. Well, actually just one cousin. The older one died in April. They were having a pretty shitty year themselves come to think of it.

I wondered how we'd adjust. On my end, I worried about public school and how I would ever make friends, and how I would deal with boys...because you can take the girl out of parochial school, but you can't take parochial school out of the girl.

As scared as I was, I will admit a part of me was extremely excited about the prospect of freedom. My sister Betsey would never know the joys of having to name the Apostles in alphabetical order, nor the sting of a yardstick administered by an irate, mustached nun.

And for this next school year, neither would I.

* * *

"Doesn't this place look so peaceful?" My mom said. She was grinning at all the open fields filled with grass that had already started turning brown. We were in Oregon and not too far away from our destination.

"Anything is more peaceful than Downtown Chicago." I said. Already I missed the noise. Without all sorts of loud sounds to distract me, there was a good chance I'd be left alone with my own thoughts in the silence.

"You're going to love Castle Rock, baby."

"I'll bet." I said, a little sharper than I had intended. I was instantly sorry but my mother didn't even notice.

"As a matter of fact, you'll probably hate to leave when you go to college."

My ears perked up a little bit at this news. My mother and father had been arguing for months on end about whether it was worth it to send me to college. But now it seemed like my mother had actually changed her mind.

"Really?" I asked. My mother smiled.

"Of course. How else are you going to find a nice boy to marry? As much as I love my hometown, I don't think I want you marrying any of the local boys."

I felt my face become flushed with anger, and I was tempted to tell her that I never wanted to get married. But college was college and I'd have done just about anything to go, so I pinched my lips shut and continued staring out the window.

Less than an hour later, we passed a dilapidated blue sign that said we were finally in Castle Rock. It was quaint, but it was still no Chicago. My mother noticed the Everly Brothers on the radio and she turned up the dial with a squeal of delight.

"I love this song." She said. She then began to sing along to "All I Have to do is Dream."

As if in response, I saw a flash of bright blond hair from my periphery. A guy wearing tight blue jeans and an even tighter black t-shirt sauntered across the street next to another guy with dark hair. But it was the blond who was keeping my attention.

His half-grin combined with the scruffy peach fuzz on his face made him very appealing to me, and already I felt like I had committed a sin in appreciating the guy's handsomeness. My stomach flipped and flopped and I wondered if I was hungry or needed to puke. It was a completely new feeling.

He turned his face in my direction but our eyes never met. At the very least I got to see his face more clearly. My breath caught in my throat and I knew for sure that the warmth exploding through my body wasn't exactly wholesome.

"Would you look at that hood? I never expected to see any in this town." My mother said.

"Yeah." was all I could say. I bored holes into the blond guy's back just hoping he would turn around and look at me. No such luck.

"You better stay away from hoodlums like that. The last thing we need is another scandal." My mother's voice, which usually sounded like honey and velvet, was now strained with bitterness. I sighed inwardly and knew _that_ would never be a problem. Guys like that probably never wanted to talk to girls like me.

"Boys are stupid." I said blankly. My mother rolled her eyes and resumed her pleasant expression. I was grateful that she couldn't read my thoughts. The blond guy was now a permanent fixture in my brain. We turned left at the end of the street and my mother reached out and tenderly plucked the ends of my hair.

"I hope you don't feel that way for long." She said.

"I've got time." I replied.

In less than five minutes we pulled into my Uncle's driveway and my mother leaned into me and whispered into my ear, "Be nice and whatever you do, don't mention Dennis."

I nodded and felt a wave of sadness flood through me. Dennis had been my age, give or a take a year. In a nicer, safer world, we might have walked to school together and smiled at each other in the hallway. Though in a nicer world, I realized, we wouldn't walk to school together at all because my father wouldn't have left and I would be spending my Senior year of high school in Chicago.

At any rate, I remembered Dennis as being a nice kid, though he did give one of my dolls an awful haircut with some pruning shears during the Summer of '51.

My mother went to the door and I was left behind to get Betsey. Betsey's pink cheeks dimpled as she smiled at me, her chubby little arms curling around my neck like a human vine.

"How's my older brother?" I heard my mother say. My Uncle and Aunt were standing in the doorway with faint smiles plastered on their faces and I wondered just how glad they were to see us. I noticed a skinny, tanned boy hovering behind them and I recognized him as my younger cousin, Gordon. He looked deflated and tired, as if he'd been wrestling with life and lost.

"It's good to see you, Audrey." My Uncle said in a crisp voice. My Aunt didn't say much of anything, but her smile looked at least somewhat sincere.

"You remember Marlene, and the baby." My mother smiled at Betsey and me and I waved awkwardly.

"Hello." I said. I then glanced over at my cousin.

"Hey, Gordon." I tried getting his attention but he seemed distracted.

"My, you've grown! Why, you're probably man enough to show Marlene here around town." My mother said. A not-so-subtle way of getting rid of us so the "grown-ups" could talk.

"If you don't mind, Gordie." I said, hoping he still used the nickname. The prospect of taking me around town seemed to scare the dickens out of Gordon, and a dark shadow fell over his face.

"You have a nice garden this year." My mom said, cuddling Betsey into her arms and following my Aunt and Uncle into the house. They all brushed past Gordon as if he wasn't even there. We were left alone and I suddenly had no idea what to say.

I'd always had more in common with Dennis.

"Is something on your mind?" I asked. Gordon shook his head and came outside with me, closing the door behind him. He walked a little ahead of me and never said a word.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Just someplace." He said. I noticed every once in awhile that his eyes would dart around all over the place as if he was frightened by his own shadow.

"You in trouble?" I asked. Gordon, whom I noticed had been taking me down side paths around and behind major streets, shook his head and quickened his pace.

"Gordie, slow down. Are you afraid of running into someone?"

Gordon threw me a look over his shoulder that I took as confirmation.

"Is it a girl?" I suggested. Gordon made a disgusted face and shook his head.

"I can't really talk about it." He said eventually.

"No problem. You don't have to show me around, then. You gotta secret spot?" I asked. Even in the cluttered chaos of Chicago, I managed to find a secret place in an abandoned warehouse just for kicks. Sometimes a kid just needed to get away.

Gordon looked a little torn, probably knowing it would be safer for him if we went into hiding but not quite sure if he wanted to share his secret spot with me.

"We've got a clubhouse." He said softly.

"We?" I wondered.

It was a rickety old wooden shack nestled in a nice, sturdy tree. Gordon climbed up the rope ladder and knocked on a plank of wood that covered the opening.

"It's Gordie." He said. He gestured for me to follow him. The plank was removed and Gordie climbed in the rest of the way.

"Hey, I brought my cousin." Gordie added.

"Is he cool?" A boy I later came to know as Vern Tessio said. My head popped through the entrance after Gordie was safely inside and I gave a slight grin.

"You tell me." I said. Vern's eyes grew wide with shock and his jaw dropped to his chest. The only other boy in the clubhouse was a kid with sandy hair shorn down military-style. His sleeves were rolled up and the cigarette perched on the end of his lower lip was threatening to fall out.

"Gordie, why'd you bring a girl here, man?" The kid, known as Chris Chambers, said darkly. Vern sputtered and stared at me like I was a giant cockroach.

"Big deal. I can keep a secret." I said. Gordie shared a look with Chris that I couldn't interpret.

"Favorite comic book?" Chris said. I blinked once.

So I was to be quizzed? Well, so be it.

I took a deep breath.

"The Cisco Kid. I can't believe they stopped makin' 'em." I admitted. Chris and Gordie gave an accepting nod.

"Favorite cartoon?" Gordie asked.

"Um, Speedy Gonzales. But it's kind of a tie between him and Bugs Bunny. Every time he tricks Elmer Fudd into shooting himself in the ass, I just bust a gut." I said. Chris and Gordie looked at each other and nodded again.

"I guess you can stay." Chris said.

"Thanks." I replied. It was a lukewarm welcome, but hey, at least I was welcome. Vern finally recovered enough to shoot a wild-eyed look at Gordie.

"I thought we were gonna talk about the plan?" Vern asked. Chris rolled his eyes and leaned back against the wall of the clubhouse.

"There is no plan, Vern. We're gonna get it, and there ain't nothin' any of us can do about it." Chris said. Vern turned five different shades of white.

"Hey, where's Teddy?" Gordie asked.

"Visiting his old man." Chris said. There was a minute of thick silence and I felt like I'd been thrown in the middle of something I couldn't possibly understand. I decided to stay quiet instead of asking a whole bunch of invasive questions, which was my instinct.

"So...you guys haven't been..." Gordie began.

"No. Richie hasn't laid a finger on me, yet." Chris said. He sounded worried.

"Billy hasn't had the chance to lay a finger on me. I've been stayin out of his way since Sunday." Vern said. The boys all looked at each other strangely and I wished to God I knew what was going on.

Suddenly Chris glanced at me with intensity.

"Remember, you've gotta keep your trap shut on your mother's honor." He said. In my twisted mind I felt like laughing because the very reason we had to move to Castle Rock was because my mother had no honor left.

"Cross my heart." I said. I began to feel a little braver, so I tried to test the waters.

"I had a situation with bullies back in Catholic school. Nobody knows how to bully like a Chicago-bred Catholic girl." I ventured. Vern and Chris looked at me with skepticism.

"I'm serious. One time Mary Kelly brought a lighter to school and started burning the ends of my hair. If I hadn't faked a stomach bug I might have been set on fire." I said. The boys were hardly convinced by the story but I wasn't about to dredge up other, far more painful stories.

"That's girl stuff. Ace and his gang are gonna beat the shit out of us." Vern said. Gordie and Chris sighed.

"Vern..." They said. Apparently I had already learned too much.

"Ace? What's his deal?" I said. Gordie shook his head.

"He's bad news, Marleen. He's a creep." Gordie said. Vern nodded emphatically.

"My brother wasn't half-bad until he made friends with him." Vern said.

"Ace is a motherfucking asshole." Chris said, taking a long drag of his cigarette and staring out into space.

"Good to know, I guess. We should be pretty safe at school, right?" I asked. Chris blinked and shot Gordie and Vern a quick look of dread.

"How old are you, Marlene?" Gordie asked. I chuckled a little, remembering the fact that a 'true lady' is never supposed to reveal her age. My mother would have been scandalized.

"Seventeen and a half." I said.

"You mean you're going to be a senior?" Chris added. I nodded and began to get the impression that I wasn't going to be very safe at school after all.

"Richie and most of the Cobras are seniors. I think Ace dropped out last year." Chris said.

"Is this Richie guy bad news, too?" I asked. Chris nodded in the affirmative without ever looking me in the eye.

"That jackass is his brother." Vern blurted out. Chris glared at Vern for a hot second.

"Shut up, Vern." Chris and Gordie said in unison. Vern shut his mouth but I could tell he had a lot more he wanted to say.

"I can take care of myself. They have no beef with me. But what about you guys?" I said. It was a loaded question and none of them rushed to answer. It seemed they had resigned themselves to a certain fate and nothing could interfere with that design.

All they had to do now was wait in agony.

"Listen, Marleen. When you leave the clubhouse, you need to forget everything you heard. If something happens to any of us, you just keep going and pretend like you don't know a thing." Chris said.

"Sure, considering I really don't know what's going on..." I mentioned. Chris shook his head.

"No matter what happens, I need you to promise you won't tell anybody anything. It'll just make things worse." Chris said.

Gordie looked at me with a seriousness I hadn't known he possessed. Even Vern looked rather grave and quiet.

"I promise. Scout's honor, pinky swear, stick a needle in my eye and all that." I said. In the back of my mind I began to nurse a quiet hatred for this punk named Ace and the rest of his gang of delinquents. If I ever met him I would probably give him a swift kick in the groin.


	2. By Way of Introduction

It was getting dark by the time Gordie and I began walking back to his house. The boys hadn't spoken to much after I swore an oath to never tell a soul if something happened to them, a promise I already regretted.

I glanced sideways over at Gordie, his head down and his eyes full of weariness. He looked so vulnerable I kind of wanted to hug him.

"Thanks for taking me to your clubhouse." I said. If nothing else was said, I wanted to make sure Gordie knew that I appreciated his trust. Gordie nodded absently and I sighed. I really wanted to cry about everything that had happened this year, but I felt like I had waited too late. If my mother caught me crying now...

"Do you want to walk to school together tomorrow?" Gordie said suddenly. His voice was hesitant and I looked at him questioningly.

"Since you don't know where the school is." Gordie explained. I nodded and gave a small smile.

"I'd like that. If it's okay with you." I said. Gordie and I walked the rest of the way back to his house in silence.

* * *

When Mom, Betsey, and I finally made it to our house (which was only a block away from Gordie's house), we were exhausted. It was my first time looking at the house - an actual house!- and I thought it was pretty nice, all things considered. One thing I wouldn't miss about Chicago was our apartment. It always smelled funny and people were always yelling and banging on the walls, and most of the neighbors would just as soon spit on you than talk to you.

"So this is great, huh?" Mom said. She bundled Betsey into bed and joined me in taking a tour of the house. My mom had already prepared the house the week before and she showed me every room with immense pride. Every curtain, every fresh coat of paint was because of Mom's hard work.

"I love it." I said, and meant it. It was a simple one-story house with two bedrooms, kitchen, parlor, dining room, etc. I trailed my fingers along the lace quilt on my bed and a picture of that blond guy flashed in front of my eyes.

"Do you like your room?" Mom asked. I nodded and hoped I wasn't blushing.

"Listen, honey. You'll need to go by the office when you get to school and they should take care of you." Mom added.

"That's fine. Gordie offered to walk me to school." I said. Mom grinned as if she just knew we were getting along because she'd insisted we hang out together today.

"Isn't that just so sweet of him? I just knew you kids would get along." She said. I stifled a laugh and hurried to get my pajamas out of my trunk. I was more than ready to go to sleep.

"What are you going to wear to school tomorrow?" Mom appeared behind me and started looking through my trunk over my shoulder.

"Well, since you said I can't wear my jumper, I guess I'm gonna wear my dungarees." I said.

"No, ma'am, you're not! What kind of first impression is that gonna make?" She scolded me until I sat on the bed and gave her free reign of whatever was in my trunk. Scraps of clothing flew everywhere until she found what she was looking for. A bright red swing skirt and black short-sleeved blouse. Both of them looked a little small for me.

"I can't fit into those."

"Not without that girdle. Let's try it on and see how it looks." She said. I pulled myself from the bed and stood still while she put that weird contraption on me that she swore all girls my age were wearing. I couldn't breathe and was horrified to find that the damn thing had completely limited my movements as well. How would I actually be able to sit in class wearing this junk?

My mother fastened the skirt and buttoned my blouse, and then turned me around once to admire her handiwork. It did fit, but not comfortably. My waist felt pinched and my chest felt on display.

"Isn't that just perfect? You know, you've got a cute figure, honey. You don't need to hide behind those drab jumpers anymore." Mom said. I would have answered her if I could have drawn breath. My mother's next project was applying sticky pomade to my hair and rolling strands of it into little linen curlers. It must have been after midnight before she felt confident enough that she'd done her best.

"Well, I guess we can turn in, kiddo, but tomorrow we're headed to the makeup counter. You're going to start dressing like a woman." She said. She gave me a peck on my forehead and helped me undress and get into bed. It wasn't a good night for sleep, however. Damn those knotted curlers.

* * *

Bright and early around six in the morning, baby Betsey had wandered into my room and was waving at me. She tried to climb into bed with me but it was a little too high. I smiled, my eyes red from exhaustion, and I pulled Betsey onto the bed with me. She immediately started jumping up and down and I had to hold on to her hands to steady her.

"Betsey!" I heard Mom call. Mom appeared in the doorway to my room and smiled her overly excited, good-morning smile.

"Up and at 'em. Oh, honey. The curlers are falling out." Mom looked dismayed but I felt rather satisfied in knowing that I had mostly won my overnight battle with the pesky things. Betsey began twirling the loose curls of my long hair and giggled.

My mother surveyed the damage and sighed.

"You know what you need, sweetie? A haircut." She said.

It must be said that my mother has always given me more attention than I've ever wanted. But overall she paid way more attention to my dad, fussing and cooing over him just like she was supposed to. And now that my dad wasn't around anymore, I felt the tidal wave of her affections splash over onto me.

"I like my hair this way. My neck would get cold in the winter." I said. My mother examined the length of my hair and shook her head.

"Short hair is really into fashion. Most girls your age wear their hair much shorter. And it would be so much easier to style." She said.

"I'll wear whatever you want but please don't make me cut me hair." I said. Betsey cuddled into my lap and my mother nodded resignedly.

"You have the final say, honey. But I'm not going to give up!" She said with a cheerful glint in her eye. She kissed Betsey and me both and told us breakfast was almost ready.

I ran to the bathroom and examined my hair, disgusted at the girly swirls in my hair. I looked like a trussed up china doll.

How would I ever survive the school year? In Catholic school, we all wore the same things and looked pretty much the same. If we were going to be teased it certainly wouldn't have been because of what we wore!

"Oh, jeez." I sighed in the mirror. I wasn't looking forward to wearing the rest of the crazy getup, but if I could make Mom happy by wearing some stupid clothes, then why shouldn't I just grin and bear it?

I made the mistake of waiting until after I had suited up to try and eat breakfast. Since there was no room left to breathe, there certainly wasn't any room for me to swallow actual food. I groaned and so did my stomach.

As I was getting together my little bookbag in my room, I noticed my dungarees peeking out from under my bed. I shoved them into the bag quickly and realized that I could never make it until 3 o' clock wearing all this man-catching gear.

A little after seven I kissed Mom and Betsey goodbye and headed over to Gordie's house. My back ached with every step, and by the time I'd reached his place, I was panting. Every movement required way too much effort.

Gordie came out of his house in a pair of tan slacks and a navy blue shirt. He started to wave at me and then he took a second look.

"You look different." He said. I blushed horribly and started thinking of someplace where I could change clothes.

"Mom's idea. Apparently my future husband won't recognize me unless I'm wearing this." I said. We shared a grin and set off toward Mabelvale Junior and Senior High School. The upper school was right next to the junior high building, separated only by a small courtyard. This courtyard, I came to find out, was pretty much off limits. Too many places to hide and neck.

As Gordie and I rounded the corner, I noticed there weren't any good places to change. No restaurants, no bathrooms, nothing.

Just houses.

"Gordie, is there somewhere I can put on my dungarees?" I asked. Gordie tried not to look shocked as he slowly shook his head. I paled a bit. I didn't want to change at school. I sighed and wondered if I'd have to suffer the rest of the day like a tied up thanksgiving turkey.

I spotted a large sheet hanging from a clothesline in someone's backyard and the wheels in my brain started to turn. Gordie caught me looking.

"No way, Marleen. Someone'll catch you." He said. Maybe if I wasn't so lightheaded from lack of air I would have agreed with him but I was way too desperate to take off some of these clothes. I darted into the backyard and hid behind the sheet with my bookbag. Gordie stood in the street, frozen in disbelief.

I tried to work quickly but I ended up having to almost get naked in order to take off the full body corset. I didn't notice a figure staring at me through the window until I was tucking the shirt into my dungarees.

"Marleen!" I heard Gordie shout. I looked up and realized that I was being watched by a boy with light hair and dark brown eyes. He was just starting to come through the back door as I shoved the skirt and corset into my bookbag. Then I ran like the dickens to catch with Gordie down the road.

When we were a few blocks away, we finally slowed down. I caught my breath and I was thrilled beyond measure that I could actually breathe again.

"That was a close one." I said. Gordie was practically shaking, but it wasn't from exertion.

"What's the matter, Gordie?" I asked. Gordie looked at me somberly.

"That was Charlie Hogan's house." Gordie said. I stared at him blankly because that name had absolutely no meaning to me. I shrugged.

"Charlie Hogan is one of the Cobras. I saw him coming out the back door." Gordie explained. I stood stock-still and realized for the first time that just maybe someone in a dangerous gang had seen me in my birthday suit. In his own backyard, no less.

"That guy? He looked younger than me. And he definitely didn't look like a thug." I remembered the guy had kind of a baby face and a scrawny frame. If he was in the gang, maybe the gang wasn't as hardcore as I thought.

"Yeah, that guy. And he saw both of us." Gordie said. I was at a loss for words and we both continued walking in silence. When we reached the same street as the school, I noticed Vern waiting beside a tree next to Chris and another boy with glasses I didn't recognize. Gordie headed over to them and I followed.

"So this is the cousin who watches Bugs Bunny?" The kid with glasses, Teddy DuChamp by name, said to me somewhat snidely. Apparently the fact that I had been there yesterday when he wasn't turned out to be something of a sin.

"Yeah, what of it?" I said. I was still reeling over being naked in front of a guy, not to mention the fact that the guy was in a gang. I wanted to blame my mother for this. Could I blame my mother for this?

"Aren't you a little old for cartoons?" Teddy said. His tone of voice reminded me of other kids who used to tease me about watching cartoons and reading comic books. At seventeen, I was supposed to be into Seventeen mags, and mooning over boys, and trying to watch my figure.

"Who are you to judge, you Buddy Holly reject?" I asked.

"Oooooooh." Chris and Vern said, smiling. Teddy smiled a bit himself.

"Hey, I was wearing these before the guy even had a single record." Teddy said. Gordie had been off in space thinking about our encounter with Charlie Hogan, but Chris had finally noticed something was up.

"Gordie, man, you okay?" Chris said. We all looked at Gordie and he shot me a look that I didn't understand.

"We passed by Charlie Hogan's house. He noticed us." Gordie said at length. My cheeks turned slightly pink and I was grateful that he had left out the part about my changing behind a clothesline.

"So? No big deal. You wasn't doin' nothing." Teddy said. Gordie looked at me again and I could tell he was trying to get my permission to tell the whole story. Silently I nodded though my cheeks were now even darker. If it was possible to die of shame, I certainly would have then.

Gordie proceeded to tell the whole thick of it, leaving out only a description of me bare-ass naked. Most of the guys avoided looking in my direction except for Vern, who tried to sneak a few peeks at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

"Wow." Chris said.

"So it's no big deal, right? He probably didn't even get a good look at my face." I said. Teddy snorted.

"I bet he got a good look at everything else." He said. Vern started to laugh along with Teddy and eventually Chris, and even Gordie joined in. I smiled and admitted it was pretty funny, but would have been way funnier if it had happened to anyone but me.

"You're pretty crazy, Marley." Teddy said. I watched them walk off toward the Junior building of Mablevale High, still cracking up. I tried to compose myself until I noticed a black car pull up beside me and Charlie Hogan's head popped out the passenger side window.

"Hey, it's Lady Godiva." He said. Three other boys in the car hooted with laughter and I was really beginning to miss getting caned by a yardstick.

I turned away and began walking as quickly as I could to the entrance of the Senior High School building. Unfortunately, Charlie came out of nowhere and blocked my path. He waited until another big guy wearing a muscle shirt caught up to us. This guy I later found out was Vince Desjardin.

"You can't just strip and run off like that. It's not polite." Vince said. I shivered a little and wondered how I was going to get out of this one.

Another car pulled up behind Vince's car and for a second I almost forgot the godawful morning I'd had. The blond guy with the tight black shirt got of his car along with a few other guys and began walking in my direction.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me that the person my mother referred to as a "hood" was actually in a gang, and not only that, he was obviously the leader.

"What do we have here?" The blond guy said. I prayed that he wasn't the one Gordie warned me about. He looked directly into my eyes and I immediately turned my head. The guy next to him in the denim jacket was Chris' older brother, Richie, or Eyeball as he was called.

"Is this the chick?" Eyeball said.

"It sure is." Charlie replied. I could almost taste my disappointment as I began to put two and two together. The blond guy, the guy who made me tingle all over, turned out to be the first class jerk who was terrorizing my cousin and his friends.

"There are better places to get naked. I could show you a few." Ace said. His voice was smooth and despicable, like the fox from that story about Henny Penny. If I gave him the notion, I'm sure he'd find a way to eat me alive.

"You must be Ace." I said. I hardened my gaze and looked him directly in the eye. The former object of my affection smiled and gave a nod.

"I take it somebody's mother already warned you about me. How about you?" Ace said. As much as I wanted to escape, I was surrounded on all sides. I wondered when the bell would ring and I would be saved.

"I changed clothes. So what?" I said. Charlie snickered and I shot him the evil eye.

"Don't get excited. We just wanted to introduce ourselves." Ace said.

"Tell that to Charlie, here. He's still got a stiff one." Billy, Vern's older brother, said with a lingering eye. He smiled at me appreciatively.

"You guys are a bunch of lousy shits." I said. I heard the shrill echo of the morning bell and waited for them to step aside, but they didn't. Ace and a few others laughed.

"We never claimed to be choir boys." Ace said. I remembered Gordie and how scared he'd looked last night. I remembered the rest of Gordie's friends, too. And it was all because of these losers. Without even pausing to think about whether or not it was a good idea, I closed the distance between Ace and me. Then I drove my knee up into his groin.

While the rest of the Cobras stood frozen in shock, I pushed away from the crowd and sped toward the front office.


	3. Nothing For My Noon Meal

I stood in the office for maybe ten whole minutes before the little old lady at the typewriter figured out just who the hell I was. I told her my name was Marlene Haines, but she kept pulling out a record for Hayes.

During this ten minute trial of patience, I kept glancing over my shoulder. At least now Gordie and I would have more in common. The little old lady, Mrs. McInerny, typed out a schedule for me around 8:15 and I took it from her in a hurry. I knew I would feel much better sitting in a class full of witnesses.

I glanced down at my schedule and felt a jolt of horror when I read that I wasn't on the collegiate track. My academic goals, the schedule implied, were terminal. Home economics was my first class and I crumpled the paper with a growl, wondering if my mother had changed her mind AGAIN.

I turned out to be the only girl in Home Economics wearing pants, and the only one without makeup. Our first assignment was to set a proper table for a dinner party, assuming our spouse was a big executive. I didn't even waste paper taking notes on that shit. When the bell rang signalling the end of the period, I shot out of the class like a cannon.

Next period was US History. I still managed to be late, though, since all the hallways were starting to run together. I entered the class just as the bell rang and I felt a few familiar eyes on me. Ace was standing beside the teacher, a large beefy guy with a beard and mustache. I held my bookbag up to my face and tried to find a seat.

"Excuse me, Miss? New Student?" The teacher said, addressing me. Ace fixed me with a look that sliced into me. Then he smiled. I froze.

"Me?" I said. The teacher beckoned for me to come to his desk and I sighed. I headed back through the aisle of desks when a foot shot out in front of me before my brain had the chance to react. I tripped and faceplanted into the floor, my bookbag landing on my head. The entire class erupted into a fit of laughter.

The teacher, Mr. Carter, came over to help me get to my feet. As I stood up somewhat shakily, I glanced over at the person whose foot had caused me so much humiliation. Eyeball shrugged at me innocently, a shit-eating grin on his face. If I could just make it through the rest of the day, maybe I could convince Mom to send me back to Catholic school.

At lunchtime, most kids went home for the hour. As for me, I decided not to go home because I didn't know if I could make myself go back. There was a Cobra in every single one of my classes except for Home Ec. And they were not happy with me.

I went back to that tree where Gordie and I had met up with his friends before school. I sat down on the ground and leaned against the trunk. I hadn't packed a lunch, and without breakfast, my stomach was starting to turn inside out.

Vince's and Ace's cars weren't out front and I assumed they had already gone. I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed my shoulders for the first time in hours. I leaned my head back against the tree and enjoyed the silence. Maybe I could learn to get used the teasing. Already I liked being teased by boys way better than girls. The girls I had known were excessively cruel in a way that I hadn't seen yet in the Cobras. But the day was still young and the year had just begun.

I closed my eyes and held my bookbag close to my chest. As I dozed off, I imagined Ace walking across the street like he did when I first saw him. I hadn't known then he was _THE_ Ace Merrill. Nothing like a heavy dose of reality to shoot a lovely fantasy to hell.

I opened my eyes slowly and nearly jumped a foot when I saw Ace kneeling beside me on the ground. I hadn't even heard him approach me.

"Hey!" I said. I hated getting scared but before I could curse him out, Ace put a finger to my lips.

"Cool it, baby." He said. He didn't sound particularly mad. My eyes darted all around the front of the school and I noticed we were the only ones around.

"I told the guys to leave us alone so we could talk." Ace said. He stared at me questioningly and I didn't know whether the calm in his voice was good, or very, VERY bad.

"So talk." I said. I tried to keep my breathing and heartbeat at a more normal rate, otherwise I was afraid I might keel over. Ace sat beside me against the tree, which didn't seem like something a tough thug would do.

"I thought I'd give you a chance to explain. Here I was introducing myself and you nicked me in the crotch for no reason." Ace said.

"There's a reason." I said smugly. He glanced at me sideways and pulled a carton of cigarettes from his sleeve. He put one to his lips and lit it, then offered me one. I shook my head. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, waiting for me to go on, but I didn't.

"Christ, why's it like pulling teeth to get one little answer outta ya?" He said. I tried not to notice that he was really handsome up close, but I reminded myself that he wanted to beat the shit out of my cousin.

"Why do you give a damn? I'm just some nobody from out of town." I said. I didn't know whether it would be better or worse for me to keep Gordie's name out of it, but for now I tried to be as evasive as possible.

"No chick's ever kneed me in the nutsack before." Ace said. I didn't know how to respond, so I tried my best not to go to pieces over his lustful voice.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes. I figured maybe a few Bible verses would snap some sense into me, but no such luck. Ace turned to face me.

"What was that?" He asked. I shrugged helplessly.

"Nothing." I said. Ace leaned in closer to me, the cigarette from his mouth casting wisps of smoke around my face.

"I know that King James shit when I hear it." He said. I felt the color drain from my face. Ace picked up on my nervousness and smiled. His face was barely two inches away from mine.

"You gotta crush on me or something?" He said. As much as I wanted to give him a smart-ass comeback, I couldn't think of a thing to say. My brain was getting all fuzzy. I had never felt this stupid around a boy before.

When I didn't answer, Ace seemed to take it as a confirmation.

"I thought you dropped out of school last year." I blurted out about a minute later. Ace had since moved back into his own personal space and took a deep drag from his cigarette.

"I came back. Lucky you." He said. He glanced over at me and it began to sink in just how weird this was. What the hell was Ace trying to pull, here? I screwed up some fraction of the courage I'd had when I gave him a hard knee to the crotch and stared him down.

"Look, unless you've come to apologize for making my first day of school a living nightmare, I don't think we have anything else to say to each other." I said. I took out a faded copy of 'A Room of One's Own' and began to read, hoping Ace would leave me alone if I ignored him long enough. Of course, it had rather the opposite effect.

"What's this?" Ace said, pulling the book from me and flipping through the pages without really reading them. I let him, even though it made me extremely anxious.

"What's the big deal? So this Virginia's got her own room. Who the fuck cares?" He added. I smirked a little and held my hand out patiently.

"I care. It means Virginia can do her own thing." I said. The book had been given to me by a special person, and I'd always treasured it both as a gift and as an encouraging guide. Ace tossed the book in my lap and rolled his eyes.

"You're weird, Godiva, you know that?" He said. I was never going to live that down.

"How about you? Don't you care about anything besides fast cars and fast babes?" I asked. Actually I didn't really know _what_ he cared about, but I decided to stick with the stereotype.

"I care about money." Ace said. He had me there. I cared about money lately, too. Mom didn't have a job and we were basically living off whatever my dad sent to us. If he didn't put up the money for me to go to college, I didn't know if I had a snowball's chance in Hades of getting there on my own.

"Me too." I admitted. I didn't know what Ace's money problems were, but he didn't look too happy about them. He fixed me with a nasty look and pitched his cigarette butt in the grass.

"Get a load of this. Diamond Doll from Chicago likes money." He said. Apparently I had done something wrong. Again.

"How'd you know I was from..." I began. Before I could finish, Ace had stood up and brushed himself off. He leaned against the tree and hovered over me in an intimidating way.

"I'd watch your back from now on, rich kid. Don't say I didn't warn ya." Ace told me. Then he walked away and I was left alone underneath the tree wondering what had just happened. Not one bit of our conversation made any sense to me. But at least I knew enough to realize I hadn't exactly mended any fences.

The school day ended without fanfare, the Cobras having more or less ignored me since lunch. Gordie and I began walking home beside Chris while Teddy and Vern lagged behind.

"Clubhouse?" Gordie asked. Without speaking, the boys agreed. And I was rather pleased to note that they hadn't seemed nearly as jumpy as yesterday.

"Hey, Gordie." I asked. Gordie looked up at me.

"Have there been any...rumors going around about me?" I said. Gordie kinda shrugged.

"Nothing that isn't true." He said. I stared down at my feet and wondered what the "truth" was.

"So what's been said?" I repeated.

"Nothing major. Just that you moved here from Chicago after your dad died." Gordie said. I didn't know if I'd heard right.

"Died?" I said.

"Yeah, and he left you a million dollars in his will. Which makes you the richest goddam person in town." Vern said, coming up behind me. Gordie and Chris glared at Vern until he shut up.

"What?" I sputtered. If only it were true.

I stayed quiet while the boys headed off to the clubhouse. We parted ways and I went home by myself, wondering who would start a rumor like that.

I came in through the kitchen door and immediately raced to the fridge. Thinking could wait.

"Hi, sweetie. How was your first day?" My mom had ducked into the kitchen and leaned against the wall as I took out everything I needed to make a big-ass sandwich.

"What are you wearing?" She said as I emerged from behind the refrigerator door.

"I changed on the way home." I lied. As I haphazardly threw my sandwich together, my mother went behind me cleaning up my messes.

"Rough day?" She asked. I slumped into a chair at the kitchen table and took my first bite.

"Yeah considering there are a bunch of horrible rumors going around about me." I said with my mouth full. My mother appeared to be quite concerned as she took a seat beside me.

"What rumors? And don't talk with your mouth full." Mom said. I rolled my eyes and swallowed.

"That Dad is dead and he left me a million bucks." I told her. When my mother didn't look the least bit surprised - actually, she seemed pretty relieved - I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"Oh, that stuff? Just little white lies." She said. I dropped my sandwich.

"You mean _you_ said all that stuff?"

"How do you think they'd treat us if I said I was getting a divorce?" Mom said. We both flinched at the word. Suddenly I was hard-pressed to blame her. She had a pretty good point. We'd be social pariahs for life.

"Well, how about the million dollars?" I asked at length. Mom chuckled a bit.

"That was just something I told your uncle so I could see the look on his face. Sometimes his holier-than-thou attitude really drives me up the wall." My mom conceded.

My Uncle did have a tendency to act all superior. For years he'd been bragging about Dennis as if he'd been some sort of god among men. No wonder Gordie was quiet all the time.

"Yeah, but now I got people thinking I'm a whiny little rich girl." I said. I suddenly understood why Ace had been so disgusted with me. And call me crazy, but I really cared what he thought about me.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. But you'll meet some true friends who won't care about the money. Just give it time." She said. I nodded miserably and finished my sandwich. I had wanted to bring up my schedule with her, but I found I was a little too scared. What if she told me I couldn't go to college?

It was a conversation for another day. A less _trying_ day.


	4. Alive and Well on a Friendless Voyage

Even though I wanted nothing more than to hide under my covers for the rest of my life, my mom made me get up and put on the red skirt again so we could spend the evening over at Gordie's house.

Apparently we'd been invited to dinner.

My mother took over a bundt cake and we shared pleasantries at the door until we came inside. While Mom went into the kitchen to chat with my Aunt and Uncle, I went into the living room where Gordie was camped in front of his television set.

He was sitting indian-style on the floor watching some local news anchor talk about the record heat we'd been having this summer. I tried to sit beside him on the floor but I could hear my mother clear her throat from the other room. I hadn't been allowed to sit on the floor since I was ten.

I sighed and sat on the floral sofa behind Gordie, not really paying close attention to anything in particular. Another news anchor from a studio came on and started talking about a search for a missing boy that had been resolved the day before.

Gordie leaned over to the television and switched it off before I could hear much more.

"Nothing good comes on Wednesday nights." Gordie said. I nodded in agreement. Lassie, Perry Mason, and The Invisible Man were on Sundays, Thursdays and Fridays.

Gordie didn't say much after that until we were both called into the dining room to sit down.

* * *

"You made a good deal on that house of yours, Audrey." My Uncle said in between bites of mashed potatoes. The conversation thus far had been pretty superficial and boring, so I let my mind wander a bit. Guess where it ended up?

Ace Merrill's smiling face swam in front of my eyes, even though he was making life very hard for me, my cousin, and his friends. By all means I should openly despise him. So why did he make my stomach flutter every time I thought of him? I was turning into the girl my mother wanted me to be, I thought with dismay. _Boy crazy._

"Wasn't that horrible?" I heard my Uncle say. I snapped back into reality.

"When was this?" My mother asked. I could see Gordie squirm in his seat across from me.

"Sometime last Thursday or Friday the kid went missing. They finally found him the day before yesterday around Back Harlow Road somewhere." My Uncle's voice had grown a little colder and more detached. Even though the missing boy seemed like a veritable stranger to him, he sounded like he was taking the death kinda personally. Gordie sure was, at least.

I glanced over at him and realized how pale he'd gotten, as if the conversation was making him ill.

"What was his name?" My Uncle said.

"Ray Brower." My Aunt replied.

"Oh, how awful. I wonder how he ended up so far away." My mother chimed in.

This Ray Brower kid was somebody I ended up hearing a lot about, and even though nobody dared to actually say it, it did sound awfully suspicious for Brower to end up miles away from his intended spot. There were other things that didn't make sense about it , but the Brower Family hadn't wanted an inquest.

They just wanted to be left in peace.

And so, most everyone became satisfied with the explanation that Ray Brower had been picking berries, lost track of time, and was struck by a train on accident. Sometimes an out-and-out lie could be a comforting friend, I considered.

"So, Marlene, did you make any new friends at school, today?" My Uncle asked me. I looked at him blankly and wondered what I should say.

"Not yet." I said. It was non-committal enough. My Uncle then turned his sharp eye on Gordie.

"Did _you_ make any new friends, today?" He asked. The question seemed pretty heavy, and was probably attached to another, more loaded conversation. Gordie stared down at his plate and shook his head.

"You need to be careful making new friends, Marlene. You don't want to get saddled with people who are bad influences on you." My Uncle told me, pointing his fork in my direction. The warning must have applied more to Gordie, but I nodded and assured him that I would be careful making friends.

I knew nothing about the friction between Gordie and his parents, but I definitely felt it.

* * *

When Mom and I finally got home, our next door neighbor, Mrs. Bledar, was just putting the baby to bed.

"Was she any trouble?" Mom asked her. Mrs. Bledar shook her head, her silver curls bobbing up and down. Her eyes had almost disappeared behind a mound of crow's feet but her smile was probably just as sweet as it had been when she was a girl.

"Not at all. Oh, you must let me baby-sit again. She was such a joy." Mrs. Bledar said. She looked over at me and gave me a wink. I grinned and realized that Betsey must have been a major pain. She was cute but she was definitely a prima donna.

"Won't you stay for coffee?" Mom asked.

While Mom and Mrs. Bledar were sitting down to have coffee in the living room, and I wished them both a good night and went to my bedroom. I dug out a notebook and a pen and plopped down on my bed. I had been inspired to write something.

_The girl had been missing for days_, I wrote. _After combing through all her usual haunts, the town decided that maybe, just maybe, something terrible had happened to her._

I continued to write about a missing girl named Rosalie whom nobody really cared about. Nobody cared why she was missing, or how, and life went on as normal until a week later when her body had been found.

_She had been brutalized in such a way that all signs pointed to murder. However, when it came time to point fingers, no one was charged, and justice was denied,_ I continued.

I read back over what I had written so far and was mildly uncomfortable with how dark my thoughts had gotten lately. Death, and murder and suspicion. Such lovely themes.

I sighed and crumpled the paper up, tossing it on the floor.

I had no hero, only a victim. And without a hero, my story was incomplete. If no where else in life, at least my stories would have justice.

I remembered Gordie reading an issue of Ellery Queen the other day. Maybe I could bounce a few ideas off him. After all, he really seemed to be into mysteries and detective stories.

I began to doze off, but just before I did, I think I imagined Ace Merrill wearing a tan trenchcoat and brown fedora. He was looking over the body of my dead girl and telling me that the facts just didn't add up.

* * *

"Good morning, honey." Mom said. She set a plate of eggs in front of me that I could hardly see. I hadn't slept well last night, either, and it took every bit of effort not to slide to the floor and take a nap on the linoleum.

"Try and get home as soon as you can from school, okay? I want to take you to the department store over in Portland and get you some makeup." She said. I laid my head down beside my eggs and closed my eyes.

Maybe I could make my big escape in Portland and run off to join the circus. It had worked for Toby Tyler.

"And maybe some new clothes." Mom murmured to herself.

I was wearing my Catholic school gear today: dark jumper, plain white shirt and tie, and Mary Janes. I had managed to "lose" my red swing skirt on accident. Actually it was hiding under the kitchen sink until I could find a safer spot for it.

"Eat your eggs, Marlene. Shake a leg." She said as she left the kitchen.

With my head still on the table, I began scooping the eggs in my mouth sideways. I bet that was a skill they didn't teach you in Home Ec.

* * *

"Did you guys catch Wagon Train last night?" Vern said. We had met up a little closer this time and the five of us walked to school as if we were walking to our own execution. I guess nobody's first day of school had been a smashing success.

"Nah." Chris said.

"No, Vern." Gordie said.

"I'm getting tired of it, man." Teddy said. I found out later that they had all turned their tvs off because of the Ray Brower story on the news.

"Yeah...me too." Vern said. It grew quiet again for a while, but Vern wasn't the type of guy who enjoyed silence.

"Hey, Marley?" He asked.

"What, Vern?" I said. Vern edged closer to me.

"What's Chicago like? Is it really all gangsters and blood and guts and stuff?" He said. Gordie rolled his eyes and I suppressed a snort of laughter.

"I'm sure there are, but I've never seen any." I admitted. Vern seemed a little disappointed.

"But it's really cool, though. I took a trolley to school near St. James and sometimes I'd hang around the South Shore and feed the ducks. And sometimes at night I'd go to my secret spot in the heart of South Side just above this jazz club called the Blue Lounge. I'd lie there in that warehouse for hours, just listening to the music." I said.

"What's a trolley?" Vern asked.

"I guess it's kind of like a train, but it goes much slower so that people can jump on and off whenever they reach their stop." I explained. Vern's eyes grew wide like that was the coolest thing ever.

"Man, that's terrific. I thought only hobos jumped trains. Or maybe those daredevil guys who practice a lot-"

"Hey, Vern, put a sock in it and let her finish." Teddy interrupted.

"What'd I do? I was the one that asked her the question." Vern said.

"So what? I bet your mother asked for it last night." Teddy crowed. This led to a brief scuffle between Teddy and Vern that lasted until we'd reached Mabelvale for Day Two.

As I headed toward Home Ec., I realized that I missed my secret place most of all. I missed the music, I missed the solitude, but most of all, I missed having a place of my own that no one else knew about. That no one else could reach.

We were tested on our place settings in class from the day before and since I kept forgetting to turn the knife facing outward (and mixing up the shrimp fork and the salad fork), I officially failed my first test in Home Economics. Then I was told by two of my classmates that I was sure to be a big disappointment to my future husband.

"Don't worry about them." A girl next to me said. I looked over and gave a small smile to the girl in the pink dress.

"Most girls around here never end up using a shrimp fork anyway." She said.

"Thanks." I said lamely. The girl in pink held out her hand cordially and I shook it. Was I making a new friend? And in Home Ec., no less. She probably just felt sorry for me.

"You must be Denny's cousin." She said. Then she looked away as if saying Denny's name was still too painful.

"Yeah, I'm Marlene." I said. The girl in pink smiled at me bravely and nodded.

"My name is Jane. Denny and I...we were...friends." She said. I realized now who this girl was. Even though I had never met her before, I'd heard Dennis mention her name in passing.

I'd also heard my mom and my Aunt discuss whether or not Dennis and Jane were going to get engaged before or after she graduated from high school. They were probably jumping the gun a bit, but my heart still went out to her. She seemed like she loved him.

"I remember him talking about you. It's nice to put the name with the face." I said.

"If you need any help with the place settings, let me know and we can practice together." She said. I thanked her and realized my Aunt had been absolutely right. Jane was a living doll. Sweet as pie.

After Home Ec., I found myself in a pretty good mood. I'd sort of made a friend. One my own age, at least.

The good mood wasn't to last, however, because my next period was US History. I hadn't even warmed my seat yet before Ace took the desk behind me, propping his feet up near my back. Eyeball took the seat in front of me and gave me a wolfish grin.

"Well if it isn't Lady Godiva." Ace said.

"Looks more like Lady Madonna, today." Eyeball said, staring at my conservative clothes. He started to fake a yawn and stretched out his arms, "accidentally" knocking my books off my desk.

"Oops." He said. Ace pretended to be insulted and leaned down to grab my books. I wished I'd paid closer attention to him.

"Now, Eyeball, don't you owe this girl an apology?" He said, tossing my books back on my desk carelessly.

"No hard feelings, huh?" Eyeball said. Ace suddenly got up to go over to the trash can and I heard him whistle to get my attention. He held up my copy of 'A Room of One's Own' and smiled wickedly as he tossed it in the trash. He then made a big show of spitting into it and gave me a look of intense satisfaction when he was done.

I slid down into my seat and heaved a heavy sigh. I wanted to disappear.

I spent the next half an hour feeling cowed and defeated, wondering if I would remain this miserable for the entire year.

And then halfway through class while we were learning about the Patriots of the American Revolution standing up to their British brothers, I decided I wanted revenge.


	5. Payment in Full

My plan was one that required time, and patience.

After class I rescued my book from the trash, feeling shards of anger prickle through me as I wiped the spit from the cover. Poor Virginia had a room of her own, all right. And she had the mush of rotten banana peel to prove it.

I'd spent the rest of the day coming up with a suitable course of action.

Before I went to bed I opened a can of tuna and left it to sit out all night on the counter. The next morning I spread the contents over two pieces of bread and slipped it into a brown paper sack for my "lunch."

The plan was to smear the tuna inside the grill of Ace's car and wait for it to ferment and attract flies and get generally ( and unbearably) stinky.

So maybe it wasn't the greatest plan in the world, but at least it wasn't illegal. And it was a slow burn that was sure to be worth it. The source of the smell wouldn't be easy to find once it really kicked in.

The problem was the smell was already kicking in a little too soon. People noticed it in the hallways and I had to hold my bag down really low to avoid suspicion. Tuna wasn't my favorite thing in the world, anyway, but I kept telling myself it was going to be worth it to watch their faces crinkle in disgust.

The tuna sandwich made me especially popular in Home Ec. I heard a girl tell her friends that I needed to bathe more often.

Jane smiled at me reassuringly and showed me how to work on my place settings, the smell notwithstanding. The next time I entertained the president for dinner I would know exactly where to put him and which fork to hand him.

By the time US History rolled around again, I was chomping at the bit to get it over with. I shoved the sandwich down my blouse before the bell rang.

"Wearing a new perfume, Godiva?" Ace whispered in my ear. Eyeball heard him and laughed. I waited for him to make a smart-ass comment too, and I wasn't disappointed.

"Yeah, Ace, that's what they call toilet water." Eyeball said. I let them snicker away because pretty soon it wouldn't really matter.

After the class got settled a few minutes later, I braced myself and raised my hand to be excused from class.

"Yes, Ms. Haines?" Mr. Carter pointed to me.

"May I go to the restroom?" I asked. Mr. Carter nodded and I knew I was home free. I tried not to look too anxious but I needn't have worried. Ace and Eyeball were too busy planning to trash the stuff I'd left behind to worry about me doing the same.

I slipped past the front office pretty easily since Mrs. McInerny was almost blind, and I made it out into the open air. Ace's car was pulled up near the curb, the left front wheel perched on the sidewalk.

I took the sandwich from my shirt and got to work.

* * *

"So I've got this dead girl, and everybody suspects foul play, but no one wants to go through the trouble of investigating. And that's where my hero comes in." I said. Gordie listened thoughtfully, skipping a stone into the creek.

It was my first Saturday in a strange town and I was grateful I wouldn't have to deal with any Cobras. As I waited for Gordie to respond, I took off my socks and rolled them up into my shoes. The water felt absolutely wonderful and I dipped my toes into the creek rather delicately.

I was beginning to admire the charms of small town life.

"Does he have a name?" Gordie asked. I hadn't even gotten _that_ far, yet.

"No. He, or she, does not have a name at this time." I said. Gordie sat down on the bank near me, letting his chin come to rest on his upturned palm.

"Why does he care so much about her? Did he love her?" Gordie said eventually. I paused and wondered at this. It was a romantic idea, but it was pretty depressing to think the only reason someone would care about justice at all was because they were directly involved.

"Can't someone care just because they care?" I murmured. Gordie didn't respond to that. I watched him flick a few more pebbles into the creek, casting ripples that stretched beyond where my eyes could see. I suddenly didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Hey, Gordie, why doesn't your dad like your friends?" I asked. I thought about what my Uncle had said at dinner. I hadn't known my cousin's friends for very long, but they seemed okay to me. They weren't as bad as, say, the _Cobras_. Funny how they had never really left my mind.

"He thinks Chris is a thief...Teddy's crazy...and Vern's stupid." Gordie said after hesitating a bit. I rolled my eyes.

"Who hasn't stolen _once_ in their lives? I've got a whole stack of library books I never gave back. Plus, crazy and stupid are a matter of opinion." I said. Gordie didn't answer and I realized that maybe this topic wasn't so good either.

Gordie was the closest thing I had to a friend in this town and I wanted to get closer to him. But damned if it wasn't the hardest thing in the world. An awkward silence had set in that I didn't know how to fix.

Gordie opened his mouth a few times as if he was trying to say something but thought better of it. I sighed. Maybe we just weren't meant to connect.

"I've got some stories, too." Gordie said quietly. I turned to look at him and wondered if I'd heard right. It wasn't surprising that he had stories of his own, but I was pretty floored that he'd want to share them with me.

I kept my gaze on him and silently encouraged him to go on.

"Some of it's mystery stuff. Other stuff is kind of different. I told the guys one last week." He said.

And, after some solid begging on my part, Gordie told me the tale of Lard Ass Hogan. At first he seemed a little embarrassed, but once he really got going, his face seemed to glow. His voice and face grew animated through the recitation, and I realized that Gordie had almost become a different person by the telling of his story.

By the time he was done, I was laughing out loud.

"Oh, God, that's so sick." I said. Gordie laughed along with me and we fell back on the grass after we'd tired ourselves out.

"That's pretty good." I said.

"Thanks." Gordie replied, a little sheepishly. We were quiet for another minute while I reflected.

"Do you think all those people stopped picking on Davy?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe a little." Gordie said.

"Don't you ever...you know, wonder what happens right after the cowboy rides off into the sunset?" I said. Gordie turned over to face me with a heavy frown.

"There isn't anything after the sunset, Marley. It just ends." He said with more than a hint of irritation. I stayed quiet after that. Maybe my problem was that I was thinking too much about _after_ the sunset instead of before.

"I think the dead girl should be a prostitute in the old west. And maybe the Sheriff decides to figure out who killed her because he's a decent guy and he knows the girl's gotta family somewhere who deserve to know the truth." I said.

"I like that idea." Gordie said. I smiled and felt a small rush of pride at the compliment.

"But I'm going to have to give her a name. I hate calling her 'dead girl.' She's more than that." I added. Gordie's eyes took on a peculiar, almost dreamy quality and I wondered what he was thinking about.

I remembered the story on the news about the Ray Brower kid. I hadn't known him, either, but I understood the feeling of uneasiness. He was a kid about Gordie's age, going about his business doing kid things, and then one day his number was up. It was scary and unreal.

I also remembered the day I found out that Denny had been in a car accident. I think I threw up in class when the Sisters told me. I barely saw the guy once a year but he might as well have been my mortal brother. My first thought after the shock had worn off was that I was next in line. If God could take somebody like Denny, then he could definitely take me.

Gordie stood up in the grass and wiped the dirt from his pants, giving me a shy smile.

"Well...I'll see you around." He said, and started to walk away. I stared after him until he disappeared from sight.

I wished I'd followed him though, because sometime between our farewells on Saturday afternoon and a frantic phone call around 11pm Saturday night, Ace and his gang had finally decided it was time for payback.

I don't have a clear picture of what happened that night, but based on different accounts I pieced together, Ace and Fuzzy Bracowicz jumped Gordie on the corner when he was taking out the trash. One trip to the Emergency Room later, Gordie had a cast on his hand, a broken nose, and was black and blue from head to toe.

While Gordie was getting his, Eyeball was beating the shit out of Chris, Billy was giving the business to Vern, and Vince and Charlie were taking care of Teddy. Even though they'd all been beat pretty badly, with Chris sporting his arm in a sling for the next six weeks, Gordie was probably the worst off.

I stood in the hallway next to my mom that night as she twirled the phone cord around her finger, listening to my Aunt explain what had happened. I didn't catch every word but I shuddered as I recalled the very first day I came to town. Gordie and the rest of the guys had been anticipating the beating but just when they had started to relax and forget about it - BAM.

Hot tears pricked my eyelids but I blinked them away and went back to my room.

I felt partially responsible for what had happened to the boys. After all, I had known about it well in advance and I had done absolutely nothing to stop it. I hadn't told my mom or anything. Maybe it was because I didn't really think Ace had it in him to hurt Gordie. At least I'd _hoped_ he wouldn't have it in him.

I told myself that the boys were probably just overreacting. No one could really be that cruel, right?

I knew well enough that _that_ was a lie and a half.

* * *

"We brought you some cake." My mom said, waving the chocolate-covered dish around.

Gordie was resting comfortably in a puffy armchair, covered with a patchwork quilt. His face was a pretty swollen but he managed to smile at my mom as she took the cake into the kitchen. My Aunt followed close behind.

I sat down near Gordie on the sofa and fought the urge to hurl a thousand questions at him. Instead I settled for just one.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked. Gordie gave a painful half-chuckle.

"I didn't break my legs." He said. It seemed to hurt him to smile at me.

"No, _you_ didn't break your legs. But _someone_ broke some of your fingers and your nose." I said in a whisper. Gordie glanced at me frantically and tried to lean closer.

"You can't tell anyone, Marley. We'll just keep getting it." He said. I stared at my cousin in disbelief and wondered if he'd actually gone crazy.

"They've gotta pay for what they did. You can't just let them get away with it." I hissed. Gordie's eyes grew wide with fear.

"They got us back. It'll be all over if you just keep your mouth shut." He said. His eyes pleaded his case and I was eventually overcome with guilt. I should have spoken up sooner but because I didn't, it was too late. I owed Gordie.

"Fine." I said, just as my mom and Aunt came out of the kitchen. My Aunt set up a serving tray next to Gordie, carrying a slice of chocolate cake and a tall glass of milk.

"I hope you like it, Gordon. Your mother told me chocolate cake was your favorite." Mom said. She settled next to me on the sofa and smiled at Gordie. I could tell by the look on his face, though, that chocolate cake was probably not his favorite. It must have been Dennis' favorite.

"Your mom tells me you've been really brave." Mom added. Gordie ate the slice of cake slowly, painfully, while my Aunt stood next to him in a state of high nervous energy. It was as if she was afraid Gordie would break in half.

"He didn't even cry when they put the stints on his fingers." My Aunt murmured.

"Did Evvie from next door say anything else?" Mom asked.

"It was too dark. I don't think anyone got a good look. Gordie doesn't even know." My Aunt ran a hand through Gordie's hair affectionately and I saw him almost flinch.

"Who would do such a thing?" Mom said. I nearly jolted out of my seat, but Gordie looked at me with his big brown eyes and I somehow found the presence of mind to stop fidgeting.

"This is some world we're living in, Dorothy, I'll tell ya." Mom sighed.

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, when Mom and Betsey headed off to the old playground near the Grammar school, I headed over to Irby's Billiards.

I'd gotten a hot tip from someone at school that Ace and the rest of the Cobras spent a fair amount of their time playing pool and hustling chumps who didn't know much about it.

I opened the door and was immediately assaulted by a thick cloud of cigarette smoke. It was pretty dark inside, but I managed to pick out the bright blond head of hair I'd been looking for.

I stomped over to one of the pool tables in the corner and stood behind Ace, my heart pounding furiously in my ears. I was incensed beyond belief, but I honestly hadn't thought too far ahead. Now that I was standing near him, I had no idea what to say or do.

"Ace, we got company." Eyeball said, leaning against his cue. He smiled at me like the cat that ate the canary. I just bet he'd had a lot of fun beating up Chris.

I could hear Ace chuckle but he didn't turn around. I stood there waiting like an idiot while Eyeball laughed his ass off. Ace wasn't going to give me the time of day.

"Why don't you tell Diamond Doll here to get lost." Ace told Eyeball, never turning around. He finished his shot and took a quick drag from his cigarette before he lined up another.

"You heard the man." Eyeball said to me. I shook my head firmly, still not entirely sure what I was doing.

"Hey, Ace, she ain't leavin.'" Eyeball said. He was no longer smiling. The novelty of playing messenger boy had worn off, plus Ace was really cleaning his clock at pool.

"If you think I'm so rich...well...how much money would it take for you to leave Gordie and the rest of the boys alone?" I asked. I wasn't rich by any means, but if other people could throw money at problems to make them go away, maybe I could work something out.

Ace leaned over and made his next shot as if he hadn't heard me. I was debating standing on top of the pool table just to get his attention when he finally turned his head to look at me.

"You trying to buy me off, Diamond Doll?" Ace said. I wasn't terribly fond of the name, but at least it was better than Godiva.

"So it would seem." I said. Ace looked me up and down and gave me that half-grin I remembered from the first time I saw him.

"It doesn't have to be money. You can give me a show like you gave Charlie in his backyard last week, and maybe I'll consider it." He said. My face grew unbelievably hot and I knew my eyes were starting to tear up from embarrassment.

It wasn't the first time I'd really been let down by someone, but this time hurt like hell. Ace was nothing like I'd wanted or imagined him to be, and this simple fact brought my sheltered little world to a screeching halt.

I swallowed hard to keep the tears at bay and pretended he hadn't really affected me at all.

"You're a terrible person, Ace." I said calmly. I turned and walked away, out of the Billiard parlor, and eventually back to my own house . I made it back home before Mom and Betsey, a fact of which I was glad.

I had at least a good ten minutes to cry all alone before I had to dry my eyes and act like nothing was wrong.


	6. Dig Me No Grave

Monday came way too soon and I struggled to get out of bed and face the day. I hated the Cobras and I'm pretty sure they hated me back. Well, I mostly hated them. I still had dreams about Ace and even though my head had already gone over it a hundred times, my hormones weren't exactly listening.

I walked to school by myself since Gordie elected to take it easy in his dad's armchair for a few days. I didn't see any of the other guys on my way, either. Who could blame them? With faces like a Mexican sunrise and a half-dozen Cobras lurking around the school, it was probably safer to lay low for the time being.

It did make me feel kind of lonely in a way. Gordie and the guys had been all right company. Without them, I realized there really wasn't anybody I could talk to. Anybody I _wanted_ to talk to, at least.

I sighed as I entered the Home Ec. classroom. My mom had found the red swing skirt over the weekend, so I was wearing that and a fairly comfortable short-sleeved white blouse and penny loafers. We'd compromised on putting my hair in a ponytail, so I guess I actually looked like I belonged in the class, for once.

"I like your skirt." Jane said admiringly.

"Thanks." I replied. I was self-conscious enough already, but I knew Jane was just trying to be nice.

"I think we're partnering up to make a Dutch pie." Jane said. I noticed our tables were covered in cookbooks and bags of flour.

"I think you're right. But don't we do anything besides play house?" I asked. Jane smiled but I knew she probably didn't have a problem with our curriculum.

"Would you like to be partners?" She asked.

"Absolutely. I bet you make a mean pie, Jane."

* * *

Jane did make a mean pie. And amazingly, I didn't screw it up. I made plenty of mistakes and Jane was more than patient. I'm pretty sure she would have made Dennis feel like a very lucky man if they'd gotten married. I frowned heavily at the thought and as the bell rang, I frowned even more at the prospect of US History.

I made sure I sat in the front row, the closest seat next to Mr. Carter's desk. Eyeball ended up sitting where he'd been last time, all the way across the room. I felt some of my tension dissipate.

When Ace showed up, he took one look at me and narrowed his eyes. I immediately stared down into my lap and prayed he wouldn't talk to me. What would I say?

Ace sauntered over and pounded his fist on my desk to get my attention. My head snapped up.

"I've got a bone to pick with you. Make sure you don't go anywhere during lunch, 'cause we're gonna have words." He said. His voice was chilling and it trickled down my spine, making me shiver and hug myself like it was the middle of winter.

What was he mad about? The tuna? Calling him a terrible person? I waited in agony during class, counting down the minutes to lunch. I couldn't focus on a single damn thing.

* * *

I took my sweet time making it out to the quad when the school was dismissed for lunch. I didn't know what would be waiting for me. I didn't know which was worse, meeting Ace alone, or meeting him with the entire Cobra gang.

I didn't see anyone outside, so I walked over to that tree where Gordie and I met with Chris, Vern, and Teddy. I sat against the base and shielded my eyes from the afternoon sun. It still felt like summer.

I heard footsteps behind me before I ever saw his face. I looked up into Ace's eyes as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke in the distance between us. I suppressed the urge to cough.

Ace pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me without so much as a word. The paper was some kind of bill from an auto-repair shop. It amounted to 71 dollars and 34 cents.

"What's this?" I said, my mouth open wide in shock. That was an _awful_ lot of money.

"That's for a new grill and time and a half for getting rid of the tuna." Ace said. I nearly swallowed my tongue.

"What makes you think _I_ did it?" I asked. Ace rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You think I'm stupid? You had that tuna sandwich hidden on you last week. And you're gonna pay up." He said.

"And if I don't? Are you gonna break _my_ nose, too?" I asked. I knew I wouldn't be able to come up with that money very easily. Ace glared at me and made a show of letting his eyes travel down my body.

"What I'm thinking of is a lot worse than a broken nose." He said. He was dead serious and I suddenly felt cold inside.

"How-how long are you going to give me to pay it back?" I asked. Ace smiled thinly and looked away, like he was thinking it over. Maybe he half-expected I would have the money on me right then.

"A week. Think you can make it to the family vault and back in a week, Diamond Doll?" He said.

I really didn't have any choice in the matter. I nodded slowly and struggled to come up with ideas to get seventy dollars worth of cash in a week. Anything short of robbing of bank.

* * *

"You don't need a job, honey. You should be more focused on meeting new people." Mom said. She was at the sink washing the dishes from lunch and I stood beside her, faithfully drying everything she handed to me.

"But I _need_ money." I said, trying not to whine. My mother gave me her "help me, lord Jesus" sigh and shook her head firmly.

"What do you need money for? You already have plenty of records, and I take care of buying you clothes and makeup. What else could you want?" She asked.

She had me, there. I rarely asked for anything. And it wasn't like I could easily explain the tuna situation.

"Um...I wanted to buy Gordie a present." I said. I knew Gordie wouldn't mind my using his name in a tight spot. We were fighting the same enemy, after all. My mother's face softened and she broke into a warm smile.

"I think that's a lovely idea, Marlene. We can go to the drugstore after dinner and buy him a box of taffy or something." Mom said. I groaned inwardly and cursed the day I'd ever set foot in this town.

* * *

True to her word, Mom took Betsey and me to the drugstore after dinner. Since I had no idea whether Gordie actually _liked_ taffy, it was as good a gift as any. The drugstore was on the same street as Irby's Billiards and I could see the sign from across the way. Near Irby's there was a Soda Shoppe with a notice on the door that read: HELP WANTED.

I blinked my eyes several times to make sure they weren't playing tricks on me.

It was as if the job had nearly landed in my lap from Heaven above. The only problem was actually having a job without my mother finding out about it. It wouldn't be very easy to hide.

"Hey, Mom, I see a couple of kids from school at the Soda Shoppe...do you mind if I walk over for a minute?" I asked.

I hoped she wouldn't want to come with me. Even if I _was_ meeting actual friends I wouldn't want her to come with me.

"Sure, but hurry back. I want to leave soon. It's almost Betsey's bedtime." She said. I sighed with relief and rushed across the street and into the Soda Shoppe. It was packed full of kids my age, and I recognized some of them from school, but I had my eyes on the old guy behind the counter, so-to-speak.

"You hiring, mister?" I said. The old man was wearing a white cap and apron, spraying soda into a tall glass and topping it with a cherry. As he slid the drink over to the girl who'd ordered it, he finally looked at me.

"I don't think you'd be interested." He said.

"What's the job?" I asked. I didn't want to think about whether Ace would really do something horrible to me. I'd rather take his word and not find out.

"Listen, girlie, it's a maintenance-type job. Cleaning toilets, mopping floors, scouring dirty dishes. You'd be better off doing that stuff at home." He said. He gave an odd smile like he'd told a good joke, but I didn't think it was very funny.

"Done. I'm the perfect person. Just like you said, I've done that stuff at home all my life." I continued. The old man began to realize that I wasn't just going to go away.

"You'd have to work late most nights during the week. And double shifts on weekends." He said, as if trying to talk me out of it. I nodded emphatically.

"I can do it. I'm a hard worker...and I _really_ need this job, mister." I said. I didn't even know his name.

The old man sighed, probably wishing that some bright young boy had come in sooner so he could have told me straight up to take a long walk off a short pier.

As it stood, I noticed the guy only had one other person helping him, and they were knee-deep in ice cream sundae orders.

"Look, I expect you to be on time and pull your weight. And your boyfriend better not be hanging around or distracting you, neither." The old man said. I laughed.

"This is your lucky day, sir. I'm free as a bird." I said. The old man looked slightly defeated, but he gave a nod.

"See that it stays that way. Come back in about an hour and then you can help me clean up this mess." He said.

"Yes, sir. Thank you...and I promise you won't regret this!" I said, about to leave. The old man looked extremely doubtful about that.

Before I ran out the door in a state of jubilee, I suddenly remembered something.

"Hey, what do I call ya?" I asked. The old man, who looked rather weary and regretful that he'd taken me on, pointed to a round name-tag on his apron.

"The kids around here call me Pop Trenton, or just Pop." He said.

"See you later, Pop." I told him. I was determined to change his mind about me.

* * *

"Thanks." Gordie said after I'd handed him the taffy. He looked only mildly impressed by it, which made me think that taffy wasn't his favorite, either.

I looked around his bedroom with interest. I was searching for clues into his mind, things that he wouldn't just say out loud. Gordie kept to himself a lot. I wondered if he would ever feel like he could talk to me. After a full minute of observing his tidy room in silence and finding nothing about him that I didn't already know (Ellery Queen Magazine, baseball paraphernalia, playing cards), I turned to face him once again.

"You're hard to please. What kind of stuff do you like?" I asked. Gordie shrugged and I figured maybe it hurt him physically to talk.

"I got a new job today. Just now, actually." I said. I decided against telling him why I had needed the job in the first place. He had more than enough to worry about without my adding the tuna problem to the list.

"Where?" He asked.

"The Soda Shoppe. Actually it's kind of a secret. Mom doesn't want me to have a job. I'm either going to have to perfect the art of sneaking out, or I'll have to invent a fake boyfriend." I said. Gordie's lips twitched a little, which I interpreted as a smile through the pain.

"Clarence is a good name. That sounds real, right?" I asked. Gordie nodded, the smile getting a bit wider.

"Okay. Clarence the geek. Captain of the Math Club, fond of chess and Albert Einstein...your basic smarty two-shoes. Someone she can trust me with, but someone she probably won't want to meet anytime soon." I added.

Gordie looked at me questioningly, wondering whether or not I was just teasing. I grinned.

"And the funniest thing about it is that I am absolutely serious." I said. Gordie stifled a laugh.

"Teddy was right. You are pretty crazy, Marley." He said.

I shrugged and realized that it wasn't even the craziest idea I'd had this week, but as long as Gordie wasn't trying to talk me out of it, I didn't really care.

"The reason I'm telling you, Gordie, is I need a partner in crime for the purposes of Deception." I explained.

After going through a quick step-by-step outline of my initial plans for the Great Clarence Deception, I knew Gordie was the perfect person to trust. Sure, he looked at me like I'd missed my bus to the funny farm, but I discovered that he was loyal, too. I'd figured as much from the start.

And that was the beginning of my imaginary courtship with Clarence, the boy my mother would never take seriously. He was just a guy I'd get a little practice with before I really started dating anyone seriously, or so my mother would think.

The phrase "killing two birds with one stone" was finally starting to make sense to me.


	7. The Trouble with Humans is People

I discovered that work is hard.

Even on my roughest days of doing chores at home, it had never been anything like this.

As I mopped the floors of the Soda Shoppe after closing time, Ace's nickname for me echoed in my head like a cruel joke. Maybe I really _was_ a Diamond Doll. I'd never had to work for anything, not even grades. Maybe that was why I hated Home Ec. so much. It was actually tough for me to learn.

I frowned and tried to distract myself by thinking of other things. It was too depressing to realize that I was exactly the kind of person Ace thought I was.

I flinched when I remembered calling him a terrible person. I didn't know enough about him to make that kind of judgment. He acted like a jerk, but I hadn't seen the years behind the making of said jerk. He seemed like a guy that probably had to work for things, or do without. Maybe the "jerk" thing had a lot to do with that.

But what the hell did _I_ know?

I sighed and scrubbed harder, focusing on doing the absolute best job that Pop Trenton had ever seen. I wanted to make him proud and glad he'd hired me, but every single time I thought I'd successfully cleaned over a soda spill, I noticed it was still sticky. It was the most maddening thing!

I ended up on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor with an old sponge while Pop took inventory in the back.

And of course Ace Merrill himself _would_ catch me scrubbing on my hands and knees while casually looking through the window leaving Irby's Billiards. Ace, Eyeball, Fuzzy, and Vince, to be more precise.

I kept looking down thinking that maybe they hadn't recognized my face. When Ace knocked on the window with a playful glint in his eye, I cursed the God of Bad Luck that had led him to me.

"Diamond Doll, are you in the wrong place?" Ace said. It wasn't that I was embarrassed to be a person that needed work, but something about this situation made me want to hide behind my bucket of suds and cry.

Ace said something to the rest of the guys with him and I heard derisive laughter. I kept working through the humiliation, and when I looked up again to face them, I noticed that Ace was by standing by himself.

"You got a ride home?" He asked through the locked glass doors. No, I hadn't really thought much about it, in truth. I'd learned to walk home at night by myself in Chicago from my secret place, so I didn't think it'd be a big deal in Castle Rock.

I walked over to the glass doors and nodded to him.

"I can walk home on my own just fine...thanks." I said. Ace frowned and motioned toward a bench near the street corner.

"I'll be waiting out here. Don't take too long." He said. Had I heard right? Ace wanted to give me a ride home. He must have assumed my limousine was in the shop or something.

I returned to my work and found myself scrubbing harder than before. I was frustrated. I could have told Ace to shove it, but I somehow didn't. I could have found it in my heart to really hate him, but I just couldn't. None of this made any sense to me and thus I took all of my anger out on the poor little sponge and the soda spot on the floor.

"I thought you said you were free as a bird." Pop said ten minutes later, busily counting the register. Through the glass windows, Ace was clearly visible leaning against the bench on the corner, smoking a cigarette.

"I am. That's just my ride home." I said. I didn't even look up. The last thing I wanted to see on Pop's face was one of those "yeah, right" expressions.

* * *

When Pop locked up for the night and waved me off, I went over and sat beside Ace on the bench. Maybe I could still talk him out of giving me a ride.

"I appreciate the gesture but you don't have to take me home. Sorry I made you wait." I said.

"What's with the job?" Ace asked.

"I owe you money, right? Believe it or not, it doesn't just fall out of the sky for me." I said. Ace's expression was completely unreadable.

"You can't touch Daddy's money yet?" He said bitterly. I frowned and stood up. I'd listened to enough of this for one night.

"Something like that." I mumbled. I started to walk off, but the more I thought about all the snide comments Ace had made at my expense, the more I wanted to set the record absolutely straight. Even if it might not have been the brightest idea.

"Actually, _nothing_ like that. See, not only do I not have an inheritance, my father isn't even dead." I said. With that I stomped off, not even bothering to take a second look back. I wished I'd had, though. It might have been worth it.

* * *

On the long walk home, I began to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I told Ace. It was a big secret that my mother had insisted on keeping since we moved here, and if Ace had any brains in his head at all, he'd know I just pretty much handed him a grenade...

If Ace had the notion, he could destroy my family by word of mouth. That is, if he even believed me. He had no reason to trust me, and I had no reason to trust him.

I approached my house slowly, quietly. I hadn't started telling Mom stories about "Clarence" yet, so (at least for tonight) I was forced to sneak into my own bedroom.

I'd left the latch unlocked and by shimmying the glass upward while pressing in, I managed to slide the window open. It took a few running jumps for me to get halfway through, and after a few minutes of dangling my legs against the side of the house to get traction, I managed to climb the rest of the way inside.

I rested on my back on the floor in the dark, thinking that if Ace had dropped me off, he would have just witnessed my clumsy attempt at being a cat burglar. Ace was probably pretty damn good at sneaking in houses after dark. I shook my head with disgust. It was just an unfair assumption.

I slipped into bed around midnight and thought of Ace. The funny tickling in my stomach came back, but I tempered the feeling with an image of Gordie's blackened face and his inability to even smile without pain. I cried myself to sleep.

* * *

I struggled to stay awake the next day. Everything was a blur. Ace didn't speak to me at all during school, and while I knew this was probably for the best, I couldn't help but mourn for any lost opportunities. What was wrong with me, anyway? Did I _want_ him to talk to me?

Wednesday wasn't much better, but by Thursday, Teddy and Vern were walking with me to school again. By Friday, all of us were trudging to Mablevale Junior and Senior High as though we'd been doing it for the last hundred years.

On Friday afternoon right after the final bell, I took the boys to the Soda Shoppe and treated them all to an ice cold Coca-Cola. We piled into one of the faded red booths near the window and clinked our bottles together like they did in the movies.

"This is really great that you work here, Marley. Can you get us free banana splits?" Vern asked.

"She's only worked here a few days, you lamebrain." Teddy said. He lisped a little when he talked because of a deep cut on his lip that was still healing.

"How are things with you and Clarence?" Gordie said with mirth in his voice. Chris grinned and looked at me in a congratulatory way.

"Ya gotta boyfriend, Marley?" Chris said. I shook my head vehemently.

"Just between us, Clarence is fake. But if my mom asks, he's a real nerd and he doesn't talk a lot." I said. I took a healthy swig from my glass bottle of Coke.

"Of course he's fake. The only way Marley here could ever get a guy to date her is by making him up." Teddy said, baiting me. Vern and the other guys made that "ooh" sound again and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"You're just mad that you're too young for me." I replied. We all laughed even though it wasn't that funny because it had been a long time since it was okay to laugh. Too many things had happened, and I was only aware of some of them.

"How about your story, Marley? Have you figured out the rest?" Gordie asked. I was pretty touched by his efforts to include me in the group. Even though we all seemed to be getting along, I still felt like an outsider. Not only was I the new kid, but I was older, and a girl. And it sucked.

"You write stories, too? That's so boss." Vern said excitedly.

"Tell us about it." Chris said. Chris was also trying to make me feel like I belonged, and I had noticed how much he protected and cared for the other guys like an older brother. I couldn't understand why my Uncle only saw a thief when he looked at him.

"Not much to tell. Once upon a time in the Old West, you know, 'cause that's how these things start..." I began. I felt extremely flattered that the boys were actually listening to me.

"...there was a lady of the night. No one knew her real name, but everyone called her "Rose" because of her complexion and her deep red hair. She lived above the Golden Nugget Saloon and Hotel, where all the prospectors went to stay while looking for chunks of gold in the rocky mountainside." I continued.

"What's a prospector?" Vern asked.

"That's what they called the gold diggers back then, you dweeb." Teddy said.

"Anyway, since there were so many strangers coming in and out of the Golden Nugget on a daily basis, Rose spent her time with a different man every night, most likely never to see them again. One night before a show, the piano player found pieces of Rose chopped up inside the strings of his Steinway." I said. The boys were staring at me with rapt attention by this time.

In all honesty I was making it up as I went along, because my thoughts had been more or less consumed by Ace "The Devil" Merrill and I'd since put the story aside. But watching their eyes widen with interest, I suddenly felt in my element again.

"No one knew which prospector was responsible for hacking Rose to death, but it was going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack to nab the murderer. That's when Sheriff Honor McTeague decided that he would take it upon himself personally to bring the killer to justice." I said. I paused here because I didn't know how Sheriff Honor would do it. I'd already written myself into a wall.

"Why would the sheriff care about a hooker?" Teddy asked.

"Because everybody's life counts, that's why." Chris said with meaning.

"What he said." I added. I looked over at Gordie and shrugged, meaning that for now, the story was largely unfinished. He nodded slowly in understanding.

"It's good, so far. But it's gonna take him forever to find the guy. Maybe even his whole lifetime." Gordie said.

"Yeah. Especially if the prospectors spread out across the States." Chris said. And thus the conundrum. Realistically it would have been impossible, but I wasn't interested in realism at this point. I wanted closure.

"True. But he'd try anyway. He'd ride on horseback through the burning Arizona desert, through the panhandle until he made it the freezing wonderland of Michigan in winter. And then travel to the East Coast, ride down the beach until he reached the southernmost tip of Florida. All over the place." I said.

"But why?" Vern asked. Gordie had asked me the same question the other day but I still didn't have a very good answer.

"It does seem like a lot to go through for no reason." Gordie admitted. I sighed and thought it over for a minute. The reason I'd made up the story was because of Ray Brower. There was something _off_ about his death and I felt like I was the only one who'd really noticed.

Secretly I'd hoped there'd be a Sheriff Honor McTeague somewhere in Oxford County who would take up the gauntlet for himself and find out what really happened up there on Back Harlow Road. It sure as hell wasn't just berry pickin,' in my opinion.

"I think he cares because he knows no one else does. Sometimes certain people just want to pick up the slack for the rest of the human race." I said. As I said this and it rolled over in my head some more, I realized that maybe _I_ could be Sheriff Honor for Ray Brower. If for no other reason than to make sure that _somebody_ knew the truth, whatever it was.

"What is it?" Chris asked me. I fiddled with the neck on my bottle and debated on mentioning the kid in front of them. I remembered Gordie turning pale at the news story on tv and the mere mention of him at dinner.

"Nothing. Just thinking." I ended up saying.

Eventually the topic drifted off and the boys ended up talking about school and how mean their new math teacher was, and then Teddy and Vern brought up the DeSpain twins having a Halloween-themed birthday in the middle of October.

I'd never met the DeSpain twins before, but Teddy and Vern were beginning to talk about them more and more in conversation. They didn't sound too bright or interesting, and I got the feeling that Chris and Gordie felt the same way. Every time the DeSpain boys were mentioned, Chris and Gordie would wear a bored expression on their faces.

"They're making a haunted house in their backyard!" Vern said.

"That's baby stuff. Joey Campion got permission to use his dad's chainsaw at the door to scare the shit out of all the trick-or-treaters." Teddy said.

"Joey Campion cried when he tried to use a card scraper in Wood Shop. There's no way he'd get close to a chainsaw, man." Chris said. Gordie and Vern laughed.

I listened to them talk about their Halloween plans and fight over whose idea of a scary prank was the best, and it really began to sink in just how far away from home I was and just how lonely I really felt.


	8. The Truth Insofar As I Know It

I hadn't forgotten that Friday was the day Ace had wanted his payment. I'd made 15 bucks so far this week and as I walked up to the entrance of Irby's Billiards not long after the boys and I had shared a Coke, I glanced at the auto-shop bill in my hand.

15 greenbacks were nowhere near 71. And Ace was probably not a down-payment kind of guy.

I walked through the doors and peered in the darkness, looking for any Cobras. Charlie and Billy turned out to be the only ones around, and they winked at me, nursing a couple of bottles of beer in their hands.

"You two know where I can find Ace?" I asked. Charlie and Billy looked at each other with a smile, and turned to me with a decidedly exaggerated look of innocence.

"Maybe we do, maybe we don't." Billy said. They had all but abandoned their pool cues on the table and were giving me their undivided attention. It was more than a little uncomfortable.

"If you do us a favor, we might be able to help you out." Charlie said. I had absolutely no interest in doing any of the Cobras a favor, so I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"No way. I guess if he wants his money, he can come find me." I said. As I turned to walk out of that den of iniquity, I bumped into the very person I had been looking for.

"Ooof." I said. I nearly dropped my hard-earned cash and when I discovered it was Ace in front of me, I frowned.

"You got something for me?" Ace asked. I handed him the 15 dollars and watched him count it slowly.

"You're missing some, here." He said. I shrugged. It wasn't like I could pull 56 bucks out of my ear on demand.

"Then I guess if you can't wait for the rest, I'll take the punishment." I said. Ace gave a smile of satisfaction as he cocked his head to the side.

"Hey, you guys get lost. I've got some private business to take care of." He said to Billy and Charlie. They whined about it but they didn't waste much time in leaving. Ace and I were alone in a darkened corner of the billiard parlor. He stared at me for what felt like forever, and I did my best to not look him in the eye.

"I wanna know something, Doll. Why do you hate me so much? You think I'm an asshole?" Ace said in a low voice. He sounded angry and frustrated, and I felt mildly victorious to think that I had gotten under his skin a bit.

"Doesn't everyone?" I quipped. As soon as it came out of my mouth I wished I hadn't said it. Ace may have been a lot of things, but it wasn't right to just hurt his feelings out of meanness. I needn't have worried, though. Ace smiled rather grimly.

"No one's bothered to stick rotten fish in my car. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had an agenda." Ace said.

"You wanna know my plans? You must think an awful lot of yourself if you think I'm just out to get you." I said. I crossed my arms over my chest and examined his facial expression. As always, it was just out of reach. His eyes were blue, and cold as ice. A permanent sneer graced his lips.

"There's gotta be a reason you'd go to that much trouble, Doll." He said, inching closer to me. I didn't want him to think I had a crush on him, although I realized too late that I _did_, in fact, have a crush. The thought sobered me like a slap in the face.

"You know Gordie LaChance?" I asked. His eyes flickered with intense anger. Seeing the hatred in his face added to my own growing anger.

"What about him?" Ace said.

"He's my cousin. And I'm not happy with what you did to him and his friends." I said, glaring at him.

"They had it coming. And they got off light." Ace said. I was tempted to belt him in the mouth but I knew it wouldn't solve anything.

"What kind of person beats up a bunch of kids half his size? Don't you have any shame?" I said, trying not to shout. Ace leaned in closer to me, making me back up against the wall to get away from him. His face was as close as it had ever been to mine.

"Did they tell you what happened?" Ace asked, his tone sharp. I shook my head, feeling slightly afraid of the close proximity. A few seconds ago he hadn't seemed so tall, but all of the sudden it felt like he was towering over me.

"Then you didn't get the whole story. You're gonna hurt yourself jumping to conclusions." Ace said. He started backing away and even though I waited for Ace to tell me his side of the story, he didn't make any effort to tell me anything.

"So what's the story?" I asked. He grabbed a cigarette he'd been keeping behind his ear and lit it, ignoring me.

"Aren't you going to tell me what was so important that you beat the shit out of a bunch of twelve-year-olds?" I urged. Ace took a deep drag and exhaled, never taking the cigarette out of his mouth.

"It's none of your goddamn business." He said. I felt my hands clench up again and I struggled to hold my temper under control. Ace grinned at the sight of my balled-up fists.

"You wanna hit me, Doll, give it your best shot." He said. I felt my face burn with white-hot rage.

"Why don't you just give me your punishment so we can call it even and I never have to speak to you again?" I asked. He smiled at me like I'd told a cute joke and shrugged.

"Haven't come up with it, yet. I'll let you know when I decide." He said in that sarcastic, acid tone of his. He picked up a cue and racked up the pool balls on the table. He appeared to be finished with me. For now.

I left Irby's feeling absolutely nothing for Ace but loathing.

* * *

I noticed the light in the treehouse from the street, and I climbed the ladder still feeling the rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins after my encounter with Ace. I didn't even bother with the secret knock.

"Let me the fuck in." I said. I saw Vern take the box away from the opening, his mouth hanging down in shock. I settled myself in the nearest corner and stared at Gordie, Vern, Chris, and Teddy. They had been playing a card game but since I came in, they threw their cards to the side and watched me like I was an escaped tiger from the zoo.

"What's with _you_, Marley?" Teddy asked.

"I want to know why the Cobras owed you something." I said. The boys got all quiet and I wondered why I let myself get so involved. But I wanted to know what the boys had done, I wanted to hear their side of the story. And even though I would never admit it to myself, I wanted to know Ace's side, too.

"Well?" I demanded. None of them had bothered to say a word.

"I know it's none of my business, but I have to know what I'm up against. The Cobras are on my six-point list of vengeance and I need to know everything." I said. Upon hearing that I had a personal vendetta against the Cobras, Chris shook his head forcefully.

"What the hell for? I thought we told you to stay away from 'em." Chris said.

"I've got my reasons." I replied. When no one bothered to speak up I cursed under my breath and slid the crate from the opening.

"I'll figure it out myself, then." I said as I climbed down from the treehouse. I understood that they had secrets. Hell, I did too, but this was one of those secrets that should have been told.

* * *

"Your boyfriend coming to pick you up again?" Pop asked me. I was rinsing the dishes with hot water and trying not to burn myself in the process.

"He's not my boyfriend. And he better _not_ be waiting out there." I said a little too angrily. I let one of my hands accidentally touch the faucet.

"Yeesh." I said. A huge welt was forming on my skin and I rolled my eyes. Ace wasn't even here and he was still causing me problems.

"Watch it, Haines." Pop said. He started walking across the shop, examining the work I had done on the floors.

"Hey, Haines, this one's a little younger." He said.

"What?" I looked over my shoulder wondering what the heck he was on about, and I saw Chris outside the door. He waved at me with his good arm.

"That's my cousin's friend." I said.

"You must be some kind of heart-breaker, Haines." Pop told me. Just as I was finishing up with the dishes, Pop beckoned toward Chris.

"What the hell, you've done good this week. You can go on home." He said.

I took off the apron without a second thought and I told Pops I'd see him around.

* * *

"I'm sorry I got mad back there. But you don't know these guys, Marley. They're real bad." Chris said. We were walking down the quiet streets together, and I couldn't help noticing how nice it was of Chris to do that. Almost chivalric in a way.

"I know they're bad news. I just thought maybe...you know...you'd wanna tell me what happened. It sounds like it was a pretty damn big deal." I said. The air was just starting to get chilly and the faintest whisper of Autumn hung on the wind.

"You should just forget about that, Marley. We don't want any more trouble from them." Chris replied.

"Is it that you guys don't trust me?" I asked. It kind of hurt me to think so but it wouldn't have surprised me. I was just Gordie's girl cousin from Chicago who was trying to pretend she was really one of the gang.

"It's not that. Gordie and I haven't even talked about it since it happened." Chris said. His voice had grown heavier, wearier, like the burden of the secret itself was aging him.

"Oh." I said. I knew right then I'd never ask any of them for the story again. If Chris hadn't started telling me about it a few minutes later, I probably would have gone to my grave without knowing.

As it was, I listened in silence as Chris told me the entire thing. The pennies, Milo Pressman and Chopper and the junkyard, the train dodges, the leeches, the standoff with the Cobras, the gun, the body of Ray Brower...

Every time someone flinched when they heard Ray Brower's name, every conversation that reeked of death, every loaded glance between them all...suddenly made sense now.

I don't know why I began crying, and once I had started, I couldn't stop.

"You okay, Marley? I'm sorry." Chris said, as if it was his fault. I shook my head.

"No...I don't know what's wrong with me. But...I'm glad you told me." I said. I sniffed and avoided looking at Chris as I tried to dry my tears.

"I talked it over with the guys, and we thought it'd be okay if you knew." Chris added.

I didn't say anything and neither did Chris. Soon we were in front of my house and I looked over at him, wondering what he was thinking. I couldn't even imagine bearing the weight of what had happened to them on my shoulders.

Being very careful of his arm, I pulled Chris into an unexpected hug. I broke away from him and nearly laughed at the look of sheer surprise on his face.

"Thank you, Chris. I really mean it." I said. I had no idea how hard it must have been for him to do it, but I wanted him to know how much I appreciated it.

Chris gave a final nod and walked back down the street, turning left at the corner. I watched him go under the orange glare of the streetlamps and even though I had wanted so badly to know what had transpired between the Cobras and the boys, I was left feeling even more confused.

The entire feud was over the body of a twelve-year-old boy, and who got the rights to claim him. It was sick and it didn't make a lot of sense, but there was so much more to it than just Ray Brower's remains.

It struck me that now I knew even less than when I had started.


	9. When the Change-Winds Blow

"Tell me more about Clarence. You've been with him every night this week." Mom said. It was dinnertime and the three of us were gathered around the table, what was left of our little family. We were having meatloaf, and Betsey was getting a little creative with the ketchup on her plate. I myself was sculpting the mashed potatoes on _my_ plate into a suitable volcano.

"Not much to tell. He's all right." I said. I knew this wouldn't satisfy her, but I was reluctant to dole out details I knew I wouldn't remember. The last thing I needed was to get caught up in a lie.

"You've seen an awful lot of him." My mother said, as if the suggestion would suddenly prompt me to spill my guts.

"We usually just study, Mom." I said. Mom made a face and sighed.

"Is that all? I guess that explains why you never dress for the occasion." She said. Part of me really wanted to throw her a bone and get all dreamy-eyed, talking about how it made me all gushy inside when I watched Clarence push his glasses up the bridge of his nose, but I didn't want to complicate things.

"Yeah. But he's an okay guy." I said. Mom nodded with a mildly hopeful look in her eye. Maybe she thought there was a chance for me, yet.

"Then I take it the two of you aren't going steady?" She asked. It sounded like she was laying some sort of foundation and I began to panic. Was it too late to backtrack?

"Um...well..." I stuttered.

"The reason I ask is because I ran into Mrs. Carmody at the market this afternoon." Mom said.

"Who?" I interrupted. I was already defensive because I knew my mom wanted something from me, and I knew that I really wouldn't like it, whatever it was.

"Jane's mother. You remember? You told me how well you two were getting along?" Mom said. I nodded impatiently and waited for her to get to the gist of the thing.

"Anyway, Jane has an older brother who teaches high school English up in Lewiston. I told Mrs. Carmody how much you love to read and write and we both thought that the two of you should get together and talk." Mom said.

"He's a teacher? How _old_ is he?" I said. It sounded hinky to me for a high school student to date a high school teacher, regardless of whether or not they were at the same school.

"Fresh out of college. This is his first year. Twenty-two, maybe? Anyway, Mrs. Carmody showed me his varsity football photo when she invited me to her house for lemonade. He is _very_ handsome, sweetheart." Mom went on as if she hadn't heard me.

"I don't think I'd feel very comfortable getting together for a chat." I said.

"As a matter of fact, I think he was one of Dennis' friends. That's probably how he and Jane met, come to think of it." Mom said. She was already off in her own little world and way too far to reach at this point. I turned to Betsey and admired her handiwork with the ketchup.

"Nice coloring. I think the milk gives it a nice, pinkish sort of vibe." I said.

"Hah!" Betsey said, proud of the compliment I'd given her. Her mouth was wide open in a big smile.

"Betsey, don't play with your food, young lady. There are starving children overseas who would be grateful for this meatloaf. Did she pour milk on it?" Mom tutted over Betsey and the conversation was temporarily over.

I really started to wonder if maybe I shouldn't heat things up a little with "Clarence." If I didn't, I'd be forced to go on a date with Jane's older brother sooner or later.

The Great Clarence Deception was not going as smoothly as I had intended.

* * *

"Where's Vern and Teddy?" I asked. We were two people short on our morning walk to school. Gordie and Chris shared a look of disdain.

"The DeSpains are driving them to school." Chris said. I noticed a lot of edginess in his voice.

"The DeSpain twins again. What's the big deal with them all of the sudden?" I wondered.

"You remember last week? When we got back to school there were a whole bunch of rumors going around about how we got roughed up." Chris explained.

"Yeah. Teddy and Vern didn't deny anything. They walk the halls like they're such hot shit." Gordie said. Chris and Gordie laughed with each other like it was the most ridiculous thing ever.

"So they're getting pretty popular, I guess." I said. Gordie shrugged but I could tell he and Chris were a little hurt that they were starting to spend more time with kids like the DeSpain twins. Who wouldn't want to hang out with people who looked up to you and thought you were a hero of some kind?

"They'll come around. That kind of worship doesn't last forever." I said. I was already missing their company. Vern with his wide-eyed obliviousness, and Teddy with his sharp tongue and sense of humor.

"It doesn't really matter. They can have their moment." Gordie said. Somehow when he said those words, though, I had a sneaking feeling he knew deep down they would never really come back. Not in the same way.

"It won't be too long before they tell our whole junior high class about the body." Chris said. We all knew he meant poor Ray Brower but we didn't want to say his name anymore. Using his name made him too real of a person.

"There's something that's been bothering me." Gordie said. Chris and I looked over at him and waited for him to go on.

"Picking berries 30 miles away...where the hell was his bucket?" Gordie wondered.

"You guys never found his bucket nearby? Are you sure he even had one?" I asked. Gordie nodded solemnly.

"It was in the paper. He took his bucket and went to pick berries and ended up near the Royal River." He told me.

"It's true. But we didn't find anything around him except his keds." Chris said.

"I wonder if we went back up there...we'd find it, maybe?" Gordie let the statement hang in the air. Chris and I didn't say anything but I think we all knew that we were going to head up to the Back Harlow Road as soon as we could get away.

* * *

I was scrubbing floors again on Thursday night. Pop had been nice enough to let me feed the jukebox in the corner and I was singing along to Ricky Nelson as I worked.

_There_ was a guy to get excited about, I thought to myself, now that Elvis was in the army.

"Mmm...oh, yes...I was a fool..." I hummed from under the tables.

"Boyfriend number 1 is back." Pop said. He closed the cash register and began wiping down the counters bemusedly. I could hear him chuckling to himself from across the shop. I slowly emerged from under the table and sure enough, Ace was sitting on the bench near the street corner again. I could see him very clearly through the glass.

"You know, for someone free as a bird, you sure do carry a lot of baggage." Pop said.

"It's not like I asked him to be here." I said. I returned under the tables to hide and wondered what Ace was doing. Maybe he'd finally thought of a suitable "punishment" for me. I sighed gruffly.

"Cheer up, Girlie. You gotta pretty face, so why wouldn't a fella try his luck?" Pop said. I poked my head out from under the table again and feigned shock.

"Did you just give me a compliment, Pop?" I asked. Pop hid a smile.

"Yeah, and you better forget I ever said anything, too, or I'll make you work tomorrow night." Pop said. I gave him a salute as if to tell him the subject was already buried and it wasn't too long before we were finished closing up.

As Pop locked the doors, he cast a suspicious look over his shoulder at Ace.

"You gonna be all right, Haines?" Pop asked me in a quiet voice. I nodded, even though I wasn't really 100 percent on it, but hey...whatever was coming to me, I wanted to go ahead and get it over with.

"Sure. See ya on Saturday, Pop." I said. Pop gave a warning glance to Ace as he rose from the bench and made his way over to me.

When Ace and I were alone, I stared at him and waited for the shoe to drop. Was he going to hit me? Or ravage me? Torture me? Make me the laughing stock of the entire school?

"Here's 17 bucks. I know I still owe you 30 plus, but you're gonna get it. I don't plan on staying in debt to anybody." I said heatedly. I had grabbed a wad of cash from my pocket (this week's pay) and waited for Ace to take it.

"You've been busy." He said. He must have been in one of his teasing moods.

"Yep. How about you? Beat up any other kids, lately?" I asked. Ace's smile slowly disappeared and was replaced by a deep frown.

"I told you, they had it coming." He said. I laughed an empty, harsh laugh devoid of all humor.

"Yeah, nobody disrespects Ace Merrill, right? Nobody gets in the way of whatever Ace Merrill wants, is that it?" I asked. For a minute I thought he was going to hit me. I could see in his eyes that whatever his side of the story was, I just didn't see it. I probably never would. Ace and I were completely different people.

"You don't know shit about it." He said.

"I don't have to. There's no reason on earth that gives you the right to beat up a bunch of kids." I said.

"I didn't have a choice." He said through clenched teeth. I paused for a second in disbelief.

"Didn't have a choice?" I was absolutely floored. He made the choice to step on Gordie's fingers until they snapped.

In the tense silence that followed, I glanced over to the street and noticed a familiar pair of headlights coming up the way. It was my Mom in her Chevy.

"Shit." I murmured. I ducked behind Ace and cowered in the shadows of the darkened streetcorner. I waited until she'd turned and drove out of sight before I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Mama doesn't know?" Ace said, his teasing smirk returning to his face.

"If you want the rest of your money, you better make sure Mama keeps not knowing." I said. I was jumpy from the shock and already in complete agony wondering what she was doing out this late at night.

"Oh, God...what if she knows? I'm dead." I said to myself. I'd nearly forgotten Ace was still standing beside me.

"You wanna beat her home?" Ace asked me suddenly. He pointed to his 52' Ford and I must have been completely out of my mind to agree, but I decided to let Ace give me a ride.

* * *

"Are you sure this shortcut is safe?" I asked. Ace was driving as fast as I'd ever seen anybody drive in my whole life, and we weren't exactly on a main road with street lights to guide us.

"If she's using Main Street to go to Gerry, then we don't want to come up behind her. We're going around the opposite way." Ace said. I realized how much scarier it would have been if Mom had seen me pass her in Ace's car when I was supposed to be out studying with "Clarence."

"I can't believe I'm doing this." I said. Just as I said that out loud, Connie Francis' song "Who's Sorry Now" came on the radio. I hoped it wasn't God's idea of a funny joke.

"Where's your dad?" Ace asked me. I blinked a few times.

"What?" I said. It was kind of hard to concentrate when I didn't know if I was going to die very soon or not.

"You said he was still alive."

"Oh..." I looked over at Ace to see if he was being sincere. If he was just pretending to care then he was a damn good actor.

"He's with some woman named Sherry, now." I said. I started looking out the window because most people who knew looked at me with a mixture of pity and superiority. Divorce was something that _never_ happened to anyone you _knew_.

Ace didn't reply, and I was grateful for that. There really wasn't anything to say. He didn't seem to feel sorry for me, either. But I guess he wouldn't feel bad for me. I was the bitch who messed with his precious car.

We were silent the rest of the way to my house and I noticed that my mom's car wasn't back in the driveway yet.

"We made it." I told him. I got out and closed the door behind me.

"Hey, thanks." I said, leaning into the open window. Ace gave me a nod.

"It's not your fault." He said. My brows furrowed in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Your parents' splitting up. It's not your fault." Ace said, his voice tired and gravelly. I could suddenly see all the weariness and anguish in his face that I'd never seen before. Had it always been there? Or did I just refuse to notice?

He looked older than his years, like he'd wrestled with plenty of pain in the past, and when he had told me it wasn't my fault, he'd spoken from a place of experience.

He pulled away and I started to replay everything he'd said to me that night. The "I had no choice" thing stuck out the most. Even someone as easily labeled as Ace Merrill had his demons. I realized I'd just witnessed one.

When I went inside, I discovered Mrs. Bledar was holding down the fort while Mom was out getting Betsey some cough medicine from the drugstore. I was safe and the Clarence Deception was ongoing.

Still, it had been a close one.

As I slipped into bed, I thought about all of the mixed feelings I was having. Ace actually said something nice to me. He was a punk who had no problem beating poor, defenseless kids, but he gave me a ride, and tried to make me feel better about my parents' divorce.

Before sleep took me for the night, I realized with a certain degree of anxiety that Ace Merrill knew exactly where I lived.


	10. And the Moon Be Still as Bright

Friday morning. Teddy and Vern were carpooling with the DeSpain twins again, and Gordie, Chris, and I were forced to hoof it. It wasn't a big deal, but I still kind of missed 'em.

"I'm staying over at Gordo's tonight. Are we still on?" Chris asked me. I had begged Pop for a free Friday and nothing was going to stop me from going over to the Royal River and seeing things for myself.

"You bet." I said. Chris held his hand out and that was when I learned how to "skin" someone. I rubbed my palm across his and we smiled at each other.

"You sure your mom's okay with it?" Gordie asked.

"Of course. It's perfect." I said. I wished I hadn't been so cocky.

* * *

In US History I was sitting in front of Mr. Carter's desk once again. It's not that I was afraid of Ace and Eyeball. Lord knows I'd done enough stuff to them to deserve a stout beating, but they'd never touched me. Not unless you count Eyeball tripping me in class. It was nowhere near the stuff they usually did.

I sneaked a few peeks at Ace when the occasion allowed for it, and he always managed to catch my eye every single time. He didn't smile at me like he used to. That smile where he thought he was better than me.

If I was seeing things clearly, I would have sworn that what I saw in his eyes was compassion. Could that be right? Ace didn't seem the type to empathize with anyone.

When the lunch bell rang, I headed straight for the tree. It had become _my_ tree now, because I'd spent enough time against its trunk and shielded by its foliage for us to be on personal terms. That, and the fact that we'd faced a few Cobras together.

As if summoned by my private thoughts, Ace sat down next to me against the tree, taking a drag of smoke.

"Don't you ever eat?" He asked. I wondered what he wanted. I didn't have any more money to spare, and I was pretty sure he wasn't going to hurt me by now. What, were we _friends_, or something?

"Don't you ever let up?" I replied. My thoughts, when they weren't betraying me by showing images of Ace, were often on Ray Brower and his missing bucket. And the 30 miles he'd traveled.

Ace didn't say anything, and we somehow shared a few relatively peaceful moments under the shade of that tree. Since I wasn't really afraid of him anymore, and since I wasn't as hellishly mad at him as I had been, I didn't really mind his company. At least he was closer to my age than Gordie.

"Thanks." I said. I didn't know why Ace was beside me, and I doubted _he_ even knew. But at some point I'd realized that telling him my shameful secret had suddenly freed me. Ace knew my secret, and I was pretty sure he'd kept it to himself. No one had treated me any differently thus far.

He was my confessor, and for that reason I began to feel comfortable in his presence.

"For what?" He asked, skeptically. I could tell that was his natural response and I didn't push it by explaining my gratitude. I'm pretty sure he knew at least that.

"Forget it. But don't think this means I'm not still pissed about my cousin. Ray Brower, or no Ray Brower." I said. I should have kept my mouth shut but Ray Brower's very name was like saying 'open sesame' to a magic cave of fury.

"They fuckin' told you about that?" He said.

"Yeah, they fucking did. Did you ever stop and think that maybe once that Ray Brower kid was alive? That he skinned his knees and said his prayers and had a mother back home who missed him like crazy?" I said. I was on the verge of becoming hysterical, but Ace was as calm and cool as iced tea.

"People die all the time." Ace told me. I felt a chill go down my spine. Did nothing rattle him? Was nothing ever sacred or beautiful? I remembered the other night when he'd told me my parents' getting a divorce wasn't my fault. The kindness in his voice...maybe I had imagined it. Maybe I'd imagined the compassion in his eyes during class today, too.

I swallowed a fierce lump in my throat and I couldn't even try to stop my eyes welling up with tears. I slowly turned away, because I'd be damned before I let cold-as-ice Merrill see me cry.

"It's not like _you_ knew the kid." Ace said. He looked visibly annoyed that I was crying.

"What if I_ had _known him? That kid was somebody's best friend. Somebody's son." I said, brushing a few tears away.

"Will you get off your high horse? You don't give a shit about that kid any more than I do." Ace said.

I didn't respond, even though I wanted to scream that I _did_ care. But a part of me wondered if he was right. That maybe I only really cared because there was a mysterious element to this Ray Brower thing. Like a case to be solved straight out of a Nancy Drew novel.

I cared because I wanted to be a hero, too.

And that didn't make me any better than Ace or the rest of his gang.

"Maybe you're right." I said.

* * *

We were supposed to meet right after school so we could head on to Harlow as soon as possible, but my conversation with Ace Merrill had dampened my spirits, and my resolve to go.

Funny how I'd barely spoken to the guy, but he was on to my bullshit like flies to a dungheap.

We stopped off at my house to gather a few provisions together, since I was the type of person to bring everything but the kitchen sink. In the midst of filling my backpack with a first-aid kit, my mother started sniffing around for details.

"Where are you guys headed?" Mom asked us.

Gordie and Chris were helping me by making sandwiches at the kitchen table for us to take on our little field trip to Back Harlow Road. But we hadn't exactly thought of a game plan for what to tell our parents.

"The guys are gonna show me around Castle Rock. You know, the stuff where you hike and sweat and see nature's beauty and junk." I said. My mother wrinkled her nose at my choice of words.

"Brenda Marlene, I really wish you wouldn't use such _vulgar_ phrases like that. Especially around these impressionable young men." Mom said. I rolled my eyes and Gordie hid a smile.

"Excuse me. We're seeing nature's beauty and...stuff?" I tried again. Mom sighed and kissed me on the cheek right before she headed out of the kitchen.

"Be home for dinner. I've invited the Carmodys." I heard her say from the hall.

"Shit." I muttered. Chris and Gordie erupted with laughter until I threatened to backhand them with a frozen game hen from the freeze box.

"That probably means we'll have to hitch." Chris said.

"That's all we'll have time for." I said, glumly. Having to be back by dinnertime gave us 3 or 4 hours at most. Driving in a car to Harlow and back would be almost 2 hours by itself, or so I was told. I wondered if there was even any good point in going anymore.

"Don't worry about it, _Brenda_. If you're late, so what? It's not like she's can ground you from seeing Clarence." Gordie said.

"Yeah, 'cause he really is the Invisible Man." Chris said. He and Gordie had another round of laughter at my expense and I made sure to leave the wrapper on their cheese slices inside their sandwiches.

Bon appetit, boys, I thought.

With my satchel across my back, the boys and I held out our thumbs in search of a kind Samaritan who wouldn't mind toting us to the Royal River. We were walking by the side of the road on Route 7 headed out of town, hoping to make it as far as Shiloh Church. In about ten minutes' time we had only encountered 2 cars.

"This blows." I said.

"Now, Brenda..." Gordie began in a perfect imitation of my mother's voice. The three of us nearly bust a gut.

I was having a blast, but at the same time, I felt like we were wasting a golden opportunity. But I didn't want to just mention Ray Brower when we were having such a good time together.

I was finally starting to feel like I belonged here. Like Castle Rock wasn't just a pit stop on the road of my life.

"Man, you should've seen my Aunt's face when my old man cussed out my neighbor's dog." Gordie said. I began to giggle at the memory.

"Spotty had taken a shit on the newspaper again..." Gordie continued. He didn't even have to finish. The image of my mother fainting at the neverending stream of expletives spewing forth from my Uncle was already firmly in my mind. She didn't actually faint, but I bet she wanted to.

Not long after Gordie finished the Spotty story, someone in an old brown pickup came to our rescue and let us hang tight in the back next to a few bales of hay. It was itchy and uncomfortable, but I was so grateful we'd found a ride that I didn't even care.

When the scenery changed and there was a lot more woods than houses and people, Gordie and Chris became very quiet and retrospective. I had no idea how they really felt about coming back so soon, but neither of them looked very calm about it. Chris was chewing on his thumbnail and Gordie kept picking at a scab.

"Are we close?" I asked. Chris nodded, still lost in his own thoughts. A few minutes later I could see part of a set of train tracks through the trees. Chris knocked on the side of the truck and the driver slowed down so we could hop off.

"Thanks, mister." We said as we piled out of the truck, picking the strings of hay from our clothes and hair.

The boys led me further into the woods and we were suddenly overlooking part of the river. Directly underneath us was a solid 4 foot dropoff onto the banks of the Royal River. If they hadn't stopped me, I would've walked right over it and broken an ankle.

"Is this the place?" I said. I was worried that the boys hadn't said anything since we'd arrived, and I had no idea where to start looking for a steel bucket.

As it stood, the boys were pretty much paralyzed near the brushes at the edge of the wood. This had to have been one of the worst ideas I'd ever put to action.

They were staring at a certain spot near the brush that had the slightest impression of weight, as if a few people had walked over that one place to create the dent. It struck me that the spot was probably where the boys had discovered Ray Brower a couple of weeks ago.

There was no blood, no caution tape like you see in movies today, or even a sign that anything major had happened in that place near the brush. I could have sat in the very same area for a picnic and never even known anything was odd. I imagined myself eating the last watermelon of the summer season, spitting seeds where a boy had been thrown after being hit by the GS &amp; WM to Derry. And never knowing a goddamn thing.

I walked around the brush and made wide circles around the area looking for the bucket. The bucket was what I had come there to find, not the temporary resting place of a boy I _hadn_'t known. Ace was right, and that really pissed me off. I was beginning to drift farther and farther away from the boys, and the place they'd found poor Ray.

But the bucket was absolutely nowhere in sight.

Even in the bright sunshine of a mid-September Friday afternoon, nothing was visible to the eye except what one would normally expect to find in a clearing in the forest.

I was beginning to sweat by the time I'd finally made it to the train tracks. The boys were moving around idly, halfheartedly searching for something they probably no longer wanted to find. I glanced over at them and sighed, wishing we had spent the day playing 3-penny scat in the Clubhouse instead. Teddy and Vern were probably there now, trying to earn a few cents off the DeSpain twins in blackjack.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and I noticed just how far it was from the tracks over to where Gordie and Chris were standing. I mean, it wasn't far in terms of walking. Gordie and Chris could probably hear every word from me without my ever having to raise my voice. But it was a pretty damn far piece from the tracks in terms of a thrown dead body.

So many things I wanted to ask, so many things I wanted to talk through with the guys...but I kept my mouth shut. This was one instance where I absolutely hated having a wild imagination. I had just witnessed at least 3 scenarios of Ray Brower's final moments in my head, and none of them were kid-friendly.

"As fun as this is playing bucket, bucket, who's got the bucket...I think we need to get the hell out of here." I said finally.

Gordie and Chris had since stopped looking and they glanced at me with grim compliance. They probably would have stayed out here until I was good and ready to leave, but none of this felt right. And they knew it.

* * *

It had gotten late and we hadn't realized it. We were a little too numb to do all the right things, like eat and drink plenty of water, and find a clean person to drive us back to Castle Rock.

We followed the tracks of the GS &amp; WM all the way from Harlow never really saying much of anything. When the moon rose up behind me and began to cast eerie shadows of myself and my companions, I finally grasped what time it was.

"Holy shit. The Carmodys." I said.

Chris and Gordie looked at each other as if coming out of a daze, suddenly snickering as if we hadn't all been silent for the last several hours.

"It'll be all right." Chris said. He smirked at Gordie.

"Yeah, you could just tell your mom we ran into Clarence or something." Gordie said. I rolled my eyes but Chris and Gordie were laughing like they'd just heard their first "your mama" joke or something.

"Abbott and fucking Costello...go piss up a rope." I said.


	11. It's Only a Game

At some point the three of us did manage to get a ride for the last leg of the journey. So instead of arriving back home the next day, we got back around half past midnight.

Mrs. Haines was quite pissed with me.

Gordie and Chris headed on to that empty lot and spent the rest of the night in virtual safety at the Clubhouse. As for me, my fate had been sealed as soon as I missed dinnertime.

"Marlene, do you have any idea what time it is?" My mom hadn't even opened the door all the way to let me in. She was wearing a fluffy pink robe, a thick layer of white face cream, and her hair was rolled up in curlers. I hardly ever saw her this way and I tucked back a smile.

"Pretty late." I admitted. I didn't even try to escape to my room. My place, for now, was sitting on the living room sofa so that my mother could yell at me. Not too loudly, though. The neighbors might hear and think we actually had problems.

"Do you know how embarrassed I was holding dinner for you?" Mom said, wringing her hands in shame. She began pacing back and forth in front of me, almost as if I wasn't even there.

"Jane had been looking forward to seeing you." She added. Of this I wasn't certain, but it was definitely fuel for my mother's fire.

I waited until an appropriate pause before I told her I was sorry. My mother looked worn out but she glared at me heatedly.

"What were you and those boys up to, anyway? If you got into any trouble, Marlene, so help me..."

"We were just exploring in the woods and we got a little lost." I said. My mother accepted this but she still wasn't happy. It took her a minute before she lent a voice to her concerns, the thing she had been wanting to say ever since we'd moved here...

"Don't you think you've been spending a little too much time with your cousin and his friends?" She asked. I grumbled inwardly.

"Not really. We don't see each other that much." I said.

"By all means, let me rephrase: don't you think you should be spending more time with kids your own age?" She said.

"What about Clarence?" I suggested.

"And that's another thing. A girl your age shouldn't be spending so much time with a young man who isn't her beau. Why not spend some more time with Jane?" My mother said.

"She's really nice but I don't think we have much in common." I said. My mother shook her head because she had never understood friendship in terms of having "mutual interests."

According to her logic, every 17-year-old girl should be best friends _just_ because.

"She invited you to a pajama party over at her house tomorrow and I told her you graciously accepted." Mom said.

"Girls my age don't have pajama parties anymore!" I said in protest.

"Her brother, Kenneth, is still in town visiting and I was hoping you would make a good impression on him." She said with finality. After adjusting a few errant curls underneath her night cap, she kissed my forehead and went to her bedroom.

My mom was used to getting her way, and she would probably have a good night's sleep imagining Jane and I braiding each other's hair and talking about how handsome her brother was. We'd listen to some Andy Williams records and giggle about the impossibility of basic algebra, and what month is most ideal for a wedding.

The only problem was that I was due to work a double shift tomorrow at the Soda Shoppe. I didn't have time to be a girl over at Jane's house.

I groaned and stumbled all the way to my bedroom.

* * *

"I didn't know you had a job. Wow." Jane said. Her house was a few blocks behind Gordie's, and it was a beautiful colonial. I could almost see the dollar signs in my mother's eyes as she prayed to God for Kenneth to fall madly in love with me. The Carmodys seemed pretty well off.

One of the best things about living in Castle Rock, or the worst depending on your outlook, was that everyone pretty much knew where everyone else lived in town and what the bulk of their business was about. Mom had gotten the rundown on the Carmodys before she had even spoken to Jane's mother at the store.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry I didn't show up last night, too." I said. I didn't know how much of this pajama party was really Jane's idea, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"You can still come over to my house after work. If you want." Jane said. I smiled warmly and considered that maybe I had been stereotyping Jane unfairly. It wouldn't be so bad to have a girl friend my age. I was starting to realize that the reason I was holding off on Jane was that she was so pretty, and sweet, and down to earth. Next to her, I didn't look so good.

"Thanks. I will." I said. And I meant it.

Jane waved to me from behind her white picket fence and I immediately headed over to the Clubhouse. I was in the mood for some sympathy and some playing cards.

Gordie and Chris were still there, laying across their bedrolls and smoking a cigarette. The game was three-card-under. The pot was just under a nickel.

"Did she hide ya?" Chris asked. He flashed me a quick smile.

"No. It turned into an intervention. My punishment is to make good with Jane Carmody and her older brother." I said. I picked up one of Gordie's detective mags while I waited for the next game to be dealt in. I imagined Chris' version of a hiding was a lot more serious. I felt kinda bad for admitting that my mother didn't even do anything to me for breaking curfew.

"She also thinks I hang out with you assholes too much." I said, trying to change the subject. Gordie and Chris snickered.

A few seconds later a series of rapid little knocks sounded against the crate.

"Vern, you knock like such a little pussy." I heard Teddy's voice say.

I lifted the crate and both Vern and Teddy crawled through, followed by a pair of virtually interchangeable, mousy little dirt-faced boys. No doubt the infamous DeSpain twins.

"Hey." I said to them in a friendly voice. The twins looked at each other, unsure of my species.

"Don't worry about them, Marley, they're a little shy around girls." Vern said, as if he was some kind of suave playboy himself. Compared to the DeSpain boys, he might as well have been.

I suddenly began to feel a little self-conscious at the way one of them was staring at me.

"This is Jacky, and this is Marty." Teddy said, punching each one in the shoulder as he introduced them.

The ten minutes that followed were in a word: awkward. The DeSpain boys huddled in the corner looking at me like I was an alien from Mars or something. Gordie and Chris weren't really into the cards anymore, and Teddy was pissed that he was winning all the games, even though he was thirty cents richer.

"You bastards aren't even trying." He said.

Vern was pretending like everything was cool, like _he_ was cool. He was putting on a show for the measly little doe-eyed twins. If I had wanted to feel this uncomfortable I'd go back home.

I had a few good hours left to kill before dish duty at Pop's Shoppe, and I wasn't about to waste it.

"Hey, Vern, you still got that taped-up baseball?" I asked.

* * *

Next to the vacant lot where the Clubhouse stood, there was an empty sandlot that used to be a Ford Dealership. Plenty of room for baseball when the weather permitted, and if you had enough guys to get up a proper game. Vern's taped-up baseball had no doubt been gathering dust since school started, and I figured this would be one of the last gorgeous Saturdays left in the year.

It took half an hour to scare up enough guys to put two measly teams together, and even then we were short a bunch of outfielders.

Vern, Teddy, and the DeSpain twins were on one team. They grabbed Crybaby Joey Campion for their fifth player. Gordie, Chris, and I were on the other team. The boys invited Stevie Darabont to play, whose older brother Royce was the guy who supplied them with Wild Irish Rose whiskey if the price was right. And I ended up recruiting Pop's son, Vic Trenton, to round out our five.

Vic worked part-time at the Soda Shoppe with me at half-pay, but he was the kind of guy who didn't seem like he had anything better to do anyway. Vic was fifteen and kinda handsome, but he was a little too shy and gawky to be a decent object of affection. He wasn't very coordinated, either, but he was a warm body, and exactly what we needed.

I put Chris, Gordie, and Stevie on all the bases (the fastest runners) and stuck Vic on home plate. Since this whole thing was my idea, I insisted on pitching. Plus, with Gordie and Chris still wearing casts, I knew I was probably the better choice anyway.

As I walked up to the makeshift pitcher's mound, Joey Campion pitched a fit.

"Girls can't pitch." He said, like it was some direct assault against baseball. I got right up into Joey's face and waited until he backed down, which didn't take too long because Joey was shorter than the rest of the boys and I was a good head taller. He clammed right up and took his place in the batter's line.

The first time I played baseball was in South Side park with a bunch of the Sisters from St. James Prep. I never thought girls could or _should_ play baseball either, until I saw a nun hit a home run and jump over a German Shepherd to finish the play. Ever since then, as far as I was concerned, anybody could do anything.

At first most of the guys seemed unsure of how to have fun with me playing, but once I got my arm warmed up, everyone seemed determined to beat me and save face. But it was all in good fun, because after a while, I didn't feel like some girl. I felt like one of the gang.

We played six innings until I accidentally beaned Crybaby Joey in the cheek, with the obvious results.

"Will you give it a rest, ya lousy pussy? There's three more innings." Teddy said. Some of us had been hoping Joey would dry it up so we could finish the game, but it was a fool's hope.

"It ain't his fault. She hit him on purpose." Marty (or Jacky?) DeSpain said, pointing at me with a scowl. I knelt next to Joey and looked at the side of his face, cringing. I'd knocked him pretty good because the left side of his face was swelling like a balloon.

"Jeez, I'm sorry, Joey...you want some ice cream?" I asked.

"He's not a baby, Marley." Teddy said.

"I don't care how old you get, ice cream always makes everything better." I said. I managed to get Joey calmed down enough to give him a piggyback ride and then the ten of us began walking toward Main Street and the Soda Shoppe.

"Can I get a banana split, Marley? I'm nuts about those things." Vern said.

"You gotta let her hit you first." Chris said.

"The bigger the bruise, the bigger the ice cream." Gordie added.

I had the feeling I'd be running short on cash this week.

* * *

My shoulders were killing me by the time our group ended up at Pop's, and I was looking forward to depositing Joey in a chair. Pop took one look at us and rolled his eyes, though he couldn't have been too mad. I was buying ice cream all around.

"What's this, Haines? You getting to be a bad influence on my kid?" Pop said, chuckling a little. He seemed kind of uneasy and I thought maybe he really wasn't happy about my asking Vic to play, until my eyes drifted over to the jukebox in the corner. Ace and Eyeball looked like they were rigging a quarter to the end of a string for endless tunes.

Vic leaned over the counter and whispered in Pop's ear.

"What are _they_ doing here?" He asked. Pop shrugged and then gestured toward me.

"You wanna ask your boyfriend over there what he wants?" Pop said. Chris, Gordie, and the rest of the guys glanced at me in disbelief.

"How would _I_ know? I'm not his mother." I said. Pop was unconvinced that we weren't involved somehow, and suddenly I found myself responsible for Ace.

Ace and Eyeball acknowledged me with a grin, severing any ideas that we didn't know each other. I propped Joey up on one of the stools near the counter and took another look at his face.

"Can this kid get a towel and some ice?" I told Pop. Joey had nearly stopped crying and some of the other guys were starting to give him a hard time. When Ace and Eyeball approached us about a minute later, I realized I'd spoken too soon.

"Picking up some extra money babysitting?" Ace asked me.

"She's not doing a very good job. Getta load of that squirt's face." Eyeball said. Joey looked indignant about the whole thing, but he knew better than to say anything out loud.

"This isn't your usual haunt, fellas. What gives?" I asked. Pop had since come back with the ice and I placed it against Joey's face gently. Gordie and Chris were beside me, not really knowing what to do while Vern and Teddy were hanging way back with Stevie and the DeSpain twins. The tension was as thick as frozen butter.

"I've come to talk about a trade." Ace said. My mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ace was going to let me keep my money. But then I realized that since money was really high up on his list of priorities, this trade must have been a real lulu.

"Marley wouldn't trade shit with you." Chris spoke up. Eyeball shot him a dirty look.

"You want more than a broken arm, Chambers?" Ace glanced at Chris with severity.

"You mentioned a trade. Can we talk about it after I get off work tonight?" I asked him, trying to diffuse the situation. He and Eyeball looked at each other and gave a nod.

"I'll be here." Ace said, somewhat threateningly.

With that the two of them walked as casual as-you-please out of the Soda Shoppe, like they hadn't just threatened bodily harm to a kid wearing a cast. Gordie and Chris were still stunned by the entire ordeal, especially considering the fact that they had left so easily.

Eventually the rest of the guys then ordered their ice cream and even Crybaby Joey was starting to forget about his bruised cheek. Gordie and Chris, however, weren't about to let the whole thing with Ace just slide on by.

"What's he talking about? A trade?" Chris said.

"Whatever it is, don't do it. Ace is nothing but a bad seed. You're gonna get in shitload of trouble." Gordie turned to me with his dark brown eyes, warning me.

"I stuck some fish in his car. I kinda owe him." I admitted. It was finally _my_ turn to tell the truth.

Sitting in a faded booth with red vinyl cushioning, over a couple of purple cows, I explained the situation in depth to Gordie and Chris. It had been point 1 of my 6-point plan of vengeance, and a complete disaster, to boot. Yes, I'd completely ignored their advice. Yes, I probably deserved whatever I had coming to me. Blame it on my patriotic forefathers of yesteryear, who had inspired me to revolt in the first place.

The boys listened carefully, slightly horrified by my stupidity and blind nerve. The general consensus was that I had a death wish. Before Gordie and Chris left, they took one last look at me as if they were absolutely sure they'd never see me in one piece again. They'd never heard of Ace or any of the other Cobras beating on a girl, but it wasn't exactly impossible to imagine. But I wasn't scared at _all_, really.

If I was absolutely honest with myself, I was sorta looking forward to it. (I certainly didn't realize that at the time, though.)


	12. Kindred

That night I couldn't figure out my emotions. Sure, _later_ I figured it out, but while I was refilling napkin holders my mind kept drifting toward Ace and all the possibilities of the "trade" he had suggested. I hoped it wouldn't be anything bad...

"Hey, Vic...do you know much about Ace Merrill?" I asked. It was just me and Vic for the time being, since Pop had gone out for a spell. Vic, taking advantage of the temporary freedom, hopped on to the counter to polish off a few ice cream dishes.

"Everybody around here knows that cat. I never met a meaner son-of-a-bitch my whole life." Vic said. I don't know what I had expected him to say, but hearing the words did nothing to ease my anxiety.

"You and Ace got something going on?" Vic said, putting down a glass ice cream dish and staring at me with concern. I packed twice as many napkins into the napkin holder I had in my hands, avoiding staring directly at Vic.

"No, nothing like that. I owe him some money, that's all." I said. Vic slid from the counter and crept up close to me, peering into my face with curiosity.

"Then how come you're blushing?" He wondered skeptically. My hands flew to my cheeks and I frowned deeply.

"If you were as good at playing ball as you are nosing into my business, maybe we could have actually finished the game today." I snapped.

"It's just as well. I hear he's going with Bev Thomas, anyway." Vic scoffed and the two of us continued to work without speaking.

I was completely serious about what I said, too. If Vic had any real talent he could have been my relief pitcher, my arm wouldn't have gotten tired, and I wouldn't have needed to go into hock buying ice cream for half a dozen prepubescent boys because I beaned Crybaby Joey in the face.

I realized I was scrubbing the floors with a lot of intense hatred, thinking all sorts of mean thoughts about Vic. Even though Vic hadn't really done anything.

As I said before, I had no real clue about what I was feeling.

* * *

Ace was waiting on the bench for me. Usually I was able to look at a person and feel either nice things, or not so nice things. I either liked the person, or I didn't. Enter Ace Merrill who created turmoil in my life just by sitting on the fence between good and bad. What the hell was he, anyway?

"Let's talk about this trade." I said somewhat curtly. A sudden image of him and Beverly Thomas wafted through my mind. Beverly was stacked and I never usually said that stuff about other girls.

"We can talk in the car." Ace said. He didn't seem to be in a playful mood, either, and even though I didn't want to accept another ride from him, I didn't think it'd be a good idea to say no. I followed him to his '52 Ford, parked around the corner in the alley between Pop's and the Suds Laundromat.

I sat next to him, keenly aware that my heart was shuddering like a hummingbird. If I didn't calm down pretty soon, I'd probably pass out. As soon as we closed the doors of the car, Ace looked over at me with a steely gaze of determination.

"You still owe me, you know that?" He asked. I nodded without a sound.

"But if you help me out...we can forget all about the money." Ace said. I was intrigued.

"It better not be anything funny." I said, remembering when he'd asked me to undress like I did in Charlie Hogan's backyard.

"Let me make myself plain. You told me something about yourself you probably don't want anyone else to know. If you ever tell a single person about what I'm about to ask you, then consider your secret out." He warned me. Here I was thinking he was being nice. Turns out he was just tucking the information away to use for later.

"I won't tell a soul, may God smite me in my sneakers." I said. Regardless of being annoyed that he threatened to blow my secret, I was incredibly interested in knowing something about Ace that no one else did. Beverly didn't seem so hot anymore, I thought with much relishing.

"You asked me why I was in school. I guess that means you know I dropped out last year. I need you to help me graduate." He said. I could tell he hated humbling himself to ask for anything, especially from me, but I could also tell just how much he wanted the favor.

"You want to graduate? Why? You seem like you hate school." I said. Ace stiffened his jaw, angry that I'd even dare to ask.

"Why are you so goddamn nosy? Just pass me a few answers during some tests, do my homework for me, and we'll call it square." Ace said.

It didn't sound so square to me. It sounded more like indentured servitude. Working late nights at the Soda Shoppe sounded infinitely better by far.

"If we get caught then we're both done for. I'm not going to jeopardize getting into college by helping you cheat." I said with conviction. Ace laughed a little to himself even though I didn't find any part of this conversation amusing.

"Fine with me. You'd rather get naked?" Ace asked, popping a cigarette in his mouth. I glared at him.

"And risk getting into trouble with Bev Thomas? You've got some nerve." I blurted out. That wasn't what I had meant to say. I had _intended_ to refuse him adamantly.

Ace turned to face me again, smiling at me from the catbird seat of the entire situation. I didn't know how to reverse the damage but luckily Ace started the ignition and the crushing silence was replaced by the comforting sound of the engine.

I couldn't have made a bigger fool of myself unless I had professed my undying love for him or something. And love was the furthest thing from my mind.

Neither of us said anything until Ace turned onto Gerry Street. I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to go to Jane's.

"I need to go to 113 Carbine Road, tonight." I said.

"Hot date?" Ace asked.

"Slumber party. I don't date." I said a little too emphatically. I could see Ace looking over at me again in the partial darkness. I could feel the scope of his eyes travel over every inch of my body.

"That's a shame." He said. I flushed a little, and I realized that I liked him saying that. I tried looking out the window because things were getting a little too intense for me inside the Ford. With so many weird feelings rushing to the top of my head, I wasn't really sure what I would do or say next.

A few minutes later Ace pulled up in front of Jane's pretty colonial at 113 Carbine and turned off the ignition.

"So...do we have a deal, or what?" Ace asked me.

"I'll help you cram but I don't want to cheat." I said. I was the type of person who tended to look guilty even when I hadn't done anything wrong. I would have been caught for sure.

"Then that makes more work for _me_, now doesn't it?" Ace said. I wrinkled my nose in confusion. Ace wanted to graduate, but he didn't want to learn, or do any work. What was the point?

"I don't get it. Why not drop out and forget the hassle?" I asked. I hated to suggest to anyone to drop out, but if Ace didn't want to graduate the fair way, then I wasn't about to help him cheapen his diploma.

"You really are _something_, Doll. I sure hope that curiosity don't get you into trouble, sometime." Ace said. He was threatening me again but it didn't sound menacing. His voice sounded as smooth and rich as honey on pancakes.

Suddenly desperate to get out of his car, I sighed and made up my mind to give the Devil his due.

"I'll help you graduate. On two conditions: One, obviously, is the settling of my existing debt." I said. I could see Ace's grin of satisfaction with the help of the lights on Jane's front porch.

"And the second?" Ace asked. I hesitated with the second because it involved asking a leopard to change his spots.

"From now on, all the people you pick on will be your age or a older. And no ragging on the elderly or the infirm." I said. Ace laughed genuinely, his smile reaching the corners of his eyes. It was a really nice sound, and the smile wasn't half bad either. For that second I thought I saw an Ace without pretentious attitude or malice, expressing actual spontaneous joy. But it was over almost as quickly as it began.

"I don't take orders from you or anyone." He said, turning serious. I thought about Gordie again, the black eye and broken bones. In good conscience I couldn't just help Ace Merrill. It would be like turning a blind eye on every future beating some poor little kid would face at the Cobras' expense.

"Then no deal, daddy-o." I said, jumping out of the car in anger.

* * *

"Sorry I got here so late. I hope I didn't wake your parents." I told Jane. She led me up to her room and I was immediately greeted by a mishmash of random sports regalia. Pom poms, a few varsity football team pictures, a few pennants of cheer (Go team! Mablevale Muskies, go!). On Jane's nightstand was a picture of her and Dennis at his Senior Prom.

"I didn't know you were a cheerleader." I said. I didn't really know what to say. Anything to avoid the subject of Denny.

"I'm not anymore." She said. Her room had likely not been touched since the days when she and Dennis were still a couple, meaning that all of this school spirit was really a shrine to his memory. Maybe my Aunt and my mother hadn't been jumping the gun at all.

"Oh. Do you still...go to games?" I asked. If the conversation had been any more strained I would have pulled a muscle or something.

"Not really. When Kenny's in town I usually go with him, though. He likes to see his replacements." Jane said with a pleasant smile.

"My mom told me had played football." I said. I was dying here. Outside of Home Ec., Jane and I had virtually nothing to say to each other. Jane must have noticed my uneasiness, because she pulled a cardboard box of 45s out of her closet and set them next to her record player.

"Andy Williams?" I guessed. Jane made a slightly sour face and shook her head.

"My mother listens to Andy Williams. I'm actually into Elvis Presley. I've got all of his records, including his singles and his Christmas album." Jane said, somewhat shyly.

I didn't blame her for being on the cautious side. My mother couldn't stand Elvis because he was practically sex on two legs. That little playboy from Tupelo might give her innocent daughter some not-so-innocent thoughts, Mom had told me once.

"I love Elvis." I said. We sat on the floor next to her record player and played song after song on a low volume. 'I Want You, I Need You, I Love You' had always been my personal favorite and Jane was kind enough to play it 3 times for me.

"Isn't he great?" Jane said in that wistful way only teenage girls with stars in their eyes can manage. I nodded emphatically, glancing at his debut album cover.

My thoughts were slowly and stubbornly coming back to Ace Merrill. In a way, Ace kind of reminded me of Elvis. They were both really cool, and really _bad_. Good girls weren't _supposed_ to like bad boys.

"What's wrong?" Jane asked. I realized my face had been pinched and probably miserable-looking. Ace was really bothering me.

"Just stupid stuff." I said, dismissively. Jane suddenly looked very understanding, and she smiled at me wanly.

"What's he like?" She asked, never dreaming for a second that 'stupid stuff' could be about anything but a boy. I was feeling tortured, but I knew as soon as I gave voice to my feelings, they would be real and I would have to actually deal with them. But still, I was dying to tell someone. Jane seemed like the perfect person.

"He's mean and arrogant. He thinks he knows everything." I said. It was a lot easier to unload my feelings than I thought. Jane listened patiently, bemusedly.

"He does awful things. But sometimes...every once in a while...he does something nice." I admitted. Jane had just turned on one of Elvis' slower ballads, 'Loving You,' while I was just beginning to explain. The longer the song played, the more frightened I felt. The song that I'd listened to countless times before had suddenly taken on new meaning.

Maybe I had some..._feelings_ for Ace.

"There are some things I can't ever forgive him for, Jane." I said. She didn't answer me for a while, but eventually she glanced at me kind of sadly.

"It wouldn't matter so much if you didn't really like him, would it?" She said, softly. At hearing those words, I could feel my heart racing again. All those cliches I'd made fun of...I guess they were cliches for a reason.

"I don't really like him. He just...confuses me." I said. Jane gave me a look as if to tell me she heartily disagreed with me, but she didn't say so out loud. If I ever ended up really liking Ace Merrill, what would that make me? I'd have some serious problems I'd just as soon do without.

"Is he the one that dropped you off tonight?" Jane wondered.

"Yes. But he wasn't doing it to be nice. We have a...complicated understanding. We're not even friends." I said. For a split second I worried that Jane might have recognized Ace's car from inside the house.

"Boys can be pretty strange. But they can make you feel absolutely wonderful." Jane said. In that moment I forgot all about Ace Merrill.

I felt a sharp pang of sadness afresh for the death of my cousin. I had felt sad for my family, and for his family. But now, hearing Jane...I realized just how unfair and terrible it really was.

"I hope I never find out." I said very honestly.

Jane's eyes were getting heavier, but before we fell asleep, I slipped on Doris Day's 'I Remember You' and hoped that wherever Denny was, he knew how much Jane loved him.

* * *

I didn't sleep much that night. It wasn't the fact that Jane and I had managed to doze off surrounded by dozens of LPs on the floor. Thinking about Dennis had made me reflect more than I'd ever wanted to about anything.

It was about 4 in the morning when I came into Jane's kitchen, tip-toes and all. I needn't have bothered. Jane's brother, Kenneth, was already sitting at the kitchen table in a navy blue robe, drinking coffee and reading a book called "The Dharma Bums."

He looked up from his book with a tired smile, and I had to give my mother credit for taste. He _was_ pretty handsome, as specified.

"Marlene?" He asked. I nodded and pointed to the fresh pot of coffee on the kitchen counter.

"Can I have some?" I wondered. Kenneth instantly stood up and got me a cup, insisting on pouring the coffee for me.

"You're the guest." He said. He handed me the warm cup and I wondered where I should drink it. If I stayed in the kitchen, Kenneth would probably feel obligated to talk to me, and I didn't want to disturb his reading.

"Sit with me a while. I didn't get to meet you the other night." He said. Kenneth was every inch the fancy college-boy my mother described.

I sat down feeling pretty ashamed for the first time that I'd screwed around on Friday night and ended up missing dinner with the Carmodys.

"I got detained." I said. It was a lousy excuse.

"Your mom mentioned you were going sightseeing with your cousin. Where did you go?" He asked, pleasantly. I had forgotten what I told my mom and I tensed up, unsure of what to say. My lies were getting to be little monsters.

"Around. I like hiking through nature, and swimming...you know." I said as vaguely as I could. Kenneth smiled, showing me a dazzling set of choppers.

"Well...I wanted to apologize for the whole thing, actually." He said.

"What whole thing?" I wondered. I had more reason to apologize than he did.

"Our mothers met and decided to throw us together based on a few commonalities. I just wanted to apologize for my mother ahead of time and let you know there's no pressure." He said good-naturedly.

"I haven't felt any pressure." I lied. I took sips of coffee and felt pretty relieved that Kenneth was just as "thrilled" as I had been about being set up.

"My mom's been doing this since I was in high school." He said. And all of the sudden I saw my future in fabulous 70mm technicolor. The gentle nudges and not-so-subtle hints my mother gave me wouldn't stop until I was married up, college or no. The coffee tasted as bitter as my feelings.

"So, what's "The Dharma Bums" about_?_" I asked.

"It's interesting that you mentioned hiking and the outdoors. Kerouac talks about finding transcendence climbing mountains. I guess you could say it's like _Funny_ _Face_ meets "Walden."" He said, and laughed. I laughed along even though I didn't get the joke, and I suddenly felt out of my element.

"It's really a sequel to "On The Road". That book changed my life in college. You should read it if you haven't already." He said. I nodded with him.

"I haven't but I'll look for it in the library." I said. Kenneth frowned, his brows creasing.

"They'd never have _that_ at the library in Four Lakes. I'll loan you my copy." He said. He plucked a book from the rolltop desk in the corner and handed me a dog-eared copy of "On The Road," with plenty of notes in the margins. I read the back and sighed inwardly.

Kenneth and I did not share the same taste in books at all.


	13. The Lesser of Two Evils

Sunday afternoon I was lying in bed, reading _Weird Tales Magazine_. It was a July '43 issue I'd found in a pawn shop back in Chicago. I'd bought a whole damn box full of them for a dollar. Here lately, they'd been hiding underneath my mattress.

I was reading a Ray Bradbury short story, ignoring the copy of "On The Road" Kenny (as he insisted I call him) had lent me. I'd gotten through the first whole chapter this morning before I realized that Kenny was exactly what my uncle would have called a "commie beatnik." Then at the first mention of the word 'divorce' I'd dropped the book like a hot potato. The main character had just been through a divorce. I didn't want anything more to do with it.

Reading Ray Bradbury was like coming home after a rough vacation. Not too long after I'd put down the magazine, I was suddenly inspired to revisit my story about Rose and Sheriff Honor McTeague. But thinking about Sheriff Honor made me think of Ray Brower.

If I really wanted to solve the mystery, if there even _was_ a mystery to be solved, then I'd probably have to do it without Gordie and Chris. I'll never forget the looks on their faces as they stared at the spot where Ray Brower had been found. Not for as long as I live. They'd been haunted enough by the experience, and I didn't want to expose them to whatever nightmares the truth might expose.

You see, I had a theory about Ray Brower. It was a theory I'd run over in my head a million times, and the bare facts made more sense with my theory in place than without it. But the problem was, I didn't know if I really wanted to _know_ that's what happened. Would I be able to live with myself afterwards? I could barely live with myself now for thinking of Ace.

A knock on the door shattered my thoughts and I stared blankly as my mother poked her head into my room.

"You have a phone call, sweet pea. I think it's Kenneth." Mom said, smiling like one of the ad girls for Maclean's toothpaste. I stuffed _Weird Tales_ underneath my pillow and went into the living room, taking the phone from my mother with an odd sense of disbelief. Why would Kenny be calling _me_?

"Marlene?" I heard Kenny's voice and I looked at my mother expectantly. She was hovering over my shoulder trying to eavesdrop.

"Mother!" I said in a huff. She stuck her tongue out at me playfully.

"You're no fun." She whispered as she retreated down the hallway. I held the receiver back up to my ear.

"Kenny?" I said.

"Oh, good, you're there. I was wondering if...actually, I thought maybe since you liked nature so much that the two of us could go to Council Crest. They have a few good places to hike. It's in the West Hills over in Portland." Kenny said.

"Well...I...uh..." I stammered.

"Tell him you'll go." My mother whispered from behind me.

"Mother!" I squealed.

By the end of our phone call, I'd been suckered into accepting a "casual" hiking excursion for Saturday, October 10th, two weekends away. Me and the beatnik high school English teacher. Mom was beside herself with glee, radiant over the potential success of our impending couple-hood.

I shuddered and wondered why in the hell a handsome 22-year-old guy would want to spend a Saturday alone with an ignorant, 17-year-old shrimp like me. In a fairly secluded mountainous region, no less, where no one could hear me scream if he had the notion to chop me up into little bits.

"There's something weird about this." I told Mom.

"What's so strange? He's a handsome boy taking out a beautiful girl. I think it's romantic to go to a nature park and walk around. It's so much more personal than going to a drive-in, don't you think?" Mom was ironing the dreaded red swing skirt. I stood beside her, fidgeting.

"There's less witnesses, too." I said, darkly.

* * *

Monday morning, Teddy and Vern were hoofing it back with us for a change. Nobody mentioned their return like it was a big deal, but for me anyway, it kinda _was_ a big deal.

"Does Joey still hate me?" I asked. I hadn't spoken to Teddy or Vern since the incident, and figured they might be mad at me for what happened.

"He doesn't hate you. But he's kind of afraid of you." Vern said. He looked at me like he was a little scared of me, too. Or at least, scared of how I'd take it.

"Afraid of _me_? It was an accident. My arm was sore as hell." I said. My pitching arm was still a little stiff from Saturday, but I would have been a weenie to admit it out loud.

"Marley couldn't hit the broad side of a barn on purpose." Teddy crowed. I gave him a forceful shove and he tumbled into Vern, knocking them both down across a dewy bed of grass on the side of the road.

"I struck you out every single time, you shit-brick. You're rewriting history." I said, walking past him with my arms crossed. Teddy snaked a hand out and grabbed my ankle. It was my second faceplant this month, but this time it was on the pavement.

"You're gonna get it this time, Haines." Teddy shouted, full of glee. I had noticed that there was nothing Teddy seemed to like more than rough-housing and wrestling. He always seemed to carry a caged sort of energy around, like at any moment he could explode. As Teddy leaped on top of me while I lay somewhat stunned by the side of Town Road #2, I could see Gordie walking on ahead of us toward school.

"Get off her, man." Chris said. His voice was authoritative and weary, like he'd had enough of our shit. I felt instantly chastened. Teddy rose to his feet and walked over to Chris, still full of piss and gasoline.

"You want some, too, Chambers?" He asked. Chris looked at Teddy almost like he was sorry for him. Vern and I stood up, but we were having trouble looking at anything except our feet.

"Grow the hell up, Teddy." Chris said. He walked away from us and caught up with Gordie some yards down the road.

None of us really knew what had just happened, but it definitely wasn't good.

* * *

Home Ec. was a burden, as usual, but having Jane there made it bearable. Today we were about learning time management. A roast can stay in the oven for an hour; an hour that can be used for any cosmetic touch-ups needed before Mr. Husband comes home.

I tried not to listen too closely to the lesson because our teacher, Ms. Mayhew, emphasized just how easily a husband could leave his wife for something as silly as not being perfectly made up when she put dinner on the table. I winced all through class.

What if one did all the right things, said all the right things...and one's husband _still_ beat the dust with the first hotsy totsy brunette who floated by?

Home Economics was complete and utter bullshit.

On the way to US History I could feel my heart start to jump wildly again, just knowing I'd be in the same room with Ace. In my _head_, I knew he was mostly a bastard who seemed to have had some tough breaks in life, but hell, so had Chris, and he wasn't letting it turn him into a monster. Every person can go one of two ways, I guess. But as far as the reaction Ace elicited from my _body..._

Sweaty palms, rapid heart-beat, flushed skin, butterflies in the stomach with just a delicate hint of nausea.

I could deck him one for making me feel this way.

I sat in front of Mr. Carter's desk with a scowl. And even though I wasn't looking at anything but my desk, I could sense when Ace and Eyeball entered the classroom. I scowled harder.

Mr. Carter began class by telling us of our first major assignment: a term paper about a great American from the last 200 years. We were assigned partners toute suite and for a hot second there I was afraid Carter would set me up with Ace. When the time came and I was paired up with the Letterman behind me, Frankie Dodd, I let out a huge sigh of relief. At least I think it was relief.

Frankie Dodd played tight-end for the Varsity Football team. He wore his hair just long enough to be kind of a rebel, and he smiled way more than a kid needed to before lunchtime. I turned around in my chair and acknowledged Frankie, appreciating the fact that he would most likely be able to pull his own weight in the assignment. I wouldn't have to do his homework for _him_, I thought with a snarl.

"Politician, Inventor, or Artist?" Frankie asked me, his smile woefully out of place next to my scowl. If Frankie noticed anything was wrong with me, he didn't seem to care.

"You pick." I said. I turned around and chastised myself for being such a spoil-sport. I hadn't felt normal for a few days now and things were only getting worse. I needed to snap out of this and fast.

"Myra Evans...you'll be with John Merrill." Mr. Carter said. My head jerked over to look at Ace before I even thought about what I was doing. Neither Ace nor Myra appeared the least bit unhappy with the pairing. Frankie droned on behind me and I curled back farther into my seat.

* * *

When lunchtime rolled around, I thought about sitting underneath my tree. But I didn't want Ace to find me, so I ended up sitting in the empty hallway against my locker, trying to read "On The Road" again. Now that Kenny Carmody and I were 'dating,' there was no getting out of reading the damn thing. He was sure to ask me how it had changed _my_ life.

I barely read a sentence before I felt the urge to throw the book across the hall. So I did.

Poor Kerouac bounced off the lockers across from me with a metallic clang and slid a few inches on the floor. Normally I hated it when people treated books like that, but I was in such a foul mood that I was probably capable of kicking a kitten.

"Hey, Godiva. Got your panties in a twist?" Eyeball Chambers exited the boys' bathroom, sliding a comb through his well-greased duck tail. I tried to ignore him but he sauntered over and leaned against my locker, looking down on me mischievously.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with our partners in History class, would it?" He said condescendingly. I paled somewhat. My head might as well have been made of glass, because it felt like everyone could always see what I was thinking.

"Shows how much you know." I muttered. Eyeball grinned like he'd caught me in a lie.

"Whatever you say, Godiva." He told me. And instead of leaving and going off to do whatever the Cobras did during lunch hour, Eyeball continued to stand there leaning against my locker.

"Is there...something else?" I asked. Eyeball got a strange look on his face and he peered all around him as if he were afraid of being watched.

"I heard Ace was lettin' you work off your debt by helpin' him in school." He said. He suddenly kneeled down next to me and got a lot closer.

"Did he tell you why he was back?" Eyeball said in a lowered, somewhat anxious voice. I paused and wondered just what Ace Merrill was up to. He was back in school after dropping out, and something told me if _he_ hadn't wanted to return, Eyeball wouldn't have even bothered to go his Senior year, either.

"He...um, said he wanted to graduate." I replied. I had no reason to lie. Eyeball seemed to already know about most of the trade, so there wasn't any good reason why I couldn't tell him _that_ much. Eyeball's eyes widened in surprise.

"For real?" He asked. I could see traces of wounded pride in his face. His best friend had been keeping secrets.

"You mean he hasn't told you, either?" I said. Whatever card Ace had up his sleeve, it was very well hidden. Eyeball shook his head, seemingly embarrassed by the fact that he'd lowered himself to come to me for answers.

"Whatever it is, it's really important." I said. Before the wheels of my puzzle-solving mind began to spin, I closed my eyes and reminded myself that Ace was not my concern. His business was definitely not my business.

Eyeball stood up and took one last look around to make sure all was clear, and he gave a final nod to me before he turned to walk away.

"Hey, Eyeball?" I said to his retreating back. He glanced at me over his shoulder and waited, straightening his jean jacket.

"I...um...nothing." I said eventually. Eyeball continued on his way and and I sat by myself in the partially darkened hallways of the school. I'd wanted to ask him why he and Chris hated each other. I wanted to know if he would have stood by idly, just watching... as Ace casually slit his brother's throat.

But people never liked to be asked those sorts of questions.

* * *

Instead of going straight home, as soon as the bell rang, I headed over to the Castle Ridge Grammar School playground.

Mom took Betsey there on Sundays and since I didn't have my warehouse to escape to anymore, I wanted another place where I could be alone. Since the Grammar School let out a little after lunch, I was hoping there wouldn't be anyone around.

Luck was with me, and I hopped on a swing and started pumping my legs back and forth. The rush of the rise and fall always lifted my spirits.

It was a nice playground considering the Grammar school wasn't that big. A swing set with 4 swings, 2 rocking horses suspended on springs, and one of those spinny things that made you sick if the right person spun it. And plenty of grass to roll around on.

I hoped Betsey would be able to go to school here. It was kinda up in the air at this point. Betsey was already 2 years old and she hadn't really spoken any words at all. Not even gibberish.

I had become so deeply involved in my own thoughts about Betsey that I nearly jumped out of my skin when a pair of hands grabbed the chains of my swing and steadied them with a harsh jerk.

I saw the familiar '52 Ford parked just outside of the chain link fence and realized I had been followed.

"Playtime's over, baby." Ace said. He walked around the swing to face me and I was honestly frightened at the wild look in his eyes. The wisdom in Gordie's words made sense to me because I had been underestimating Ace Merrill. Too little, too late, I thought.

"I've let you get away with a lot, Haines. I think maybe it's time to remind you of the sticky situation you're in." Ace said smoothly but coldly. His eyes were narrow, but they were flashing at me in a terrible way. I also felt a shiver go through me when I heard him use my last name. _Haines_. He never called anything but Doll, or Godiva.

That's when Ace pulled out a DeMano switchknife. I inhaled sharply.

Ace looked at me and then at the blade, giving me a harsh, soulless chuckle.

"I don't have to use _this_ to cut you deep." He said. The knife was for intimidation purposes only, and it was very much succeeding in its purpose. My throat had never been so dry.

"You know how fast word gets around in this place? By tomorrow, Frankie Dodd'll be asking for a new partner." He added. The phrase about the Devil taking "pleasing forms" popped into my head. I looked at him defiantly because I didn't give a damn about whether or not I lost a partner for my assignment. But Ace wasn't finished.

"People might even stop asking your mother to church. Eventually they'll just look straight through her like she's some kind of fucking ghost." Ace said, running his thumb gently over the blade. I pictured Mrs. Carmody refusing my mother's calls. Mom was getting awfully chummy with her, and I hated to imagine the kind of damage that rejection would do.

I shook my head, even though it was probably truer than I thought.

"And when people ain't busy ignoring you, they're gonna be talking about you behind your back." Ace flicked the switchknife back into his pocket and regarded me closely.

I stared down at my Mary Janes, broken and defeated like so many others before me.

"I'll help you." I said quietly.


	14. Nothing to Worry About

After I got home from the playground shakedown, I went to my room and stayed there the rest of the night. Pop hadn't needed me, and I didn't feel the need to see anyone.

I half expected my mom to bother me, to ask me why I wasn't with Jane, or Clarence, or even Gordie. I was lying in bed underneath my covers like I was hiding from the boogeyman. Under normal circumstances, my mother would have seen that as a cry for help.

But I hadn't seen her when I got home. Nor had I bothered to look for her.

The house was pretty quiet, and I glanced over at the clock on my desk. It was already an hour past dinnertime and I hadn't even been summoned.

"Mom?" I called, slipping open my door. I had my quilt draped around me like a wizard's cape and I tried to listen for the tiniest hint of sound.

"Mom?" I called again. The house was pretty much dark except for the stove light in the kitchen. She might have told me she was off someplace and I hadn't heard.

Except I could hear my mom snoring in her bedroom.

"Mommy?" I whispered, coming into her room like I was still five years old and having bad dreams. My mom was lying very still on the bed, but she had stopped snoring.

"Did I wake you?" I asked, knowing full well that I had. I would have rather taken the punishment for waking her in order to find out why this abnormal thing was happening in our house.

"Not really." My mom said in a tired voice.

"Where's Betsey?" I asked.

"Mrs. Bledar is watching her. I needed some rest." She said. There was something in her voice I didn't like. It lacked color and joy.

"Are you coming down with something?" I wondered.

"No, honey, I'm just tired today." She said.

I groped around the dark room to get closer. Without asking, I hopped into bed with Mom and snuggled against her back. I moved around a little, trying to get comfortable, and when I finally settled down, my mother heaved a dramatic sigh.

"If you move again, sweetie, I might have to throw you out the window." She said. I smiled in the dark.

* * *

By the time I woke up, Betsey was back and Mom was in the kitchen humming along to the radio.

"Morning, Baby." I said, kissing Betsey on the forehead. She was dancing in her high chair to Mom's music; from the sound of it, Perry Como. I cringed and felt like complaining, but I was too relieved to have Mom back to her old self to even open my mouth in protest.

"Morning, Mama." I said, kissing my mother on the cheek while she made us a heap of scrambled eggs.

"You're in such a pleasant mood, Marlene. I hope you're this cheerful tomorrow morning." Mom said teasingly. All traces of her behavior last night had vanished. It was the weirdest thing. But I definitely didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I just assumed that she'd had a headache or something.

Mom was fine.

On the way to school it was a little different, though. Teddy and Chris weren't really speaking to each other, and Gordie wasn't really speaking at all. It was like his mind was a million miles away, and the only thing to prove he was still here with us was the walking, breathing husk we call a body.

"Seriously?" Teddy asked Vern. Vern's eyes were wide with excitement.

"Yeah, I was in the kitchen and I saw 'em on the back porch." He said. Vern's eyes were aglow with the perverse satisfaction of discovering something forbidden and naughty, and knowing for sure that he'd never be caught dead doing the same thing. It was that weird age when sex both excites and disgusts.

I had been going through it for years myself.

"Where your folks could see?" Chris asked Vern in an amused but skeptical tone of voice.

"Sure. They didn't care. They was going at it like rabbits." Vern said. Chris scoffed.

"Bull_shit_." He said with a smile. If I still had any doubts about not feeling like one of the gang, it was immediately dispelled with this conversation.

I sidled over to Gordie and nudged him lightly with my elbow.

"You okay?" I said kind of quietly. Gordie nodded blankly, like a robot who'd been programmed to give the same response over and over again.

"You thinking about another story?" I asked. Gordie glanced over at me and smiled a little.

"Sort of." He said. I nodded. And, in a way, I was jealous of Gordie.

Every time I got out some paper, I'd sit at my desk for half an hour thinking of some golden words that would never show up. My mind was always blank with pen in hand, lately. Thoughts of Sheriff Honor and Rose would usually transform into facts: Back Harlow, 30 miles, missing bucket, dead kid.

"I haven't written anything yet. It was just an idea." Gordie said.

"Hey, Gordo, you got another story?" Chris asked, overhearing our conversation. I smiled at the pride in his voice as he gave Gordie a hearty pat on the shoulder. Teddy and Vern finally managed to stop talking about Billy making out with Connie Pallermo and gave Gordie their undivided attention.

"Is it a Le Dio story?" Teddy asked hopefully. Gordie rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Well, it's about this guy who mines for asteroids in space." Gordie began.

"Is he a Ruskie?" Teddy interrupted.

"Shut up, Teddy." I said.

"So he finds this pink cube one day. It's beautiful. Better than the rocks he's used to...only the cube starts to leak as soon as he takes it back to his hut." Gordie said. He paused and gauged our reactions before continuing.

"A bunch of gross black liquid comes out and the miner tries to get rid of it, but he can't. It's like the black stuff is alive." Gordie said. Teddy looked over at Vern, whose eyes were practically bulging. He made like he was going to poke Vern, who jumped about a foot in the air.

"Hah, two for flinching and one for squealing like your mother." Teddy said, punching Vern's arm. Chris was starting to look annoyed but the two of us kept looking at Gordie to finish.

"That's what I've got so far. I must have had a weird dream last night." Gordie said, shrugging.

"I didn't scream like no girl." Vern said angrily.

"It's been a while since you've thought of a scary one, LaChance." Chris said. I had a feeling he really dug the scary ones.

"You dreamed about that?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice level. I found myself jealous of Gordie once again. This time for actually being able to remember his dreams.

"Not exactly." He said. He got quiet real fast and I knew the dream must have been pretty personal.

"When you gonna go back to the Le Dio stories?" Teddy asked. But by then Gordie had already gone back to space thinking about his asteroid miner.

"Hey, how do you keep a Frenchman in suspense?" I said to change the subject. Chris gave me a grin.

"Did you guys tell her I was French?" Teddy said. None of us answered. I was already biting my lip to keep a straight face.

"Is that it? I don't get it." Vern told me. I shrugged innocently.

"So how _do_ you keep a Frenchman in suspense?" Teddy asked. Chris and I burst out laughing until Teddy punched both of us in the arm.

"That's stupid. It's not even a real joke." Teddy said.

"I still don't get it." Vern said, almost stopping in his tracks to think about what would really keep a Frenchman in suspense. We walked ahead of him trying not to grin.

"Hey, guys, wait up."

* * *

Home Ec. was a gas. Ms. Mayhew split us up into little groups to practice our lively "dinner conversation." Jane and I ended up sitting at a table with Myra Evans and two other girls with more body than sense.

"Remember, keep it light and gay, girls. Our husbands have had a hard day at work and we must try to help them relax by being charming and accessible while serving dinner." Ms. Mayhew said.

"Then they should have married the refrigerator." I muttered. Jane covered her mouth delicately, trying to disguise a smile.

"Take turns playing the part of the husband, girls. It's important to see things from _his_ perspective." Ms. Mayhew added.

Why anyone would ever hire Ms. Mayhew to teach a housekeeping class is beyond me. Not only was the woman _not_ married, but she was a firm believer in bathing without soap. It was a rough day in class whenever she lifted her arm to write notes on the chalkboard.

"Honey, have you seen the baked ham?" I asked Jane in a deep voice. Jane struggled to maintain her composure.

"It's on your plate darling. Now how was your day?" Jane asked in a sing-song voice. I smacked the table and growled like I'd seen my father do at dinner sometimes.

"Who cares about my day? You know I can't see a damn thing without my glasses." I said. Jane's eyes widened in shock as she dissolved into ripples of laughter.

Ms. Mayhew, on the other hand, was not so amused.

"Ms. Haines, I'm appalled at your language. This is an institution of learning. _Shame_ on you for losing control of that filthy mouth. If a husband heard his wife say that, he'd have every right to never come home again." She said.

At these words, I began to boil over with an anger I was unaware lurked within me. Ms. Mayhew was a stupid woman who didn't know what the hell she was saying. She had no right...

"Bull_shit_." I said with venom.

* * *

While my classmates in US History were getting together with their partners and discussing their term paper assignments, I was sitting outside of the Principal's office holding my bookbag in my lap.

Mr. McFarland had been on the phone with my mother and now it only remained to wait for her to come to the school herself. Perhaps I should have felt shame using such "uncouth" language, me being the fairer sex and all. But what was ever really _fair_?

I thought about Ace and Myra scooting their desks together, their knees touching. I bet he never would have taken his knife out in front of Myra. I bet he never would have threatened her, either. Ace was one scary son-of-a-bitch, I supposed.

I thought about what would happen to me if I got expelled. I could kiss college goodbye. I'd never get to write for a college newspaper, I'd never be discovered by someone like Vachel Lindsay, I'd never be able to write again...

I would have to marry someone like Kenny and spend all my time working on my charming dinner conversation.

I let my head fall against the bookbag in my lap. Gordie was going to be a great writer someday, Chris was sure as hell right about that. Would _I_?

"Cheer up, Diamond Doll. McFarley never throws the book at you the first time."

I dared to look up. Ace Merrill sat down beside me, tossing his US History book to the floor. He crumpled a piece of paper in his hand and shoved it into his pocket before leaning back.

"Why are you always following me?" I asked. Maybe he really was the Devil. El Diablo.

"Carter sent me here for a little chat with the Warden." He said.

"And I suppose this is all part of your plan to graduate?" I asked. I couldn't tell if I was being made a fool of, or not. Ace smiled playfully, as though he hadn't just blackmailed me into a disciplinary nightmare yesterday.

"It's a small detour. I had a problem with my partner." He said flippantly. I couldn't imagine what problems Ace could be having with Myra Evans. The girl was acing Home Ec. by just existing. She was born to be the woman behind the man.

"Besides, you're not exactly in a position to judge me." Ace said, giving me a pointed stare.

"I ran my mouth in class. Actually it was more of _what_ I said..." I don't know what possessed me to admit my sins to El Diablo, but I found myself sharing the words with him before I could stop.

"I know." He said. I felt my skin break into goosebumps.

"How? It just happened half an hour ago." I said in disbelif. Ace seemed to get a kick out of the fact that he knew something I didn't. This wasn't surprising.

"_Myra_ told me." He said, almost reluctantly.

Myra told him? I clenched my fists together and I could feel that weird burst of anger begin to rise inside me, like it had in Ms. Mayhew's class.

"I'll just _bet_ she has. You and half the school by now." I said bitterly. It turns out I didn't need Ace to help me ruin my life when I was doing a damn fine job of it by myself.

"It's taken care of." Ace said. He leaned his elbow against the back of his chair and looked away from me.

"Taken care of? What does that mean?" I asked. Ace shrugged lightly, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Don't worry about it." He said.

Before I was able to ask Ace anything else, the door to the Principal's office opened and Mr. McFarland came out wearing a deservedly haggard expression. He was a tall, thin man with a firm, but with a somewhat lenient countenance. I took this as a good sign.

"Ms. Haines, your mother is on her way. John Merrill, thought I'd seen the last of _you_ already." McFarland beckoned for Ace to come inside the office and despite feeling fear and rage at him for being such a bully, I found myself worried that maybe he'd screwed up his chances to graduate anyway. Why the hell I still cared about that, I didn't know. Ace had done nothing to me but harass me, and he'd beat the shit out of most of the people I cared about in town.

Ace strolled into the office like he was walking into Irby's, his face free of all anxiety. McFarland aged about ten years before he closed the door behind him.

I muttered a few quick hail Marys as though that would help Ace, and then I noticed that crumpled piece of paper he'd shoved in his pocket was now lying on the floor near my left foot. I grabbed it immediately and unwrapped it like a chocolate bar.

"_Threatened a student_." I read aloud. He threatened Myra? At least I'm not the only girl he hates, I thought.

I heard the familiar clack of my mother's heels and I looked up guiltily, shoving the paper in my bookbag and then tucking my hands in my lap. My mother was incensed. Her lips were drawn in a tight little line and she was not speaking. A very bad sign.

* * *

Ace had been right about first time infractions. McFarley didn't give me a lecture, like I'd expected. Instead, he told my mother and me just how sorry he was about our loss and that if he could do anything to help me adjust, to let him know.

It was my "get out of jail free" card from Monopoly. Thanks, Dad, for being "dead," I thought glumly.

I got into the car with my mother, who had only listened to the Principal and said a bare minimum during the conference. She gripped the wheel so tightly I could see her knuckles turning white. I couldn't remember if I'd ever seen her so furious.

I opened my mouth about a dozen times to apologize, but it never seemed like the safe thing to do.

Eventually, when Mom braked for the stoplight near Main Street, she seemed to collapse over the wheel and burst into tears.

I watched her in horror. Seeing your mother cry was like having God tell you he made a _mistake_. The world no longer made much sense.

"Mom..." I said, tentatively. I glanced up at the stoplight and was relieved to find it was still red. My mother wasn't paying much attention.

"Mama?" I said. I reached over to touch her shoulder but her head snapped up and she threw her foot to the gas, noticing the light was finally green. We lurched forward and I remember feeling really helpless. It's not ever supposed to be like this. Mommies are always infallible, with infinite wisdom and cuddles and always knowing the "right things" to say.

"Marlene...don't talk to me." My mother sobbed. It was such a foreign sound that if I closed my eyes I could picture it belonging to someone else. My mother never cried. I mean...I suppose she did. But it was something I had never seen before.

We rode the rest of the way home in silence, punctuated only by sniffles. I was too scared to cry.

We walked into the house as if we were walking into some weird place we'd never been before. Everything was the same, but it was as if everything was different, too. Like we'd walked into a different dimension on the other side of the universe where everything is in monochrome instead of bright color.

"Go to your room. I don't want to look at you." My mother said. Her voice was cold and frightening, and I watched her retreat into her bedroom.

But somehow, even pretending to myself that she might have been possessed by a shapeshifting alien come to take over the planet, I couldn't feel better about this. I couldn't imagine it away.


	15. A Perfect Gentleman on Wheels

I was in pretty big trouble, I guess. I couldn't ever remember my mother being so mad at me before.

I tried to read an Agatha Christie novel to take my mind off things. Miss Marple was up to her old tricks but even her tight-lipped, no-nonsense sleuthing did nothing to help cheer me up. I shoved the book aside and pulled my pillow over my face.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, waiting for my mother to come talk to me, to yell at me, anything...but she didn't. When 7pm rolled around, Mom didn't call me for dinner, either. I heard a quick knock on the door and was relieved to think Mom had simmered enough to face me, but when I opened it I found my dinner resting on a tray at my feet.

When Mom had said she didn't want to look at me, she _meant_ it.

When it was time for me to go to work, I wrestled with the decision for twenty minutes. To go or not to go? Mom didn't want to see me, and I didn't think that would change anytime soon. With a sigh, I assembled my pillows underneath my quilt to make it look like I was sleeping, and then turned off the light.

* * *

"You look rough. You break up with your boyfriend?" Vic asked me as soon as I entered the Soda Shoppe.

"Leave her alone, Vic." Pop said. He immediately pointed me to some dishes and I went to work. It was nice to be able to keep my hands busy, and to calm the hum of thoughts going through my head.

I worked the rest of the night without talking, almost in penance, and I was grateful that Pop seemed to respect my silence. As soon as Vic left, the two of us carried on not talking until it was time to close up. I almost hated to go.

I was too depressed to go home. I didn't want to lie awake all night with my thoughts.

I glanced at the bench, fully expecting Ace to be sitting there making some snide comment. But the bench was empty, and I couldn't explain how disappointed I felt because he wasn't there.

My feet felt incredibly heavy but I headed toward home anyway. Main Street was incredibly dark, and terribly lonely.

Normally I'd let myself get deliciously scared at the shadows creeping across the ground, and I'd jump at every noise. Tonight there was no fear. The Boogeyman himself could have leaped out from behind a tree and I wouldn't have had the heart to even scream.

And maybe taking that thought as a challenge, the great Gods of Fear sent the Boogeyman to make me believe again. I began to hear a pair of heavy, shuffling footsteps behind me. The scuffing sounds on the sidewalk made me think the guy was really old, or walked funny. It was a little slow and uneven.

I cast a look over my shoulder. No, it wasn't the Boogeyman. But it was a big guy, all right. A big guy wearing overalls and a filthy plaid shirt on top.

Maybe I should have been afraid. I'd have no chance of escaping if the guy ever got his big, grubby hands on me. But his slow shuffle reminded me that I could easily outrun him long before he could ever catch me. At any rate, we were obviously going in the same direction.

Unconsciously I quickened my pace. In Chicago I never really had to worry, because enough people partied and caroused until the early morning. There was safety in numbers, and safety in civilization. As long as I kept to the main streets and made myself as innocuous as possible, I never had any trouble.

But sometimes...you can tell something isn't right.

Goosebumps broke out on the back of my neck even though I was getting farther and farther away from the stranger.

I made the mistake of checking behind me before I had made it to the curb. I caught a quick flash of the guy shuffling along and then I was staring at the night sky. My ankle was burning and I'm pretty sure my heart had completely stopped.

"Are you all right, there, darlin'?" I heard a soothing voice call. It didn't match the kind of sound I had expected would come out of Mr. Tall Muscled Cripple. And it was the worst thing in the world to try and get up, only to have my ankle give way every time. Mr. Tall would _have_ to help me.

I braced myself and sat up straight, getting a good look at the man behind me.

"You had quite a fall." He said. I noticed his baseball cap read USS Manderlay. He stretched out a thick hand to help me up and I was quite weirded out to see that up close, he looked very non-threatening. Blue eyes, a very warm smile with two rows of nice teeth, and a face that had probably broken a few hearts some twenty years back.

But even so, the hairs on the back of my neck were still standing straight up.

"I guess I'm a little tired." I said. I took the man's hand and he lifted me quite easily, holding onto my shoulder to help my balance. My ankle was still pretty stubborn about being stood on, but I was ready to crawl all the way home if I could just get this guy to leave me alone.

"It's awfully late for a little girl to be out, don't ya think?" He said. I nodded, my sense of discomfort increasing. Mr. Tall hadn't let me go, and there wasn't jack I could do about it.

"I'm just...getting off work." I said. I hoped he wouldn't ask me where I worked. I never wanted to see him again. The man smiled, and maybe if we had met in the daytime and my mother was next to me, I would have thought he was a nice local in his fifties with an old war injury.

"Where's your Momma and Daddy? Ain't they gonna pick you up?" Mr. Tall asked. He glanced around to make sure we were really alone. I noticed with a dismal feeling of dread that we were _quite_ alone. Only the streetlights were keeping us company.

"Uh, yeah. I got off a little early." I said. He chuckled and I'll be honest, it was like human music. His voice was something straight off the radio. But in the moonlight, all by myself like this...I wouldn't have even been happy to see Elvis Presley.

"Do you want me to wait with you until they get here? It's not safe for you all alone." He said. He flashed that 'you can trust me' smile and I shook my head with vehemence.

"Oh, no that's all right, Sir. Thank you anyway." I said. The words tumbled out of me like my mouth was on fire.

Mr. Tall smiled at me, his eyes twinkling in an odd way. Then he looked at me as if he had just figured something out.

"You're new in town. I recognize you. I've seen your Mama over at Brownie's Market." He said.

"Yes...we, we just moved here." I said.

"You look a lot like her. You're both prettier than Rita Hayworth." He told me in velvet-laced tones. I shuddered in my sneakers. Fancy meeting a man on a dark night like this, hearing him compliment you on how pretty you are and offering to take you home.

I stood staring at him, wondering where the next generation of kids would find _my_ body. At length, Mr. Tall patted me on the shoulder.

"All right. I'm sure you know your own mind. But stop by "The Emporium Galorium" anytime you want and give old Reggie a holler." He said. I nearly cried with relief as I saw him shuffle away down the street to the right.

The rest of the way home I barely felt the twisted ankle.

* * *

"You okay, Marley?" Gordie asked. I was walking down the street with a bit of a shuffle myself. The ankle was pretty swollen, but at least it was attached to a live body.

"Sure." I said. My mother hadn't spoken to me this morning. She shoved a plate of toast in front of me and that was the entire extent of our interaction.

By the time Chris and the rest of the guys had joined us, I'd managed to overcome my limp.

"Does anyone else keep thinking about the game this weekend?" Teddy asked.

"You mean the Dodgers?" Vern said.

"No, I mean _our_ game. From Saturday. The one that Crybaby Joey ruined." Teddy replied smartly.

"What about it?" Chris asked. Teddy sighed like everyone else around him was a complete wet end.

"I mean we should finish it." He said.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Gordie said.

"Why the hell not?" Teddy wondered.

"Crybaby Joey won't play her no more. Sincerely." Vern said, referring to me. I rolled my eyes.

"Then let's get somebody else." Teddy said.

"Has anyone ever been to the "Emporium Galorium" place?" I asked. The rest of the guys nodded in boredom. It was some dumb junk shop in town, no biggie. Chris, however, looked at me warily.

"Reggie Merrill runs the place. But I wouldn't touch him with a 10ft pole. My ol' man got into hock with him when he lost at the dog track." Chris said.

"Reggie _Merrill_?" I repeated the name. Chris didn't answer, and the subject was more or less closed.

"Who else can we get, then?" Teddy asked.

"Stinky Fiske?" Vern suggested. Teddy made a gagging noise.

"I ain't playin' with no Stinky Fiske." Teddy said.

All through school I felt like I was wearing a bullseye on my back. Ms. Mayhew separated me from the rest of the class and had me copying from an Emily Post column. If that didn't make me a lady, she'd said, nothing else would.

Even Mr. Carter seemed a little appalled, like he never knew the shy Catholic school girl in the front row could ever swear.

Frankie Dodd hadn't changed a bit, however, and he handed me a list of prospective "great" Americans he had put together. Eisenhower, Clarence Darrow, Helen Keller, Albert Einstein (with Mr. Carter's approval), Babe Ruth, etc. The usual suspects from the American hero grab bag.

"Edgar Allan Poe?" I murmured in surprise. He wasn't my favorite author, but I remember reading "The Premature Burial" and not being able to sleep for two days for fear of waking up in a box underground. I just couldn't afford for him to be my favorite author.

"Nice choice with Halloween right around the corner." Frankie said. While Frankie was telling me about his love for gothic narratives, I sneaked a peek over at Ace. It was obvious he and Myra weren't partners anymore, and I could tell that Mr. Carter didn't exactly know what to do about it.

Before I could lose my nerve I raised my hand until Mr. Carter called on me. Believe me when I say I was thinking _only_ about minimizing my workload when I had the idea.

"Yes, Ms. Haines." Carter said, a little unsure. It wasn't like I was going to just say "bullshit" all the time.

"John can join our group so he doesn't have to work by himself." I said. I avoided looking Ace directly in the eye as Mr. Carter gave a heavy sigh of resignation.

"Fine, fine." He said. Ace was wearing his smart-ass grin.

* * *

It took me a little longer to leave school. My ankle was extremely sore at this point, and by the time I exited the building, most of my classmates had already scratched gravel.

I struggled to carry my bookbag across my shoulders, but I noticed a familiar '52 Ford circling the road in front of the school and turning around. I shielded my eyes as I watched Ace pull up in front of me, opening the passenger door.

"Take a load off." He said. I didn't even have to think twice. I slipped into the car beside him, taking care with my ankle.

"So what'd you do?" Ace asked. He was chewing on a toothpick like it was a piece of gum.

"I fell off the curb last night." I said. Ace laughed a quick, derisive laugh and glanced at me smugly.

"I guess all the money in the world can't make you graceful." He said. And if I hadn't been thinking about Reggie Merrill, I might have taken the time to be offended.

"Just be grateful Mr. Carter didn't make you get back with Myra. Unless you'd rather be _her_ partner." I said. Ace scowled.

"That bitch has a pretty big mouth." He said angrily. Then he glanced over at me and his face softened slightly.

"But nobody's got a bigger mouth than you, Doll." He said, teasingly. I felt myself begin to flush and I turned away. It wasn't even a compliment and I was blushing like an idiot.

"So how come you're giving me a ride?" I asked. He gazed at my ankle and then back up to my face.

"Oh. I didn't think it was that obvious." I said. Ace scoffed.

We sat in silence for a few minutes and I tried to work up the nerve to drop Reggie Merrill's name into conversation. I didn't want to make him mad but the curiosity was driving me crazy.

"You've got that look again." Ace said. I blinked and tried to clear my face of emotion.

"What look?" I asked.

"That face where you just gotta know every goddamn thing under the sun." He replied.

"As long as you're asking...um, who's Reggie Merrill?" I wondered. I could see Ace tense up, his jaw tightening in a fierce way. He didn't look at me and he wasn't about to give me an answer.

"You see, I met him last night. He helped me up after I fell, told me I was prettier than Rita Hayworth, and then asked me to come visit him at his shop sometime." I said, in a nutshell. Ace's fingers tightened around the wheel.

"He seemed to know who I am." I added.

"You alone? Just you and him?" Ace looked at me intensely.

"Yeah." I said, even though it made me nervous to do so. Ace had that wild look in his eye similar to the one I'd seen on the playground.

"That ain't a good idea, Doll. My Uncle's the Devil, himself." He said. I let out a chuckle.

"Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you." I said with a smile. Ace was not amused.

"Do me a favor and stay away from him." He said. I found that ironic coming from Ace considering everyone else had told me that _he_ was the one to worry about. I smirked and suppressed the urge to laugh again.

"You think it's a fucking joke?" Ace snapped. I sobered up and shook my head.

We stayed quiet until we turned onto Gerry Street and in a few minutes we were approaching my house. Even though Ace hadn't told me everything I wanted to know, he definitely told me a lot more than expected. When Ace stopped on the edge of my driveway, he turned off the ignition and got out.

My jaw fell open as Ace opened my door for me and offered me his arm. He helped me to the door while I held onto the crook of his elbow, my bookbag slung over his shoulder. Nobody would've believed it in a million years, and I'm pretty sure Ace wouldn't want any rumors spreading about it, either.

He handed me my satchel and smiled wolfishly. I should have known he always had a reason for everything he did.

"Hold on." He said, running back to his car. I saw him fishing for something in his backseat and he withdrew a substantial pile of papers and four textbooks, carrying them to me and depositing them in my arms.

"And don't use too many of them 75 dollar words, huh, Doll?" He added with a smile. I watched him go back to his car in disbelief.

I had been touched by his gestures, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that there was a bottom line.

"Seriously?!" I yelled after him as he drove away.


	16. Day of Reckoning

I spent the afternoon at my desk finishing my own homework, and chipping away at the mound of homework Ace had dumped on me. My mother was still giving me the cold shoulder, and the house wasn't as warm and cozy as it had been.

I missed her meddling and manipulative tactics.

Ace hadn't bothered to take many notes, but what he did write was a lot neater than I thought it would be. I had the feeling Ace could do pretty well for himself if he actually tried.

I heard a gentle knocking on the door and I immediately dropped my pencil and ran to open it.

"Sweetheart, I'd like to talk to you." My mom was at the door wearing a sympathetic expression, the oasis I had been longing to see ever since I'd entered the deserts of bad behavior.

My mother led me to the kitchen, putting her arm around my shoulder.

"What would possess you to say that _word_?" Mom asked. I knew she would lose her mind if she heard the way I talked around Gordie and the rest of the guys. I shrugged innocently.

"I...I'd heard it in class." I said. I was trying to play the "I have no idea what I said" card. I didn't want her to know about my getting angry at Ms. Mayhew for the stupid things she said. Ms. Mayhew was the kind of woman who would think it was all my mother's fault that Dad left.

"Your teacher seemed to think you were awfully familiar with saying it." Mom said.

We sat down at the kitchen table and I stared at my lap without knowing what to say.

"Listen, baby, I know you're a good kid. I'd like to think this sort of thing isn't going to happen again." Mom added, stroking my hair gently. The sudden change in her spirits didn't phase me in the slightest.

That was always how it was with Mom. She was either your best friend or your worst enemy, hardly anything in between. It wasn't until sometime in the 80s that my mother was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

"It won't. I promise." I assured her. My mother nodded, smiling.

"To make sure it doesn't happen again, you realize you're going to have to be punished, don't you?" Mom asked.

"Yeah..." I said. Mom never gave out typical punishments. She knew how to hit where it really hurt.

"Jane is coming to _our_ house this Friday to sleep over. Her mother and I already talked about it, and we're going to have a party with goodies, and Jane's going to bring a few friends...oh, won't it be wonderful?" Mom exclaimed.

Some moments in life are categorized by a snapshot of fear. This moment deserved an entire roll of film.

I could see a handful of teenage girls amid a mass of sleeping bags in my room, squealing and having pillow fights with each other over Bobby Rydell. Curlers and lipstick and giggles and pins.

"Can't we talk about this? How about just Jane?" I said. I felt like I was trying to talk some sense into a crazy person with a gun. 'Hand it over, pal, we can work things out...'

"Nonsense. This is long overdue. I should have made you plan this the first week of school." Mom said, getting to her feet.

Thinking she was done with me, I rose and prepared to go back to my room for more homework.

"Oh, sweetie? One more thing." Mom added. She motioned for me to come over to the sink beside her and I figured it was to help with the dishes. When she squirted a handful of dish soap on her hand and told me to open my mouth, I figured there was one extra step to my punishment.

"If I ever catch you saying anything else like that again, it's a spanking. I don't care if you _are_ 17, little missy." My mother said as she scrubbed the surface of my tongue with the soap.

* * *

The lies were getting to be a habit with me.

Instead of asking my mom if I could study with "Clarence," I went ahead and did the same thing I had done the night before. I stuffed a bunch of pillows under the covers to make it look like I was in bed asleep.

Then, I sneaked out through my bedroom window.

It wasn't like I was spending the night at Irby's getting drunk. I was working at the Soda Shoppe. I realized that I liked having money, even if I never spent it.

It was starting to get dark earlier, and even though my encounter with Reggie Merrill was still fresh on my mind, I felt better knowing who he was. Ace told me to stay away from him, and if possible, I would do just that.

Pop and I were the only ones working that night. I was pretty glad overall because Vic, hopeless as he was, seemed to understand a lot more boy-girl stuff than I did. I was getting pretty tired of him talking about Ace and Bev.

As I wiped down the tables, Pop gave a low whistle as he glanced through the glass windows.

"If _he_ keeps comin' around here, people are going to start to wonder about you." Pop muttered.

Ace was back at the bench and I began to wonder why he couldn't have been there the last night. Reggie Merrill wouldn't recognize my face.

"He's just a friend." I replied. And then I stopped myself. Since when had Ace become my friend? I remember Chris told me once that a friend ain't no friend if he drags you down. Ace wasn't exactly uplifting.

"A friend? That greaser?" Pop said incredulously. I didn't really know how to respond to him, because I myself had no idea how to define Ace Merrill in easy 1-2-3 terms like friend, enemy, good, evil.

I focused on wiping tables and hoped Pop wouldn't give me the third degree. I wish.

"Look, I'm not your Daddy, but I'm gonna give you a piece of solid advice: watch out for that kid. He's a good-for-nothing just like his old man." Pop said.

When Pop closed up, he gave me one last warning look and headed toward his car down the street. I didn't know much about Ace Merrill, and I certainly didn't know anything about his family, either.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. Ace had a cigarette dangling between his lips as he gave a slight shrug.

"Taking you home." He said, as if we'd had an arranged carpool. I thought about what Pop had said, and I hesitated.

"My ankle is better now. It's no problem." I replied. Even with the threat of Reggie Merrill permeating in the dark shadows of night, I reminded myself that Ace was no boy scout, and certainly no knight on a white horse.

"I ain't offering. I'm telling you." Ace said. My nostrils flared and I'm half-sure smoke was coming out of my ears.

"I don't take orders, either, pal." I said. I walked away, taking big angry steps. Ace grabbed my elbow and pulled me back with an annoyed look on his face. He guided me over to his car and opened the passenger side door.

"Bev Thomas might enjoy this, but I really don't." I snapped at him. Ace gave me an exasperated sigh and shook his head, closing my door. When Ace climbed into the driver's seat, I was as far away from him as I could manage.

It wasn't until he'd started the engine that I realized how my comment must have sounded. That was exactly the sort of thing a jealous girlfriend would say. I smacked myself in the face twice while my head was turned the other way.

Ace knew I was wrestling with myself...he _had_ to have known. He spent the whole way back to my house smirking quietly.

He stopped the car a little farther away from my driveway this time, and as soon as he stopped, he looked at me strangely. Then he leaned over me slowly and for a second I thought he was going to try to kiss me. I pushed back farther into the seat and nearly died of fright.

Instead of kissing me, though, Ace was merely leaning over me to open my door. His face was pretty close to mine and I thought with regret how someone so handsome could behave like such a bully.

Ace grinned at me and pulled away, sitting upright in the driver's seat. He had more nerve than a fox in a hen-house.

"You almost look cute when you pout." He said. He pulled the carton of cigarettes from his sleeve and put another one in his mouth. I frowned even deeper and hopped out of the car like it was a sinking ship.

"Go to hell." I said, before closing the door behind me.

* * *

The next morning Teddy was still going on about finishing the game. With Gordie's hand wrapped up and Chris still wearing a sling on his arm, a second game sounded pretty stupid. The first time was more of a novelty...a farewell to baseball until the spring of 1960.

"No, Teddy." Chris said.

"Come on, man. We have to finish the game." Teddy exclaimed.

"Hey, Marley, are you going to watch that show this Friday?" Gordie asked me, changing topics. I had nearly forgotten about it.

"Oh, sure! The Twilight Zone?" Vern asked. Gordie and I nodded. We had talked about it and we both agreed it sounded great, but I doubted any of my slumber party guests would want to watch a show about the "fifth dimension," as the promos described it.

"Probably not. My mom invited a bunch of girls to my house." I said.

"You hang out with girls, Marley?" Vern asked in disbelief. I shrugged.

"Sure. I _am_ one, I think." I replied to him in a teasing way. The joke went right over his head, though, and he probably spent a few good minutes wondering why I didn't know whether or not I was a girl.

"I'll tell you what happens if you don't catch it on tv." Gordie offered. I nodded glumly. I had forgotten about the premiere, and I realized that my punishment for mouthing off in class was a "gift" that kept on giving. More like a curse, really. Girls coming to my house, missing the first episode of Twilight Zone...

"Teddy, you still up for that ballgame on Friday after school?" I asked. Teddy grinned.

"Now if we can get the rest of these pussies on board, we're all set!" He said. Chris looked a little distressed and at first I thought it was because of his arm. Gordie gave me a look and I knew it was something else.

"_I'm_ not a pussy. I said I'd play." Vern insisted.

"Whatever, Teddy." Gordie said.

"What are we gonna do about a fifth? If we can't get Joey..." Vern thought out loud. Chris was walking way up ahead of us and Teddy was rushing to catch up to him and browbeat him into joining Friday's game. I nudged Gordie.

"What's with Chris?" I asked. Gordie glanced ahead of us at Chris, his brown eyes flickering with sympathy.

"Algebra." Gordie said seriously. If it hadn't been for the dire look on Gordie's face, I would have smiled. But something told me this wasn't a very lighthearted situation.

"Lots of people think Algebra is hard." I said. Gordie shook his head emphatically.

"It's really hard when you've gotta relearn everything else." Gordie told me in a quiet voice.

I gazed at Chris up ahead of us and bit my lip. If I had known he had other things on his mind, I would have kept my mouth shut about the game. My mouth was getting me into all sorts of trouble, these days.

"If he needs help with his homework, I don't mind giving him a hand." I said. Gordie shrugged.

"You can ask him. You sure your Mom won't mind?" Gordie wondered.

"If I can figure out how to help Ace graduate, I can help Chris study Algebra." I said. As soon as I realized what I had done, I stopped in my tracks. I had broken one of the cardinal rules of our arrangement.

Gordie stopped and fixed me with a harsh stare.

"What?" He asked. His glare was sharp enough to make my toes curl. I went from biting my lip to nearly swallowing it.

"You're helping that asshole?" Gordie nearly yelled. It was loud enough to attract the attention of the others.

"He's got some dirt on me. What should I have done?" I asked, feeling somewhat defensive about my decision. I lived nearly every moment kicking myself over what Ace had done and the fact that I was even associated with him.

"So you did trade with him." Gordie said in disgust.

"I had no choice. You think I wanted to do it?" I replied, resisting the urge to scream. It had been weighing on me, this thing with Ace, for a multitude of reasons.

"I don't know. Did you?" Gordie asked. His tone was cold and awful. I shook my head and hoped he would believe me.

"No. I told him no, but..." I began. I thought about telling Gordie that Ace had pulled a knife on me, but I couldn't. I just couldn't form the words. I grew scared to think that I was actually protecting the guy. For what?

"We told you to leave him alone, didn't we?" Gordie snapped. I froze in the face of Gordie's anger. I hadn't seen it before, and it looked positively scary on a kid who hardly ever smiled. When I didn't answer, Gordie shook his head and kept on walking.

The rest of the guys had been standing a little behind us, respecting the severity of our conversation by staying quiet. I figured they would all hate me now, no matter my reasons. But Chris actually stayed behind with me while the others went on, giving me furtive glances.

"He won't stay mad, forever, you know." Chris said. We walked side by side, our shoulders sometimes bumping each other.

"I'm surprised _you're_ not mad. I just turned traitor. A real Benedict Arnold." I said.

"You said you had no choice. Ace has that effect on people." He said without a hint of bitterness. It was almost as if he hadn't faced down the Cobras and risked life and limb. I know for sure I wouldn't have been nearly so forgiving in the same circumstances.

"You're pretty incredible, Chambers, you know that?" I told him.

"So the ladies tell me." Chris said. I laughed and it felt good to relieve the tension, but I couldn't shake how mad Gordie had been.

The two of us kept on walking together quietly and we could see Mablevale come into view around the bend. I could tell the bell had already rung because no kids were in sight except for the stragglers. Chris and I would be late getting to class.

"How come he got so mad?" I asked. It was sort of rhetorical, because I didn't expect Chris to always have the answer. But he surprised me again.

"He's changing. He ain't so afraid to speak his mind, anymore." Chris said. I could hear a touch of admiration in his voice, or maybe it was pride. Either way, I was led to believe this was a good thing, all betrayal aside.

"Listen, I hope you don't mind, but he told me about Algebra." I said as we finally made it to the quad. Chris hung his head slightly.

"It's no big deal, Marley."

"I know how hard you've been trying, man. You've been so serious lately, I figured something was up." I admitted. Chris avoided looking into my face but he nodded absently, slowly.

"I'll be at the Soda Shoppe after school today if you want to study with me." I said. I held my hand out with a smile, and waited for Chris to slide his palm over mine. I slid mine over his and we gave each other a final nod before we parted ways toward separate ends of the school.

Before he slipped out of sight, I turned around and gave him one last holler.

"Hey, remember: Chris Chambers never misses!" I said.


	17. You Do The Math

Over a vanilla milkshake at the Soda Shoppe I glanced at Chris' homework. He and his class were working on quadratic equations and polynomials.

"First of all, you have to memorize the formulas. If you can't sing this shit in the shower, it won't work." I said. Chris stared out of the window into the bright sunshine of a lovely Thursday afternoon. The leaves were on the cusp of changing colors into bright orange and gold. Truth be told, anything was more fascinating than Algebra.

"To work polynomials, I had a teacher tell me to use the word FOIL to remember the order of solving. So in an equation like (x-1)(x+3), you solve the first numbers in each parentheses, then the outside, the inside, and the ends. So it would come out to be x^2+2x-3." I said. Chris looked at me as if I'd sprouted a second head.

"What's the matter?" I asked. Chris had pushed aside an order of fries and stared down at the table. Chris must have been screwing around for years to be this behind.

"Yeah, I guess I'd be a real asshole to try takin' honors classes with Gordie next year, huh?" Chris said, as if reading my thoughts. I stared at Chris with admiration and realized that he would probably work hard to bridge the gap if he had sufficient help. Then I thought about Ace, who didn't want to lift a finger no matter who helped him.

"You're full of it, Chambers. Algebra's no big deal, and the two of us are going to stay right here in this booth until these polynomials are a fucking breeze, you get me?" I said with determination. I figured Gordie had been spending a lot of his free time giving Chris a hand as well, and the more help Chris could get, the better.

Chris was smart, but he'd been lazy. After dancing to the piper's tune for years, now it was time to pay up or shut up.

"It ain't no use. I know I can't get this stuff. Even if I did, what good would it do? None of the teachers are gonna let me set foot in those honors classes. Not after what happened." Chris muttered.

"What happened?" I wondered. Chris hesitated, his face twisted into a painful grimace.

"Look, you don't have to tell me. It's none of my business, I know. I just...I can't imagine that anything would stop you from learning this if you wanted to." I said. I glanced back down at the polynomials and wondered what I could say to Chris. He needed a big shot of confidence.

"I had trouble with math, too, you know." I said. I took a piece of scratch paper and started to draw my secret weapon.

"Everything was so easy for me. But algebra? Forget it. I didn't take to it right away, so I stopped trying completely." I said. Then I slid the scratch paper over to Chris and he glanced at it with a confused smile.

"That's the Algebeater, or Al. I drew a superhero in the margins of my notebook when I got bored in algebra class." I took a pencil and began to draw something else on the paper as Chris watched.

"When Sister Gilbert saw it, I thought I'd get the paddle for sure. But she thought it was a great idea. She told me to use Al in order to remember the formulas and stuff. So I did. And it helped." I said, looking up at Chris. He was trying not to laugh, but I wasn't offended.

"See this guy, here? That's the mysterious Mister X. Algebra is mostly about solving for x, so who better to be the Algebeater's arch-nemesis?"

"And this stuff helped you?" Chris asked skeptically. I began to draw a few panels, trying to incorporate polynomials as the evil minions in Mister X's evil "top secret" organization. I got a little carried away, but I think things were beginning to click with Chris. It was a "semantic application of esoteric numbers," as Sister Gilbert would say. The Algebeater FOILed the polynomi-nions.

"Yeah. It made everything fun. And then when I understood it, and things clicked...I didn't need Al so much anymore." I said.

Abandoning my vanilla milkshake, I went over to the other side of the booth and slid in beside Chris. For the next hour, I worked with him on polynomials using my comic strip as an anchor. Eventually Chris loosened up and when he got a few problems right, he actually started to enjoy himself.

"Mrs. Schenck don't teach it this way." Chris said with a laugh.

"There's more than one way to skin a cat." I replied. I was looking over Chris' shoulder as he finished the rest of the homework problems on his own. He was really getting the hang of it and while I was proud and relieved, I also realized that in another day or so, there'd be something else. Like linear equations and finding the slope. We'd have to do it all over again.

"You know...you don't have to help me, Marley. I mean, it's great and all, but -" Chris began, seeing the look on my face.

"It's no problem, really. I should be glad I get to stretch my brain again." I said emphatically. Between Home Economics, Typing, and Health class, all of my classes were a bore that were geared toward me becoming a successful wife, mother, or secretary.

"You're pretty good at this, Marley. You should be a teacher or something." Chris said, finishing up his last problem.

"That's a good one, Chambers. But I'll leave the babysitting to the professionals, I think." I said with a grin.

"No, I'm serious. You'd be a good teacher." Chris said, staring at me to make sure I knew he wasn't joking. It was one of the things I appreciated the most about Chris. He could always find the best qualities in his friends, and since he was one of the most sincere people I'd ever met in my life, a compliment from Chris really meant something.

"I don't have the patience. Or didn't you hear that I cussed out a teacher the other day?" I said, not entirely comfortable with the idea of being a teacher. Chris let out a loud laugh and pushed my shoulder with his free arm.

"No shit. What happened?" Chris asked. I guess my mother wasn't the only one who thought I wore a halo to school. I ended up telling Chris the entire story, conveniently leaving out the reason for my colossal meltdown. He seemed impressed, but he made a show of brushing it off for fun.

"Ah, that ain't nothin' special, Haines." He said jokingly. I slid my vanilla milkshake over to our side of the booth and stirred it, finding it mostly melted.

"Sure. I bet Chambers has a million stories better than that one." I said, laughing. Chris smiled and reached over to get a french fry from his basket. I noticed a horrible purplish black bruise on the back of his arm and inhaled sharply.

"Jeez, Chris." I said. He whipped his arm back quickly, abandoning his fries. He shot me an anxious look and tried to smile.

"Yeah, musta happened when Eyeball beat the shit out of me." Chris explained.

"That was two weeks ago." I said. Any bruises that the boys had gotten that Saturday night were either gone, or turning green and yellow - a sure sign of being nearly healed. This bruise looked pretty damn fresh.

"Just drop it, Marley, okay?" Chris said, using a sharp voice with me for the first time. I shut up immediately.

"Sorry, man." I said.

I glanced at the clock over the counter and figured I needed to get home pretty soon anyway. I had two more sets of homework to do before Pop needed me back around 7. I started to get my books together and shove them into my bookbag, but Chris grabbed onto my hand before I could slide out of the booth.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Marley." Chris said, his eyes growing thick with emotion. It was a Chris I hadn't seen yet.

"No worries, pal. It's none of my business." I said, patting Chris on the shoulder. But he kept holding on to me, like he was working up the nerve to say something else.

"About the thing at school..." Chris began. He started telling me about Old Lady Simons and giving back the milk money, getting suspended, fulfilling the so-called "Chambers' Destiny." There wasn't a body in this town who didn't think that anyone named Chambers wasn't an absolute, good-for-nothing piece of shit.

I still don't know why he told me then. We were working on math, I saw a bruise on his arm, and...things just happened. Even if Chris never came right out and said it, I knew Eyeball wasn't the only one whaling on him at home. I felt a rush of helplessness just thinking about it. Gordie probably did too. It was a lot easier for grown-ups to look the other way than risk getting involved.

I finished getting my stuff together and waved at Pop Trenton over the counter. Then Chris and I left the Soda Shoppe.

* * *

Chris and I had already passed the Suds Laundromat when I realized that I'd left my notebook back in the booth. Chris had to get on home, so we decided to say our 'see-yas.'

"Catch you tomorrow at the rematch, Haines." Chris said. I blinked and remembered that Gordie was still pissed with me.

"Think Gordie's gonna be there?" I asked, a little afraid to hear the answer. Chris gave me a reassuring smile.

"He'll come around." Chris said.

We parted ways and I rushed back to Pop's, grabbing my notebook and flying out of the Soda Shoppe like a bat out of hell. If the fates had been kinder, I would have been faster, or much slower. Because at the same time I was leaving the Soda Shoppe again, Ace Merrill and Beverly Thomas were walking into Irby's Billiards, arm in arm.

Or rather, Beverly had her hooks into Ace's arm and was all over him like white on rice.

Neither of them noticed me, even though I had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and was staring with my mouth hanging open. And maybe there was a part of me that was an absolute glutton for punishment, because I crept closer and looked at them through the windows.

Through some chips in the old paint I could see Bev leaning against one of the pool tables, thrusting her breasts out like she was at a Miss America pageant. Ace looked like he was enjoying the attention, though. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and offered it to Bev, who accepted it like it was an engagement ring or something. I ground my teeth together, but I just couldn't make myself look away.

As Ace racked up the pool balls, Bev leaned over with him and whispered something into his ear. I could have sworn she nibbled on him, but I think my imagination was going haywire. Ace made his first shot and got three balls in the pockets. To reward him, Bev wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. It was the only time in my life I could ever relate to that expression: "seeing red."

With a girl and a pool cue in one hand, and a beer in the other, I left Ace Merrill to his own personal heaven.

"Why the hell should I even care? He can do what he wants." I mumbled to myself as I walked away from Irby's. This thought began to cheer me up considerably because if Ace could do whatever he wanted, then there was nothing stopping me from doing what _I_ wanted.

And what I wanted was to go take a look at "The Emporium Galorium." Ace be damned.

* * *

It wasn't hard to find out where the place was, since it was in the opposite direction from Pop's and Irby's and Suds Laundromat. "The Emporium Galorium" was on Lower Main Street in the downtown area of Castle Rock.

It wasn't a sprawling metropolis like what I usually picture a 'downtown' area to be, but it definitely looked like Castle Rock's answer to Harlem. And "The Emporium Galorium" was in the grungiest part.

A little bell sounded when I opened the door. The place was empty except for odds and ends. Old record players, costume jewelry, ratty books, baseball cards, and a funny looking unicycle in the corner. It seemed like a pawn shop, but all the signs around the store indicated that it was a repair shop for various appliances. Cameras, clocks, kitchen stuff.

In a place like Castle Rock, I was amazed that a place like this could survive. But I remembered what Chris had said about his dad and the dog track and I had a hunch that the repairs were just a front for other stuff.

"Hello, there." Reggie called to me as he came from the back room. Still in a pair of overalls but a different plaid shirt, Reggie walked over to me with the odd, slow shuffle. This was pretty weird because looking at him in the daytime, he seemed pretty built for an old guy with no visible deficiencies.

"Hi, Mr..." I felt uncomfortable just calling him Reggie, but he laughed and shook his head.

"None of that mister stuff. I want you to call me Reggie." He said. Then he glanced around the shop and turned back to me expectantly.

"So what do you think?" He asked. I nodded politely. It certainly was something.

"Not bad, Mr. Reggie. But if you don't mind my asking, where's the action around here?" I said.

"I don't follow, darlin.'" Reggie said innocently. I thought about how to rephrase.

"I'm not talking about Father Bingham's Bingo Night at the church." I added. In her free time, my mother had been volunteering to pull the numbers at 'Our Lady of Serene Waters.' Reggie smiled at me sneakily, glancing me up and down to be sure I was on the level.

"You wasn't born yesterday, was you?" He asked with a chuckle.

I had been to Arlington Park once or twice and had gotten people older than me to place bets on a few horses. Even using all the "sure-fire" methods, I had never been able to pick a winner. It didn't stop me from having a ball, though.

"I think you're a little too young, but if you really want a piece of pie, I can let you make a few arrangements through me." Reggie said. To this I frowned because any time I'd heard about the 'middle man' in a gambling situation, said 'middle man' was usually a cheat. At the Park I had always been at the ticket booth to witness my own bets.

"I don't mess with loan sharks." I told him warily. Maybe I shouldn't have called him a loan shark, but it was safer than calling him a hustler to his face. Reggie put on an exaggeratedly wounded face.

"I'm a little hurt, hon. I ain't never cheated a man in my life. Not even when he had it coming." Reggie said. My lie radar went off with flashing lights. This guy was a real piece of work. I suddenly found myself wondering what I was even doing here, or what I had hoped to accomplish by stopping by.

"Listen, I had a tip from Bill Kennedy the other day about the stock-car races over at Oxford Plains. You know Bill? He works over at the Billiards." Reggie said. I shrugged. No, I didn't know Bill, and no I hadn't really been into Irby's for anything other than to give his nephew a good tongue lashing. And it was clear that Beverly Thomas was much better at that sort of thing than I was.

"Anyway, I've got a stats sheet if you wanna take a look at the odds." Reggie said. His eyes were flashing with excitement and it suddenly made sense why Ace and Chris had warned me away. This guy was pretty slick, especially for Castle Rock.

"Actually, I don't really have a lot of money. I mainly just came to look around." I said. I hadn't promised him anything, but I was beginning to panic like we'd already made a contract between us. Reggie's eyes were downright scary, and I instantly noticed the family resemblance.

"You've got a job, ain't you? And, uh...if money's an issue, I can lend you some to start you off." Reggie purred. If I was a true gambler at heart, then all of this would have started to sound real good to me. I shook my head firmly.

"Only ten percent interest. And that's a deal, let me tell you." Reggie added.

"Sorry, Reggie. I'm trying to keep clean so I can get into college." I said. I didn't plan to drop college into the conversation, but I felt like that was the best excuse I had. Reggie looked at me and laughed.

"College girl? You gotta rich daddy?" Reggie asked. I was a little surprised that the Castle Rock rumor mill hadn't yet reached his ears. My mother was playing the part of the poor, beautiful widow with a hefty inheritance. It was amazing she hadn't been hounded for a date, yet.

"Not...really." I said with reluctance. It was the worst thing I could have said.

"How do you expect to pay for them classes and fancy-ass books?" Reggie said. For a split second I really did consider asking for that stats page, even at the ten percent interest rate. But people like Reggie Merrill were gifted at putting pressure on the weak spots until any given person cracked from the strain.

"If I can't get a scholarship, then I probably shouldn't go anyhow." I said. Reggie's eyes seemed to narrow for just the tiniest fraction of a second and then he was all smiles again. I wondered if I hadn't imagined it.

"No problem, honey. If you change your mind, you just say the word." He said. He walked a little closer to me until there was less than a foot of distance between us. I really felt uneasy then.

"Is there another reason why you stopped in for a chat?" Reggie wondered. I swallowed hard and wondered how much he really knew about me and how much was a deliberate dumb act.

"You invited me to give you a holler, remember?" I said. Reggie nodded slowly but he didn't seem convinced in the slightest.

"You know...you're about my nephew's age." He commented.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, trying to sound casual. Reggie chuckled a little.

"Now there's a born loser. He'll probably wind up inside an old bottle of Wild Irish Rose like his daddy." He said rather carefully. I don't know what registered on my face as he said this, but whatever it was, Reggie appeared like he'd been told all he wanted to know.

"If you change your mind, come on back and we'll make a deal. It's possible to get rich, even in this town." Reggie said, idly arranging a few things here and there. He kept the corner of his eye on me the entire time.

"I won't forget." I said. I made a quick exit onto the sidewalk of Lower Main Street and let out a substantial shudder I'd been holding for some time.

Seems I called Ace the devil just a touch too soon. Reggie Merrill was the real thing.


	18. The Doll

The more I considered Reggie and the stock-car races and college, the more I began to realize that _I_ was my only hope for a decent future. With Kenny Carmody inviting me to places, there was no reason for my mother to want me to go to college to find a man. And my dad obviously didn't give a shit about me anymore, either.

I had never really felt more depressed. Reggie definitely had my number, and even though I knew he'd worked me but good, I couldn't help falling for his lines. It made sense to me that if I made some real cash, maybe I could go to college and become a writer. I could go wherever I wanted to go in the world, and not have to be shuffled along because of bad circumstances.

I'd show everyone just how much talent and ambition I possessed, and I would make people sorry for ever doubting me.

"You look like you ate some bad fish. What gives?" Vic asked me. He was wiping down tables and I was mopping the floor making an intensely wretched face. I was having one of those moments where I felt like literally everything was terrible. Life was a great big pile of shit and I had no shovel.

"Nothing." I said. I mopped away my frustrations and tried to think of something good. To do that I had to weed past thoughts of Reggie and college, the pajama party from Hell, and Bev kissing Ace full on the mouth. The baseball game tomorrow was the one bright spot, but even that was slightly marred by the fact that Gordie was still angry at me. I could hardly blame him, either.

"Hey, Vic, you up for the rematch tomorrow?" I said after a long period of frustrated silence. Vic shrugged but I knew he'd be there. The guy had no social life whatsoever. He could pretend to play it cool all he wanted as long as his ass showed up on the sandlot the next day.

"Marley, is it true that you got something cooking with Ace Merrill?" Vic said suddenly. He had abandoned wiping down the tables and was looking at me as if he could find out the answer by examining my body language.

"Didn't you already ask me that?" I replied. I was really getting annoyed with Vic and Pop making crazy assumptions just because Ace and I had an understanding. Their mouths were probably flapping all over town, as well.

"So are you?" Vic asked. I rolled my eyes and out of habit I glanced outside the glass windows. There was no one sitting on the bench, but this time I was pretty glad.

"No. We just happen to be partners on a big term paper at school. That's _all_." I said. Perhaps I said it with a little too much enthusiasm and anger, because Vic began to smirk at me.

"You can't fool me, Haines. Maybe other yahoos, but not me. You're pretty crazy about the guy, aren't ya?" Vic said. The problem with Vic not having a social life was that it gave him a lot of time to observe people. I glowered at him and popped the knuckles on my right hand.

"Nah, I'm just plain crazy, Victor. Do you really wanna pursue this?" I said, bunching said hand into a tight fist. Vic scoffed and tossed a look over his shoulder toward the backroom, where Pop was taking inventory.

"I can if I want to. It's a free country, and you've got a job you'd like to keep." Vic said with an infuriating smile. I pursed my lips and thought about how sassy Vic had gotten, lately. This was the trouble with letting people get too close to you. They thought they could tease you and had the right to ask you about every little personal thing in your life.

"Fine. Then I'm relieving you of your umpire duties." I said curtly. Vic frowned, and even though he knew I was hard up for a fifth player and probably didn't mean it, he seemed upset that I'd even make threats about it.

"Take it easy, Marley. Why are you acting like such a jerk?" Vic wondered. He started to wipe down tables again and I thought about my attitude that night. I kinda _was_ being a jerk because I hated life at the moment. But hell, everyone had moments like this sometime.

"Vic, I'm sorry, man. I'm just taking some lumps right now, you know?" I said. Vic looked up at me and his expression softened slightly, and he gave me a smile and a nod to accept my apology.

"I can imagine. Seeing Ace with Bev must really piss you off." Vic said. I made a face and shook my head.

"Get bent, Vic." I told him.

* * *

After closing, Ace was nowhere to be found. I jumped for joy on the inside, but I also felt mildly anxious. He was usually there for me, and I had no idea where he was. The thought of him being with Bev near Castle Lake or some other smooch point was really making me upset.

"Your carpool's not here. You need a ride, Haines?" Pop asked me, somewhat playfully. I shook my head slowly and wondered how I felt about not getting a ride 'as usual.' It didn't feel right.

"I'm fine. It's no big deal." I said, waving as Pop and Vic began to walk off in the opposite direction.I turned to go myself and walked along, every step feeling like it weighed a ton.

I looked up over my head and I became enchanted by the blanket of starlight. I had never seen the stars so close or so clear before, and even though I did miss Chicago, and there were a lot of things about Castle Rock I didn't like, overall I was glad I was there.

The stars were a gentle reminder that maybe some stuff was still good. Chris and I getting closer, for instance. And the fact that my mother and I were okay again.

I sighed and walked past the darkened Suds Laundromat. As mad as I was at Ace, I still wanted to see him. And, like some weird cosmic connection that kept him popping up at the worst of times and the best of times, Ace's '52 Ford pulled up beside me.

I kept walking a little ways until he nearly rolled over onto the sidewalk.

"I thought you were gonna wait for me." He said, holding the door open. I got into his car without a word. It wasn't even a choice, I guess. I was automatically sitting beside him before I had the chance to really think about it.

I wondered if Beverly Thomas had been warming the seat I was sitting in not too long ago. Making big eyes at Ace, kissing him, fondling him.

"You're never this quiet, Doll." Ace commented. I shrugged. Call me crazy but I didn't think it'd be a good idea to bring up Bev. For a lot of reasons.

Ace didn't say much after that, and after we pulled up near my house, I wondered if we would even say goodbye to each other. But Ace grabbed my elbow as I was getting out of the car.

"I'm picking you up for school tomorrow." Ace said. I stopped mid-step and looked back at him oddly.

"But I walk to school with my...friends." I said. Walking to school with Gordie and his pals was one of the few true highlights of my day. Ace rolled his eyes a bit and even though I hadn't expressly mentioned my cousin, he knew pretty well which friends I was talking about. Every once in a while, a Cobra or three would ride by us in the morning, leering and jeering.

"You'd rather walk with them?" Ace asked me, as if he couldn't believe it. I nodded and I guess something in the way I was behaving struck Ace for a loop. Without fanfare, he yanked me back inside and began to drive forward. My house was soon left behind.

I had been kidnapped, but I wasn't afraid, I wasn't surprised. I wasn't even thrilled at the prospect of doing something so forbidden and dangerous and awesome. I kept thinking about my future, or my lack of a future.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you sick or something?" Ace asked. He was probably expecting me to argue with him, to loudly protest that I was being held against my will and that he should take me back home immediately before I thrashed him. But I didn't care.

"Hey, you gonna answer me?" Ace said. I didn't know where we were going, but eventually we pulled into a clearing near a wooded area. Back then, Castle Rock had more trees than people. Ace parked the car and turned off the ignition, turning to me with an almost stricken look on his face. That happens sometimes when predictable people like me suddenly snap and throw everyone else off.

"Do you ever...just wonder...if this is as good as it's gonna get?" I asked.

I hadn't meant to get all philosophical, but if my destiny was to become Mrs. Kenny Carmody someday, then maybe these were my last few years of freedom and innocence. I'd never get to hang out with Gordie at the Clubhouse, or play baseball, or sneak comics under my mattress. I'd never be able to write stories anymore, and what's worse, nobody would be around to read them if I did.

Ace exhaled suddenly and, to my surprise, he actually laughed. It was a laugh that made me feel pretty stupid about what I'd said, and I turned away before he could see me cry. I hated crying, but sometimes you just had to do it. There was no where else for my feelings to go.

"You think too much, Diamond Doll. Life gets pretty difficult without Daddy's help, huh?" Ace replied. It occurred to me that every time I said something from my heart, Ace would throw up barriers to create distance between us, like the 'poor little rich girl' label he was so fond of giving me. Instead of thinking about what I'd said, he would always dismiss it because it was came from the mouth of a naive daddy's girl.

"I'm lucky for everything I've got, but I'm still a human being, goddamnit. And if you had any guts at all, you'd admit that you probably think about stuff like that too." I said. I was brushing my tears away angrily, incredibly upset that no one was taking me seriously. Especially someone like Ace Merrill, who of all people should be able to relate to feelings of isolation, despair, and fear of the future.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Thinking about shit like that don't change it." Ace said. It was fair enough, and I braved a look at him through shiny eyes.

"No, it doesn't." I said. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes and I suddenly realized that I liked being around Ace because he seemed to understand me, and my feelings. True, he never admitted it, and he usually gave me a hard time about the stuff I said, but there was something in his eyes that reflected something deeper.

Something about Ace made me want to pour my heart out to him, even though he would no doubt stomp on it and laugh or make fun of me as usual.

"Listen, Doll...you and I ain't nothing alike. Your worst day is worth ten of my best." Ace said coolly. And there it was. I could honestly tell Gordie and everyone else who asked that Ace and I really weren't friends at all. We were different, but even more than that, Ace would never be able to see me as a person. I was just a doll. A doll with no feelings, no problems, no worries, no rights.

"If you hate me so much then why did you bring me here?" I asked. Ace looked angry for a minute, like I'd caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. But if he gave anything away, I sure as hell didn't know what it was. Ace could have been with Bev right now, but instead he was lecturing me on not being grateful for having such a wealthy, worry-free life.

"I wanted to know what the hell was wrong with you." Ace said. It wasn't a lot, but it made me feel a little warm inside. For whatever reason, Ace wanted to know why I was acting so weird. He was acting like an utter ass about it, but at least he was interested.

"You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you. I don't want to get married." I said, somewhat heatedly. I hadn't been with Ace for half an hour but I was already beginning to feel better, to feel a little bit more like my old self.

"Good, 'cause I never asked you." Ace said with heavy sarcasm.

"I want to be a writer. I want to go to college, but contrary to popular belief, I can't afford it. If my mother has her way, I'll be married by the spring. And goodbye dreams, goodbye independence, goodbye happiness." I said. I knew Ace didn't feel sorry for me, and I wasn't expecting that of him, anyway. But I wanted him to know that we were more alike than he thought.

"Don't you have something you want to do?" I asked. Ace scoffed at the question immediately. Ace Merrill, the veritable King of Castle Rock, the only guy in town whose very name sent shivers into the hearts of the young...of course he wouldn't have a dream. That would just be stupid, right?

"We ain't nothing alike. Dreams are for suckers who have time to think. Around here, we work." He said. And it was true. I may have felt like I was up shit creek, but I knew I had more options available to me than Ace did. I guess I really was a lucky brat.

"I'm sorry." I admitted. I felt incredibly embarrassed by the entire exchange and if not for the deal we had made before, I would have avoided Ace Merrill from then on at all costs.

Ace took me home and neither of us spoke a word. I was afraid he hated me. I couldn't even explain to myself how much I cared about his opinion. I wouldn't have been surprised if he never wanted to see me again.

But Fate, or whatever you call it, can be pretty tricky.


	19. Casting the Stone

I waited for Gordie in front of his house like I usually had for the past few weeks. For a half second I was afraid that Gordie was planning to hide out and wait for me to leave, but when I saw him coming out of his front door, I had to smile.

"Hey, Gordie." I said. Maybe it was stupid to pretend nothing had happened, but it always seemed to work for my mother and other adults.

Gordie deliberately looked around at everything except me, and we started walking. I was to be invisible today, which was no big deal. Just the other day Chris had pretended Teddy was invisible too.

By the time we had joined up with the others, I was just glad to be noticed again.

"Crybaby Joey said he'd play if you buy him some ice cream." Vern told me. His grin suggested that perhaps it had been Vern's idea in the first place and Joey had agreed out of peer pressure. Teddy had been hounding him all week, or so I'd heard.

"Yeah. If I hadn't made him agree, we would have had to _pay_ somebody to be our fifth." Teddy said. I wondered if he was just exaggerating.

"Because of some stupid accident?" I said. Teddy was in the mood to push someone's buttons, that much was certain, and the lucky one turned out to be me. He grinned that devious grin and laughed that high-pitched laugh.

"Accident? Anybody with eyes coulda seen that you had Crybaby right where you wanted him." Teddy said.

"Anybody with eyes? Maybe we should ask someone who can actually see." I muttered to him. Teddy shot me a horrible look and I was struck by the irony of the situation. He was the kind of person my dad would say could "dish it out" with the best of them, but he definitely couldn't take it when someone else was doing the "dishing."

"I could find you in the middle of the woods on a foggy night in February." Teddy said seriously. Gordie and Chris shared a quick look with each other and burst out laughing. Even though I wasn't exactly enjoying the conversation myself, I was so relieved to see Gordie laughing that I realized I had a smile on my face.

Teddy was always saying weird shit, and it nearly always made Chris and Gordie laugh like hyenas.

"You and what army?" Chris asked in a playful tone. Teddy ignored the question and had set his jaw defensively, bristling at being the butt of a joke he didn't understand.

"What the hell's so funny?" Teddy said.

I wasn't really listening to the rest of the conversation but instead I thought about the fact that everyone was still assuming that there was going to be a baseball game after school, and everyone involved had planned to play.

It hadn't seemed like Gordie backed out. I realized Chris had been right, and even though Gordie still seemed mad at me, he wasn't about to leave us in the lurch. The thought seemed like a little beam of light at the end of a long, murky tunnel. No matter how "bad" things were between us, they weren't bad enough to call off a baseball game.

* * *

"Are you excited about tonight?" Jane asked me. We were sitting at our table waiting for today's assignment. It was supposedly a new unit about keeping a successful budget.

"I'm glad you're going to be there." I said honestly. Otherwise, I wasn't really looking forward to it. Jane caught the strange wording of my reply and tried to give me a reassuring smile.

"At least Myra Evans isn't coming." Jane said helpfully. I realized I liked Jane very much. She was an encouraging, kind person without pretension or judgment. She was exactly the kind of person I wanted to be if I thought I could actually hold my tongue.

"Who all did you invite?" I wondered. I felt my throat tighten up just in case, though I knew Jane would have tried to invite nice people.

"Ellen Ridgewick; she's one of my best friends from Grammar School...Lizzie Darabont; a friend of mine from the Youth League. And Lizzie's friend, Beverly Thomas." Jane was counting on her fingers and as soon as I heard the name 'Beverly Thomas' I shuddered. Of course one of the most beautiful, popular girls in school would have to come over to my house for a slumber party.

"Bev Thomas?" I repeated. Jane nodded and she must have noticed the funny look on my face because she dropped her voice to a low whisper.

"Do you think your mom will care?" Jane asked.

"About what?" I wondered. The person who _really_ cared was me. Jane glanced around before replying.

"There's a rumor going around that she's dating Ace Merrill and hanging out with the Cobras." Jane tried to read my face.

"Oh, really?" I managed to make myself sound reasonably innocent. Jane nodded solemnly.

"I don't know if it's true, but I could tell her not to come if you think it will be a problem." Jane said. I knew it was against Jane's nature to "disinvite" someone to anything because Jane didn't have a mean bone in her body, and I realized how much she must like me to be willing to tell Bev to take a hike.

"No...it's okay." I said evenly. I didn't want Jane to have to do that for me. So what did I care that she was dating Ace? We weren't even friends.

"That's good. Bev's pretty cool." Jane said with a smile. I attempted to smile back but hearing Jane say that Bev was cool really hurt somehow. Jane wouldn't lie, and she was a decent judge of character. The last thing I wanted to hear was that Bev was a likeable person. Likeable, great-looking, with wits and popularity. She really had it all. She had Ace.

"When are you guys coming over?" I asked. Jane filled me in on all the little details I really didn't care about and I suddenly couldn't get an image out of my mind. Bev rewarding Ace with a luscious kiss. I shook my head and gave myself a hard time for being so stupid.

"Lizzie Darabont? Does she have two brothers named Royce and Stevie?" I made myself ask. Jane smiled and nodded. I knew I must have been getting used to this town, because I was starting to see the connections everywhere. Castle Rock was a tiny place when you came right down to it, and everybody was always somebody else's brother or cousin.

* * *

In US History we were spending our Friday afternoon reviewing for our first big test and then getting together with our groups for the term paper.

I was pretty agitated to think that come Monday morning I'd be a cheater. Even if Ace hated me, we had a deal and I was still expected to hold up my end by feeding him the answers.

"Have you read a lot of Poe's work?" Frankie asked me, as Ace joined us at an empty desk. He had settled himself in between Frankie and me, and I was really uncomfortable having to almost lean over Ace in order to carry on a conversation with Frankie.

"A few of the highlights, I guess." I said in a non-committal way. Frankie was still wearing a bright smile (I'd never seen the boy frown) and he handed me a book on the life and times of Edgar Allan Poe he'd checked out at the Four Lakes Library.

"If we split up the work, like one of us talks about his life, the other talks about his stories...we can lick this thing in no time." Frankie said. Ace sneered at him, because anyone as enthusiastic and complacent about schoolwork as Frankie must have been a first class nerd.

"Sure. That sounds good." I said. I had pulled out a scratch pad of paper and was scribbling these ideas as soon as Frankie came up with them.

"You and Ace can talk about the influence of his work and then I can take your paper and add in all the stuff about his life and weave it together." Frankie suggested.

"How many pages is this thing, again?" Ace said for his first and last real contribution to the conversation. Frankie, undeterred, showed Ace a copy of his notes on the criteria.

"Fifteen pages." Frankie said. Ace looked like he'd swallowed a bug.

"You've gotta be putting me on, Dodd." Ace leaned back and was shaking his head.

"We'll take care of it. How about if we get the first part done before Halloween and then we'll give it to you to finish off?" I asked. Frankie smiled and agreed that that sounded just fine. Ace was still sulking at his desk over the injustice of having to crank out a fifteen page paper, even though I knew he wouldn't even be sharing the workload at all.

"Which of his stories will you talk about?" Frank asked.

""The Raven" is a big one. "The Cask of Amontillado," "Mask of the Red Death," "The Fall of the House of Usher," "The Tell-Tale Heart"..." I rattled off the stories that were his most renowned and Ace stared at me just like he'd stared at Frank Dodd a moment ago.

"I knew you were a Poe fan at heart." Frankie told me, beaming.

"I'd be a pretty Poe excuse for a horror fan if I wasn't." I said without even thinking. Frankie laughed at my Poe excuse for a joke and Ace rolled his eyes like it was going out of style.

"You're funny, Marley. I've never known any girls who really like the horror genre, especially ones who are fans of Edgar Allan Poe." Frankie said.

"Sure. I still read Weird Tales Magazine even though they went out of print five years ago." I admitted. Frankie glanced at me in shock, like I'd just told him the Holy Grail was sitting on a dish rack in my kitchen.

"Really? I still have a box of 'em from when I was a kid." Frankie said. Ace was still staring at us as if we were the biggest losers on the planet.

"As much as I hate to interrupt this love fest, I think we should get back to work." Ace said. Then it was my turn to stare at him like he was an alien. Ace telling us to get back on track? With schoolwork?

"It's barely Autumn and already Hell has frozen over." I said. Frankie laughed but Ace was not nearly so amused.

* * *

When the school day had ended, all I could think about was the ball game.

I couldn't afford to divide my concentration with homework and thoughts of Ace, Bev, and the slumber party. If I wanted to make sure I didn't have any accidents like a stray ball in the face, I'd have to stay focused.

I took one step out into the street before a familiar and ominous '52 Ford came out of nowhere and nearly ran me into the ground.

"Hey!" I said, throwing my arms up in indignation. One of these days Ace would flatten me.

"You and I need to talk, Diamond Doll." Ace said, leaning out the window. I smirked and put on my best snooty rich girl face, or at least, a face I would wear if I really was what Ace considered me to be, and then I continued walking.

"Can't. Busy." I said. Ace chuckled derisively.

"You gotta read some more Edgar Allan Poe?" He called out after me. I turned around on my heel and shook my head.

"I've got a baseball game to pitch. And if I don't _concentrate_, people get hurt." I said in my most threatening, creepy voice. For a hot second I could have sworn Ace smiled one of those rare, genuine smiles. But it was over before I could really imprint it in my memory.

"Mind if I come by and watch?" Ace asked me.

I was too stunned to speak for a minute. This was more than an utter surprise.

"Why?" was all I could think to say. Ace shrugged nonchalantly.

"Why not?" He replied. I had to remind myself to keep my mouth closed so that it wasn't hanging open like a broken lint trap.

"You know who's playing, right?" I asked. Gordie would have a cow if Ace showed up at the game. And I really wanted to play today.

"Sure. Your cousin and his little friends." Ace said in a condescending tone that told me there was little love lost between them. If tempers were still this high, it would be a recipe for disaster if all parties involved actually met.

"I don't think it's such a good idea." I said. I wasn't about to lead the fox directly to the henhouse. I didn't want an everlovin' massacre on my hands.

"I don't wanna mess with 'em. I just want to see you play." Ace said, his voice devoid of the usual Merrill attitude. Again my mouth popped open in utter surprise.

"They can't see you." I said, my voice in an unnaturally high register. Ace chuckled to himself.

"I can stay out of sight." He said.

There was no way I would _not_ mess up this game somehow.

* * *

I was the last to arrive on the sandlot in the old dealership behind the Clubhouse, and I got a few evil eyes from my teammates for holding up the show.

My team (including Gordie, Chris, Vic Trenton, and Stevie Darabont) were all set to pitch first and we had the same starting lineup from last time. Teddy, Vern, Crybaby Joey, and the DeSpain twins were lined up and ready to bat.

As I approached the pitcher's mound, I peeked over my shoulder and saw Ace watching me from over the fence on the far side of the lot. If Ace didn't make any noise and I didn't call any attention to him, no one would ever think to notice him there.

I must have been staring at him for a while, because Teddy began making crass comments at me from the sidelines.

"Hey, we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!" Teddy sang. I hit my glove and my cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. At this point Teddy had more to worry about by way of an errant ball than Crybaby Joey did.

"Keep your shirt on, DuChamp." I yelled. The first up to bat was Marty DeSpain, who really looked like he wanted to clobber me with a Louisville Slugger. Marty and Joey were pretty close friends, I guess.

I sent the first ball flying and Marty deliberately hit it back to me so I had to duck. The little shit didn't even care about making a decent hit. Or at least, a hit that didn't involve injuring me somehow.

"Time out!" I shouted. I ran over to home base and saw Vic smacking Marty on the back of his head.

"You do it again and you're out, DeSpain." Vic said. I looked at Marty questioningly.

"You got something against me then we need to have it out right here, Marty. This is supposed to be a fair game." I said. Marty laughed a short, halting laugh as if there could be no fair game at all with me playing.

"I'm just protecting myself is all. That ball was a little low." Marty said. I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Gordie on base and held up my baseball glove.

"Gordie, you wanna pitch for His Royal Majesty, Marty DeSpain of Ward Street?" I called. Gordie shook his head at me slowly and glanced over at Marty with a frustrated look on his face.

"Get a grip. Marley pitches fair and you know it." He said. I smiled when I heard Gordie defending me and I mouthed the words "thank you" at him before returning to the pitcher's mound. Marty sighed and knew when he was beat.

The game went off without a hitch, for a while. I was pitching fine, and even Crybaby Joey and the DeSpains had settled down enough to enjoy it. But for some reason beyond my knowledge, the lot of us were never meant to finish a game this year.

It happened at the top of the ninth inning. My arm was holding out well as a pitcher, but the problem came when it was my turn at bat behind Chris. Chris, who was really only able to bunt considering his arm, was dancing around first base and ready to sprint to the next. I was poised and wiggly myself, preparing for a home run and a definitive victory.

I swung a little early on Teddy's first pitch and got a strike. The second time I got a little too late and hit a foul ball. But, the third time is a charm, as they say. When I struck the ball on my third swing I managed to send it flying over the fence behind us and into the bed of a mint green pickup truck headed down the road at a reasonable speed.

It was clear the driver hadn't noticed because the truck kept sputtering right along until it was completely out of sight.

"Son of a bitch!" Teddy yelled. Vern's ball was long gone. Not only were we not going to finish this second game, but I had made it so that we couldn't even have a rematch for this rematch.

"Vern...I'm sorry." I said, glancing over at Vern who was paralyzed behind Chris on first base.

"My ball." He said simply.

"I'm gonna replace it, I swear." I said. Nobody really said anything. We were all too amazed by what had just happened. If I hadn't felt so bad I would have tried to convince my case for a home run and a successful win.

"Jinx." I heard Marty DeSpain say. I turned around and faced Marty who was running over to me from third base.

"Yeah, we never had this kinda luck until _she_ started playing." Jacky DeSpain said in testament to his brother's statement.

"It was an accident and I'm sorry. I'm gonna buy Vern a new ball." I said. I didn't give a shit about the DeSpain twins, but Vern looked like he was really about to cry. I felt horrible.

"She's not a jinx. She did it on purpose." Joey said. If this were old Salem, Crybaby Joey and the DeSpains would have been claiming 'witchcraft.'

"It was an accident and she's sorry." Chris said. Everybody had pretty much abandoned their positions by this point and we were all in a loose circle around home plate.

"I'm going to replace the ball. This shit just happens sometimes." I said, even though no one was really listening.

"I ain't playing with no bitch anymore." Marty said.

"Don't call her that." Gordie snapped.

"I'm sorry, okay? What do you want me to do?" I said, getting up in Marty's face. I was a little tired of this and if Marty wanted to squawk about bad luck and bitches, then he needed to take a swing at me. Otherwise he needed to let it go.

"Go back to Chicago where you came from." Jacky said. I heard a chorus of 'yeahs' from the other team and I was a little hurt that Vern and Teddy weren't sticking up for me. They were standing behind the DeSpains without saying much of anything.

"Sure, let me just pack my bags." I said, sarcastically. None of the DeSpains looked like they wanted to fight so I turned around and started to leave. Maybe cooling off for a few days would do everyone a world of good.

But the fun was only just beginning. As soon as my back was turned, Joey pounced on me and grabbed my neck, throwing me to the ground like he wasn't just some little shrimp crybaby. I rolled over and at the last second I saw a fleeting image of Joey's right fist before it made impact with my left eye.

He had a hell of a punch for a little twerp.

Most of the guys were standing around in shock but Chris, Gordie, and Vic were the only ones who were trying to pull Joey away from me. I blinked several times, dazed and more than a little confused that Crybaby Joey had been my attacker. My left eyelid felt funny and I knew that it was beginning to swell.

I'd have a lot of explaining to do tonight.

Joey freed himself from Gordie and Vic's grasp and ran off, presumably to cry.

"You okay?" Gordie asked. He reached out a hand to me and helped me to my feet. I brushed the dirt from my dungarees and sighed.

"Sure. I just feel bad about ruining the game and losing Vern's ball." I said. Gordie gave me a pat on the shoulder.

"It's just a ball." He said.

"Yeah. I think Stevie's friend, Cappy, might have an extra baseball we could use." Chris said. They were trying to make me feel better but I knew no one would want to play with me again after this.

"Hey...no worries." Gordie said. He glanced at me with a small smile and he held out his palm so I could skin it. If nothing else at least Gordie and I were cool again.

"Thanks, man." I said. I waved as the rest of my teammates began to disperse. Teddy, Vern, and the others had left as soon as Crybaby Joey had been dragged away from me, kicking and screaming. Eventually Vic, Gordie, and Chris went on home too.

When I was left by myself I finally braved a look over at the other side of the field. Ace was still there, only instead of gazing over the fence, he was leaning against his car smoking a cigarette. He had actually stayed the entire time.

I walked over to him, feeling extremely embarrassed by the whole damn thing. He probably enjoyed watching me get beat up by an annoying little bed wetter.

"Did you enjoy the show?" I asked. I walked around the chain link fence to the other side and stood by Ace as he took a long drag.

When I got up closer to him, I noticed he was frowning. He reached out a hand and touched the left side of my face, looking at the spot where Joey had gotten his revenge. His thumb was warm and rough.

I felt of jolt of electricity at the contact and I automatically shied away from him. Ace gave me a grim smile.

"You're gonna wanna put some steak on that eye." He said.


	20. Writing on the Wall

"You should let me take you home, Doll." Ace said. I was standing away from him somewhat awkwardly, and I couldn't help but think how weird it was that Ace was being so reasonable and polite.

"In the daytime? And have my "rich" mother call the police?" I said. I brushed a few fingers over my eye tenderly and winced. It was awfully sore, and I was starting to lose my vision. If Ace brought me home now, my mother would assume he was the one who'd given me the shiner.

Ace gave me one of his smart-ass grins and I wondered if he knew his girl was going to be at my house tonight for a slumber party. Maybe Friday night belonged to Myra Evans or Cora Kissick or any of the other girls who skirted the line between good and bad.

"Would you believe this is one of those good days of mine you were talking about?" I asked him. He was silent for a little while and smoked his cigarette in thoughtful silence.

"I want to get the hell outta this town." He said suddenly. He stared out at the empty sandlot as if he was looking into some sort of crystal ball.

"What?" At first I didn't know what he was talking about.

"You asked me what I wanted to do. That's what I want to do." Ace said with such raw simplicity. I remembered last night's conversation, feeling rather foolish. I had no idea what to say to that. Anything I would say would be wrong.

We were standing by each other in total silence, save for a few birds chirping somewhere in the distance.

"I'm stuck here." He added a little later. His voice sounded tired, drained. Not even sad, really. It was as if he'd been resigned to a certain fate long ago and he had succumbed to it with an ageless (albeit violent) sort of wisdom. Ace knew how things worked around here and in that moment I felt like I was finally beginning to see him for the first time.

Ace Merrill, as in _the_ Ace Merrill, was a persona meant to make the very best out of a hopeless situation. If one couldn't serve with the angels up in Heaven, was there even a choice but to reign in Hell? If only to survive?

I thought about Chris and what a hard time he was having. His difficulties stemmed from the fact that he wasn't about to accept the way things were. He was trying to change the status quo. If he didn't, then he could very well become the next Ace Merrill.

"You're not happy." I said. It felt natural to say it, even though afterwards I cursed myself. Of course Ace was unhappy, and he sure didn't need someone like me to point it out.

"Happiness is a fucking fairy tale, Diamond Doll. Is your _Mom_ happy?" He asked. I shook my head. Even with all her bravado and flitting around like a charismatic little butterfly, my mother was deeply unhappy.

"I bet your Dad ain't happy, either. Or if he is, it sure ain't gonna stay that way." Ace added. Surprisingly I was somewhat comforted by the statement. A part of me felt that it was only fair that if our family was mostly unhappy because of Dad's choice to leave, then he should share in some of that unhappiness.

"You think so?" I asked. Ace looked at me and nodded, and I wondered how he could be so sure when he'd never even met my father and was unaware of the circumstances involved.

"Yeah, unless he's crazy. He'd have to be not to miss you." Ace said. I felt a rush of warmth flow throughout my body, tingling me to the very tips. Ace glanced away quickly, scowling like maybe he had regretted saying what he did.

Maybe it was the little things...the magic of the moment and feeling understood, the shock of having been punched in the face, the relief at having a brief respite of peace in a tumultuous week, and the rush of giddiness I felt from Ace's compliment...but I couldn't help myself.

I reached out and wrapped my arms around Ace, hugging him close to me. I could smell the musk of his body, a faint whiff of gasoline, and whatever hair oil he used. It was an exotic smell that comforted me somehow, even though I couldn't explain why.

Before Ace could ask me what the hell my problem was, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and released him.

"Thanks, man. I needed that." I told him. Then I made to sure to walk off before my senses returned to me, because I knew in a matter of minutes the flood of embarrassment would hit...

I didn't want to be around Ace when that happened.

* * *

There wasn't a steak in the icebox, but there was a very excited mother in the kitchen putting together a vegetable tray.

"This isn't a dinner party, Mom." I said over her shoulder. My mother clicked her tongue at me and I knew it was no good to tell her anything when she was in party hosting mode. She was in her element and if she wanted a veggie tray, by God, she would serve a veggie tray.

"You have to be sensitive to all your guests' needs. The main course is meat, what if one of the girls doesn't like meat? You have to be prepared for every eventuality." Mom said. She turned around to face me and the second she caught sight of my eye she let out a loud scream.

"Take it easy, Mom. It was an accident." I said lamely. Betsey was coloring at the dining room table and she pointed at me and gasped loudly.

"Uh oh." She said, and then broke into a big smile. I chuckled in spite of myself.

"Accident? What were you doing?" She asked. I wasn't about to admit to playing baseball.

"I wasn't watching where I was walking and would ya believe it? I ran into some metal sign or something. Just 'pop goes the weasel' and then this. Judging by your horrified expression, I guess it looks a lot worse than it feels." I said to my mother in a sprightly tone of voice. She was less than thrilled by my excuse.

"You ran into a metal sign? Was somebody on the other end of that metal sign?" Mom asked. She grabbed my face and pulled it closer so she could get a good look at the damage.

"It was an accident." I said again. Mom wasn't buying it but I found it funny that she cared more about what we were going to _tell_ people happened than what actually happened.

"Everyone's going to think you're a klutz." Mom said.

"I _am_ a klutz." I replied. Mom frowned and I could tell she was afraid of the rumor mill. No doubt my eye would be the subject of many a tall tale, at least in my mother's mind.

"We could say I got it rescuing a runaway baby carriage. Or we could tell them a branch hit me in the face when I was saving a cat caught up in a tree." I suggested helpfully. My mother groaned and I could tell she thought my party was already doomed.

It hadn't even started yet and I had already ruined it. Oh, well.

"I know! Some foundation and touch up powder should cover it in a jiffy...although it won't help the swelling..." Mom was still analyzing my face with intense scrutiny. It was a black eye, big deal.

"Try to keep the left side of your face away from the girls and facing towards the wall, tonight, okay? Oh, I can't believe you did this right before your party." Mom mumbled the last part to herself and I nearly laughed out loud. It was only really _my_ party courtesy of Hotel Vicarious Living. Mom was the only one who gave a shit.

"Sure. I'll give 'em the old razzle dazzle profile action. I'll talk to them from the side." I said. I was being utterly ridiculous to prove a point but my mother didn't notice how silly she was being. She nodded like she was satisfied.

"In the meantime, I want you to set up a few of those folding chairs in the living room." Mom said, pointing toward a stack of chairs in the corner of the kitchen that had not been there that morning.

"Isn't that what we have a couch for?" I asked.

"We can't play musical chairs with a couch." My mother said as if I was really slow on the take. I did a double-glance at the chairs and prayed to any merciful God who would listen that I had just misunderstood. Musical chairs?

"This is a grown-up slumber party for high-schoolers, Mother. This is not a birthday party for a bunch of eight-year-olds." I said. I half expected her to produce a pinata full of raisins and pretzels.

"The more activities there are at this party, the less you'll feel pressured to entertain the girls by yourself. You're a wonderful person, honey, but social graces are not part of your strengths." Mom said.

"So you thought a rousing game of musical chairs would make up for my buffoonery? I'm still going to be _me_, whether we play 'hide and seek' or 'pin the tail on the donkey' or not." I said.

But my mother wasn't listening. She had already gone off somewhere else to plan something even more embarrassing, and I glanced at Betsey with a pained look on my face. She smiled at me pleasantly and pointed to her drawing, making blowing sounds through her lips.

I went over and kissed her forehead, smoothing aside a downy clump of soft blond curls.

* * *

"This is nice." Jane said, admiring the streamers my mother draped across the room. I winced.

"It looks like we're having a party for Dennis the Menace." I replied glumly. Beverly Thomas would probably tell Ace what a loser I was and how I had thrown the worst party in history. The only thing we were missing was an obnoxiously decorated cake. But who needed a cake when my mother had baked chocolate chip cookies in the shape of Mickey Mouse?

Jane walked through the door and led in Lizzie, Ellen, and Bev. Brief introductions were made and it pretty much set the tone for the entire night. I was uncomfortable, and not even Jane could save me.

"Oh, neat, are we going to play musical chairs?" Bev asked. She was being nice and sincere, and I tried not to scowl. It would be so much easier to hate her if she would say something mean.

"Sure, if you want." I said. I made the mistake of turning my head the wrong way and Jane caught sight of my black eye. She gasped rather loudly.

"Marlene, are you okay?" She asked. I had hoped no one would draw attention to it.

"Yeah, it was just an accident. I'm fine." I said. Lizzie got a good look at my face and she suddenly pointed at me, some realization dawning on her.

"Hey, are you the girl my little brother was talking about? The one he said got beat up by Joey Campion for being a jinx?" Lizzie asked. I'm glad my mother was in the kitchen because she might have actually fainted dead away.

"One good punch does not a beating make." I said, resenting the insinuation that Crybaby Joey had "beat me up." Lizzie laughed and I could tell that was probably the wrong thing to say. But it wasn't like I could just turn off my personality.

"You mean little Joey Campion gave you that black eye? I babysit for him every few weeks." Ellen exclaimed.

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" I said, drily. I figured a change of subject was in order, so I cranked up the record player and believe it or not, we began to play musical chairs to a Pat Boone record. From what Gordie eventually told me about the first episode of "The Twilight Zone," it didn't sound much different.

After musical chairs, it was time to eat. I didn't have much of an appetite, though. I kept looking at Bev Thomas and thinking about how pretty she was, and how good it must have felt to kiss Ace on the lips. My eyes widened when I realized I kinda wanted to kiss Ace, too.

Actually I kinda had. I hoped he wouldn't remember the peck on the cheek.

Bev Thomas _was_ pretty cool, like Jane had said. She was the kind of girl who oozed confidence, but not in such a way that she was threatening to other girls. She was good at making other people feel at ease.

Soon after, all of us headed to my room. Lizzie and Ellen staked their claim on my bed while Bev, Jane, and I took the floor. And even though I didn't really know how slumber parties were supposed to work and I was always just a little worried that things would go south, the other girls seemed to know what to do. And they all seemed to be having a good time.

"When are you going to get Norris to set you up on a date with Alan, already?" Lizzie asked Ellen. I didn't know who either of them were talking about, but I figured out that Ellen had a crush on her brother Norris' best friend, Alan Pangborn. Lizzie seemed as though she had a bit of a crush on Norris, herself.

"Who knows? Norris would never let me hear the end of it. Anyway, I'd rather hear about Bev and Ace Merrill." Ellen said, leaning closer in anticipation. As soon as the cat was out of the bag, all the girls seemed absolutely spellbound, though Bev maintained a laissez-faire attitude about the whole thing.

"He's cute, for sure. And he's a great kisser." Bev admitted. My stomach lurched and I found myself squirming uncomfortably with nowhere to go.

"But he's such a bully. How can you stand him?" Lizzie asked. I bet little Stevie had come home more than once bearing the marks of a Cobra altercation. I was touched by her sisterly affection.

"He's not that bad. Actually, he can be really sweet when he wants to be." Bev said, her tone taking on a more serious hue. This was worse than I thought. Maybe Bev wasn't just his "sometime" girl. What if they were going steady?

"So it's true? The two of you are together?" Jane asked. It must have come as a shock to her, because Jane had probably just assumed the rumors were only rumors.

"Well, yes. Billy had taken me to a movie this summer and I liked him, but then he started seeing Connie Pallermo. I think she's a Junior. Anyway, Ace was there for me when I needed somebody." Bev said. I bit my lip and felt my stomach drop down into the depths of Hades.

Why was I so disappointed? I had known this since yesterday.

"Are you guys gonna get married?" I blurted out. Leave it to me to throw tact and decorum out the window. Bev looked at me and she laughed. But not in a mean way. Bev must have assumed I was teasing with her.

"Who knows. I just know that I like him a lot." Bev said. Ellen pursed her lips together.

"You be careful, Bev. Don't date him too long, or other boys are going to think you're...you know..." Ellen began. Then her cheeks turned pink.

"Loose?" Bev offered. Ellen nodded sheepishly and Bev smiled at her.

"I'm aware of the consequences. I'll be careful." Bev said reassuringly. I then had the burning to desire to ask what all this stuff meant. Had Bev and Ace...?

The thought was like a punch in the stomach, or at least, much worse than a punch in the eye.

I remembered when I was ten years old, my mother told me about sex in the most unflattering, technical terms possible. I found out years later that she was actually pretty progressive, all things considered, and I grew up thinking that sex was merely a biological function like going to the potty.

Then about a year ago, a classmate set me straight. Sex was apparently pretty damn great. I figured she was the exception...like maybe she was a freak or something, but the more I got to know other girls my age, the more I realized that maybe _I_ was the exception for thinking of sex as kinda gross.

It certainly disgusted me to think of Ace and Bev doing it together, that's for sure.

But I couldn't get over the funny feeling I'd get sometimes when I thought about Ace. Not the sweet, tender feeling like the butterflies in my tummy, though I had that a lot, too. It was the raw, yearning feeling where all I wanted was to press myself up against him. I had no idea why, and it didn't make sense, but I knew it would feel good.

I swallowed hard and chastised myself for thinking that way. It was a sin, I'd been told, and also, I was thinking about a guy who didn't even belong to me. It was a betrayal to think of someone else's man like that.

Ace was someone else's man. It suddenly dawned on me, even though I had probably known it all along crouched in my own ignorance...I wanted Ace for myself.

"Marlene, are you all right?" Jane whispered to me.

I nodded, smiling like there was absolutely nothing wrong. I wanted Ace, but I knew I'd have to get over it quickly. There was no point in pinning my hopes on a guy who had someone like Bev, not to mention a penchant for bullying and reckless behavior.

Why couldn't I have a crush on Kenny Carmody, or Frankie Dodd? Nice boys from nice families with nice futures ahead of them?

Screw slumber parties.


	21. The Place in the Woods

We talked about boys deep into the night. It was the anticipation, the excitement of being young and wondering what life was going to be like, and what kind of guy you would end up being with...it was the kind of talk I'd never had before and wasn't sure if I would even like.

But now that I had admitted to myself that I actually had feelings for Ace, I started to think maybe it was okay. It wasn't like I had a choice in the matter. If I could have chosen to not like Ace, I _would_ have gladly. Unfortunately, thinking about Ace was kind of pleasurable in its way.

Even though I was sleeping just inches away from a girl who was obviously crazy about him. And I could only assume Ace was crazy about her, too. Who wouldn't be? Bev was great. A little too perfect, maybe, but whatever.

"There's a side of him that nobody else sees. I think Ace could really be a better man...sometimes I notice it peeking through." Bev whispered to me. I had noticed it, too. I guess I wasn't so special...Bev had obviously seen more of Ace's good side than I had.

I barely slept that night.

In the morning, my mother made a king's breakfast and the chatter was lively as only a group of teenage girls could produce. I even noticed Betsey occasionally holding her hands over her ears.

The slumber party had been a "success," though I didn't have any fun at all. I needed to be by myself.

After the girls had left around 11 in the morning, I told my mother I was going to the library to study with Clarence again. This time, my mother had no problem with it and I was allowed to go without a major inquisition.

I wore my dungarees and a plain white shirt, and a pair of bright red keds. When my mother wasn't looking, I packed a lunch for myself, a canteen of water, and a couple of other things.

I didn't have to go to work that day, and there was a place that was calling for me. Ray Brower had been showing up in my dreams, lately, even though I'd never seen his face before. I still couldn't figure out how the kid could just up and walked 30 miles down a set of train tracks on a whim when he should have been getting his ass home for dinner.

I followed the route Chris and Gordie showed me last week, the one that bypassed Milo Pressman's junkyard. I was insanely curious about the junkyard, because I knew the guys had really seen some shit and there was a history behind it, but no one had ever wanted to talk about it.

I walked along the set of tracks out of town, thinking about Sheriff Honor. All those miles, rain or shine, through sickness, health, and holidays he searched for her murderer. Eventually I realized Sheriff Honor would either have to get smarter or he'd give up altogether.

Maybe the Sheriff would lose himself for a while. He'd take off his star and roll into random towns, performing random acts of heroism in order to keep himself alive. Every once in a while, a nice lady would leave her back door unlocked when he came into town. Those nights of companionship must have kept him going through the lean years.

When people had just about forgotten both Rose and the Sheriff, that was when things would get interesting. People in towns, people in saloons would start to talk. Everyone would think that Sheriff Honor had died or gotten himself killed somehow. No one would recognize him on account of his beard and his threadbare clothing.

Sheriff Honor would wait in dark corners of local taverns, just listening. He knew someday people would loosen up and talk about Rose. A murder like that was the kind that people bragged about whenever the time was right. All the Sheriff would have to do was be patient and keep his ears to the ground.

"Hey, you deaf or something?" I heard someone yelling. I turned around and noticed the train coming around the bend and I stepped aside to let it pass. I didn't know where the voice had come from but I felt someone yank my arm and I was suddenly thrust into the chest of none other than Ace "why did I have to have feelings for him?" Merrill.

"What's your problem?" He said, like I'd been in danger of getting squashed by the slow moving train. I loosened myself from his grasp and wondered what _his_ problem was.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I kept walking in the direction of the train and Ace was following right beside me.

"I mean I called you ten times. You didn't answer me." He said. I stopped walking and stared him in the face.

"How come you're following me again?" I asked. The question seemed to piss him off because Ace was too cool to follow anyone around. People followed _him_ around.

"I saw you behind the Blue Point and figured I'd ask you what the hell you were thinking, yesterday." He said. His face was absolutely unreadable and I couldn't tell if he was teasing me or if he was serious.

"I probably wasn't." I said. I had done a lot of silly things, but I knew what he was referring to. Best to play it cagey, I thought.

"If you're gonna kiss me, I want my kiss done right." He said, planting a brief but powerful kiss on my mouth. It was over before I had the chance to react. His lips had been firm, and mine were tingling.

"Now we're even." Ace added with no small amount of satisfaction. Part of me wanted to grab him and kiss him again, thinking that all was fair in love and war, but I remembered just how much Bev seemed to like him.

"Cut it out." I said. I made a show of wiping my mouth as if I was absolutely disgusted. Ace grinned at me.

"You want me to do it again, Doll?" He asked. I glared at him as the end of the train passed us by. I resumed walking along the tracks.

"Beverly Thomas came over to my house to spend the night last night." I said. I waited for Ace to register some sort of emotion, like shame that he'd kissed another girl, but he just shrugged casually.

"I'm thinking...you shouldn't be kissing other people." I said with regret. I was dying for a longer kiss than the one I'd gotten. Ace looked at me funny and grabbed me by the shoulder to stop me.

"What are you talking about?" He asked. I crinkled my eyebrows in confusion. Did we not just kiss? I touched my lips unconsciously and Ace started to laugh.

"Just now? That wasn't a real kiss. Nah, I was just fooling with you, Diamond Doll." Ace said. He was teasing me again and I cursed myself for even thinking about taking him seriously.

"Do you want me to kiss you, for real?" Ace asked. I felt my face redden.

"You shouldn't be kissing other people." I repeated. I kept on walking and it was then that I finally began to understand the concept of self-discipline. I wanted to maul Ace and kiss him senseless, but I resisted.

"Bev's all right. But she knows I ain't the marryin' kinda guy. If she ends up gettin' serious about me, it sure as hell ain't my fault." Ace said. It hurt me to hear him say that for a lot of reasons.

"All the same, she's my friend." I told him. I stared at my keds and tried to ignore the fact that our hands kept brushing past each other as we walked side by side.

"Are you saying that Bev is the only reason you don't wanna kiss me right now?" Ace said suddenly. I froze and closed my eyes. There was no backtracking this cable car, dammit.

"No. You're a creep. But you shouldn't kiss _other_ girls. I wasn't talking about me." I said. Smooth, Marley, I told myself. Ace didn't believe a word of it, and he smiled like he had one over on me. I must have died about twelve times in five minutes, just replaying the same words over and over again.

Eventually Ace changed the blessed subject.

"So what exactly are you doing walking the tracks?" Ace asked me. I wondered what I could tell him. I hadn't prepared an excuse ahead of time but I didn't want to admit the truth. I hesitated.

"Ray Brower." I said. The name was like an atom bomb that reached inside Ace and drew out all his anger and frustration. Memories of the past were flooding back in droves.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ace said.

"It means that I know something else happened to him. I'm trying to find out what that was." I admitted. Ace scoffed at me.

"You're the weirdest chick I ever met, you know that?" He said. I adjusted my pack behind me and gave him a defiant look.

"Nobody's asking you to come along." I said, even though I didn't want him to leave. Ace rolled his eyes.

"If all you want is to go to Back Harlow, we can make it in my car." Ace said. In truth, the idea sounded wonderful to me. I'd have more time to explore and I wouldn't be alone.

"Fine. But we aren't making _anything_ in your car, you dig?" I asked. Ace hid one of those rare smiles.

* * *

"So...uh, how come you don't got a boyfriend?" Ace asked me. We'd been in the car for ten minutes and already I wished I hadn't wanted him to come with me. His questions were getting pretty personal.

"I told you. I don't date." I said. I stared out the window but there was nothing to see, nothing to distract my eyes.

"That Frankie kid seems to like you. He was nearly drooling all over himself yesterday." Ace said. He sounded a little annoyed.

"Frankie? He's okay, I guess. I like his work ethic." I said. Frankie would do his part in a pinch, and then some. Ace kept rolling his eyes until I wondered if he was starting to get a headache.

"What do you like in a guy, then?" Ace asked about a minute later. The question caught my by surprise, and I really had no idea how to answer it since I really didn't think much about stuff like that. At least, I hadn't used to.

"I don't know." I answered somewhat honestly. I glanced sideways over at Ace and admired the sinewy cut of his arm peeking out through his black t-shirt. Oh, I was beginning to _know_, all right.

"But it helps if the guy is a decent human being. And not the kind of person who would break a kid's fingers just because he lost face in front of all his friends." I added. I could see Ace grinding his teeth together from the corner of my eye.

"I bet Frankie's never touched a kid in his life." Ace said harshly and somewhat condescendingly.

"Who knows? I only talk to the guy in class." I said. I looked out the window again and still there was nothing.

"Charlie would take you out in a heartbeat." Ace mentioned, as if this entire conversation was as natural as green grass in a pasture.

"What?" I asked. I was getting pretty uncomfortable with the tension in the car. I didn't know where it was coming from or how to steer it in another direction, but I was about ready to throw myself from the window.

"Yeah. He still talks about how you got naked in his backyard." Ace said with that merciless grin.

"I was never completely naked." I said.

"I still wish I'd been there." Ace replied. I started to wonder how long it would take for me to roll down the window.

"Screw you, Ace Merrill. What kind of an asshole says stuff like that when he's got a girl like Bev Thomas?" I said heatedly.

"Will you give it a rest with that? She's not my girl. I just take her out sometimes." Ace explained. A few minutes of silence set in and I fidgeted, wondering whether to be happy for me or upset for Bev. In the end, I was both.

"What...what do _you_ look for in a girl?" I asked. I had never been this brave before, but my curiosity was eating me alive. I shouldn't have asked, because Ace wasn't about to answer my question legitimately.

"She's gotta be sexy. A real pin-up doll." Ace said. He glanced over at me and made a big show of looking me over with disdain.

"And she's gotta be a real woman who knows what she wants and goes after it...but she wouldn't be afraid to let the man be the man." He added. None of this sounded like me at all. Ace Merrill wanted Bettie Page, not stupid egghead Marlene Haines.

"Come to think of it, if Frankie asked me out sometime, I'd probably go with him." I said. The statement clammed Ace up real quick and neither of us spoke until we got to the Royal River.

* * *

I walked back over to the place with the strange dent and made circles around it like I had last time, but I still hadn't discovered anything new. Nothing had changed since last time, and the only reason I had wanted to come back at all was that I felt that maybe I could find that missing bucket.

Now that I was no longer in a rush, maybe I _would_...

Ace leaned against a tree, smoking a cigarette with a scowl on his face. Our conversation had soured, and that, combined with revisiting the scene of the crime where he'd been embarrassed beyond what his ego would accept, had put him in a foul mood.

I avoided the four-foot dropoff near the river and bit my lip. What had I really expected would happen? That bucket was as good as gone.

I sighed and climbed down the dropoff, taking off my shoes and slipping my bare feet into the Royal. The water was brisk and somewhat chilly, and I thought about how much of my summer I had wasted feeling sorry for myself because Dad had left and I was moving to a new town.

I glanced behind me and realized I could barely see Ace through the trees. This gave me a wicked idea.

I thought about the incident way back on the first day of school when I changed behind a sheet in Charlie Hogan's backyard. Ace wished he'd been there, or so he said. My plan was to get down to my skivvies, pop in the river for a few minutes, put my clothes back on, and then go to where Ace was standing and tell him he missed me getting naked again.

My only defense for this moment of madness was the fact that I was sleep deprived and had just undergone a major realization of devastating proportions. I couldn't have been more upset with myself if I'd gotten a crush on Mussolini.

I'd removed my keds and dungarees and was just slipping out of my shirt when I felt someone standing behind me.

"All this was a setup? I feel so used." Ace said with dry humor. Instead of turning around, I splashed into the river and wasted no time covering myself up to the neck. Some plan, I thought.

"I wanted to go for a swim." I said. Ace nodded and he probably already knew he had the upper hand. At some point I'd have to get out and I didn't think he planned on moving. He would end up seeing me half-naked anyway, and wet.

"You...wanna join me?" I asked. At least then we'd be on even footing. I sent a wave of water splashing over to him and grinned.

"Nah, I think I'll just watch." He said. Undeterred, I reached out and tried to pull him in by the leg of his pants. He took a step back and dragged me out of the water, climbing on top of me until I was successfully pinned down.

I looked up at him and admired his handsome features. He was so beautiful up close. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch his lips.

Ace stared down at me and even though I didn't know anything about "moments" between boys and girls, I knew we were having one right then. This was just the sort of moment I'd read about in books where the boy kisses the girl and romance ensues.

But evidently, Ace had not read those books.

As I lay shivering, wet and nearly naked on the banks of the Royal River, Ace looming on top of me like one of the dashing leading men from my mother's Harlequin romance novels, he ended up surprising me by letting me go and tossing me my clothes.

That was it? Did I miss something? I felt pretty damn stupid. And ugly. And about as appealing as a mud-drenched catfish. Not to mention feeling like a backstabber.

Ace turned around while I put on my clothes, and I remember thinking how strange it was. Ace had given me every indication that he was the kinda guy who would enjoy ogling a girl in her underwear. The fact that he didn't reminded me I was no Bettie Page.


	22. IOU

After I was dressed, I sat near the Royal and hugged myself to keep warm. My clothes were wet and even though the day was warm and sunny, it was still October. I congratulated myself on the execution of the stupidest idea of the school year thus far.

It had been really easy to imagine that Ace liked me. He always seemed to be hanging around, and he teased me a lot. But I wasn't anything special.

Ace was standing behind me, smoking another cigarette. Things had gotten awkward really fast, and neither of us really knew what to say.

I tried to skip a few pebbles across the water, but I'd never been any good at that. And anyway, I was too depressed to really make the effort.

"Can we go back?" I asked him. Ace gave a nod and I stood up to follow him out of the wooded clearing. We crossed the train tracks of the GS and WM until we came to the familiar '52 Ford, parked beside a ditch.

I stood beside Ace and suddenly remembered my wet clothes.

"I don't guess you have a towel or anything?" I said. I began to feel self-conscious that my chest was visible through my white shirt. I wasn't wearing one of those new "womanly" brassieres my mother had gotten me.

Ace shook his head and avoided looking at me. I felt incredibly ignored.

"Look, am I really that gross?" I asked, giving Ace a less than friendly push. Ace responded by shoving me against the driver's side door, which I liked and disliked in equal portions. His hands wrapped around my waist and he pulled me in closer, looking me in the eyes a split second before he went in for a kiss.

Bev was absolutely right...Ace was an amazing kisser. His lips were so raw and primal, filling me with such animal lust that I knew I was in big trouble. If sex felt even an iota better than that kiss, I wanted it, and bad.

When I felt Ace's tongue slide into my mouth, I was in Heaven.

Before I was ready for it to be over, Ace ended the kiss and stepped back. He had a strange look on his face and for a second I thought I had done something wrong. I had never really been kissed before...maybe I'd made a mistake.

"What is it?" I asked. My hands were resting on his chest and I realized that his shirt was wet, too. Ace took my hands away from his chest and held them down by my sides.

"Take it easy, okay?" Ace said, popping yet another cigarette in his mouth. He lit it and sighed heavily. I glanced at him cluelessly and hoped he would tell me what was going on.

"Who gave you the right to kiss like that, huh, Doll?" Ace asked, amused. My cheeks grew red hot and I kinda figured out why he'd wanted to stop.

"I'm sorry." I said, more out of habit than actually being sorry. Secretly I was thrilled.

"You kiss a guy like that, you're gonna find yourself on your back pretty quick." He said. I hadn't really felt dirty until then, and I started to wonder if there was something in my nature that made me a crazy, lustful creature. It was Ace's fault, though. I'd never felt this way until he showed up.

"Like hell. I can take care of myself." I said, somewhat defensively. I didn't like his casual implications that I could sleep around.

"I mean it. Guys are fucking animals." Ace replied harshly, his cigarette perched on the edge of his bottom lip. He opened the car door and got inside, glaring at me and gesturing for me to get a move on.

I sighed and was both relieved _and_ disappointed to notice that nothing felt different between us.

* * *

The ride was quiet and Ace dropped me off near the Blue Point Diner once we got back into Castle Rock, per my request.

The truth was, I wanted to go to his Uncle's shop downtown, but I knew he'd never deliberately take me there in a thousand years. "Uncle" Reggie was probably the only person in town who could sell me a baseball. My throbbing brow bone reminded me that I had been responsible for losing Vern's.

I watched Ace drive off and wondered if he had plans with Bev. The very thought made me incredibly mad. When Ace was completely out of sight, I started walking in the direction of "The Emporium Galorium." I thought about the kiss as I went along, realizing that it wasn't just about Ace and me. Chris and Gordie would feel betrayed if they knew, not to mention Jane and Bev, and the rest of their friends. And my Mother would throw a fit.

I'd just have to forget about it. Pretend like it never happened. I was reasonably sure Ace would do the same thing, except for the occasional teasing comments he might throw my way. I didn't want to hurt anybody.

I slipped into Reggie's shop and noticed him counting an impressive stack of bills next to an empty can of Crisco. This guy apparently didn't believe in safety deposit boxes.

"How ya been, Girly?" Reggie asked me in a friendly tone, barely looking up from the mountain of money. I smiled shyly and wondered what I would say if he tried to convince me to place any bets that day. I was mainly there for the replacement baseball, with a slight touch of revenge.

"Just fine, Reggie. Things good with you?" I asked. Reggie grinned at me like he was genuinely surprised I could make small talk. He eventually rolled the bills and bound them with a thick rubber band, shoving them into the can of Crisco when he was finished.

"Same ol,' same ol.' Now...what can I do for you?" Reggie asked. I noticed he put the money underneath his cash register and kept pretty close to it at all times.

"Do you have a baseball I can buy?" I wondered. I almost added that I really needed it, but if Reggie thought I was desperate, I knew he'd jack up the price. Instead I tried to look as nonchalant about it as possible.

"A baseball, huh? One to play, or one for display?" He asked. He chuckled at his little rhyme and he pointed toward a small glass display that had a few autographed pieces of sports paraphernalia. Baseballs, baseball cards, a signed football, a jersey, and a framed photo of the entire Kentucky basketball team during the 58' NCAA finals.

"Oh, just one to play around with sometimes." I said.

Reggie walked over to me and slid aside a partition of glass to pluck a shiny new baseball from its cradle in the display. He placed it in my hand and smiled at me winningly. He encouraged me to look closer and I noticed the even scrawl of an autograph. The baseball had been signed by Sandy Koufax, lefty pitcher for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

"No kidding?" I said, in awe. The Dodgers were having a pretty good year. I tried not to look too impressed, but it was hard.

"Sure. No charge." Reggie said. I gave him a suspicious look and waited for him to give me the catch. There _had_ to be a catch.

"A favor for a favor?" Reggie suggested. My face darkened as I stared at the ball, rolling it back and forth in my hand.

"What kind of favor?" I asked. Reggie's eyes twinkled in a scary sort of way and I knew whatever it was, I probably didn't want anything to do with it.

"Just a favor. I'll probably never have to ask, but the ball's yours free of charge. And if, one day, I think of something you can do...I'll cash in." Reggie said smoothly. I stood there contemplating for about a minute, feeling oddly scared to tell Reggie Merrill "no."

"I've got money. I can pay." I said. I didn't know how much the ball was gonna cost me but I would have rather paid double than give this guy a blank check.

"Come on, kiddo, we're friends. What's a little favor between friends?" Reggie said. I nearly balked at the word 'friends' and figured he had a much looser definition than I did.

"I don't have anything or do anything special. You'd get more use out of a favor from someone else." I said. Reggie shook his head patiently, patronizingly.

"Don't sell yourself short, sweetheart. Anyway, you're getting the better end of the deal. I have a good feeling about the Dodgers in the World Series. That ball is gonna be worth a lot more in the next week." Reggie purred.

I glanced back at the ball in my hand and imagined the look on Vern's face when I gave it to him. It was the only way I could think of to make amends for all the bad luck I had caused. And Joey Campion would have to eat his words about me being a jinx if the Dodgers actually won.

"Nothing illegal, right?" I asked. Reggie put on a face of mock surprise.

"I don't do _that_, darlin.' Whatever I end up asking you to do for me is going to be on the level." Reggie said. He smiled wickedly, and I could see myself falling into a giant mouse trap of his design, but I wanted that ball too damn much to really care about the consequences.

"All right, Mr. Reggie. But maybe we should make sure we're on the same page about what counts as _on the level_." I told him.

* * *

I walked up to the Tessio house in high spirits. With one gesture I hoped to undo the bad karma of two rotten baseball games.

I knocked on the door and a few seconds later, Billy showed up with an idiotic grin on his face. He leaned his arm against the doorframe and looked me up and down, as he and Charlie both did in remembrance of that cursed incident. I should never have taken off the damned corset.

"Godiva." Billy said. I tried to peek around the door but Billy was blocking my view.

"Is Vern around?" I asked. Billy scowled and swore under his breath.

"That ass-pigeon's around here, somewhere. What do you want with _him_?" Billy asked me. It was amazing how two brothers could hate each other so much. Chris and Eyeball were the exact same way.

"I just wanted to talk to him about something." I said. Billy looked like he wanted to say something else, but eventually he thought better of it and turned around to call for Vern. We waited for a little bit and Billy looked at me with a shrug.

"Who knows where that sumbitch is." Billy said. I nodded and felt my stomach drop a little. I hated that I missed him.

"Thanks, anyway." I said. Billy closed the door behind him and I began walking down the steps of their front porch, the ball hidden safely in my knapsack.

"Marley, is that you?" I heard a raspy voice from behind. I turned on my heel and noticed Vern waving at me from underneath his porch. I smiled a little as I realized he must have still been looking for those pennies. They'd probably turn up along with photographic evidence of the Loch Ness monster.

"Yeah, it's me." I said. Vern beckoned for me to crawl under the porch with him and I obliged, not having worn anything I was afraid to dirty up.

"I don't think I should be talkin' to you anymore, Marley." Vern whispered. I settled next to him and looked around at all the holes he'd made over the past ten months. That's what I called dedication.

"Why not?" I asked. Vern looked at his hands resting in his lap somewhat guiltily.

"Some of the guys really don't like you." Vern admitted. It wasn't anything new. My black eye was proof enough that _somebody_ hated me.

"Does that mean we're not friends, anymore?" I asked him. It was silly, the whole thing...but it did kind of hurt.

"I don't know." Vern said, as if he hadn't really thought about it. I wondered if we would still walk to school together and if I would still be welcome at the Clubhouse. With Joey Campion and the DeSpains around, though, I didn't think it would be wise.

"It's okay. I understand. People have been shot for less." I said with a dark smile. I was older than Vern, and more mature. It shouldn't have hurt my feelings that he would stop being my friend over something as stupid as an accident.

I grabbed the ball from my knapsack and tossed it over to him before crawling out from underneath the porch. I didn't wait to see the look on his face because it didn't really matter to me anymore.

* * *

"This may be my last visit here." I said somewhat idly, glancing around the walls of the Clubhouse instead of at the cards in my hand. Chris rolled his eyes at the melodramatic lilt in my voice.

"You should have gotten him an extra ball. That way he'd actually have a set." Chris smirked. I hid a smile.

"If the rest of the guys have a problem with you being here, they can go screw. You knock?" Gordie asked. I nodded even though I had no idea what cards I had.

"I knock." Chris said. They both looked at my hand and smirked.

"Did you forget how to play?" Chris asked. I slapped the cards against the crate for Gordie to shuffle and tried to get my head clear.

It had been a weird day.

"No. But if the Dodgers actually win the Series this year, I might have to hurt Vern." I said at length. Gordie and Chris looked at me for a second before laughing.

"What? I still have no idea how I paid for it, yet. That ball could be worth a lot." I mumbled. Gordie nudged my shoulder.

"The hell you talking about?" He asked.

"Did you buy it with magic beans?" Chris said as he picked up his fresh hand of cards.

"Reggie Merrill wouldn't take cash. So now I owe him a favor." I replied sheepishly. My decisions never seemed stupid or ridiculous until I talked to someone else about them.

"Are you serious?" Gordie asked. Chris glanced at me for a bit and then shook his head.

"Marley, has anyone ever told you that you're an idiot?" Chris said.

Yes, in hindsight it was pretty stupid, and if giving Vern the baseball had fixed my reputation as the local jinx, I wouldn't have cared just _how_ stupid. But it hadn't worked, and I knew I was pretty screwed.

"If he wants me to do something I don't agree with, I'll just bargain with cash." I said. Chris scoffed and threw his cards down.

"Ol' Pop Merrill doesn't bargain." Chris said. Gordie glanced at Chris and then me.

"He's got guys who do stuff. I'd ask Vern for the ball back." Gordie said.

"I'd rather die. I have my pride, ya know?" I exclaimed. Asking Vern for the ball back would make me an Indian Giver, which was almost worse than being a jinx.

"Death may be your only option if you don't." Chris said darkly. I couldn't tell if the boys were exaggerating just for fun, and something told me they _were_ taking liberties...but there was something unsettling about the matter all the same.

"What can he do, really? People would notice if the local grieving widow lost her daughter." I said. Gordie and Chris glanced at each other again and aside from being a little nervous about the favor situation, I noticed just how close Chris and Gordie were.

They knew each other well enough that they could have whole conversations just by looking at each other, no words needed.

If truth be told, it made me pretty jealous. I'd never had that kind of relationship with anyone before, and I guess I could honestly say I'd never had a best friend. Ace Merrill was just about the closest thing I had to a legitimate best friend.

The thought made me turn green.

"Just watch your back. Do your favor if it ain't too bad." Chris said. I couldn't imagine what kind of favor Reggie Merrill would want from me...I didn't really have anything to offer. Something told me it would be something odd and seemingly inane, but would contribute to his vast network in town.

According to Gordie and Chris, Reggie Merrill had at least one finger in every pie in town... in one way or another. Even though nobody ever said it outright, it seemed like Reggie was the richest person in town. But his business practices were illegal, and anyone connected with him usually kept their mouth shut about it.

Uncle Reggie probably owned the quietest fortune in the West.


	23. If Thy Right Hand Offend Thee

Sunday, the day after Ace had given me my first kiss (or had it been taken?), was a fairly uneventful day. Mom, Betsey, and I went to church, we visited the Park, and in the afternoon we played dominos in the living room. We were trying to teach Betsey not to throw them.

The day was like any ordinary Sunday, except for the telegram I'd gotten.

Sundays were the only day of the week that the telegram truck came into Castle Rock, and imagine my surprise when said truck pulled in front of our house on Gerry Street and delivered an official telegram to me, _in my name_.

"Oh, that must be from Kenny!" My mother squealed, trying to peek over my shoulder as I began to tear open the telegram. I shook my head emphatically.

"Why would Kenny send me a telegram when he could just call me? He did last week." I said. People only seemed to use telegrams anymore to communicate with people who had no phones, like Chris and Vern.

"Then who is it from?" Mom asked as we walked back into the house. I looked at the first line and felt the blood drain from my face.

"Um, it's from the Sisters. They don't know my number here and they wanted to see how I was doing." I lied. My mother nodded pleasantly and bought every word of it.

"That's nice. You need to remember to call them later." Mom said. She wandered into the nursery to check on Betsey, who was still down for her nap. I made a beeline to my room and closed the door behind me, clutching the telegram to my chest and feeling shivers all over.

The telegram read:

**Sugarplum I miss you lots Will come visit soon All my love to you and Betsey PS Don't tell Mom**

I swallowed hard and asked myself how in the world my father expected to waltz into Castle Rock for a visit without my mother finding out about it. He'd have a better chance drawing less attention as a traveling salesman.

A part of me felt really happy to see Dad again. I was still mad at him for screwing everything up and running out on us, but he was still my dad. I missed going to baseball games with him and going to see B movies together at the Cineplex downtown.

I knew my mom would feel betrayed if I met up with him, especially in secret.

I folded the telegram, stuck it in the back pocket of my dungarees, and got ready for work.

* * *

"Hey, Vic...what if you were sitting on top of a big secret?" I asked.

Vic and I were waxing the floors that night because Pop told us they were looking a little dingy. Vic had been holding onto my arm for the last twenty minutes to make sure I didn't go flailing into the nearest wall.

"What kind of a secret?" Vic asked. He applied more wax solution and I gingerly polished it into the floor with a clean rag.

"A secret that would really hurt some people if they knew." I said. Vic gave me an odd look and chuckled a little to himself.

"I was wondering when you were gonna admit it." Vic said. I blinked a few times.

"This is a brand-new, showroom secret. I just learned about it this afternoon." I told him. Vic nodded somewhat skeptically.

"Sure. But I've been noticing it going on for a week or two." He said. I must have looked completely confused because Vic started to laugh.

"Who do you think you're fooling with that act, Cinderella? I know you're real gone on Ace Merrill." Vic exclaimed.

"I am not!" I said a little too loudly. Vic stared at me and then shook his head, making a tsk tsk sound between his teeth.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Vic said with humor. My eyes grew wide.

"Don't you _ever_ use Shakespeare against me again, Vic Trenton...you scum-bucket." I said, pointing at him with a quivering finger. I had never been this close to losing my mind before, and it felt an awful lot like being inside a soap opera.

"Save the drama for your Mama, Marley. You asked me about what I'd do if I had a secret?" Vic asked. I nodded, feeling really silly and immature.

"I guess it depends. If the secret is gonna go away pretty fast, I wouldn't bother telling anybody who'd be hurt by it. They probably wouldn't find out anyway." Vic began.

I nodded and realized that my dad probably wouldn't stay in town for very long at all and maybe it would be better if I kept it to myself. Vic kept looking at me and I began to feel like I was beneath a spotlight on a large stage.

"But if the secret is gonna get bigger...you need to come clean as soon as possible." Vic eyed me meaningfully. I shrugged.

"I doubt the secret is gonna last more than two or three days." I admitted. Vic glanced at me in disbelief.

"It's already lasted more than a week." Vic muttered. He closed the wax solution and tossed both of our rags onto the nearest chair.

"You've been inhaling too much Glo-Coat." He added. The two of us slipped into a booth and began to wait while the polish dried.

"Listen, Marley...I know we don't know each other too well, and I know that you've got issues with men-"

"Whoa, hold it, Vic. You're not _sixty_. You're way too young to be talking like this." I said. Vic ignored me.

"Marley, you and I both know that you have got some major feelings for Ace Merrill. Does he know that you like him?" Vic asked. I made a disgruntled face and shook my head. I'd sooner take those feelings to the grave with me than tell him.

"So you plan to just wait for those feelings to go away?" Vic had kept his eyes on me steadily the whole time and it was really starting to get to me.

"Yes. If I wait long enough, they're bound to disappear." I said. I had no proof of this, but it sounded good at the time. I'd read enough ridiculous stories about unrequited love to know that I was determined to make my feelings go away.

"And if they don't?" Vic asked. He leaned back against his side of the booth and I wondered how he had gotten to the point where he could talk like some jaded fifty-something-year-old man. He'd been spending too much time around Pop.

"Oh, please. I could never really like Ace. Look at what he did to my cousin!" I said. Another secret had slipped out of me in a moment of passion and I was extremely grateful I'd never been a spy for Allied Intelligence. Hitler would have taken over the world, for sure.

"What did he do?" Vic asked.

"You know, he just picks on kids and he's such a mean bully." I said to cover my tracks. Vic nodded and it seemed the whole town knew most, if not all, of Ace Merrill's many exploits.

"Still...the way you've been looking at him, lately..." Vic started to say something but never finished. Pop had just come back from meeting the delivery truck behind the shop.

"All right, you lazy bums. Let's get back to work." Pop said.

* * *

Around 11, Pop closed up. I glanced at the empty bench and fully admitted to myself how disappointing that was. Ace was getting to be a comfortable fixture in my life, and if I wasn't extremely careful from then on, I was going to get hurt.

"'Night, Marley." Vic said as he walked off to join his dad.

I sat down on the bench with a small sigh as I considered my conversation with Vic a bit earlier. Did I want to tell Ace my feelings? I knew if I did, it would be akin to opening Pandora's box. If he returned my feelings, then everything would get very complicated.

I wasn't even sure I wanted to fall for Ace. I wasn't sure I wanted to fall for _anyone_. It hadn't gotten my mom anywhere.

But despite not wanting it to happen (Vic was absolutely right), it was already happening in front of my face. I just hadn't paid attention because I was busy thinking about other things.

I was falling for Ace.

I closed my eyes and pictured the look he gave me right before the kiss. It made me burn up inside. I wanted Ace to touch me all over.

I opened my eyes feeling somewhat guilty. Did Jane have feelings like this? Bev probably did. I started to imagine Ace touching Bev in the ways I wanted him to touch me. I stood up from the bench in a huff.

"Bastard." I mumbled under my breath. As I strode past the alley, a sudden flash of high-beams caught me off-guard. The '52 Ford was nestled behind the Suds Laundromat and at my approach, Ace honked the horn rather loudly.

He'd scared the shit out of me and I was taking deep breaths to calm down. For all I knew, his uncle Reggie had forgotten about his favor and wanted to make me a human pancake. I flipped Ace the bird before I walked over to the passenger side door and climbed in.

"How ya doin,' Doll?" Ace asked. I closed the door behind me and was enveloped by Ace Merrill's signature smell. I turned away before I did something really stupid, like maul him with kisses.

"Fine." I said somewhat curtly. Ace gave a short laugh.

"That's what I like about you, Doll. I can always tell what's on your mind." He said with ease. I nearly laughed myself because he had no idea what was _really_ on my mind.

I stayed quiet and let my head and hormones battle it out between themselves. Ace Merrill gave me feelings I didn't want, and now my body was fighting my brain for supremacy. If I could make it out of this car without touching Ace, I knew I'd have those desires beat.

I clutched the door handle to keep my hands occupied.

"There's something I need you to help me with." Ace said suddenly. I glanced over at him, still unused to this rare, humble tone of voice.

"What's that?" I asked.

"That History test is tomorrow and if have to count on you to slip me the answers, McFarland is gonna send me up the river." Ace said. I had almost forgotten about the whole Myra incident.

"One more strike and you're out?" I asked. Ace nodded slowly, finally pulling onto Main Street. I felt the tension in my shoulders ease up. I wouldn't have to cheat, and I couldn't describe how relieved I was about that.

"So you're gonna help me cram." Ace said. I did a double-take. If I had been drinking or eating something, I would have spit it out in surprise.

"You? Study?" I said incredulously. Ace shot me a mean look.

"Do you think I'm stupid or something?" He said. I shook my head apologetically.

"It's not that. A week ago you were hellbound and determined not to study. I just can't believe you changed your mind." I admitted.

"Well, believe it. Anyway, it's your fault. If you were a little smoother, this wouldn't be a problem." Ace said. It was true. Mr. Carter had started paying closer attention to me ever since I'd gotten in trouble in Home Ec.

"Hey, a girl's got a right to speak her mind." I said. Ace looked over at me and smiled briefly before turning back to the wheel.

"That Virginia Woolf stuff." He said. Those very words made me feel kind of light inside.

"You looked her up?" I asked. Even if he hadn't, I was still touched that he'd remembered.

Ace didn't answer me and it was then I realized that we weren't going to my house. Not that it should have been a big shock...he had said he wanted to cram, and my house was the last place we could actually cram.

"Um, where are we going?" I wondered. We were headed further into the backwoods of town, where there were more fields, more trees, and fewer houses.

"My house." Ace said, as if it were no big deal. My jaw fell open.

"Your house? But it's after eleven. What about your folks?" I asked. Ace shrugged off the question as easily as water off a duck's back. This was Ace Merrill...his parents probably fell in line pretty quick with whatever he wanted.

A few minutes later, Ace pulled into a long stretch of dirt road that led to a nice, two-story farmhouse next to a large field. There were several trucks parked next to the house, but none of them looked road-worthy. It resembled a junkyard, somewhat.

The lights were off and I had the distinct impression that no one was home. Where were Ace's parents?

Ace climbed out of the car and I followed close behind him. I had never been more curious about anyone's house before in my life.

"Home sweet home." Ace said after unlocking the door. He snapped on a few lights and led me into a quaint little kitchen that looked a lot like my grandma's. Ace's US History book was already on the table, like it was waiting for us. I fought the urge to go exploring and instead took a seat at the kitchen table.

I wanted to see what Ace's life was like outside of school, and outside of our illicit carpool. Looking around his house seemed like a good way to peek inside Ace's mind. But not tonight, apparently. Maybe not ever.

"So?" Ace said, sitting beside me at the table. He glanced at his textbook with a bored expression on his face, and I wondered just how late I'd be getting home.

"Do you pay attention in class...at all?" I asked curiously. Ace grinned at me and I instantly knew what it must have felt like for a teacher to have a smartass student like him in class. I wanted to throttle him.

"This is a big test, Ace. It covers over a hundred years worth of material." I said, trying to impress upon him the severity of the situation.

"Then get crackin,' Doll." Ace said, leaning back in his chair. I gripped the book with something like despair and Chris' words came back to me like a nasty ghost: '_You'd make a great teacher, Marley._' Like hell, I thought to myself sourly.

"Then let's start with the original colonies." I said with a heavy sigh. I opened the book and together, Ace and I hit the highlights of absolutely everything that was going to be on the test. Or, at least, everything Mr. Carter had told us would be on the test.

I was so sure Ace's eyes were going to glaze over and he'd fall asleep, but his eyes stayed focused and his attentions were fully on the material. He was able to recall most of the information we'd covered when I quizzed him on it after the cram session was over, and I was definitely impressed.

Ace may have been lazy and unmotivated, but I figured he was a lot smarter than anyone ever gave him credit for. If Ace actually wanted to, he could probably get into college. He had the raw intelligence...if he picked up a few good study habits, he'd be golden.

"Think I'll pass?" He asked me, with a smug look on his face. He knew he would pass.

"Just take it seriously and don't be a jackass on the essay questions." I said, yawning. It was nearing two in the morning as I closed the History book and laid my head on the kitchen table. I would have fallen asleep right there if it hadn't been for that crazy feeling in my stomach.

"It's gettin' kinda late. You wanna just stay here and I'll take you to school in the morning?" Ace said, fumbling around in his pockets for a package of cigarettes. I nearly shrieked out loud as I sat straight up in my chair.

"Stay here? Are you crazy? My mom would know. I'd be in such deep shit." I said. Ace grinned at me wickedly. It had seemed like he was getting a real kick out of seeing me all worried and freaked out. The cigarettes were temporarily forgotten.

"What if I don't take you back?" Ace asked, baiting me. He leaned in closer to me, draping his arm across the back of his chair. My face fell and I could see in my mind the little castle of lies I had painstakingly built...and in one night, that castle would crumble to kingdom come.

"You have to...you just have to..." I pleaded. I placed my hand on his right arm before I thought about what I was doing. The mere act of touching him sent a jolt of excitement through me. I let go immediately, like his arm was a creepy spider. Ace gave me a self-satisfied smirk and slipped his hand on the back of my chair, leaning into me as if offering himself.

As if he knew I wouldn't be able to resist.

God help me, I thought, as I linked my arms around his neck and kissed him square on the mouth. I knew this was dangerous territory, but I'd honestly never felt this good before. What was the point of living life if you couldn't have a few moments like this?

I felt Ace's hands tighten around my hips, dragging me closer to him. When I was practically in his lap, Ace brought one hand to my chin, pulling it down so he had deeper access to my mouth. His tongue made me forget about everything, even about Bev and my mother.

Ace's lips broke away from mine and immediately went to the side of my neck. I was glad to catch my breath, and whatever he was doing felt wonderful. It tickled a bit, too, and I bit the side of my lip to keep from giggling.

When Ace's lips reached my collarbone, I gasped. It was a different sensation entirely and it only increased my need for Ace to touch me. I wanted to be touched everywhere by him, with his lips, his hands, his tongue. As the realization hit me that I was willing to get completely naked in front of him, I began to pull away.

Ace released me and I stood up somewhat awkwardly. I was like a car on cinder blocks with the wheels spinning into oblivion with nowhere to go. I clamped my hand over my mouth and was able to feel just how swollen my lips were.

Ace stood up soon after, his face devoid of expression. I couldn't tell if he was mad, or confused, or what.

He grabbed his keys from the table and walked out of the kitchen. I followed him quietly, thinking myself rather lucky for having a moment of clarity. I had no idea what would have happened if I hadn't. Strike that...I knew exactly what would have happened.

The car ride back to my house was quiet and tense, but I wasn't about to try and ease it. What was I thinking?

When Ace pulled up on Gerry Street, he stopped less than a block away from my house. As I turned to climb out of his car, I stopped and opened my mouth, like I was going to say something. But what could I have said?

Ace was the one to break the silence.

"Fair warning, Doll. I'm not gonna stop next time." He said. I felt my cheeks burning in the dark as I exited the car.


	24. The Father Figure

"Where's Teddy and Vern?" I asked, even though I didn't need to. I already knew where they were.

"The DeSpains." Gordie supplied.

It was just Chris, Gordie, and I on the long, lonely walk to Mabelvale High. After being branded a jinx, I had become the worst social pariah this side of the equator. At least, the worst social pariah in the 11-13 age set.

"I replaced his fucking ball." I muttered. Gordie and Chris looked at me strangely.

"You on the rag or something, Haines?" Chris asked. I glared at him but didn't respond. It wasn't like I could just explain that I'd almost committed a mortal sin with Ace Merrill the night before.

It didn't seem a wise thing to discuss.

Gordie and Chris started talking about one of their new teachers while I lagged behind. I knew Gordie and Chris would probably always be my friends, but here lately I was beginning to see all of us drifting apart.

Teddy and Vern were much happier bossing around wimps like Joey and the twins than they were being equals with Gordie and Chris. Meanwhile Gordie and Chris were getting closer, the Ray Brower incident and the pressures of school and impending puberty drawing them together. Sometimes it didn't feel like there was much room for me.

It wasn't all on them, though.

All of this had happened while I had been watching Ace, and falling for him. I smirked when I realized maybe my mother was right about me finally becoming a woman.

Like today, I was suddenly so much more aware of how I looked. My hair, my face, the clothes I was wearing. My mom even helped me put on makeup to hide my hideous black eye.

I discovered I actually kind of wanted to look nice for Ace. God knows why, though. I knew I could never kiss him again.

And if I couldn't bear to spend time in his presence without kissing him, then I just didn't need to spend time with him anymore.

"What are you thinking about, Marley? Sheriff Honor?" Gordie wondered. I had told him about the latest developments with the Sheriff and Rose's murderer, and he had been very encouraging about the whole thing. But stuff was different now, and I hadn't thought a fig about Sheriff Honor since before Ace had ruined my life with his lips.

"Not really." I admitted. Gordie glanced at me and gave me an odd smile.

"You look nice today, Marley." He said. He looked like he was going somewhere with the comment, but he decided not to pursue it.

"I keep hiding the clothes Mom gets for me, but she always finds them." I explained. Gordie nodded and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"It's not what you think." I added. It didn't occur to me for a second that I was making it worse.

"Are you and "Clarence" finally going steady?" Chris asked with a smile.

"Go screw." I said. Chris, not one to let a joke go to waste too soon, pointed toward my exposed collarbone.

"Well..._somebody_ had to give you that hickey." He said, smirking. My eyes grew wide as I looked down and confirmed it for myself. I adjusted my shirt to cover the offending spot, my face flooding with embarrassment.

I didn't say a word the rest of the way to school. I was way too mad.

* * *

Even though my heart was pumping in my throat, I didn't let myself look in Ace's direction. Instead I tried to focus on the test papers that Mr. Carter was passing out.

All of the words on the test were in gibberish and I struggled for the whole entire period to get a hold of myself. Ace was turning me into some kind of lovesick puppy.

Thoughts of the night before were clouding my brain, and before I knew it, half the period was over before I had even written anything down.

_Shit_, I thought.

Somehow I got it together enough to squeak by, but I was the very last person to leave the class. I glanced at Ace's empty desk and sighed inwardly.

"Marlene? Could you stay behind for a bit? I'd like to speak with you." Mr. Carter said from behind his desk. He was neatly stacking the pile of test papers and slipping them into his briefcase.

I nodded wearily and went over to his desk in a bit of a panic, even though Ace and I hadn't cheated after all.

"Your grades are slipping. You've failed every pop quiz for the last two weeks." Mr. Carter said, his eyes showing deep concern. Part of me wondered why it mattered, since I wasn't going to college anyway.

"I've got a lot of things on my mind, Mr. Carter. I'm sorry." I said. Mr. Carter frowned.

"I'm very worried about you, Ms. Haines. I realize this is a very difficult time for you, but I want you to know that I think you have the potential to go on to a university." Mr. Carter said. My head snapped up and I realized Mr. Carter was dead serious.

"But that won't happen unless you buckle down." Mr. Carter fixed me with a stern expression. I nodded humbly, feeling flattered that he thought enough of me to care about my grades.

"I appreciate it, Mr. Carter, but I don't think college is in the cards for me." I said, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

"College is in the cards for anyone who works hard enough and wants it bad enough." Mr. Carter stated firmly.

"I can't afford it." I said, simply. Mr. Carter gave me a sympathetic glance and patted me on the shoulder.

"Then we'll just have to scout around for some scholarships, fellowships, whatever we can find..." He said, smiling at me. I felt a rush of happiness in that moment. It was like my life was being handed back to me.

If I really wanted to go to college, nothing should stop me. But what was stopping me?

"I can help you out if you are interested in going. But you have to get those grades back up, Ms. Haines." Mr. Carter said. I nodded slowly.

"I'd like that. And, I will." I said.

As we left the classroom, I started thinking about reasons why I didn't want to leave. Ace Merrill was the buzzer that went off in my head immediately.

I needed some guidance, and fast.

* * *

As soon as the last bell of the school day rang, I hightailed it out of the building and walked for seven straight blocks to 'Our Lady of the Serene Waters.'

When I entered the church, it was fairly dark and empty. There were no candles, and there didn't seem to be anyone around. I started wringing my hands together nervously and slipped into the confessional box to hide.

I wanted to get this off my chest.

As I knelt down at the blank screen, I crossed myself and burst into tears.

Father Bingham must have heard me from his office because I could see the outline of his form enter the other side of the confessional. He crossed himself as well.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. It has been...several months since my last confessions." I admitted.

"Go on." He said. I took a deep breath and made myself be completely honest.

"I've been having these impure thoughts, lately. I can't help myself. Sometimes when I'm alone with him, I don't know what I'll do. I was so very close to committing a horrible sin last night. These thoughts are eating me alive."

Father Bingham was silent for a bit, and I hoped he didn't recognize my voice.

"If you can't trust yourself with him, then you can't keep company with him." Bingham said, somewhat harshly. He wasn't a "father" father but he was sure starting to sound like one.

"He's my friend. He really understands me." I said, as if I could defend what I had done in some way.

"To resist the temptations of the flesh, you will spend an hour in silent prayer every night this week. You will not entertain thoughts of this person, because you will refuse to see this person. You must pray for him, and yourself. 2 'Our Fathers' every day, one in the morning, and one at night, and you will observe a somber seven days. No television, music, or whatever pleasurable pursuits you enjoy." Father Bingham said.

My mouth popped open in shock. I'd gone to confession every week in Chicago and Father McDowell had never been this strict with me. Usually a couple of 'Hail Marys' and a period of reflection was good enough penance for me.

"Yes, Father..." I said, somewhat hesitatingly. Father Bingham cleared his throat.

"There is something else on your mind?" He asked.

"Well...the reason I haven't been to confession...I just...it's about my dad." I blurted out. I hadn't planned on bringing him up, but God would know even if Father Bingham didn't.

"He left us and I haven't been able to forgive him for that...I haven't been able to forgive God, either." I said, feeling a few tears slip down my cheeks. It was something I hadn't wanted to think about.

"God is not to blame, my dear." Father Bingham said. This wasn't what I wanted to hear, though. It was so much easier to blame somebody. And I knew God could handle it better than my mom.

"She did all the right things, Father. They had a wonderful marriage, or at least I thought so. I just don't understand it...if things couldn't work out between them, how can it work out between anyone?" I cried. Father Bingham cleared his throat again, this time in discomfort. This was not exactly his area.

"God works in mysterious ways, but all for the good of His children. Even if we can't see it right away." Bingham said.

It was one of those typical answers, and it didn't help me nor did it take the pain away. But somehow the act of confessing and getting it out in the open had helped just a little, even though I hadn't found any real comfort.

"Thank you, Father. Please absolve me of these and all my past sins." I said, crossing myself for the last time.

* * *

I walked down Main Street on that late afternoon, mourning the loss of Ace's company for one whole week.

I passed by Irby's Billiards and I dared to peek through the chipped paint for a glimpse of him. Stupidly enough, I already missed his face.

Before I could make out his figure through the glass, I felt a set of large arms envelop me from behind, squeezing me close.

"Sugarplum." It was my dad's voice and I nearly had a heart attack from the shock of it.

It was too short notice...I wasn't ready...too many things could go wrong...

"Dad?" I turned around and sure enough, it was Cormac Haines. Fresh from Chicago, and presumably a honeymoon.

"In the flesh. I didn't know where to find you, so I've been walking up and down this stretch of road for the past two hours." He said, cheerfully.

My father had aged since I'd seen him last. It hadn't been too long, but the difference was noticeable. After another warm hug, my dad held me out at arm's length in order to get a better look at me. I had probably changed a lot, too.

The two of us just stared at each other for a little bit. We both missed each other, but after we hugged and the glow of the reunion moment was over...then all of the awkwardness came in and I realized maybe...the two of us didn't have a lot to say to each other.

"Um, how's Sherry?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light. I could see the guilt cross my father's face.

"She's fine." He said. He stroked my cheek fondly and I felt five years old again. This entire situation was too weird.

"What made you want to come here?" I asked. It was a little blunt for my father's tastes. He was a smoke blower much like good ol' Uncle Reggie.

"I wanted to see my Sugarplum. I've been trying to arrange a visit for a month, but your mother hasn't returned my calls." He said. I couldn't blame her.

"We've been busy getting settled." I said. Nearly everything I said seemed to hurt my dad, and it was so strange seeing this side of him. I had assumed that he was living the high life. He had money, a beautiful new wife, and best of all, the smudges of his past (i.e. _us_) had moved clear across the country.

But the man standing in front of me didn't fit that picture.

"I can understand that." He said. His eyes were soft and shiny as he looked at me. I could practically feel his regret at not being able to see us for the last few months.

"But you're here now." I said, trying to smile. I was surprised how difficult it was. While I was really happy to see my dad because I'd missed him, I was also a little angry that he'd just showed up out of the blue when I had so many other problems to deal with.

My father must have detected my resentment. He shuffled his feet a little guiltily.

"Listen, Marl, if this a bad time-"

"No, Dad. I'm just surprised, is all. I got your telegram yesterday and here you are." I explained. Dad nodded and chuckled a little.

"Well, no wonder. I'm sorry, Baby Doll." He said. I had forgotten that Dad called me that sometimes. It sounded so different coming from Ace, I guess.

"It's no problem. So, how long you staying?" I asked. My dad leaned forward slightly and kissed my forehead. When he looked down at me, I noticed the horrified expression on his face.

"Relax, Daddy. I was just playing baseball with my cousin and a few other kids." I said.

"That's my girl. Uh, I guess about a week. I'm staying at the Howard Johnson's over in Portland." My dad said. I looked around and began to notice a few people staring in our direction. My dad was a stranger in town, and moreover, he was being very affectionate with a seventeen-year-old girl. It wouldn't look too good for either of us to stand on the street talking.

"Listen, Dad, we should go...somewhere else. Castle Rock has a faster circulation than the New York Times." I said. He nodded emphatically as he led me down the street to his car, a beautiful red '59 Firebird Convertible. When I was older, I found out this was what everyone in the family called my dad's "midlife crisis" car.

"We can go to the motor lodge and have a bite, how 'bout it?" Dad asked. What choice did I have?

At the Howard Johnson's, we slid into a comfy booth and spent a good ten minutes staring at the place-mats. Too much had happened and there wasn't a good place to start.

"You like Castle Rock, Sugarplum?" Dad asked. The waitress placed a cup of coffee in front of him and he immediately doctored it with tons of sugar. Just like always. I smiled in spite of myself.

"It's all right. Would you believe, never a dull moment?" I said, grinning. It was getting a little easier, now. It was as if we were back in Chicago and Dad had picked me up early from school to take me to a diner.

"You got a fella, yet?" Dad asked, teasingly. I had been anti-boy for as long as we both could remember, and his asking me was probably meant as a joke. I hesitated and fixed my eyes on his cup of coffee. My dad took a deep breath. I could tell he was alarmed.

"Remember last summer, we went on vacation to Killarney Lake...I took you fishing." Dad said, visibly uncomfortable. I nodded blankly.

"Remember that promise you made me?" Dad asked, chuckling. I shook my head even though I vaguely remembered.

"It was so cute...you promised me that I was going to be the only man in your life." Dad laughed at the memory. My cheeks turned a little pink.

"You know what else is cute? Those wedding vows you had with Mom. They didn't pan out, either, I guess." I told him. It was a horrid thing to say, but I was getting really angry. Why did he have to put this on me?

"Listen, Marley, I know this has been difficult, baby-" Dad started to say.

"Why does everybody tell me that? They know things have been hard...boo hoo, right? If you knew this was so hard, why did you come here unannounced and put all this pressure on me to keep it a secret? That's not fair, Dad. I don't want to hurt Mom, and I don't want people in town wagging their tongues that I've taken up with an older man...And what about Betsey? Don't you owe it to her to visit her, too?" I said.

Dad didn't say anything to that, and if possible, he looked even older. I could tell he had probably spent many sleepless nights over this kind of thing. I felt sorry for him, but it certainly didn't take away my rage. This whole thing was unfair to everybody, and I was in a sucky position to do anything about it.

"I just...really wanted to see you." He said. He sipped his coffee slowly, avoiding looking me in the eye.

A part of me felt wonderful to hear that. It was easy to think of Dad as the Big Bad Wolf who ran away and didn't care about us anymore. It was nice to know that he missed me. Even if I _was_ still mad as hell.

"I'd like to see you this week, honest. But I do have to get home and change before work." I said. Dad perked up a bit.

"My little sugarplum has a job?" He asked, smiling proudly. I nodded and then realized that I was quite the hypocrite for bashing my dad on lies that I didn't mind telling, either.

* * *

I spent the whole night working at Pop's in a daze. Things were getting way too complicated and the only person I _was_ completely honest with by far was Ace Merrill, the guy I wasn't supposed see anymore.

I wondered what I would tell Ace if he picked me up again that night. There was no way to avoid him, even if I slipped out the back into the alleyway.

After Pop closed for the night, I felt certain that Ace would be parked in that alley, waiting for me. When I rounded the corner, I knew I was right.

My feet automatically took me to the passenger side door of his car and I got in before I could really wrestle with the decision.

"You have to stop picking me up." I said as soon as I closed the door. Ace glanced at me with raised eyebrows and a murky expression.

"Is this about Bev?" Ace asked in exasperation. I shook my head even though I had deliberately avoided her that day in school.

"No...it's...I think we both know what almost happened last night." I said. Just mentioning it made me want to hide my face in shame. I expected Ace to grin at me or make some offhanded risque comment, but he didn't. He remained silent.

"I got really scared. I went to confession-"

"For one little kiss?" Ace said, deprecatingly. For me it had been a big deal, but it didn't sound too major to Ace.

"I don't know what it meant to you, but to me...it meant something. I found myself wanting to...be _with_ you." I said. The inflection in my voice left no doubt as to what I was referring to. Ace started wearing that smirk again and I knew he was probably really uneasy about this. I was just seconds away from spilling out my feelings.

"Don't get too attached, Doll. I've never been steady with a girl in my life, and I sure as hell ain't gonna start now." He said.

"Who's getting too attached? You're the one following me and insisting on giving me rides. And no, I don't have _those_ kinds of feelings for you." I said, even though it wasn't the truth.

"You don't?" Ace said in disbelief. I nodded firmly.

"No. It's purely physical. I just can't trust myself with you." I admitted. This part was true, but I omitted the part about falling in love with him. Instead of carrying on with his smart-ass, tough guy act, Ace suddenly looked irritated.

"Don't ever tell that to a guy. You say that and it's all over. You're gonna get taken advantage of. How can you be so stupid?" Ace said like I'd offended him in some way.

"I guess we're both in agreement. Stop giving me rides in your car, stop following me, and don't even speak to me unless it's about school or homework." I said in a huff. Two can play the 'ridiculously offended' game, I thought.

"Fine." Ace said.

I was unceremoniously dropped off at my house and it wasn't until I was lying in bed, replaying the conversation over in my mind, that I realized how depressed I felt.

Ace didn't have feelings for me. He was attracted to me in some degree, but I was just another Bev, another Myra, another Cora.

Mr. Carter was right. I needed to work hard to get into college, and screw this town. _Screw_ Ace Merrill.


	25. Girl in Pieces

The rest of the week felt like it dragged on forever.

I would get up, say my prayers, and then walk to school with Chris and Gordie feeling like a third wheel. It was another reminder that my actual best friend of late was missing. It didn't matter that whatever Ace and I had was purely dysfunctional. It was weird, it didn't make sense, but above all, it was real.

I knew it was real because I still wanted to see him despite all the dangers I would face, and also having nothing "to gain" from the friendship, as some might say. Actually, I stood to lose just as much by the association as I would get in return. The only thing I hadn't figured out yet was what I really wanted, and what I was willing to sacrifice to get it.

Ever since our little conversation early on in the week, Ace had been ignoring me in US History and I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him anywhere else but school. He was making good on his promise, all right.

To some extent I ignored Jane and Bev, too, because I still felt like a rat fink. I must have broken some half a dozen codes of honor for friendship and human decency in general. They would invite me to lunch sometimes, but I was always afraid of the conversations I'd hear. Afraid of finding out the horrible truth about myself that no amount of 'Hail Marys' would fix.

In the afternoons, my father would pick me up in different, nondescript places and so far, word hadn't gotten back to my mother that Dad was in town. And my reputation (as far as I knew it) was still okay. We would then head to the Howard Johnson's motor lodge in Portland for a few awkward hours of "bonding." Sometimes I'd catch a bit of the World Series on the tv with Dad if I didn't have to work.

Then I'd go home and do my schoolwork, and some of Ace's, I'd do my hour of silent prayer and solitude, and eventually I'd go to bed early wishing I'd never come to Castle Rock.

I missed Ace like crazy. I missed hanging out with Gordie and Chris and the rest of the guys. Sometimes when I saw Teddy and Vern in the street, I would get crushed when they wouldn't wave back to me. It hadn't seemed like long ago that we were all joking around and I really felt like I belonged.

The truth was, I'd never felt like more of an outsider in my life.

And sometimes, I even missed my story about Sheriff Honor. It was like I'd forgotten him so long that he belonged to someone else. Like he was one of Gordie's characters or something. Rose's murder was going unsolved, just as the mystery of whatever happened to Ray Brower was going unsolved.

Ray Brower didn't even seem like a real kid to me, anymore. He was just a name. Just some body that my cousin and his friends found over the summer.

Time moves differently in a place like Castle Rock. In Chicago, things moved really fast and people stayed pretty busy. Stuff from a week ago felt like it happened months ago. But here...in Castle Rock...things moved so slowly that it was like moving through molasses. Things that happened to you a month ago may as well have happened in another lifetime to another person.

I wasn't the same girl who changed behind Charlie Hogan's washline, nor was I the girl who beaned Crybaby Joey in the face by accident. I guess I really didn't know who I was, anymore.

I'd done a lot of surprising stuff recently that made me feel like a stranger unto myself.

* * *

On Thursday night Pop turned on the radio long enough for us to find out that the Dodgers had won the World Series and I squeezed my mop somewhat angrily. Reggie Merrill had been right, after all. That baseball I'd given Vern would be worth twice what was in that jar of pennies.

Friday night before work, Mom, Betsey, and I had been invited over to Gordie's for dinner.

I glanced down at my plate a lot during the meal. Mom kept bragging about me like I was an angel or something, being so devout with prayers and all. Little did she know the real reason behind such devotion.

My uncle never really understood why my mom became a catholic, or why she married my dad. I think he was especially surprised that my mom remained a catholic after all that had happened. At least protestants could divorce, he'd said once. If only he knew Dad wasn't dead...

After dinner I followed Gordie upstairs so we could work on his new story together. This time it was about a time-traveler and I found myself feeling nothing but pride for Gordie. It surprised me to realize I was no longer jealous of him.

On the landing, I noticed Denny's door was slightly open. Without even thinking whether or not it would be a good idea, I slipped into his room.

"Marley?" Gordie called from his own doorway. He followed me over to Denny's room and the two of us stared around at everything numbly. Denny's room was still waiting for him to come back. Even the corner of his quilt was folded back as if he would be coming to bed soon.

A part of me wondered if Denny's ghost was around. After all, there were too many people he left behind who really wanted him back. Maybe there was a piece of him that couldn't move on.

"Sometimes..." Gordie began, his voice wavering slightly. I looked over at him and he lost his nerve to continue. I glanced over at the closet, following Gordie's line of vision. The closet was slightly ajar, revealing the sleeve of a letterman's jacket. I was surprised Dennis hadn't been buried in it.

"Sometimes I see him over there...head busted, covered in dirt...and then I wake up and feel like puking." Gordie said. I nodded slowly, not a bit surprised that Gordie's imagination would cause him to be haunted by the gruesome image of Denny coming back from the dead.

I wanted to tell Gordie the truth. About everything. He deserved that much from me after he'd gone out of his way to be my friend.

"Gordie, there's something I have to tell you. I don't think you're gonna like any of it." I said. I tried to prepare myself for his quiet anger and the fact that he might never speak to me again. Gordie looked at me expectantly, probably never dreaming for an instant I had been betraying him from the start.

"You might want to sit down." I said. Gordie's soft brown eyes sharpened with anxiety. He took a few steps over to Denny's bed and stared at it for a bit before sitting down very slowly. He looked around the room once again as if afraid that Denny would burst out of the closet like in his dreams.

"You know, he was always pretty impressed with you." I said. I didn't know where it came from, but the words popped out of my mouth just the same. One of my last conversations with Denny had been about Gordie, and how Denny kinda wished that he was as smart as Gordie. Dennis had been plenty smart, all right, but even back then before Gordie had gone to college or become a bigshot writer...Denny had known the kid was special.

"You think so?" Gordie asked, somewhat shocked at the very idea. It wasn't surprising, given that Denny had been immortalized as a legend.

"He said so himself. He told me once that you were going places." I said. In retrospect I wondered what would have happened if Denny had lived. Would he have gotten a beer belly and run a used car dealership? I think Denny must have known he had peaked pretty early, and that one day Gordie was going to have his moment in the sun.

Sometimes I wondered if he'd been waiting for the day when it was going to be Gordie's turn.

Gordie gave a half-smile, afraid to believe it. He touched the quilt on Denny's bed carefully.

"The thing is, Gordie...my dad is alive." I said before I had the chance to back out. Gordie's expression hardly changed. I blinked a few times.

"He's alive, and he's been here since Monday." I added. Still nothing. I wondered if he'd heard me at all.

"I know, Marley." He said. I was nearly too flabbergasted to speak.

"Wh- How? I mean..."

"I saw you with him the other day. I recognized him...I've seen him before, you know?" Gordie said, as if that neatly solved everything.

"Yeah, but, aren't you mad that I lied about it?" I asked. Gordie lifted his shoulders lightly in a casual shrug.

"It's your life." Gordie said. I had no idea what to do with this response. Of all the reactions I'd been preparing for, this was not among them. And, crazy or not, I felt saddened that Gordie wasn't wasting the energy on me to be mad.

"Yeah, but we're family. You're my friend, too. Friends shouldn't make a habit of lying to each other." I said. Gordie fixed me with a sympathetic glance and I felt warmed by the kindness in his eyes.

"I think I know why you did it, though." He said.

Something about the horribleness of this week and the comforting look on Gordie's face made me realize just how hard things had been, and just how hard I'd tried to pretend everything was normal.

I sighed heavily and put on my big-girl boots, realizing I had nothing to gain by continuing to play a part in my mother's drama.

"He's back. And only _now_ do I get just how...fucked up everything is. And if I don't do something different - something major - then life is just going to keep on getting worse." I admitted.

Gordie was silent, but I could tell at least part of him agreed with me. He had his own demons that were just as fucked up, and he was probably coming to much the same realization himself.

"I've never really talked like this with you, Gordie. You're very easy to talk to, you know that?" I said. I was trying to fill in the emotional silence with words, any words, anything that would keep me from crying on my younger cousin's shoulder. He had enough to deal with.

Gordie smiled somewhat sheepishly and gave a few nods. Chris had probably mentioned it more than once. The very gifts that made Gordie a great writer were the same gifts that made him a very caring and sensitive person. He was pretty wise, in a way. And he had a special kind of vision about people. He could see things that most people could not.

"Thanks for making me feel better. I had no idea I'd been carrying this albatross on my neck for so long." I admitted. Once Dad had moved out and I cried that first week...I thought it was over. I thought nothing about this divorce would ever get to me again.

"Everybody's got one." Gordie said. I thought about him writing his stories once upon a time, knowing that Denny would be the first person to read it and tell him it was pretty good. He still had Chris and me, but I knew there was a part of him that would feel honored (and petrified) at the thought that his parents might read one of his works.

"Hey, listen, Gordie. About that story. The guy who keeps looking for the portal back to his own time...I think it's pretty good the way it is." I said. I was glad he respected my opinion enough to think I could help him improve it, but there was nothing I could add.

"I think you should send it Rod Serling." I said. Gordie crinkled his brows in amazement and confusion.

"The guy from "The Twilight Zone?" I couldn't do that. I heard Ray Bradbury and a lot of other famous authors help write episodes." Gordie said as if his own stories didn't deserve to be anywhere near them.

"Why not? This is exactly the kind of thing they're looking for." I told him. Gordie shook his head and gave a self-deprecating grin, like he was convincing himself that what he was doing was just a hobby and nothing more.

"Then at least make a few copies and send it out to some publishers. Heck, Mabelvale High has a school paper. Get your stuff circulating, man. Both of us need to make the effort to grab our destiny." I exclaimed.

As for my destiny, I was spending twice as much time on the books but there was something else I had in mind. I began to wonder if I could have both.

Before I left, I made sure Gordie was at least warming up to the idea of being published. If anyone deserved it, he did.

* * *

After I helped Mom give Betsey her bath, I spent my required hour of prayer at the foot of my bed.

I wondered why I felt so empty doing it. By all accounts, my parents were supposed to be catching the next train to hell for dissolving their marriage. What was so bad about wanting to feel the warm touch of someone I loved so well?

I cried a little when I realized I had been raised to think of God like some sort of Santa Claus. If you're a good girl, you'll be on the "nice list" to go to Heaven.

It was the first time I began to wonder if maybe that's not how it was supposed to be. But what did I know?

I knew enough to know that I knew nothing.

When it was time for lights out, I propped my pillows under my covers once again. I just had to see Ace.

I pulled a light jacket over a pink mesh nightgown and walked to Irby's Billiards after nine o' clock. Most everything was closing except for Irby's, Sukey's Tavern, and the Drunken Tiger. This should have told me that what I was doing was probably pretty stupid, but I only had one thought on my mind.

It was Friday night, and Irby's was as crowded as I'd ever seen it. The second I walked in, a lot of people looked in my direction and I wished I'd taken the extra few minutes to put on pants or something. I saw a scruffy guy who appeared to be coming toward me, smiling and gesturing toward me, but somebody pulled him aside and whispered something in his ear.

The guy took a look at me and went back over to where his friends were and suddenly ignored me.

"What are you doin' here? Not that anyone minds the view." I heard Eyeball's high-pitched laugh and I turned around, my eyes searching for Ace but not finding him. It was like getting clocked in the stomach.

"Where's Ace?" I asked. Eyeball was playing a round with Billy, Charlie, and Jack Mudgett, the unsung muscle of the Cobra gang. Beers were plentiful and the smoke was thick. I coughed and tried to get over my disappointment. I was afraid if I didn't see him that night, I'd never have the nerve to do what I had to do.

"Around. Maybe with Bev, maybe over at the Youth League with that Betty Malenfant. She's his new chick." He said, fully aware of the distress I was in at hearing such news. He grinned at me, trying to casually give me the once-over. Jack swatted him on the back of the head and muttered something I couldn't hear.

"He should share the wealth. You think there's any bitch in this town worth taking that he ain't fucked, yet?" Eyeball answered him loudly. I could feel the white hot shame of being in this place hit me like a thousand saws in a magician's box.

"Except the Virgin Mary over here." Eyeball added. I began to notice the slight strain of his speech. Eyeball Chambers was getting pretty drunk.

I never realized that Ace had protected my honor just by being beside me. As long as he was around, no one really threatened me in an overbearing or sexual way. But being alone in Irby's, I was starting to understand maybe what all Ace had been trying to tell me.

For all Ace's wolfishness and apparent promiscuity...he was kind of a rogue gentleman. He had rules, he was honest, even blunt, and as much as I hated to admit it, Ace was pretty fair (at least when it came to women). As if I needed another reason to admire him and be confused by him at the same time.

Now if he could only be fair to people like Gordie, I thought, wondering how I expected to make it home tonight. I was suddenly aware just how sheer the material of my nightdress was. My light jacket was a joke.

"I can give you a lift home, Marlene, if you want." Eyeball said in an overly polite way. He glanced over at Jack and held out his hand. Jack hesitated, and both Charlie and Billy seemed really nervous about the whole thing.

"Hey, come on, man." Eyeball said, shoving Jack into the pool table. Jack reached into his back pocket and handed Eyeball a set of keys. Eyeball grinned and looked at me, his eyes swimming.

"You ready?" He asked. Logic told me not to get into a car with a drunken person. But nothing of logic ever reached my brain after Eyeball grabbed my arm and started to pull me to his side. He yanked me out of Irby's and we walked out into the night.

I breathed in the fresh air and shivered at the dawning sense of a new danger I hadn't expected.

Eyeball pushed me into the side of what I assumed was Jack Mudgett's Studebaker, my stomach pressed against the window. I felt his fingers trying to find their way through the jungle of mesh and when he made contact with the skin of my thigh, I let out a loud yelp.

Eyeball turned me around and used his free hand to clamp over my mouth, looking me straight in the eye.

"Don't make a fuckin' sound, okay?" He said, like a question and then not like a question. Eyeball was drunk out of his mind, but he was still surprisingly strong and lacked nothing in coordination. Lucky me, I thought soberly.

A fleeting thought crossed my mind. Chris once told me he'd never once touched a sip of alcohol. He said it with a bit of pride and a lot of determination. I'd never made the connection before now. Chris' dad spent most of his time in a drunken stupor, beating the shit out of Chris. Alcohol turned Chambers' men into monsters.

I felt a heightened sense of panic as I tried to think...think of anything that would get me out of this. A plan.

If I could keep from getting into the car, I had a real shot at breaking free. My mantra became "don't get in the car." I said it over and over and over as I shifted my weight against the door, keeping Eyeball from opening it.

I pushed my foot against the curb for extra leverage while Eyeball blindly pulled at the door handle.

"Wait, not like this." I said. I tried to make my voice sound calm, like I wanted this to happen. Like we were on the same page.

"Please, let's wait until it's more romantic." I whispered in his ear. The smell of beer and something like hard liquor churned my stomach and I nearly retched from fear and shame.

Eyeball blinked, still pulling half-heartedly at the door handle. He leaned in closer to my face like he was going to kiss me. The thought filled me with loathing.

"And let Ace get the first crack at ya?" Eyeball said, half serious. It might have been a joke, but I heard the bitterness in his voice and knew this was about evening a score.

I could have been any random virgin, I thought. If I hadn't been so nauseated with worry, I would have been pissed off. I made a mental note to be pissed off the second I was safe in my bed. Alone.

"I want you to have me, Richie." I said. He blinked stupidly and then cocked his head to the side.

"Then why don't you get in the fucking car?" He said, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Every second that passed by meant that I was falling deeper and deeper into the most serious trouble I'd ever been in.

This was no pretend, walking-home-alone, running-into-Reggie-Merrill type of scare. This was the kind of terror I might always see every single night as I closed my eyes. I couldn't laugh this off if I tried.

"If you wait until you're sober, I promise it'll be worth your while." I said.

Eyeball stopped for a minute, and I thought maybe I'd gotten through to him somehow. But a few seconds later, he was leaning over in the gutter to vomit. He had taken his hands off me to lean against the hood of the car, long enough for me to slip away and I certainly wasted no time in bolting.

I ran down the street with tears in my eyes. Tears of relief, tears of regret and self-loathing, tears of guilt and remaining fear and any other leftover emotions I was too exhausted to name.

I was in such a frightened trance that I didn't hear anyone shouting my name. I just wanted to escape and run as far away as possible.

My chest was heavy, and the air I breathed felt cold as ice, though it burned heavy in my lungs.

Even though I wanted to run forever, my body couldn't hold out any longer. I slowed and nearly tripped, falling to the sidewalk.

I felt the touch of someone's arms and I nearly screamed.

"Marley!" Ace held onto my shoulders and I looked up into his face in shock. He wasn't supposed to be here...

My whole body was shuddering and I began to wonder if I wasn't imagining Ace coming to my rescue or something. It was just the sort of thing I'd do to make myself feel better.

"Marley, what happened?" He asked, his eyes fierce and narrow. He gripped my shoulders tightly and shook them a little when I didn't answer him.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I said, surprising myself by how calm and serene I sounded. Ace snarled.

"Do you think I'm joking? What the fuck happened?" He asked. I shook and tried to get out of his grip. I was tired of being manhandled.

"Let me go!" I said, pushing him away. He held on tighter and it wasn't until I felt a drop of something wet tickle my nose that I noticed I was crying. My face was impassive, but my eyes were leaking tears.

Almost immediately Ace relaxed his grip. He was still holding on to me, but he was gentle now.

I dared to look up into his face and I saw something I'd never seen there before.

Ace looked like maybe he might have been a little scared, too.

Before he would let me gaze into his face for too long, he pushed me into his chest and hugged me for the first time. I reciprocated, squeezing him like I was afraid he'd blow away like a gust of wind. But he didn't go anywhere.

And in the comfort of his arms, I noticed that I had stopped shaking.


	26. Dumb Love

"How did you know where I was?" I asked him.

We were safe in Ace's '52 Ford and once I'd gotten my bearings and gotten over the shock of what had just happened, I started to wonder where he'd been.

"Billy and Charlie told me." He said blankly. He'd been pretty quiet on the drive thus far. It was unnerving me.

"And Betty?" I asked. Ace cast me a sharp look that told me I probably shouldn't ask about that. But how could I not?

I bit my tongue until he turned on Gerry Street and made his way over to my house.

"Thanks for the hug. I was wondering when I'd get that back." I chuckled and remembered that my hug given to him on the dusty sandlot had been the thing that started all of these problems. It wasn't until that moment I realized I was totally hung up on the guy.

"No problem." Ace said with little emotion. I winced but couldn't say I was surprised. This was his usual behavior, after all.

I reached for the door handle, not wanting to leave the comfort of his car. Everything I had wanted to tell him tonight had been stolen from my lips by the shock of being assaulted. Anything I tried to tell him in the same vein died on my tongue before I could say it.

I sighed and my shoulders slumped.

"You know...you're the best friend I've ever had...How sad is that?" I said with a chuckle. Ace seemed surprised.

"Say again?" He asked, skeptical.

"I'm just as shocked as you are. When my dad came to town, the first person I wanted to tell was you." I admitted.

"That was your dad?" Ace said. He gave me a half smile even though I didn't get the joke.

"What do you mean? You saw him?" I said, and then remembered being at Irby's when my dad found me.

"What does he want?" Ace asked, as if I hadn't said anything. I shrugged.

"He said he missed me. Go figure." I mumbled. Ace scoffed and I felt my stomach drop.

"What, you think nobody would miss me?" I asked, trying not to sound hurt.

"It ain't that, Doll. But people look out for number one. Just be careful, for Christ's sake." He said, somewhat heatedly.

"I wasn't thinking, tonight. I won't do anything stupid like that, again. I promise." I said, holding up my hand in oath.

"What are you doing, tomorrow?" Ace said absently. He pulled a cigarette out of the carton in his denim jacket and put it to his lips.

"Uh...uh oh." I said. Thoughts of Kenny Carmody and me in the great outdoors began to surface. And I hadn't even read his pretentious book.

"What's 'uh oh'?" Ace paused before he lit his cigarette. Sheepishly, I tried to form the words to explain.

"Kenneth Carmody asked me to go for a hike at Council Crest in Portland." I said. I had almost forgotten about it, despite my mother occasionally bringing it up every few days. I wouldn't have been surprised if she was already planning our wedding or something.

"Alone?" Ace lit the cigarette and exhaled. I could tell he wasn't crazy about the idea. Neither was I. After what had happened tonight I didn't want to be alone with another guy again, present company excluded.

"As far as I know." I said.

"You're kidding. You think I'm just gonna let you go?" Ace said, sounding like the father I never had. I crinkled my nose.

"Let me? I appreciate the concern, and I happen to agree with you, but you're not the boss of me." I replied in an even tone. Ace ignored my comment, shrugging off the semantics. It was all the same to him, I guess.

"My mother has been bugging me about this for two weeks. I can't just cancel." I said.

"You're smart. Make something up." Ace said. I sighed and leaned my head against the glass of the window.

"Whatever it is, I have to make sure my mom doesn't find out about it. Other than that and work, I have nothing to do on Saturday." I mumbled.

"You're going somewhere with me." Ace said, matter-of-factly. I looked over at him, my heart fluttering a little. It wasn't a big deal to him, I knew. He smoked his cigarette wearing a vague expression, and I wondered if he had any idea what he was doing to me.

"We're going to behave, right? Nothing illegal or..." I let the statement hang in the air. I nearly blushed. Ace chuckled a little at my facial expression.

"Just wear somethin' you don't mind getting some dirt on." Ace said. He wouldn't tell me much more than that, and the secret gnawed at me for the rest of the night.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay? I could bring over some chicken soup and keep you company." Kenny offered.

"No, that's okay, Kenny. I'd really rather sleep today." I said in my best weak voice. My mother was at the beauty parlor that Saturday morning, and Betsey was with Mrs. Bledar. I took advantage of having the house all to myself to call Kenny and cancel the date.

"I'm sorry you don't feel so hot, Marlene. I'll call you later this week and we can reschedule, okay?" He said. I felt bad about lying to him, especially since he was being so sweet about everything. But he was just another person on my list. I was pretty much lying to everyone at that point. I hadn't even told Ace I'd gone to see his Uncle Reggie.

"Thanks, Kenny. I'm really sorry this was such bad timing. I'll talk to ya, soon." I said before we hung up.

I spent the rest of the morning figuring out what I was going to wear, even though I knew it couldn't be anything special. A shirt and dungarees weren't exactly sexy, I knew. In the end, thoughts of Eyeball touching me last night made rethink wearing anything attractive.

I still couldn't shake the guilt. Like I was dirty or something.

Pretty soon I left the house and started walking down Gerry Street, headed toward town. It didn't take long for me to spot Ace's car turning from Main Street. I smiled and closed the distance between us, getting into the car with a feeling of indescribable giddiness.

Spending time with Ace made me feel really good, and I couldn't get enough of that feeling.

"Did you tell Kenny to piss off, or what?" Ace asked.

"I told him I was sick and couldn't go today." I said. Ace rolled his eyes and I shrugged my shoulders.

"What did you want me to say?" I wondered. Ace made a few weird turns here and there on the road until I was officially lost. I had no idea where we were headed.

"If you told him you're sick he's gonna ask you out again next week." Ace said. I agreed that this was true, but if I just told Kenny to lay off, then my mother would hear about it and things would get really hairy at home.

"I have to see him, eventually. Until I move out. Otherwise, my mother will be very difficult to live with." I admitted.

"She want you to marry this guy?" Ace asked me. I nodded glumly and started looking out the window. Ace didn't reply, instead choosing to turn up the dial on the radio. Frankie Lymon was singing about why fools fell in love. It sure beat the hell outta me, I thought to myself.

Right after Frankie, the Platters began to sing, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." I wasn't usually much for mushy stuff but the song made me a little sentimental. I couldn't help noticing Ace's right hand was resting dangerously close to my left hand. I inched it over a little closer every few seconds, but in the end I lost my nerve and put my hand back where it was.

Ace looked over at me in amusement and then sighed quietly, his eyes returning to the road. I felt his fingers link themselves through mine and for a second there I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe we were holding hands.

I glanced down at his rough, wiry hand enveloping mine. They looked good together.

I tried to steady my breathing, but all my senses were being overloaded by touch. I'd held a lot of hands growing up. Crossing the street and shopping in departments stores with my parents, praying with the Sisters at St. James Prep...but this time was absolutely different.

I squeezed his hand a little, and even though Ace was still looking straight ahead without smiling, I felt him squeeze back.

* * *

We pulled into a large dirt parking lot next to a chain link fence. On the other side of the fence there were bleachers and an oval track of dirt road. I glanced at Ace questioningly.

There was a big sign near the entrance that read "Oxford Plains Speedway." I suddenly remembered "Uncle" Reggie telling me this was one of the hot spots for gambling action near Castle Rock. There weren't that many people around, yet, and as we passed through the opening I saw someone wave to Ace.

"Wait for me on the bleachers. I'll be right back." He said. Then I saw Ace disappear with that guy behind the other side of the bleachers. I wondered why he brought me here. We were both technically too young to gamble, and I wasn't in the mood to tempt fate. I was already juggling more trouble than I needed to be.

When Ace came back, he was wearing a dark blue jumpsuit bearing the "Oxford Plains Speedway" label and he was covered in motor oil. He sat beside me and began wiping his hands down with a rag from his back pocket. I felt a rush of goosebumps break out over my body.

"On the weekends I'm the pit mechanic. I inspect the cars before the race and then hang around to keep 'em racing." He said. A part of me felt overjoyed to hear this. He was probably spending a lot less time chasing girls than I thought.

"You bring a lot of girls here?" I said without thinking. I cringed immediately and tried to recover.

"Never mind, I don't wanna know. I think I'm going to go for a walk." I said, standing up and walking down the steps of the bleachers. Ace followed me, a hint of a playful smile on his lips. It was all fun and games for _me_ to be jealous, I guess.

We began to walk laps around the dry dirt track as Ace explained the finer points on his job and stock-car racing in general. His eyes lit up talking about it and I realized I'd never seen him get so excited about something before. He seemed like a kid again.

"How long have you been doing this?" I asked him. Ace looked around the place like it was the first time, and smiled.

"About a year. I dropped outta school to work here and part-time at the Camber place doing auto-repair." He said. Then a dark shadow fell across his face and he scowled.

"But my plans kinda changed." He added. I was more curious than ever about why he was back in school again, when it was obvious he had loved what he was doing before. But I was afraid to ask.

"I'm sorry." I said. It was all I knew how to say, lately.

"Forget about that. Tell me about your father." He said. I sighed automatically, the pressures of the week coming out.

"He swore me to secrecy. And he seems...really clingy, these days. Like he's afraid of me growing up." I said.

"He just found out you're not a baby anymore?" Ace said somewhat teasingly.

"Yeah. We had this game...it was so stupid. He would ask me stuff like 'who's your main guy, Sugarplum?' and I would always say, 'it's you, Daddy.' And this time when he reminded me of that promise I made to him, I didn't play along." I said.

"You mean Kenny Carmody, Mr. Football. He's your main guy, now?" Ace asked. I cringed and shook my head.

"Mom _wishes_." I said. I left out the part where I admitted that _he_ was the guy in my life, but if Ace didn't know that by now, then he was either a jerk or an idiot.

"Frankie Dodd?" Ace asked. He was smiling as I rolled my eyes.

"There is no guy. I'm just...I'm not a Daddy's girl, anymore. I don't think I ever was." I said, taking bigger steps out of frustration. Ace smirked, clearly enjoying the rise he was getting out of me.

"Why am I even explaining this to you? It's none of your business, anyway." I said, echoing stuff he'd once told me. I felt him pull me back a little by my wrist until I was walking back in sync with him.

"Do you have any idea how sensitive you are?" Ace asked, controlling his laughter. I made a face and looked away. Yes, I knew.

"Ask me that again after you explain about Betty Malenfant." I said. We were bickering like a dating couple, which Ace had assured me several times we were not. I grunted and reminded myself that Ace did not belong to me. Ace did not belong to anyone.

Kind of like the neighborhood cat, in a way. He was free to enjoy milk from any saucer in town.

Ace started to say something but I interrupted him before he could give me the same speech over again.

"I know, okay? Don't get attached, baby. I'm not the commitment type-of-guy. Anyone who wants more should have read the fine print. Well, you know what, Ace Merrill? Your fine print sucks." I said. Never one to resist a bit of a flourish, I punctuated my sentence dramatically by stomping away, even though it was pretty awkward considering we were on a dirt track and could still see each other.

By the time we had finished the lap we were on, a few more cars participating in tonight's race had arrived. Ace had to go check them out thoroughly before they could officially be put on the list. While he was doing that, I sat on the bleachers and thought about yesterday.

One minute I had been encouraging Gordie to go for his dreams while I felt inspired to do the same, and the next minute, I was mauled. I had originally planned to tell Ace I loved him, no matter what happened afterward. Maybe it was an omen...maybe I was never meant to tell him.

I knew how it would go. Ace would get that weird look on his face, as if the fact that girls falling in love with him was a real drag. Then he'd act all cool like he was above everything. I'd wind up feeling so embarrassed that I'd never want to see his face again. Either that or I'd be tortured every time I talked to him. And every time I saw him with this girl, or that girl, or somebody.

What did I really expect, here? I almost began to regret breaking my date with Kenny. Maybe I'd grow to like him, too.

I suddenly felt out of place here, and I wondered why Ace even bothered bringing me along.

I went behind the bleachers over to the part of the field where all the cars were lined up. I wanted to tell Ace that I was going to find a phone somewhere and ask my Dad to come get me. When I found him, he was leaning under the hood of someone's car, talking heatedly to the guy next to him. It looked like Vince Desjardins.

Before either of them could see me I ducked behind another empty car in the lot. I hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but it was just a natural consequence of hiding, I guess.

"You can't just kick him out, man. That's not how it works." I heard Vince say.

"Call it whatever you want. If I see him again, he's a dead man." Ace replied, his voice dripping with venom.

"It was a mistake, Ace. Come on. That chick had it coming. And nothing happened, he told me." Vince added.

"Didn't I make myself clear the first goddamn time? If anybody messes with her I'll rip his fucking throat out." Ace exclaimed.

"He's been your best friend since grammar. You're letting some slut fuck up everything?" Vince said. I knew that Vince was the only other person besides Eyeball who had the nerve to talk to Ace like that.

I heard the sound of a scuffle and I peeked my head around the car enough to see what was happening. Ace had grabbed Vince by the collar, saying something to him in words low enough I couldn't quite hear them. Eventually Ace let go, and Vince took off running.

What the hell did I just see?

I was frozen in shock and bewilderment. Ace was fighting with his friends over me.

_Did I just ruin the Cobras?_ The crazy thought ran through my head over and over again.

I was mad at Eyeball, and even though I wasn't ready to forgive him for what he'd done, for what he'd tried to do...I didn't want to come between him and Ace.

Despite the domino effect that was sure to come, in that moment I felt extremely flattered. Ace was still defending me. I didn't know why, but I was thankful for it all the same. He'd done more for me than any friend I'd ever had.

I heard the creak of metal and I looked up to find Ace leaning over me, his elbow propped against the roof of the car I was nestled behind. I cowered in my spot.

"How much did you hear?" Ace asked me, not sounding entirely mad.

"Just that you're angry with somebody, probably Eyeball. And that he's a dead man." I said. Ace gave a nod of acceptance, and held out a hand to help me up.

"This curiosity of yours, Doll. It's nothing but trouble." He said, warningly. I looked at him and wondered if he knew how much he meant to me.

"I know." I said, reasonably contrite. I started walking back to the bleachers while Ace resumed his work. But before I was out of earshot, I turned back to him.

"Hey, Ace...Thanks. For doing that for me." I said.

In hindsight, though, he was absolutely right about the curiosity thing.

* * *

After about an hour, Ace came back to the bleachers. I was standing next to the rail, leaning my elbows against it. I was deep in thought and didn't notice him until he was right beside me.

I watched him smoke his cigarette, while I was thinking about college. College would bring all of this (whatever it was) to an end. Wherever I went, I knew I couldn't take him with me.

Not that he'd want to go with me, anyway.

Whatever path life took me down, I knew we'd probably be separated as soon as school was over. The thought sobered me and I started to wonder what was so special about college anyway. College wasn't necessarily a guarantee at a better life. And any life without Ace wouldn't have meant much.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked. I remembered him saying how he wanted so badly to get out of Castle Rock.

"You mean, after the races?" Ace said, his cigarette hanging carelessly out of his mouth.

"I mean, if you could move anywhere...where would you want to go?" I said.

"Anywhere. Doesn't matter." Ace replied in clipped tones.

Before I could ask anything else, my stomach started growling. It was already after 3 o' clock.

"You wanna a hotdog?" Ace asked.

He took me back to the entrance where people were just starting to open their concession stands. Hotdogs, funnel cakes, lemonade. Even though the first race didn't start until 5, there were already handfuls of people beginning to show up and claim their spots on the bleachers.

"There's somethin' I wanna know." Ace said after we'd gotten our hotdogs and lemonade. I tensed up a bit.

"What's that?" I asked. I tried to sip my lemonade nonchalantly.

"You get awful jealous of other girls I take out. I wanna hear you say you've gotta crush on me." Ace said with his wicked smile.

"Oh, please. Like _you_? Any girl would be an idiot to have feelings for your sorry ass." I said.

"Just admit it. You'll feel a whole lot better." Ace grinned.

"Never. I'd admit _that_ as soon as you'd admit the same about me." I said, starting to eat my hotdog. Ace stopped grinning for a minute, his face suddenly very serious.

"All right. I like you. Now it's your turn." Ace replied. He started to grin again and I nearly choked on the bun.

"You liar!" I said through heavy coughs. Ace was nonplussed, though it amused him to see me lose my cool. Damn him.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Ace asked. I paused and thought about it. If there was something I asked him that he didn't want to talk about, he just didn't talk about it. I suppose he could have lied, but he usually just didn't say anything at all.

"No, I guess not." I admitted. My healthiest relationship to date was the one I shared with John "Ace" Merrill, King Cobra of Castle Rock. The irony was rather funny.

We walked back to the bleachers in silence, going back to our original seats just behind the railing. He sat down next to me and I became keenly aware that our knees were close together, touching.

I looked at my hotdog and realized I'd completely lost my appetite. If what Ace had just said was _really_ true, then I was the happiest girl in the world. But at the same time, I wasn't ready to share Ace Merrill with anyone else.

"So this is...a date?" I asked. For the first time, I saw Ace become genuinely flustered and unable to cover it up for anything. It was definitely a sight to behold.

"Maybe more like a friendly outing?" I suggested. Ace recovered his icy cold exterior and gave me an empty smile.

"If we were on a date, you'd know it, Doll." He said. Well, I'd almost had him there for a second. I wondered if Bev, or Betty, or any of the others had seen him look so unsure of himself. I kind of doubted it.

Not too long after we finished eating, Ace had to check out another slew of cars before the first race. I didn't see too much of him for the next two hours, and I got myself a funnel cake to temper my boredom. He had given me a lot to think about, only I didn't want to think about it.

I didn't want to become just a rotation on Ace's schedule. That would have been more painful than unrequited love.

Not long after I savored the last of my funnel cake, Ace had come back. It was nearly 5 and the loudspeakers suddenly roared to life. The first race was slated to begin.

"You're gonna like this." Ace said, nearly shouting to be heard over the noise of the speakers and the cheering crowd. He glanced over at me excitedly and I couldn't help but smile along with him.

Before he returned his attentions to the race, he placed his thumb near the corner of my mouth. He rubbed my lip slowly and I stared at him, wondering if he was about to kiss me.

"You had some powdered sugar on your lips." He said with a smile.

I groaned inwardly as we turned our attentions back to the impending race. Yet another moment I'd misinterpreted.


	27. All The Lies That Are My Life

I'd never been to a stock-car race before. It was was pretty thrilling to see all those old-fashioned Chevys take the dirt road like it was cement. They passed by us in a blur, drifting every time they hit the corners.

Clumps of mud and dirt would fly, spattering anyone in the near vicinity.

Ace stood ready the whole time, springing into action to fix a few tires before the 20 laps were complete. Someone waved a checkered flag and the first race was over, the victory belonging to the Chevy with the classic red and white paint job bearing the number "17."

Ace glanced over in my direction, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead.

"What did ya think?" He asked.

"It was great. It makes me want to race with them." I said. My dad had started to teach me how to drive back in Chicago, but my mother wasn't too thrilled about it. She had wanted me to wait until I was older. Married, even. Let my husband teach me how to drive, she'd said.

"You wanna race?" Ace repeated, laughing. I nodded.

"Sure, don't you? Being around all those souped-up Chevys?" I said. Ace smiled.

"Sometimes. I'm trying to fix up a racer in my backyard, but I still need a few parts." Ace told me.

"Really? That's great. Can I come see you race?" I asked earnestly. Ace chuckled at my eagerness. I must have looked like an idiot.

"Sure." Ace said.

We watched the rest of the races together, not saying very much to each other at all.

The final race was at 7, and afterwards Ace and I headed toward the dirt lot where his car was parked. We hadn't taken more than five steps when some guy wearing a dirty undershirt called out to Ace.

"Hey, John, number 23 wants you to take a quick look at his transmission. Word's getting around that you've got the Midas Touch. Number 17 thinks you're a god." The man said. He chuckled heartily and patted Ace on the back. Ace grinned good-naturedly and shook his head.

"All I did was tweak the balance shaft to give him back some of his horsepower. I just brought him up to code." Ace said modestly. The portly man turned to me and grinned wide.

"He's a humble son-of-a-bitch, ain't he?" He said to me in a low voice. Then he looked back at Ace with a knowing sort of expression.

"This your girl?" He asked. Ace shifted around uncomfortably and ran his hand through his golden blond hair.

"Ace never brings any girls around here. We all thought he was afraid of 'em." The man laughed. Ace cleared his throat and started to pull the man away from me, heading over to take a look at the transmission of car number 23.

I stood there waiting, just thinking to myself. Ace was like a different person in this place. He was happier, kinder, more understanding...Oxford Plains brought out the very best in him. It wasn't hard to see why.

In Castle Rock he was Ace Merrill, the guy of a thousand nightmares. Here at the Speedway, he was just John Merrill, the mechanic with the Midas Touch. Every person he'd come across at this place had smiled at him like he was an old friend. A nice guy.

He didn't have to prove how tough he was. He didn't need to. His talent spoke for itself.

* * *

"Where exactly are we? I asked Ace as we started to head back to Castle Rock. I knew we couldn't have been too far away.

"Durham." Ace said. I nodded and then remembered looking at a map of Castle Rock with Chris and Gordie, trying to figure out the best way to get to Back Harlow without going by Milo Pressman's junkyard.

"Are we going to be passing through Chamberlain?" I asked, the wheels in my head beginning to turn again. I remembered that Sheriff Honor's work wasn't done yet, and neither was mine.

Ace must have picked up something funny in the sound of my voice.

"Whatever you're thinking, you might as well forget it." He said.

"What? It was just a simple question." I said in defense. Ace glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

"So it's just a coincidence that you're asking about Chamberlain. Where the Brower kid was from." Ace stated.

"Okay, so maybe there is a part of me that still wonders if something hinky happened to Ray Brower." I conceded.

"What's to know? The kid got lost and was run over by a train." Ace said.

"Picking berries? Well, if he _was_ picking berries, then why is his bucket still missing?." I added rhetorically.

I had been toying with the very real idea that Ray Brower had been murdered. The more I'd thought about it, the more this idea made sense in light of several strange facts. The kid had traveled 30 fucking miles in the dark. His body was pretty far away from the tracks. Even the paper stated that Ray Brower wasn't the kind of kid who would go very far away from home. And the missing bucket.

Separate, these facts were coincidental. Together, combined with a morbid hunch in the pit of my stomach, I felt like there was something there. Something less simple than an accident.

Two searches around Back Harlow hadn't unearthed the bucket, and God knows how much terrain was covered when people were still looking for his body. The bucket would have been discovered by now if it was still out there in the world to be discovered.

The bucket was either taken as a trophy, or disposed of completely.

"What exactly did you plan on doing in Chamberlain?" Ace wondered, more than a bit skeptical. I ignored it.

"Ask around. Talk to some neighbors. Read copies of some of the local papers from the week he was found..." I rattled off a list and Ace looked almost horrified that I actually seemed serious about doing some investigative legwork.

"If you're right about that shit, then his killer is gonna bump you off next." Ace said darkly. It was a fact I hadn't considered yet.

"His killer might not even be from Chamberlain." I said, thinking aloud. There might have been an element of danger in the chase, but it would only have been dangerous if I actually was getting somewhere. And at the rate I was going, I wouldn't be in danger anytime soon.

"It doesn't matter. If you're dead-set on going to Chamberlain, it ain't gonna be with me." Ace said, trying to sever the conversation completely. And with it, my whole "investigation."

"I bet Kenny would take me." I said. It had been years since I pouted, and God, how I hated myself for it. But I pouted then, and without shame. I would've used every trick in the book if it involved bringing Ray Brower some closure.

Ace tightened his grip on the wheel, his whole body tensing up like a coil spring.

"It's no big deal. Kenny and I are friends just like you and I are friends." I explained diplomatically. This did nothing to improve Ace's mood. I waited out the silence like I always did, because if Ace didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to talk.

It wasn't until we were a few miles away from Gerry Street that he finally spoke up.

"I'm glad you came with me, today." He said plainly.

"I'm glad, too." I said.

* * *

I walked up to my house, trying to think of a few good stories to tell my mother about my "date" with Kenny.

When I came up to the front step, my mother swung open the door wearing a very fierce expression. She had her arms crossed over her chest defensively, and her lips were drawn in a tight, furious little line. I said a few 'Hail Marys' in my head for protection.

"Hi, Mom." I said with false cheer. My mother opened the screen door silently and waited until I walked past her. As soon as she shut the front door behind us, she whirled around like a top and grabbed me by the arms.

"Where did you spend the day, Marlene? Just who were you with?" Mom yelled. It struck me too late that I hadn't asked Kenny to keep it a secret. Why should I? Being sick isn't something one usually asks to keep quiet.

I didn't answer, instead opting to look at the plain beige carpeting in the living room. My mother pulled my chin up so we could look each other in the eye. Her gaze was pretty intense, and I had a hard time maintaining eye contact.

"I got a call a little while ago from Mrs. Carmody, asking if you were _feeling better_?" Mom said. Uh, oh, I thought. The castle of lies was starting to collapse, and I knew I was bound to be buried alive underneath all the rubble.

"I feel all right now." I said. I still hadn't figured out how I wanted to play this.

"But when Kenneth called this morning, you told him you couldn't make it because you were sick. Is that right?" She asked. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah, but later I felt better. Lots better. So I went to the library with Clarence." I said. It was madness, and I felt like I was riding on a fiery train over a broken bridge.

"Clarence. Are you sure this wouldn't have anything to do with an older gentleman you've been seen with this week?" Mom said. I froze, every single drop of blood draining away from my face.

"Says who?!"

"Harley Kissick over at Brownie's General Store. He said a few other people have noticed it, too, and they were getting worried."

"Oh, please. All those good ole boys over at the General Store have nothing else to do but gossip like a bunch of hens." I said. My mother flattened her palm and struck me hard across the face. It only ever seemed to happen when I was "mouthing off."

"I don't care why they told me. Who is he, Marlene? I raised you better than this." She yelled. I held my hand over my burning cheek and decided it was time to come clean about a few things.

I was fast running out of room on my face for all these "accidents."

"Dad came to visit. I've been seeing him just about every day this week." I said. My mother's eyes went black and I could slowly see the hatred building behind her face. Imagine, the bastard who left her...in cahoots with her own beloved daughter.

"He's been here all week." Mom repeated. Her voice was eerily calm. I nodded. A fuse had been lit somewhere and she was all set to blow within a few seconds.

"He's been here all week...and you never _told_ me?" She asked, her voice sharpening. I knew it sounded pretty bad, but I had hoped that Dad would have left by now. He'd told me on Thursday before work that he wanted to stay another week.

"Were you ever going to tell me? Or was he just going to take you back to Chicago without telling me?" My mother's harsh tone gradually softened until she started to cry. She pulled me into a hug and I could feel the dampness of her tears on my shoulder.

Aside from the whiplash of mom's swift mood change, I felt pretty good about telling the truth.

"It was just a visit, Mom, I promise." I said consolingly. My mother held me out at arm's length and shook her head.

"No, baby. He's been calling me this month, asking about you." My mother paused again to wipe away a few more tears.

"He wanted me to ask if you'd like to move back to Chicago and stay with him and..._Sherry_." Mom sat down on the arm of the couch and plucked the hankie that had been tied around her golden wristwatch. She dabbed any blotches of makeup from her face and tried to calm down.

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Dad wanted me to live with him? And Mom had been keeping secrets herself, apparently. We both had a lot to learn about honesty.

"He's never mentioned it." I said. Dad probably didn't have the heart to make me choose. He could see well enough for himself that I was pretty content in Castle Rock, despite all of the shenanigans. Mom started to cry all over again.

"Listen, Mom. I think we need to talk."

Over the next few hours, my mother and I confessed many things to each other.

Using Mom's lies as leverage, I told her about the Great Clarence Deception, and the fact that I had a job I wanted to keep. I told her that if I wanted to hang out with Chris and Gordie, I should be able to. I revealed to her my plans for going to college (leaving out the part that I didn't want to get married anytime soon), but most of all, I assured her that I wasn't going anywhere.

After Mom apologized for her own sins, she accepted what I had told her, and I felt a tremendous sense of relief. No more shoving pillows underneath the covers.

I could start going to bed at night feeling a bit lighter.

* * *

Feeling suitably heartened by the talk I'd had with my mother, I walked over to Gordie's house after church. I hadn't finished confessing everything to him, yet.

It was a nice day on Summer Street, as the leaves were already crisp and orange with the coming of Fall. I stood outside Gordie's fence and waved, seeing his face at the window. He was probably working on another story already, I thought.

"Hey, Marley." Gordie said, rushing out the front door.

"You wanna come outside and play?" I asked, smiling. Gordie chuckled and we started walking toward Main Street, as we always did when there was nothing else to do. The Clubhouse had been overrun lately by too many DeSpains.

"Have you seen those promos for "The Mummy" yet?" Gordie exclaimed. I shook my head. I hadn't watched tv for a week as part of my penance.

"It's coming out the week before Halloween. We should go see it." Gordie added. I didn't contribute much to the conversation, and Gordie had definitely noticed, but he wasn't the kind of kid who asked you straight up what was bugging you.

We walked into the Soda Shoppe like it was second nature, and we slid into one of those familiar booths, smiling at Pop and Vic.

"Purple Cow?" Pop asked me. I nodded. Nothing like vanilla ice cream floating on top of a grape Nehi.

"Root Beer Float for me, Pop." Gordie said. He turned to look at me expectantly, but I still hadn't figured out how to tell him.

"I sent one of my stories to the Portland Press with yesterday's mail." Gordie said. I could feel a big grin forming on my face.

"It's about time, my friend. Pretty soon we'll all be able to say we knew you when." I said.

Vic walked over to us a few minutes later and deposited our floats, giving me the evil eye and putting his hand on his hip.

"When are you gonna start picking up more hours around here? I've got better things to do over the weekend than mixing malts." He complained. I stifled a laugh and Pop rolled his eyes.

"Quit your bellyaching, Son. There's sundaes to make for the Sunday Sundae Special." Pop said. He winked at me and I hid my smile from Vic. Not two seconds after Vic walked away, Chris came walking up outside the Shoppe, hustling through the doorway as if he was underneath a dark storm cloud.

"Chris, what's going on, man?" Gordie asked. Chris stood by our booth, stone-faced and disconcertingly angry. I scooted over a bit to give him room.

"Sit down. Tell us." I added. Chris sat down beside me and I could see the pearls of sweat on his face. Chris wiped most of it away with his arm and asked Pop for a glass of water.

"It's Richie." He said. Hearing his name sent shivers down my spine .

"What about Richie?" Gordie asked. We looked at each other and couldn't decide whether Chris was about to cry or start a fight with somebody.

"Somebody roughed him up bad." Chris said. He looked down into his lap and neither Gordie nor I could think of anything to say.

Chris glanced around the Soda Shoppe to make sure he didn't have an audience, and then he leaned closer, pushing his elbows against the table.

"Sometime last night Billy found him in that alley over near the Suds Laundromat. They had to take him to that hospital in Lewiston." He seemed calm but I could tell that was just a front. This had really affected him.

It didn't matter that Chris's dad sent at least one of the Chambers' kids to the hospital every few months during a drunken rage. This was a brutal attack from the outside.

It was Ace. It had to be.

"I'm sorry, man." Gordie said. Chris, even though he hated his brother with a burning passion, seemed awfully broken up about it.

"I'm pretty sure that motherfucker Ace Merrill is the one that did it." Chris spat. It seemed to surprise Gordie as well just how hard Chris was taking it. Any other time Eyeball would get a little beaten up in a fight at Irby's, Chris would have said it was his own damn fault for hanging with the Cobra crowd.

But this, this was personal.

"How do you figure that?" I asked. Chris glanced at me, the fear and loathing in his eyes burning right through me, like he could see through my lies.

"Vern told me that's what Billy said. They were fighting over some scag, or something."

At this I closed my eyes and fought to stay calm. _I_ was the scag.

I hadn't asked Eyeball to attack me, and I hadn't asked Ace for revenge on my behalf, but the entire situation felt like it was my fault. I was the reason Eyeball was in a bad way, and I was the reason Ace had acted like a monster himself.

I was so close to coming clean about it, but I had no idea how to explain. It sounded bad even in my own head. There was no excuse for being in love with a guy who didn't mind expressing himself as violently as possible. I didn't know what to do.

"Is he going to be okay?" I heard myself ask. My voice sounded a million miles away, though.

"Yeah, once he can start eating solid foods again. They wired his jaw shut." Chris said. I shuddered.

I was surprised at the swell of brotherly affection Chris had for Eyeball. They fought like cats and dogs, but family is family, I guess. My mother drove me nuts and she was just shy of insanity, but she was my mother, and I'd have been out for blood if someone hurt her.

Still, there was a weary look about Chris I didn't like. Everybody had a boiling point, and Chris looked like he'd almost reached it.

"Chris?" Gordie said. Chris finally snapped out of his rage-imbued trance.

"Relax, I ain't gonna do nothin.' I'll catch you guys later." He said, his face cold and remote. Gordie and I watched him go, shocked at the staggering change in his demeanor. This wasn't like Chris, at all. Not the Chris I'd come to know.

"What the hell?" I mumbled.

Something was up with Chris. Maybe the pressure of school was finally getting to him. Maybe he'd grown tired of looking over his shoulder all the time when he was at home.

Not long after, Gordie slid out of the booth and ran to catch up with Chris.

I fought the urge to follow, but I knew if anyone could get through to Chris, it would be Gordie.

* * *

"Even with covert operations, mom said people were gossiping about me and an older man." I said.

Later that afternoon, my dad had picked me up for some more of that awkward "bonding." I'd told him all about my heart to heart with Mom, and that everything (most everything) was out in the open now.

I was sitting cross-legged on Dad's bed at the Howard Johnson's while I watched him try to steam his best suit. Dad was only half-listening to me.

"I'm sorry, Sugarplum. I'd introduce myself if I wasn't dead." He said grimly.

"How did you know about that?" I asked. The lies might have been partially solved, but Mom still insisted on being a widow at the same time I insisted on keeping my love for Ace Merrill a secret.

"Mom told me." He said. He examined his pants and groaned when he found another crease.

"And here I thought you'd forgotten about us. You and Mom have been talking this whole time?" I asked. Dad tried to remove the crease, the corner of his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth.

"Of course. She keeps me up to date on financial stuff and then I send her the money." Dad said. I sighed, realizing that Mom had been trying her best to make my father look pretty bad.

In all honesty, my mind was elsewhere.

The look in Chris' eye was trouble. I was nervously wringing my hands just thinking about what was going on behind those eyes. No matter how shitty life was, Chris always looked hopeful, like he just knew things were gonna turn out right. I'd never seen him look so jaded.

And Ace had done something terrible. I couldn't even explain how disappointed I was in him. All those warm feelings I'd developed at the Speedway, seeing him for the first time as John Merrill, instead of Ace...all of that was ruined.

"Mom told me you knew about my offer." Dad said. I blinked and looked at him like I was waking up from a sound sleep.

"Oh. Uh, yeah...she mentioned it." I said. Dad stared at me, waiting for me to go on. But I didn't.

"Have you thought about it, honey?" He asked. I shook my head. It had been the least of my worries.

"I kinda already promised Mom I'd stay with her." I said absently. A flicker of something sad crossed his face, but he rebounded pretty well.

"How about a compromise?" He said suddenly. He was starting to burn through his pants with the steamer.

"How about sending for a dry cleaner?" I said, pointing to his nearly-ruined slacks. Dad gasped and let out an exasperated growl. He tossed his pants over the edge of the bed and sat next to me in a huff.

"Sherry's not so good at that...hell, she's not so good at much of anything." He said, rubbing his face in his hands.

"What's the compromise?" I asked, feeling awfully cold for some reason. I was beginning to see why my Dad wanted me to come live with him.

"Well...I could fly you out to Chicago every other weekend. And after you graduate, you can live at home with us while you're going to college." Dad suggested.

"What does Sherry have to say about it?" I asked. Dad rolled his eyes and I suddenly felt the urge to backhand both of my parents. Hard.

There honestly comes a time in every person's life when they figure out that their parents don't know everything...that they're just as fucked up and clueless as the rest of us. For me, this moment came pretty late.

Unfortunately I had other things to do besides dwell on the obvious. The family melodrama would have to wait a bit.

"I promise I'll think about it. But there's somewhere else I need to be right now." I told him.

* * *

I'd never been to Chris' house, before. He never really invited people over that much.

It wasn't because he was impolite or unfriendly, or even embarrassed about the dilapidated house he lived in. There was a broken window in the bathroom that had been repaired with duct tape and a hefty bag. Most of the ceiling was covered in little black splotches of mold.

More than anything, though, Chris was concerned about the people who lived there.

Aside from his dad, who spent more time drinking at Sukey's Tavern with Junior Merrill than anything else, there were Chris' two older brothers. Dave was the eldest, the one who'd run off to join the Navy but somehow wound up in prison (off and on). Then there was Eyeball.

All three were horrible, slobbering, cruel sons-of-bitches when they were drunk. I knew this from hearsay _and_ personal experience.

And since booze was the only thing in the Chambers' household to be maintained regularly, it was always a daily gamble whether you'd make it through without getting smashed up.

I knocked on the screen door, wondering if maybe I shouldn't leave well enough alone. If my life gave out a report card every semester, I'd have failed at every single subject.

A little toddler pressed her nose up against the plastic partition and smiled at me. She looked to be about Betsey's age. Chris was standing behind her, showing nothing but indifference at my impromptu visit.

"Can I come in?" I asked him, hopefully.


	28. The Man With Two Souls

Chris held the screen door open for me silently. The little girl was staring up at me, wide-eyed.

"You must be Deborah." I said. The little girl was in awe that a complete stranger knew her name, almost like magic.

I stepped into Chris' house, my eyes adjusting to the inherent darkness of the place. Plenty of lightbulbs had blown without ever having been replaced, forcing Chris and his siblings to live like cave dwellers.

There were two boys sitting at the kitchen table in the next room, their upper lips covered in purple kool-aid. They were both wearing undershirts and sweating like crazy. It wasn't hard to understand why. Chris' house was stifling.

"Sheldon's the one with the cowlick. The younger one is Emery." Chris said blankly. I nodded toward them but the two boys at the table seemed a little shy.

"Are you...in charge?" I asked. I had hoped we'd be able to talk in private somehow, but it suddenly hit me just how much responsibility Chris faced at home. With his dad unemployed and mostly drunk, and a mother working two jobs just to make ends meet, Chris was as good as a single parent.

"Yeah." He said.

I wanted to help him somehow, but I was a Johnny-come-lately to this friendship. Gordie had probably felt the same way, did what he could, but mostly learned to live with it and just be Chris' friend.

I swallowed a sudden wave of helplessness.

"I guess what I have to say can wait..." I said, wondering if there would ever be a "good" time to tell a friend that you had stabbed them in the back.

"We've got a back porch. I can still see in through the screens." Chris said. He didn't exactly seem to be in a hurry to talk with me. He must have sensed something was up...and that it was bad.

As I followed him to their back porch, which was really just a crumbling set of steps outside a backdoor that didn't see much use, I began to tremble a little.

I was scared of losing the one last innocent thing in my life. My friendship with Gordie and Chris had gotten me through my first month in a strange town, and a whole bunch of different growing pains.

If Chris turned his back on me, my relationship with Gordie would change too. I'd lose them both.

Chris plopped himself down on the top step and waited for me to sit beside him. I struggled to suppress a feeling of terrified nausea.

"I don't plan on fucking up at school, if that's what you think." Chris said. I hadn't figured he would. If anything, this must have reminded him just how grim life would be if he didn't try to get out while the gettin' was good.

"You're too smart for that." I said. I wondered how often people acknowledged his intelligence, and figured it probably wasn't near enough.

"Sure." Chris said in an empty echo of his teasing voice. He was going through the motions and it hurt like hell to watch.

"You have my word...Even though it's not gonna mean much to you in a minute." I said. I took a deep breath and Chris fixed me with a very intense stare. There was a lot of weight behind it, a heaviness I could almost feel.

He looked twenty years older to me in that moment. He'd already done a lot more growing up than I ever realized. After taking a deep breath, I forged ahead.

"I don't know how this all started. I hated him from the beginning, you know?" I said, looking away from Chris and trying to focus on a point far away. A tree with harvest-gold leaves sweltering on a strangely summer-like day.

"I had it trained in my mind to think of him as the enemy. And then...I don't know. Somehow I just started to...love him, sorta." I said, bungling the conversation up in true Marley fashion.

Chris was smart. I had always thought so.

He didn't even need me to explain any further. He knew exactly what I meant, and through his eyes I could see the realization flood into him all at once.

"Jesus, Marley. What the hell's the matter with you?" Chris asked. I looked down and accepted that there was a huge error in my judgment.

"If I could stop it, I would. I don't want it to be like this." I admitted. But a part of me thought to myself that I was kind of _glad_ it was like this. I was glad to know that I could love someone, however fucked up my parents' marriage was.

Chris stood up, edging away from me slowly. Each second that passed by brought with it a new realization, a new reason to doubt our friendship.

"I went to Irby's on Friday. Eyeball was drunk and...he was...he wanted me to..." The words weren't coming together in the right way so I eventually just stopped.

Chris was gazing at me with a cloudy expression, traces of anger, disbelief, sadness, and disgust playing across his face.

"You have to believe me, I never wanted Ace to do anything to him. I swear." I pleaded with him, even though Chris was not in a receptive frame of mind.

As far as he was concerned, Ace and I were working together...partners in crime. I might as well have beaten up Eyeball myself.

I bit my lip and was suddenly incensed at feeling bad about Eyeball attacking me. I wasn't inside anyone's brain but my own, and aside from lying, I had done the best I could.

"I fucked up, okay? I lied. And if you don't want to talk to me again because of that, then fine. I deserve it. But Eyeball was drunk and he felt me up and I was lucky to get away. I didn't ask Ace to do anything, and I'm ashamed that he did what he did. But I'm ashamed of Eyeball, too." I said, my cheeks burning.

I saw something in Chris' face start to give a little. His features tensed up, and a little crook in his brow appeared. He was trying to maintain his anger, his fierceness, but he was struggling.

Then for a minute he didn't look like he knew _what_ to feel.

"I lied, and I'm sorry. I'm just a big fat jerk with shit for brains." I said, shrugging angrily. It was easier to be mad like this...and bitter. If I was going to be friendless, then I was going out in a storm of fury.

"Even after everything I told you?" Chris asked at length, his voice strained.

I knew he must have wondered about what could have happened to him if Gordie hadn't fired that gun. Deep down, that was something I had feared and fretted over as well, for several reasons.

"I've been punishing myself about it ever since these feelings started." I said curtly. I had already decided that I could never be with Ace like he was. I might have loved him, but I think I hated him, too. There were too many things I could never forgive him for...

I braced myself for some sort of angry declaration, a definitive statement from Chris about my being a horrible person or telling me to get lost. I fully expected to end this day without a friend in the world, and absolutely no peace of mind.

But Chris was a special kind of guy. Every time I felt sure of how he would react, he always managed to knock me for a loop by doing something completely different.

His expression softened, and a tired ghost of a smile formed on his lips.

"I guess he's the one who gave you that hickey. That's some shitty taste ya got there, Marley." He said. I blinked several times before I accepted that Chris was teasing me.

I eventually nodded, my anger dissipating and in its place a rush of relief so strong I felt like I'd burst into tears.

"You're telling me. Ace _fucking_ Merrill." I said. It was the first time I'd really been able to find humor in the situation, but all things considered, it was actually kinda hilarious.

Chris and I laughed lightly, exhaustedly. Somehow that laughter grew into something painful and before I knew it, I was choking back tears. I looked away hurriedly. Everyone had their problems, and we all had a load to carry.

But since Chris' load seemed a lot harder than mine, I was ashamed to cry.

Chris put a hand on my shoulder, which made me feel even worse.

"I'm fine, man." I said, trying to clear my voice of emotion. I shied out of his grasp.

"It's okay, Marley. It wasn't your fault." He said, his voice soft. This was the Chris I was used to seeing.

"It's not that...you deserve so much better than this." My emotions were making me as blunt as a butter knife, and just as eloquent.

"I do all right." Chris said. I turned around to face him. His arm was no longer in a sling, but he still had the cast on. That combined with his weary expression and a batch of fresh bruises did nothing to convince me that he was doing "all right."

"Oh, yeah? What are you getting in math?" I asked. Chris gave me a weird look.

"I'm getting a B, I think." He said. I frowned. If there was anything Gordie and I could help him with to get him out of this place, it was schoolwork.

"I don't think so, man. I'm going to hang with Deborah and the boys for a while and you can go study." I said. It was more like an order and Chris flashed me a look of confusion and surprise.

"Who died and made you my mother, Haines?" Chris said with a wry smile.

* * *

I ended up staying with Chris until his mom came home, and then I headed to work.

I stayed quiet again that night, and luckily for me, Vic had left already. I wasn't in the mood for conversation. I was in the mood to mope a little.

My shoulders stayed slumped the entire time, and it was because I could see that lines had been drawn in the sand. With everything coming out in the open, there was a necessity to choose...It was a schoolyard pick, and I had to decide once and for all who was going to be on my team.

Ace and the boys would never be on the same team, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Sad, but true. And as much as it hurt me to think about ignoring Ace from then on, that's what I was going to have to do.

Gordie and Chris had befriended me from the start, taking me under their wing while Ace and the rest of the Cobras teased me and made silly threats. I couldn't turn my back on them, especially when I realized they weren't going to turn their backs on me.

There were no secrets in Castle Rock. Not really. Or at least, not for long.

Pop paid me for the week and after locking up, I counted all the money I'd accumulated in the past few weeks. It was enough to square away my debt with Ace, and I decided maybe it was time for me to pay up and go on my merry way. All signs pointed to this.

I rounded the corner and found Ace in the alley, leaning against his car and smoking a cigarette.

The familiar flutter in my chest swelled at the sight of him, but my resolve was firm. I walked up to him, clutching the money in my fist with a sense of finality. I gave him a harsh look, and without a word I shoved the money in his hand. It was more than what I owed him.

"What's this for?" Ace asked, even though we both knew.

"I'm settling my debt. We have no need to speak with each other anymore." I said. Ace scowled and threw it back to me. I nearly passed out at the sight of Ace Merrill returning money. Money was his reason for living, aside from easy girls.

"I don't want your money." He said, tossing his cigarette to the ground.

"I'll finish your assignments, don't worry. But outside of school, I don't want to know you." I said. I turned to go back where I came from, but Ace quickly stepped in front of me to block my path.

"What's with you? One day you blow hot, one day you blow cold..." He said, glaring at me, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"What's with _you_? Sometimes I see a good person, the John Merrill of Oxford Plains who smiles just because. And sometimes I see _Ace_ Merrill, son of the devil himself. Which one is the real you?" I asked. Ace looked baffled.

"He had plenty of warning. You think I was about to let him get away with that?" Ace asked, his eyes wild with anger.

"You didn't have to almost kill him." I said coldly. Ace recoiled, like I'd struck him.

"I only threw two or three punches." Ace said.

"He's in the hospital, Ace. Did you punch him with a tire iron?" I folded my arms across my chest and waited for him to try and explain that one. But Ace looked genuinely bewildered.

"He was still standing when I left." Ace said with defiance. And I believed him. There was enough genuine shock on his face that Chris and Gordie might even have believed him, too.

"But I told him if he ever touched you again...I _would_ kill him." Ace added. I shuddered at the tone of his voice. It was demonic, in a way.

"For God's sake, why do you care? I'm nothing to you." I said. I had hoped he would agree with me, tell me how scrawny and unimportant I was. I wanted him to deride me and compare me with all the other girls he took on dates, telling me I couldn't hold a candle to any of them.

It would have made my decision a lot easier.

Ace swallowed hard and looked at me with a sincerity that confused me and broke my heart. I didn't want to change my mind, but Ace closed the remaining distance between us. He ran his thumb along my cheekbone, coming to rest on my lips.

"You have no idea, do you?" I heard him say in a rough whisper. He looked me in the eyes and all my resolve to cut him loose from my life had disappeared. I could no more ignore him than I could ignore my daily hunger for food. There was no way.

He kissed me firmly, gently. He was taking his time, his lips moving smoothly against mine. It wasn't urgent and rough like our last kiss, when my passions had nearly taken over. This was a kiss that made a statement, and I heard it loud and clear.

He pulled me against him and I could feel his lips against my hair. I had never felt more loved, and I couldn't see how this man in front of me was capable of nearly killing someone. How could this person have beaten my cousin and his friends, and terrorized nearly everyone he came across?

It didn't make sense. None of this made sense.

I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him to my lips again for another kiss. Whoever had stood in the wooded clearing that day on Back Harlow Road, brandishing his knife over the dead body of a kid named Ray Brower...it wasn't the man in front of me.

* * *

He took me to Castle Lake, like he'd done once before.

There was something on his mind, and I knew he was going to make himself talk about it.

When he pulled up next to the wide, shimmering waters of Castle Lake, I was struck by the beauty of the place for the first time. It truly was romantic, and I tried not to think about anything else but the moment.

Ace turned off the engine and sat silently for a bit. I waited, soldiering the dam against my own tidal wave of questions and demands. I bit my lower lip and admired the reflection of the partial moon against the clear surface of the lake.

"I'm not a monster." was all he said at first. He repeated it a few times, maybe to reassure himself. I wasn't convinced that Ace himself didn't think he was a monster behind all that flash and sass.

But I knew he wasn't a monster. I think I had known all along, somehow.

"If you didn't strike out Eyeball, then what the hell happened?" I murmured.

"Fuck if I know." Ace said. I wondered if he doubted that I believed in him. Believed in the Ace that wanted to be something else but didn't know if anyone would let him step out of his past.

And then the thing that had been burning on my tongue for weeks slipped out before I could catch it.

"Did you try to kill Chris?" I asked.

It was incredibly harsh, and Ace flinched at this like it really did hurt him. I'd never seen his emotions so vividly and unobscured before. I felt like I could see deeply inside him tonight.

"I don't know." He said. I could tell thinking about this was the last thing he wanted to do, but I wasn't going to be satisfied with anything less. Ace seemed to know that instinctively, and he was doing his best to discuss something he'd just as soon forget.

"Chris told me he stood his ground. And you pulled a knife on him." I said steadily, slowly.

Ace glanced straight ahead, his gaze flickering absently to Castle Woods just on the other side of the lake. It was as if he was watching an old movie projection of the day in question, broadcast way out over the water.

I knew he didn't like what he saw. But he didn't cower away from the vision.

"We wanted the kid. It was that simple." Ace said. He never looked at me, but his voice was steady and calm.

"If I woulda let that slide..." He began. I could hear the anger and humiliation in his voice. And even though Ace was still a big shot in Castle Rock, I knew he could feel some of his power loosening.

Ever since that day near the banks of the Royal River, kids had been gradually getting less and less afraid of Ace and the rest of the Cobras. Whether it was because of hearsay, or because the Cobras themselves had given up some of the fight, it had been happening all the same.

But nobody had ever mentioned as much out loud.

"You were going to kill him?" I asked. I waited with my breath caught inside my lungs. I felt like I was the frozen point on the end of the question.

"Sure, why not? I'm fucking Ace Merrill." He said in bitter mockery.

"Truth? You haven't lied to me, yet. Please don't start now." I said. I caught Ace's attention and he finally looked over at me with a puzzled and frustrated expression on his face.

"I already told you. I don't know." He said again. He grimaced and began fumbling around for a cigarette, behaving like anything but the cool, collected playboy.

"And I don't know which is worse. Thinking I woulda _done_ it makes me a goddamn monster. Thinking I woulda choked right there means I'm chicken shit."

I watched Ace in fascination. I think I knew which one it was without him saying it, but I didn't know if he could handle this particular truth.

Being Ace Merrill afforded a certain amount of safety. It was the perfect image to hide behind, forever if necessary. Feeding off fear and keeping people at arm's length. Never having to worry if people didn't like you, because they would never see the "real" you. Just the devilish facsimile.

But it would have taken a lot of damn courage to start being John Merrill.

That was probably another big reason why he wanted to leave this town so badly.

I sighed quietly and looked out the window. I wanted to help him, _and_ Chris. But Sister Gilbert had once warned me about trying play "savior" with people's lives. And as it was, I had problems of my own that needed to be dealt with.

"You were right about my dad." I admitted in the tense silence of the car. I started to laugh a little remembering the stream of curses he'd directed at those uncooperative pair of pants. It wasn't exactly justice, but it was close.

"What?"

"You said he probably wanted something. And you were right. He wanted me to move back to Chicago with him." I said. Ace's eyes shot over to me with a sense of tightly-reined panic.

"I'm not going. He wants a live-in maid and cook. And what a life, huh? He can get his suits pressed on time and a decent plate of meatloaf, and still have his fun." I said. Ace gave me a dark smile.

"That's a pretty common story." He said. I nodded, thinking it was downright cliche, but there it was.

"But at least the pressure's off. Mom knows he's here." I said. As soon as I'd changed the subject, I noticed Ace inching closer and closer to me on the seat. This both pleased and frightened me.

"There's something else. I know how you like your freedom and you're never tied down and stuff-" I said, coming to a complete halt when I felt Ace's hand on my thigh. Only a thin layer of denim kept our skin apart.

"That sounds a lot like me." Ace said with a wolfish grin. I couldn't stop staring at his hand but somehow managed to corral my thoughts together enough to finish my sentence.

"I mean, if I'm just a Sunday night girl and everything, and you've got Betty Malenfant and some other people...then I know you'll understand about my seeing Kenny Carmody. You know, as a friend." I said. Ace tightened his grip on my leg and his smile disappeared.

I didn't really _want_ to start seeing Kenny, but I knew there was no getting around seeing him at least once or twice. My mother would nag me to death until I did. She and Mrs. Carmody were practically best friends now, and Jane had been nothing but kind to me.

Ace took his hand away and gave me a cold look.

"Is that all you wanna be, Doll?" Ace asked. My heart skipped a beat and I realized foolishly that I had been underestimating him. I licked my lips and inhaled nervously.

"No...but I could live with just being Marley." I replied. Ace's frozen expression thawed and he smiled one of those genuine smiles. God, it was beautiful. _He_ was beautiful.

"Marley." He repeated with a grin. He leaned in to kiss me, calling me Marley one more time.


	29. Adult Nature Material

"Well, look who's back..." I murmured. Gordie and Chris looked up as we made it to the intersection behind Main Street. Teddy joined us on the trek to school, closely followed by Vern. No DeSpains or Campions in sight.

They fell in line with us like always and for once, I really wasn't happy to see them. Maybe it was just me making a big deal out of nothing, but I was a little tired of Teddy and Vern giving us the "fair weather friend" treatment. Neither Teddy nor Vern had acknowledged me in public since the baseball game.

And Gordie and Chris hadn't been invited to the DeSpains birthday party this week, either.

But it was okay to walk to school with us, I guess. I tried to suppress my sour thoughts.

"I don't think I wanna see that..." Vern was saying.

"It looks scary. I can't wait for it to come out." Teddy added. Gordie must have mentioned that mummy movie.

"You still gonna play your Halloween prank this year, Teddy?" Chris asked. Teddy broke into a devilish grin.

"Abso-fuckin-lutely." Teddy said. Gordie and Vern shook their heads, wearing that familiar look of "boy, Teddy's crazy enough to do it, all right."

"Okay, I'll bite. What's the prank?" I asked. Teddy glanced at me from the side, hesitant to explain.

"Way back when school let out last May, Teddy planned this whole thing to plant a bunch of army flags on people's roofs. As many people in town as he could manage." Chris told me.

"What for?" I asked. It seemed less like a prank and more like vigilante propaganda.

"So everyone would know they'd been touched by greatness. It's just a prank, doofus." Teddy said sarcastically.

"To go flying around on people's roofs like Peter Pan in camouflage?" I shot Teddy a dirty look.

"Cool it, shitheads." Chris said, even though he was hardly paying attention to our little scuffle. He and Gordie were near the front of the line and even though they might have been interested in a prank like this at some point...I could tell they really didn't give a shit anymore.

I flushed a little when I realized Gordie and Chris were a lot more mature than I was.

"You think you're so much better than me 'cause you're from Chicago. How 'bout you prove it? Put a flag on Charlie Hogan's roof?" Teddy said to me in a low voice only Vern and I could hear.

Vern's eyes nearly rolled back into his head.

"What? That's stupid." I said. If I was like Gordie or Chris, I wouldn't have been drawn into childish arguments. I wouldn't have risked life and limb to save that withering notion of pride.

But with college nearing the cusp of reality, and the act of growing up staring me in the face instead of just being a vague point on the horizon...

"Come on, Marley the Jinx. You gotta beat the rap, somehow." Teddy said. I stared at his face, full of assurance and mischief. He'd grown more confident since the beginning of school, and it was turning him into a self-centered jerkoff.

"I'm not a jinx, okay. Would Vern's ball have been autographed by a guy who won the World Series if I _was_?" I asked. Vern's eyes went wide as if he had just made the connection.

"Oh, man...that thing has gotta be worth a fortune." Vern sputtered.

"I dare you, Marley. If you don't do it, you'll be worse than a jinx." Teddy said with fierceness.

The air of mystery that had accompanied the beatings the boys had gotten in September was really working for Teddy. He had all the chops he needed to back up his "storming the beach at Normandy" speeches. He and Vern were ruling over a significant pack of boys at school like Nazi War Generals.

"What, a coward?" I asked, glaring at him. Teddy grinned.

"Grade-A chicken-shitted chicken shit." Teddy said. The boy was a real piece of work, no doubt about it. But he'd gotten increasingly difficult to live with. How else was I going to shut him up?

"And planting flags is the best you've come up with?" I fixed Teddy with a challenger's smile. I had sealed my fate happily, obliviously, and I didn't even know what was coming.

"Oh, I can come up with something better. I'd get your worldly goods squared away before Halloween." Teddy said in a cryptic tone of voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatcha gonna make her do, Teddy?" Vern whispered uneasily.

"Nothing I can't handle." I said, returning Teddy's harsh stare.

"Are you jerks coming to school with us or what?" Chris called from several yards away.

* * *

In Home Ec. I wound up sitting next to Jane. I'd missed her. And even though I had never agreed with the adage that all was "fair" in love and war, I decided to take my lumps like anybody.

"Hi, Jane." I said. She smiled at me in a relieved and still somewhat worried way.

"Marley...I thought you were mad at me or something." Jane said. She scooted closer to me.

"I...uh..." Telling her about Ace was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back for two reasons: one was obviously because of Bev, whom I hadn't spoken to in a week, and two...if I started telling people, I knew that would make it real.

Part of me viewed last night as a dream. A vivid dream, but too unreal to have actually happened. Ace would never have revealed that stuff about himself in a million years.

"I was kind of grounded. And my penance was to keep a somber, quiet week. I'm sorry I didn't explain." I said.

Jane nodded slowly like she understood, but I knew as a protestant she probably didn't. I bet if Reverend Willie had told the teenagers in his congregation to take a break from tv and drive-in movies and malt shops for a week, he would have been laughed off his pulpit.

"Do you want to eat lunch with us in the canteen?" Jane asked. Glutton for punishment that I was, I agreed.

* * *

We'd been handed back our tests in US History as soon as the bell rang.

I'd gotten an 81, a personal worst for me. I guess I should have been grateful I passed at all. My head had been turning into Quaker Oatmeal for weeks.

After everyone had groaned and sighed over the test scores, we divided into our groups again. Ace joined Frankie and me near Mr. Carter's desk, settling himself in between us once again.

He flashed me his test paper, which had a big red 89 on the front. Ace smirked and tried to look for my test, but I hid it underneath my notebook.

"How's the first part coming along?" Frankie asked. Ace and I looked at each other wearily. The paper had been all but forgotten, even with the deadline tapping us on the shoulder.

"We were gonna work on that after school, right Marley?" Ace said, regaining his composure. I nodded mildly, glad to have any excuse to be with him after school. Frankie smiled, oblivious to any subtext in Ace's voice.

"Sounds like a plan. Mind if I join you?" He asked. Ace shot him a look that any other guy would have interpreted as "back off" but somehow, Frankie was absolutely ignorant of it. He kept on grinning while he waited for an answer.

"That's not fair to you, Frankie. You're already doing so much for the project already..." I began, leaning over Ace to put a warm hand on Frankie's arm. Ace adjusted himself in his chair, effectively breaking our contact. He faced Frankie with an intimidating glare.

"I think we can handle it. If we need you, we'll let you know." Ace said in a condescending, harsh way. Frankie, bless him, only faltered slightly.

"Okay. Just let me know, then." He said, barely retaining his smile.

* * *

Lunch wasn't so bad. In the week since I'd spoken to her, Beverly Thomas had moved on from Ace. That day she was giving us all an earful about Andy Clutterbuck. I was so relieved that she wasn't heartbroken about Ace that I listened to every word.

After school Ace was waiting for me by that tree I had spent many lonely lunches underneath. We walked to his car and I shivered a little, realizing that it was jacket weather and I hadn't been bringing one to school.

As soon as we slipped into his car, Ace tossed me his denim jacket from the back seat. I tried to hide my smile.

"What?" Ace asked, lighting up a cigarette. I shrugged and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Don't write a check you can't cash. _Doll_." Ace said, smirking. I wrinkled my nose at the name as we left Mabelvale.

I didn't know where I had expected Ace to go, but in hindsight, it made perfect sense. Ace had taken us back to his house, the original scene of the crime. The crime that _almost_ was.

In the daytime, however, it looked different.

I glanced around at all of the cars sitting in the field beside his house, wondering which one was his "racer." There were random parts all over the place. Ace grinned at me and pointed toward a car in the middle that had been mostly gutted with a rusted exterior. It wasn't finished, but I knew Ace could already see into the future and was proud of its possibilities.

"It's a '55 Ford Fairlane. With a few other parts mixed in." He said. The Chicago girl inside me gave Ace a pointed smile.

"Nice chop job. Any of it hot?" I asked. If Ace didn't have enough money to skip town, he shouldn't have had enough money to put together a decent racing car. I already wondered if his '52 Ford hadn't been subject to the same overhaul of parts.

"Not as far as you know." Ace said, a thin stream of smoke curling out of his mouth.

I looked back over at the Fairlane and then fumbled around in the pocket of my jeans for the money I'd tried to give him the night before. The money he wouldn't take.

"Here." I said. I dropped the wad of cash in his lap and watched him stare down at it bemusedly.

"I'm not taking your money." He said.

"Don't think of it as my money. Think of it as..._our_ money. Like maybe we'll start a piggy bank together. We can use it to blow this town someday." I said in a laugh, conjuring up a fantasy that didn't seem any more real than a fairy tale. But I wanted him to take the money.

Ace glanced at me, a smile of disbelief warming his lips.

"But for now, think of it as an investment. I can be your sponsor, and that means I get to _supervise_." I said with a mischievous gleam in my eye.

"You're something else, you know that?" Ace said.

"And I get to pick the paint job." I said, grinning.

When we finally made it into the house to get started, I headed straight to the kitchen. I spread out a few of Poe's book collections on the table and avoided looking around in case I should get distracted.

"Have you ever read this guy before?" I asked. Ace shook his head disinterestedly and leaned against the wall.

"Come on, we've got some work to do." I said, sitting down. Ace rolled his eyes and looked down at the books with disdain.

"We've got a few more weeks." He said somewhat dismissively. He took an easy drag from his cigarette and glanced at me with an expression I couldn't place.

"What are we gonna tell Frankie?" I asked. Ace sat down in the chair next to me, pulling himself pretty close. I could see the gravelly patch of stubble on his face, the tiny flecks in his cool blue eyes.

Unsure of myself, I reached out a hand to stroke the side of his cheek. It was rough as expected, and it sent jagged tingles through my palm. Ace placed his hand on top of mine and for a brief moment we just kind of stared at each other.

It felt like this had happened before, like I had known him a hundred years or more.

One minute we were talking about something as trivial as a class project for school and the next it was like I could see the rest of my life reflected back in his eyes. I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts.

"What about Frankie?" I repeated, even though the question was quite out of place in this moment. Ace left his cigarette burning in the ashtray on the table and leaned forward to touch my lips with his.

What about Frankie, indeed. Frankie and Poe were soon forgotten.

* * *

When my lips were raw and red, Ace showed pity on me and let me up for air. A half hour had passed and no schoolwork had been done, but I wouldn't have called it a wasted trip. He actually showed me around his house.

I saw a few pictures of a younger Ace Merrill, who had been an average-sized boy with a larger-than-life smile. Most of these pictures were taken with a guy who looked very much like Uncle Reggie, the man I came to know eventually as Junior Merrill.

Yet in all of these photos, it was hard to think that the cheerful boy toting a wagon or riding in the back of a tractor could grow up to look so bitter and jaded. He was the boogeyman and perhaps the first real piece of the harshness of reality in the lives of dozens of kids.

Life was tough shit and who better to show the kiddies this simple fact than Ace Merrill?

Only one of them showed Ace with the woman I assumed to be his mother. She was a beautiful lady with an odd look on her face, as if the camera just couldn't quite reach her, wherever she was. It was the face of someone with a secret, someone who wasn't living inside herself.

"You were adorable." I said, trying not to linger on the picture of Ace and the absent-smiling woman.

Ace shrugged in a non-committed way, as if showing me the pieces of his life and past was a necessary but boring evil. I noticed that the pictures completely stopped when Ace was about nine or ten. Those pictures were the most recent of the bunch. A whole eight years of living and growing hadn't been documented.

It wasn't hard to guess what had happened, and even though Ace didn't seem interested in the pictures, he probably figured they could tell his story better than he could himself.

Ace pulled me upstairs before I was ready to stop looking at them. When we got to the top, he led me into the first open door on the landing. Ace's bedroom.

I felt a physical jolt in my body as I came into the room. Just knowing Ace slept here, had most likely been naked here, dreamed many of his dreams here...

Ace waved a hand in front of my face and I snapped out of my brief trance. Without saying a word, he made himself comfortable on the bed and gestured for me to join him. My heart jumped into my throat and I couldn't swallow.

"I...I think I'll stand." I said, trying to hide my breathlessness. Ace gave a short laugh.

"I ain't gonna bite." He said. I shivered a little in fear. There were no adults around to chaperone, and all my decisions rested squarely on my own shoulders. If I wanted to I could even...

"It's not the biting I'm worried about." I said nervously. Ace scooted to the edge of the bed until he was sitting up, feet on the floor. He linked his arms around my waist and leaned back until I was lying on top of him.

With a face as red as a tomato in August and a heart beating as fast as a thoroughbred in the Kentucky Derby, I tried to free myself from his grasp. He wasn't holding on to me very tight. I could release myself anytime I wanted to. But my efforts to sit up were weak and without conviction.

Something about feeling his hard chest against mine, feeling the entire length of his body against mine.

I kissed him like I had that day on Back Harlow Road, when he had pushed me away before I'd even begun. Ace's hands tightened around my back and I could feel them traveling underneath my shirt, massaging the skin of my lower back.

A few seconds later, Ace rolled over until I was lying underneath him. The pressure of him was both exciting and terrifying. When it dawned on me where we were headed with this kind of stuff, the terrifying feeling began to take over and I froze up.

Ace noticed and he glanced down at me with a half-amused, half-frustrated kind of look.

"You sure you never been with a guy before?" He teased. I glowered at him, feeling the sting of my own inexperience.

"Take it easy, Marley." Ace laughed as he pulled away from me. I was impressed that he was still in such a good humor even though I'd driven us both to near madness twice already.

"You're my first kiss, first crush, first everything..." I said lamely. We were now lying side by side on our backs, not looking at each other. I was grateful, because I didn't want to face him and change my mind.

"It's no big deal." Ace said.

"But it _is_ a big deal. A _huge_ deal." I told him, glancing at him from the corner of my eye.

"That's not what I meant." He said very simply. He was calm and relaxed, and yet here I was getting worked up into a frenzy. It was unfair, and maddening.

"I never thought I'd..._you know_. I mean, I guess I assumed I would eventually..." I said. I was trying to explain even though Ace had not asked for an explanation.

"I can wait." Ace said, smiling at my fumbled attempts at speech.

Hearing him say that gave me a funny chill down my back. I had never thought about sex in a real way before, and I never associated myself with the possibility of sex. But suddenly I was struck by the certainty that Ace and I would eventually become lovers. I would never have believed it.

"What about...other stuff? The stuff you're not supposed to talk about?" I asked. I remembered my mother's clinical discussion about sex and "that other stuff" that goes with it. It wasn't a sexy discussion, and maybe that was why I felt the need to bring it up.

"The last thing I need is to be sent away to 'prep school' for nine months." I muttered.

Ace grinned that sly grin and leaned over to his night stand, pulling something out of his drawer. He handed it to me while he fished for a cigarette from the carton rolled up in his sleeve.

It was a little tin box bearing the name "Ramses." I flipped it open and noticed three rings wrapped in pieces of plastic.

"What the hell are these?" I asked, completely clueless. Ace lit his cigarette and let out the first puff with a chuckle.

"Rubbers. To take care of that "other stuff." He said.

"How do they wor- wait, never mind." I stopped myself before I could finish. I closed the lid and put them down on the bed beside me. I could just guess how they worked.

"You don't know a lot about this, do you?" Ace was teasing again. I got the impression that he found it cute and funny, but I didn't find my ignorance so amusing.

"Well, I haven't been around the block as much as you have, I guess." I said with a little more bite than I had intended.

Ace looked thoughtful, and he smoked in silence as if he was ruminating on what I'd said. I was kind of hoping he'd be mad or something, I didn't know why.

I started to feel something in my gut just then, and it wasn't only confusion about the murkiness in our relationship. Eyeball Chambers had just popped into my head, and with it all of the confusion of his mysterious and savage beating. If Ace only threw a few punches, who threw the rest?

I turned my head to look at Ace, whose expression hadn't changed. He was smoking calmly, a hint of a smile underneath his full mouth.

"Who sent Eyeball over the edge, you think?" I asked. Ace made a small groaning sound.

"Every goddamn time we talk about something important, you always change the fucking subject." Ace said. I smiled and remembered when Ace used to do something similar. Every time I said something meaningful, he'd have to poke fun at me or turn everything into a joke.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"I think I love you." I said, still laughing. It just came out as natural as honey on pancakes. But I didn't regret saying it.

I couldn't tell anyone when it had happened. And I'm sure Ace wouldn't have been able to pinpoint the moment when he started caring about me, either. But here we were.

Ace flushed a bit and played with his cigarette.

"I don't know who knocked him on his ass, but it wasn't me." Ace said, finally. I bit my lip to hold back laughter. Now it was his turn to change the subject. At least there were some things he didn't have any experience with.

"Bottom line, everyone thinks it's you, right?" I asked. Ace nodded blankly, though I knew he wasn't happy that Eyeball had been run down. Mistakes or no, it couldn't have been easy to live with knowing your childhood pal had tried to fuck you over.

"Whatever contest you guys had going, Eyeball wanted to win." I said, remembering that night. It was the kiddie equivalent of 'how come Ace gets to play with all the toys and I don't get any?'

Ace exhaled swiftly, sitting up to crunch his cigarette butt against the heel of his engineer boot.

"It's because of Chris." He said, with his back to me. I leaned up beside him, my mouth open in shock.

"How is this because of Chris?" I looked at Ace, seeing the anger and the hurt in his face. He had been very good at pretending nothing bothered him. So good that even his closest friends were horrified at his inability to _feel_.

"Because I could have killed him. I was about to kill him." Ace said.

"Bullshit." I replied swiftly. If he'd wanted Chris Chambers dead, then he would be dead. At the moment of truth, Gordie lucked out and pulled a gun. It was lucky for Ace, too. Otherwise, his Cobra empire would have begun to fall much sooner.

"You don't know a goddamn thing." Ace said.

"I know you're not a killer, Ace Merrill. A bully, yes. Stubborn, you bet. A terrific kisser, holy shit! But no, you're not a killer." I said. I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair, which had been mussed up from making out. Ace gave me a grim smile.

"It's like, ever since then...nobody looks at me the same." Ace admitted.

"Did it ever occur to you that it might be a good thing?" I asked. A good thing for so many reasons. But Ace only grunted a bit, staring up at the ceiling and smoking.

"So ever since that day near the Royal, you and Eyeball have been on the outs?" I said as more of a statement than a question. Not too after, Eyeball had come to me personally and asked whether or not Ace was hiding something from him. This was one pot of coffee that had been brewing for a while.

"That paper is starting to look real good right now." Ace said, rising from the bed and pushing past me to go downstairs.

Either some of my bookishness had rubbed off on him, or he really didn't want to talk anymore.


	30. The Words That Count

Sometime during that week I met my Dad for the last time before he went back to Chicago.

It was good to see him, but somehow we both knew that things were going to be different. It wasn't the divorce that had changed things irrevocably between us, it was the fact that the main guy in my life was no longer my Daddy.

I watched him go feeling like it was the true end of an era. Any thoughts that the divorce might not be permanent were dashed. I also began to realize for the first time that if I had to choose between seeing Ace or going to college, I'd rather be with Ace.

Sorry, Dad, I thought to myself. I had no intention of being his third wheel.

* * *

"I...um..." I stammered over the phone. Kenny Carmody had called on Thursday night and until he did, I almost had forgotten about him. There was an unspoken agreement between Ace and me. It was just the two of us, unless I was much mistaken, and there wasn't any room for people like Kenny, or Betty, or anyone else.

But with my mother hovering only inches behind me and without a decent excuse about why to turn him down, I desperately bit my lip.

"Sure. A movie tomorrow would be nice." I ended up saying. My mother gave a pleased smile as I squeezed the phone in absolute misery. I never felt right about the idea of being alone with Kenny, and now the feeling was double. The worst part of it was wasting precious time that could have been spent with Ace.

"Great, Marley. Maybe we can get a bite to eat before the movie. Pick you up at 5?" Kenny asked. My mother nodded like it was _her_ telephone conversation and not mine.

"Okay. See you then." I said numbly. I hung up the phone wondering what I was going to tell Ace. I didn't want to screw up whatever it was we had, but going on a date with another guy seemed like a surefire way to do it.

"Marley, this is wonderful! Kenneth must really like you to go to all this trouble." Mom said. I couldn't understand why, though. We'd only had one awkward conversation in Jane's kitchen at 4am on a Saturday morning. It wasn't love at first sight, though I knew my mother would not accept any other explanation.

"And you trust me going to the drive-in by myself? With a boy? Unsupervised?" I asked, trying to hammer in the facts. Mom was nonplussed.

"Oh, please. If all those years at that convent didn't make you a mature young lady, then nothing will." She said.

"It wasn't a convent, woman!" I exclaimed. My mother's eyes crinkled as she laughed and she put her hand on my shoulder. I hadn't even gotten "the talk" yet, so I knew she was probably feeling very certain that neither Kenny nor I would have any big aspirations for this first date.

"Kenneth is a nice boy. You're a nice girl. I think both of you can be trusted, sweetheart." Mom told me. There was something wistful in her eyes and I knew she was getting more worked up over this date than I was. Maybe that was the problem.

"You have no idea, Mom. I'm a raging cannon of desire." I said. I had no idea how my face looked, but my mother burst into another fit of laughter at my declaration.

I was trying to tell her anything to get her to want to come with us, to chaperone us. It would have been a hell of a lot easier to explain to Ace that I saw Kenny with my mother in tow.

"I know you're nervous, honey, but there's nothing to be nervous about. I'm sure Kenneth is just a gentleman. Just try to relax and have a wonderful time." Mom pulled me into one of her motherly hugs of suffocation while I wondered how she could be so sure that Kenny was a gentleman.

If there was one thing Ace taught me about guys, it's that wolves aren't the exception. They're the rule.

* * *

I sat down in my usual seat in US History, just behind Mr. Carter's desk. Frankie Dodd had been accustomed to sitting behind me, but this week Ace had made it very clear that he was entitled to sit behind me for as long as he pleased.

Ace slipped into Frankie's old seat and I immediately felt the warmth in my cheeks rise. Ace always made me feel like every time seeing him was the very first time. I swallowed a lovestruck grin and reminded myself that I needed to tell Ace what my plans were that night.

"How's the paper coming, Marley?" Frankie sat to the desk beside me and avoided the dirty looks Ace was giving him. I sighed.

"It's slow going, Frankie. I'm sorry." I admitted. Every time Ace and I got together it always seemed like other things took precedent over getting the paper done. Whether it was talking or...not talking.

"That's okay. I was wondering if you wanted any help with it. You could come over to my house if you wanted." Frankie asked. Frankie wasn't a small guy by any means, being on the football team and all. He was tall and well-defined, with broad-shoulders, and all that. But Ace was Ace, and Frankie must have been pretty gutsy or absolutely oblivious to have asked me over to his house in front of Ace.

"We got it covered." Ace said without missing a beat.

"I'm asking Marley." Frankie said in a rare show of defiance. I gaped at him in shock. Frankie was the nice guy, a real peacemaker type.

"And I'm telling you to rethink it, pal." Ace said smoothly, in that quiet, lethal way. I was flattered at Ace's protectiveness, and a part of me absolutely adored him for it, but another part of me was extremely indignant. Frankie was another exception to the rule and I hated that Ace was trying to bully him on my behalf.

"It's fine, Ace. And thanks for offering to help, Frankie, but I just need to sit down and get it done." I said, turning around and waiting for the blessed bell to ring. If someone had told me last year that I'd be in the middle of a love quadrangle, I would have laughed my ass off. But life is weird and stupid and I've never been able to make heads or tails of it for anything.

After school I waited patiently by the curb for Ace to pick me up, as he had been doing that entire week. We were settling into a nice routine together and I hated to think just how sour our conversation would go once I told him about Kenny.

Maybe I'd have to get used to my old routine of walking home.

Ace pulled up a minute later and held the door open for me with a half-smile. Come to think of it, there was more than one thing I needed to confess. God help me but I wanted to start doing the right thing.

I settled into the car beside Ace, my back ramrod straight from nervousness. Ace glanced over at me and laughed a bit.

"Something on your mind, Doll?" He teased. I took a deep breath.

"I'm going to the movies with Kenny tonight." I said. I waited for a big blowup, the fireworks, the yelling, everything. But Ace stayed quiet. Maybe he hadn't heard.

"I said I'm going-"

"I heard what you said. And you're not fucking going." Ace told me calmly, pulling the cigarette from behind his ear and placing it between his lips.

"What am I supposed to do? If I cancel again, my mom will kill me." I said. Surely Ace could understand I was in between a rock and a hard place on this one.

"Should have figured that out before you agreed to go with him." Ace replied. My mouth popped open and I realized that I would have preferred a shouting match over this. I don't know what I wanted, but maybe it would have been nice to have a little sympathy. I knew just looking at Ace that sympathy was a foreign concept in this case.

"I had no choice." I said lamely. Maybe I did have a choice. Was I really so afraid of my own mother? I hadn't even considered telling her that I was dating Ace, and I figured that this was probably the root of the whole thing. Ace must have thought I was ashamed of him.

"One time I told you I had no choice. You didn't believe me then, and I don't believe you now." Ace said. He had me there.

The two of us sat quietly as he drove me home, and I wondered why I hadn't even thought about telling my mom about Ace. It wouldn't have been any wonder if Ace felt insulted. I was such a hypocrite.

"I'm sorry." I said, my tongue feeling very heavy in my mouth. It was hard knowing I'd done something wrong, really wrong, to someone I loved.

Ace remained silent the rest of the way to my house and I felt extremely guilty. As soon as he pulled up near my driveway he gave a quick nod to see me off. No argument, no "don't go with him," no protests of any kind. He was ready to let me out of the car without question.

It broke my heart for several reasons. And I hadn't even confessed the big thing yet. I had gone behind his back and went to "The Emporium Galorium," selling my soul to his Uncle Reggie for a replacement baseball.

"Listen, you have every right to be mad. I'm mad at me, too. Tell me what you want me to do, Ace, and I'll do it." I said. I was poised to leave the car if I didn't get a response, but I was desperately hoping I would.

Ace fiddled with his cigarette and didn't say anything. I got out of the car and left, wondering what the hell I should have done in the first place.

* * *

"You can borrow my lipstick, tonight, if you want, honey." Mom said. I was examining myself in the bathroom mirror not long after I got out of Ace's car. I wanted to get a good look at a real jerk.

"Nah, that's okay, Mom." I said. A feeling of nausea and fear was rumbling low in my belly, and I could see my hands shaking in the mirror.

"Mom?" I asked. My mother was running her fingers through my hair, probably trying to think of ways to dress it up for the date.

"Mm?" She murmured.

"After tonight I'm going to tell Kenny I don't want to see him anymore." I said. My mother doubled-back as if I'd just told her that I worshiped Satan. Her eyes had never been so wide and terrifying.

"What?" She said. We were both very quiet and I could hear Betsey stacking toy blocks in her room and knocking them over with audible delight. I licked my lips and repeated myself.

"Why? He's perfect for you, Marlene. Good family, decent living, handsome, all-around nice boy, and you don't want to see him anymore?" My mother's voice was extremely shrill and I struggled to feel courage thinking of Ace. I was standing up for us like I should have done in the beginning.

"We don't have anything in common, Mom. I don't like him that way. I definitely don't think I could love him, either." I admitted. My mother's nostrils flared and I braced myself.

"What in God's name does love have to do with it?" She nearly yelled. I blinked at her reflection in the mirror and it was like my entire view of my parents' marriage had been wiped clean in one sentence.

Maybe I was the fool here, but I had always assumed that my parents loved each other, and they loved me and Betsey. That's why the divorce had been so hard to take. I always thought we were happy. But come to find out...nothing was as I imagined it to be.

"It matters because...I'm in love with someone else." I said quietly. My mother sighed deeply from within, her small frame heaving from the effort. I was screwing up her plans with my feelings.

"I hate to be the one to give you this hard lesson, sweetheart, but love doesn't mean anything in our situation." Mom said. Her words were harsh, and cut me deeply, though her face and tone had softened. She wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose.

"Our situation?" I asked. My mother glanced down and pursed her lips.

"How many options do you think you have?" Mom asked me. I felt cold inside and I remembered Mr. Carter's promise to help me get into college. I thought of Ace working as a mechanic at the Camber place and weekends at the Speedway. If I managed to get a minimum wage job, how hard would the two of us have to struggle to make ends meet?

Come to think of it, Ace and I had never really talked about the future. He probably didn't want to be saddled with me anyway.

"You're a smart girl, sweetheart, and even if you went to college, I don't know how comfortably you could support yourself alone. It's a man's world, honey. It always has been. And believe me when I say that life would be so much easier with a husband." Mom said, once again running gentle fingers through my hair.

I could feel my eyes prickle with confused, angry tears. Mom was my enemy right now, but she was mostly right. And I knew deep down, however screwed up she was, she really did care and wanted what was best for me.

"It isn't about love, sweet baby. It's about making it. Surviving." Mom said, almost too soft to hear. But I heard all right.

I let my mother play with my hair and my makeup while I sat in front of the mirror and mulled over the bombshell I'd just been blessed with. I had been given a great deal to think about.

Once she was satisfied that I looked decent, she went into the other room to play with Betsey. I was left by myself and it only took about thirty seconds for me to burst into quiet tears. I cried like that for a long time until it was almost five o clock. Kenny would be waiting.

* * *

Kenny had gotten our address from his mother and promptly at 5pm, Kenny was waiting at the door with a single red rose in his hand. My mother answered him grandly, with all the appropriate social graces. She led him around the house for a quick tour while I continued to stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

My eyes were puffy and my face was still a little red. I would have given anything to just retreat to my bedroom and cry for the rest of the day in perfect solitude. I didn't want to be around anyone.

My mother knocked on the bathroom door and I swallowed what was left of my sorrow. I emerged with a smile plastered on my face that my mother didn't even suspect was disingenuous. And somehow that hurt a lot worse than I imagined it would.

"Hi, Marley. You look great!" Kenny said with the right amount of enthusiasm. It was like he and my mother were creating this perfect social dance together, hitting all the right notes. When I came in, no one seemed to care that all of my notes were flat and hollow.

"You two have a wonderful time." My mother said, ushering us out of the door. Kenny offered me his arm and I mechanically took it, the two of us walking to the car. It was too perfect, like something out of a storybook. But I had been raised on Lovecraft, and while this behavior should have made me swoon, I was beginning to wonder whether Kenny was some sort of alien planning to indoctrinate me, devour me, or infect me with something insidious.

I held the rose in my lap as we drove off. I looked at it idly, noticing that the thorns had been cut off. It was unnatural, and way too perfect as well. It was a simulation of beauty rather than the real thing. I had come to know what the real thing looked like, and Ace wasn't perfect. But he was beautiful, and I loved him, thorns and all.

Without realizing it, I was crying again. Kenny was staring blissfully ahead and I knew what kind of life I would lead if I married Kenny, or someone like him. Marrying someone for all the wrong reasons.

We'd never ask one another how we were feeling inside, or whether we were happy. And maybe one day I'd get left behind to raise my children alone.

"Kenny, I have something to say." I told him. We were headed toward Lewiston and presumably a favorite restaurant of his. Kenny glanced over at me with a casual smile that was stifling in its generic glory.

"What's that, Marley?" He asked. He hadn't noticed I was crying, or if he had, he wasn't about to be the first to mention it. I hated that.

"I don't think I can go through with this." I said. My eyes were a little blurry and I struggled to keep my words calm.

"You don't feel well?" Kenny asked. I felt like laughing but it would have come out awfully bitter.

"No, I don't. I have someone else I'm involved with. I'm sorry I didn't mention it sooner." I said. Kenny's placid expression didn't really change much, as if he wasn't that surprised by my admission. It struck me that Kenny probably didn't like me in that way either, but he was playing the exact same game my mother was playing. It just seemed like we should be together, that we were perfect on paper rather than in practice.

"I figured as much. The whole 'faking sick' thing last week was a little dicey. Why else would you make that up unless you had another date or something?" Kenny smirked. He was no idiot, but I didn't like the way that he knew the truth and had decided not to confront me about it. Like he didn't care that I was lying to him.

"Yeah, I did. And I don't feel right about going on this date. I'm so sorry, Kenny." I admitted.

"I think we're both doing this because of our moms, right? It's no big deal." He said. I couldn't tell if he was relieved or annoyed, and it was probably because he was neither. It was all the same to Kenny.

What the hell was I doing, anyway? I knew where I was supposed to be, and it wasn't here.

"We have two choices, I guess. Maybe three. We could go on the date to please our respective parents and then once it's over, that'll be the end of it. Or I could drop you back home." Kenny suggested. I swallowed hard.

"And choice number three?" I asked, somewhat warily. Kenny smiled and gave a half-shrug.

"I could drop you off somewhere and we could say we went on the date." Kenny said. It was the best thing I'd heard all day. I nodded emphatically.

* * *

I was let off back in Castle Rock and I began to walk.

I knew exactly where I was going. I had been to his house so many times by now it was second nature. I could have walked it in the dark.

I made it there a little after six and I knew no one was home.

I hadn't met Ace's father yet, and Ace's car wasn't there, either. For a split second I worried that maybe Ace was going to get me back by going on a date with Betty Malenfant for the evening. It was probably exactly what I deserved. I would just have to get over it.

I walked up to the porch and sat on the steps, waiting patiently for Ace to come back. I must have fallen asleep because before I realized it, someone was rubbing my arm and I opened my eyes to see Ace sitting beside me.

I must have looked suitably devastated and contrite, because Ace didn't look that mad anymore.

"Where's Kenny?" He asked, gently teasing.

"I couldn't do it. I don't care what happens to me." I said. I couldn't shake what my mother had said to me before I left. It was echoing within me.

Ace leaned over to me and kissed me gently, cupping the side of my face with his hand.

"I know." Ace said, pulling away slowly. I looked down into my lap guiltily, knowing I shouldn't have even gotten myself into this mess at all.

"I'm an asshole. I really screwed up this time. You don't deserve that." I said. Ace scoffed and started to grin at me.

"I don't care." He said. His eyes felt like they penetrated my body and soul. It was beautiful and unnerving at the same time.

"I care. You deserve better." I insisted. Ace rolled his eyes at me and I honestly didn't know how to take it.

"I want _you_. Maybe because I love you." Ace said. It was the first time he'd said it, even though I sometimes knew he felt that way. But hearing it made my heart soar and my heart began breaking an all-time speed record.

"I want you, too." I said. My cheeks were flaming hot and I realized I'd just confirmed something completely major. I really wanted him.

I placed my hand on his chest and tried to steady my nerves. I started to kiss his neck, using the very tip of my tongue along the way. Ace grabbed my arms and pulled me against him, kissing me hard.

I'd just opened Pandora's Box.


End file.
